#thecruixe

This ended up both longer and way more schmoopy than I intended. These two always get me.

Fjord/Caduceus, #34: “I might never get another chance to say this”. (1119 words)

It was unusual for enemies to get the better of Caduceus. He usually had a myriad of tricks up his sleeves, clever spells to de-power an enemy or lower the damage of hits that would otherwise be critical, and he kept himself out of the fray, providing support and healing rather than direct damage. Scourgers had been a totally different case, though – Caduceus had been targeted the moment the enemy team had figured out that he provided the most support magic, and he’d been flung into unconsciousness several times as they’d concentrated their attacks on him.

It reminded Fjord of the fight against the Inevitable End in Pumat Sol’s shop, so long ago, and his heart was in his throat as he rushed his way to Caduceus’s side at the end of the battle. The Scourgers had lost three of their own and the others had retreated, leaving the Nein spread out and shaken across a sunset-streaked field, and Caduceus was lying on the ground facedown, his beautiful hair streaming out behind him with streaks of blood through the strands.

Fjord reached his side at the same time as Yasha, the two of them propping Caduceus up. He was still conscious, but barely, and clearly delirious. “Fjord,” he said, reaching out.

Fjord didn’t have much juice left, but he clasped Caduceus’s hand in his and cast Lay on Hands, giving out the last bits of healing he had banked up. It didn’t seem to do much – Caduceus laughed shakily.

“I’m out of spell slots,” he said, “and I think this wound is poisoned.” Caduceus had been keeping Caleb up before they’d targeted him, Fjord remembered – and that had used a lot of healing. It had been a tough, brutal battle.

“You’re going to be fine, Caduceus,” Fjord said assuredly. He glanced over at Yasha, who had already spent her small amount of healing power in the fight. She frowned at him and began to scan the area for Jester.

Fjord began to look for Jester himself, and that was when he realized Beau was down, too – he hadn’t even noticed, as she had been across the battlefield from himself and Caduceus – and Jester was in the middle of a ritual. Oh god, was that a resurrection? Fjord looked away, glancing back down at Caduceus. “Jester will heal you once she’s done,” he said, trying to fill his voice with confidence.

Caduceus laughed shakily, reaching out to press the palm of his hand against Fjord’s cheek. “I’ve already died once, you know,” he said.

“You’re not going to die now,” Fjord said.

“Death isn’t anything to fear, Fjord,” Caduceus told him soothingly.

Yasha leaned over to murmur, “I’m going to see if anyone has a healing potion,” and helped Fjord prop Caduceus gently up against a tree. She headed back off towards the group with a concerned gait. Fjord was concerned too. He’d already turned his pockets inside out looking for another healing potion, but with all their healing power, they’d stopped carrying as many of them.

“There’s so much I ought to tell you,” Caduceus continued, his eyes glassy.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” said Fjord. “Once Jester is done with Beau, she’ll be here to cure you and remove that poison.” He wished he’d known about the poison before he’d cast Lay on Hands, so he could have neutralized that instead – but it was too late for ‘should haves’. All he could do was stay by Caduceus’s side and hope there was enough time.

“I might never get another chance to say this,” Caduceus murmured, tracing the lines of Fjord’s face with one finger, down his nose, around his cheek. The touch was distracting and comforting, even though Fjord was scared stiff. “I never thought I’d meet anyone like you, Fjord.”

Fjord stared at him, stunned and on the edge of panic. Caduceus genuinely thought there was a chance he wasn’t going to get out of this – and that scared him more than anything. “Caduceus, stop,” he said, leaning over and capturing both of Caduceus’s hands in his, mindful of his wounds. “We’ll have this conversation when you’re healed.”

“Don’t know if I’ll be…” Caduceus trailed off, wincing as though more of the poison had gotten into his bloodstream. “If I’ll be brave enough, if I’m healed.”

Fjord’s heart beat so loudly that it rang in his ears. He didn’t think, relied on that pure instinct that had gotten him both in and out of trouble an equal amount of times. “You’re the bravest person I know,” he whispered, his face so close to Caduceus’s that he could see the dusting of fur that made up his eyelashes. “But maybe this will help you get the courage.” He leaned down and pressed his lips to Caduceus’s in a quick, gentle kiss before pulling away again.

Caduceus looked even more dazed. “Have I already died?” he asked, a slow smile breaking across his face. Fjord felt his cheeks heat.

“You’re going to be fine—” he began.

“Oh no, Caduceus!” Jester’s voice rang out. A moment later, she was by Fjord’s side, glancing over Caduceus’s wounds and making concerned sounds. “I’ll get you patched right up,” she assured him, quickly casting a Cure Wounds.

“He’s been poisoned, too,” Fjord told her, his eyes not leaving Caduceus’s. They held each other’s gaze as though they were the other thing tethering the other to reality as Jester also cast Lesser Restoration and then took a piece of old cloth from the bag of holding and wrapped Caduceus’s largest wound for good measure.

Fjord finally tore his eyes from Caduceus’s to check the rest of the group over. Beau was thankfully sitting up, seeming no worse for wear for her brush with death, Yasha now cradling her in her arms in a mirror image to himself and Caduceus. Caleb and Veth were going through the pockets of the dead scourgers. Jester looked no worse for wear, smiling brightly as she tossed a Cure Wounds at Fjord as well.

Caduceus was also smiling. As Jester ran back towards the group, Fjord helped Caduceus to his feet. “I think we all need a short rest,” he said, starting to turn and head after Jester. Caduceus reached out and snagged his hand, stopping him in his tracks.

Fjord turned to stare at their joined hands. Caduceus’s palm was warm against his. “Is this okay?” Caduceus asked, cautiously but with a desperate joy beneath the surface of his smile.

Fjord took a deep breath and laced their fingers together. “It’s okay,” he said before leading them both back to the others.

Caduceus was alive. They would have time to talk about it. Everything was going to be okay.

I’m trying not to get my hopes too extremely high, but uh, yeah, I would be very, very happy if something like this happened.

Of all the group, Fjord is the one who expresses the most emotional closeness to Cad (when everyone else interacts with Cad --knowingly or not-- in terms of what use-value he has, either to themselves or some Grand Plan, Fjord thanks him just for being him. At a moment when Cad isn’t doing anything for him at all. I don’t think it’s something Cad hears often enough). So if anyone’s gonna actually check in on him after all this, it may as well be him.

she’s weird, too.

I’m almost positive Laura has confirmed this

I also pictured Cad holding him like helping your drunk friend into a taxi

oh! okay, yeah, this is something i turned over for a while and ultimately discarded. though it still nags a little, hence that tag. more than likely i’m jumping at shadows, but here’s the rough facts:

1. a cover of “bolero” by maurice ravel is on caduceus’s playlist. taliesin remarked in his notes that “If you don’t know the story behind this song, I recommend doing a little digging. It’s the sound of the inside of Clay’s head.”

2. the constant repetition in “bolero” is widely considered to mark the onset of progressive aphasia in its composer. (there is more to the story of its composition, but this is the particular detail that caught my eye.)

3. progressive aphasia results in the slow loss of a person’s ability to, according to wikipedia, “speak, write, read, and generally comprehend language”.

to be clear, i do not think that caduceus literally has progressive aphasia. but. i do wonder. is there a reason to connect this character to the link between this song and a specific neurological syndrome? how might a similar condition manifest magically, or in a fantastic context? a detrimental fascination with something, maybe. a decay of capability. a slow loss of language-- of magic, even. (more literally, we know caduceus isn’t a big reader.)

now, i’m most likely overthinking this. a sweetly repetitive song that gradually grows in volume without varying is probably quite accurate to caduceus. and there are other odd details in the history of the song.