#thefieri

I've had a lot of headshots in my time.

Is it so much to ask that in all of the hundreds of thousands of pictures people have taken of me, that I feel pretty in the ONE that I have to show to everyone in my school?

And yes. This has almost everything to do with my pride and my vanity and my desire for this one thing to come out exactly the way I hoped it would.

Which also makes me feel shitty.

So, my friend came up to me and asked me to sing at his work place every thursday night for 2 hours. I would get to play whatever I wanted, get $20 and a grilled cheese sandwich. 

I know this may not seem like much, but I am ridiculously excited. To FINALLY play my own music, and get PAID to do so (plus free grilled cheese, hellz yusss), it's really a dream come true. 

I'm also signed up to play at a place in princeton called CafeLIVE, which airs things on local tv stations. 

So here's me keeping up with a part of my resolution: putting my music out there! 

You gotta start somewhere, right?

The girl I'm going to be living with when I move out to California said the most awful, shocking, disgusting, thing to me today. "Zombies aren't real." I don't know if I can continue our friendship, let alone live with her. I am so distraught I don't know what to do. This is the same girl who made me the homemade zombie survival kit. I feel like this is as big a deal for me as a vocal atheist living with a vocal catholic. What do I do?

On top of that, I am going to die in the blizzard that's currently hitting NYC right now. First it didn't know if it was rain or snow, then it decided, and now it's disgusting. If this is really the snow storm of the century, how long can we all survive in this dorm before people get bored and go crazy?

I feel guilty, but I still ordered Chinese delivery. How much of a tip does someone get for delivering my orange chicken through a blizzard?

In conclusion, ZOMBIES ARE REAL, blizzards suck, and I cannot wait for my guilt-ridden chinese food.

My life is a struggle, truly.

I love it when you make everything better with your perfect photos. 

Nice stealthy, face-hiding, editing.

You captured everyone perfectly.

They match my "Populus" descriptions to the tea. 

Are we just on the same wave-length?

I can't wait to see the rest of your most recent pictures.

All my love,

Myles means warrior, soldier, knight, or combatant.

I am the person that cannot recognize them-self. Maybe that will serve me one day, but for now it leaves me confused. I look different day to day and I have no clear picture in my head. In my dreams I watch myself. I believe that people like me define themselves what they do rather than who they are. I am a warrior. Today I have won the battle but, god damn me, if it isn't a long war. 

I am constantly fighting with things. Not in the aggressive, bloody way - but I fight to understand, I fight to love, I fight to know, I fight to master. In my head I have long claws. Some times I dig and pull my way to top of the mountain, sometimes I rip every rock to shreds. I am cat-like and mercurial. I am constantly trying to improve myself. I find solace in my capability and wish I could easily rely on others. Loneliness becomes me. I need my parents and miss my horses. I want my friends and family to live lives full of love, and I try to give that to them. I am a good person who constantly fights to prove it to myself and others. The pressure that I put on myself smothers me and makes me better or worse. The people I have loved have often chosen to love the idea of me rather than who I really am. Sometimes that's my fault.

I act because I was to afraid to stop playing pretend when we all grew up. Twelve was a hard year for me.

I thought I was strong, found out that I wasn't, and became strong again. I thought that I wanted to lead, I don't, but I usually do anyway. I thought I was ugly, I wasn't, but now I am again. I thought that I was loved, feel that I'm not, but still (hopefully) am. 

Per Angusta Ad Augusta

"Through difficulties to honors"

That's what I'm trying to do. Get through the hard parts of my life so that I can be a better version of myself. I want to try and make the most of life and what I have and to just do everything I can to make myself a fuller person. I chose this name as a reminder of that. Also august is my birth month, so that's nice. 

I'm 19 and I like wearing yellow shoes and scarves and I go to coffee shops sometimes to judge people while I sip on my own $4 cup of coffee and I like long conversations about science and religion and philosophy and I also like puns and dad jokes and I spent two (okay five) hours today playing video games and I look good wearing dark lipstick even though sometimes my feet smell and sometimes I do things because of others while deceiving myself that I'm actually doing it for me but I'm a really good listening and I really like the way I see myself growing and I think the world would be better if we lived with elves and mages and maybe even dovahkiin too and even though I'm terrified of failure and I'm more unsure of myself and my life now than I have ever been before, the world has coffee and air-conditioning and grumpy cats in it so I know that things will be okay in the end. 

I think that helping others makes you a better person, but so does reading a book or listening to a new scientific theory or even spending the whole day watching a show because knowing more about the world, whether math or science or popular culture, helps you connect to others and see things in a new way and you never know when a pop culture reference could come in handy. 

I spend half of my time trying to figure out if I should be funny or serious and the other half of the time trying to figure out how the hell I'm supposed to do either 

I'm Augusta

 I'm a little salty but I will be giving a more detail explanation later