#thecouchsofa

Carey ‘W’ Recs Wednesday presents (੭˙꒳˙)੭⁾⁾*✭:A Wizard’s Guide to Co-Parenting with Your Ex-Arch Nemesis

By 

thecouchsofa @thecouchsofa

Chapters: 1/1

Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Characters: Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Parvati Patil, Minerva McGonagall, Pansy Parkinson, Blaise Zabini, Original Child Character(s) Additional Tags: Hogwarts Eighth Year, Ridiculousness, Temporary Children, mild themes of child loss, A baby that lives to spite Harry, Teenagers being dramatic, Humor, Fluff, Getting Together, Draco Malfoy is Good with Children, Co-Parenting with your ex-arch-nemesis, featuring that one Home Ec unit that everybody hated, Everyone collectively losing their minds over babies made from flour, Kidfic, H/D Kidfic Fest 2024 Summary:

Harry had expected a few things when returning for his Eighth Year. Rooming with Ron, a cheeky Firewhisky down at the pub, leaving his assignments to the last minute – those were all but certain to occur.

His list of certainties definitely hadn’t included McGonagall’s shake-up of the curriculum, which tasked the Eighth Years with the responsibility of parenthood for three weeks. Caring for a baby Transfigured from a sack of flour would have been alright if: 1) Malfoy wasn’t Harry’s assigned partner, 2) Their baby’s one goal in life wasn’t to spite Harry, and 3) Malfoy wasn’t infuriatingly good at fake parenthood.

Excerpt:

“Since you like arguing so much,” Harry said, locking eyes with Malfoy, “I’ve got another one for you.” He took a deep breath that he hoped wasn’t audible, and steeled himself for what he was about to say. “I think you should argue in favour of me kissing you.”

It was silent for a moment until Malfoy gave a huff and rolled his eyes. “Fuck off, Potter,” he muttered, and leaned in to press his lips against Harry’s.

Harry let his lips part against Malfoy’s, pressing closer against his body as the shield charm fell, instant evidence of his lack of concentration. Malfoy shivered against him, though Harry couldn’t be certain if it was from the sudden drop in temperature or the kiss. Malfoy’s hand came up to rest on the side of Harry’s neck, sliding up until he was cupping Harry’s jaw and tilting his head slightly. Harry complied, gasping into the kiss when Malfoy nipped at his lip with the points of his teeth. The hot slide of his tongue soothed over the tiny marks he’d made in Harry’s bottom lip. Harry groaned into Malfoy’s mouth and fell against him, letting Malfoy take his full weight.

Malfoy pulled back slightly, flicking at Harry’s wrist. The fingers of that hand were buried in Malfoy’s hair and holding tightly; Harry had no idea when he’d done it, had thought his hands were still firmly pressed against Malfoy’s robes that were spread out on the ground. His other hand had made it to Malfoy’s hip, though, again, he had no idea when it had happened. He blinked at Malfoy as a smirk crossed Malfoy’s face, drawing Harry’s gaze back to his lips, red and damp from Harry’s tongue. Heat curled in his stomach as he watched them part, Malfoy’s breath warm against the cool skin of his cheeks.

Malfoy cleared his throat as he looked at Harry, eyes darkening as his gaze flicked over Harry’s face, not resting in one spot. His thumb swiped slowly over the hinge of Harry’s jaw, a soft caress. “My overdue argument for you kissing me is that we obviously both want to.”

Harry pressed closer, nudging the point of Malfoy’s nose with his own. “Anything else?”

“That’s the only reason we need.” Malfoy kissed him again then, tugging Harry closer with a hand on his jaw and keeping him there.

Carey ‘W’Recs Wednesday(｡•̀ᴗ-)✧ presents:  

As Per Request

thecouchsofa @thecouchsofa

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Characters: Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Ginny Weasley Additional Tags: Acquaintances with Benefits (sort of), Virgin Harry Potter, Dragon Tamer Draco, Dom/sub vibes, Soft Dom Draco Malfoy, Massage, Comeplay, Praise Kink, Dirty Talk, terms of endearment, Mild Breeding Kink, First Time, Loss of Virginity, Bottom Harry Potter, mentions of past Harry/OCs, realistically this is a PWP in a trench coat

Summary:

Harry’s eyes landed again on the burn mark on Malfoy’s arm, his mouth going dry in response. “I, uh, I have something to ask you.” “Yes, I gathered that. I also thought that, by your own admission, you were fucking it up, so I’d best leave you to it.” “It’s … certainly something to do with fucking,” Harry said, rather weakly. Malfoy’s eyes widened, then quickly narrowed. “Are you trying to solicit me for sex, Potter?” “Um … I won’t pay you?” “What the fuck.”

Harry decides that it’s high time to lose his virginity, and figures that asking Malfoy is his best option. He’s fit, he won’t go to the papers, and he’ll be fine with Harry’s ‘no emotional attachment’ plan. Surely nothing could go wrong there.

(੭ु˙꒳˙)੭ु⁾⁾*✭

Excerpt:

“Indulge me, Potter.” Malfoy reclined, resting his arms along the back of the booth. His legs were spread apart, drawing Harry’s gaze to the slight bulge at the front of his tailored trousers. “I must confess that I still don’t entirely believe your motivations for being here. I mean, the Saviour, a blushing virgin? Unlikely.”

Harry shrugged. “Believe what you want but I haven’t lied.”

“Hmm.” Malfoy watched Harry for a moment, as though searching for something in his face, in his posture. “What have you done then? Surely you’ve kissed someone at the very least?”

“A few people, yeah.”

“Who?” Malfoy’s tone took on a possessive lilt that really, really should not have sent Harry’s blood pumping a little faster. But it did.

“Ginny. A few girls she played Quidditch with. A few boys she knew from the circuit.”

“Saucy.” Malfoy was biting his lip, an incisor sinking into the petal pink flesh. “She introduced you, I take it?”

Harry nodded. “Not many people after that though. I assume you saw the crap that was in the papers at that time.”

“Ah, yes, what was it? ‘Heartthrob Harry’s Harem’? Godawful headline, that one. Properly uninspired. I most certainly could have come up with better.” Malfoy’s tongue pushed against the inside of his bottom lip as Harry watched. “You didn’t fuck any of them?”

“No, I … no.”

“Why?”

Harry took another sip of whisky, savouring the burn this time. “Never seemed right. And it was … weird most of the time. Everyone knowing who I was when I didn’t know them. People wanting to go out in public where we’d be seen. One bloke even owled the Prophet himself, when we’d set a date for dinner. Just didn’t seem worth it.”

Malfoy’s gaze was assessing. “You could’ve picked up a Muggle or two. You might be Merlin’s gift to wizardkind here, but I can’t imagine that extends into their world.”

Harry snorted, shaking his head. “It doesn’t. But that didn’t seem right either. It’s never been a huge issue, to tell you the truth. It’s been fine.”

“So why now?”

Harry shrugged. “Felt like the right time, I guess.”

Malfoy paused for a moment to run his fingers through his hair. The back of his hand was marred by a bright pink streak, another healed burn. “What else did you do with those people? Your Quidditch players. Did you snog them a few times and call it a day?”

“I … not exactly.” Harry swallowed, waited until Malfoy held his gaze again. “I let them touch me, a bit. I touched them too.”

Malfoy’s eyes went dark, his pupils widening, gaze shifting in intensity. “Tell me about it. What did you do with them?”

So Harry did. He told Malfoy about fumbling with one of Ginny’s teammates in the broom shed by the Harpies’ locker room. He told him about gripping the cock of the Puddlemere reserve Beater though his Quidditch trousers, how he’d felt the hardness against his palm and nearly come on the spot. He told Malfoy about letting the junior publicist for the Arrows jerk him off in the back hallway of one of the World Cup parties.

Malfoy leaned forward, full whisky glass dangling from his fingertips. “How did it feel?”

Harry’s mouth went dry, breath puffing between his lips as though he’d run a marathon. His tongue felt thick when he rubbed it over his bottom lip.

“Did you come, Potter? When they touched you?”

Harry’s whole body zinged with sensation, his skin oversensitive. He grasped the front of his jeans without thinking, squeezing gently. “Yeah. I really liked it.”

“Good.”

All throughout, Malfoy’s eyes didn’t leave his. His gaze stayed locked on Harry, watching as his cheeks darkened, his breaths becoming shallower. Malfoy’s trousers were considerably tighter than they had been before, a visible straining at the front. He licked his lips as Harry talked about biting down on his hand to muffle his sounds, lest someone burst round the corner and catch him in the act.

“My, my,” Malfoy said. He lifted his glass to his lips, dipping only the point of his tongue into the liquid. Harry couldn’t hold back the rather embarrassing whimper that he let out at the sight. Malfoy smirked. “See something you like, Potter?”

“Tell me about yours,” Harry said, biting back the words that he actually wanted to let spill out. “Do you do much work out on the reserves, or is it all muscular orgies?”

Malfoy’s incisor sunk into his bottom lip as he fought a grin. “Shirts aren’t seen as a mandatory part of the uniform. They usually get all singed, anyway. Ruinous for the fabric. It makes a rather nice sight over one’s morning coffee.”

“Right,” Harry said. He could feel his heart beating in his chest, his wrists, his throat. “Are we … when are we leaving here?”

Malfoy raised an eyebrow. “When I say so. But first, I need to know what you want from this, aside from what you’ve said already. I don’t know how knowledgeable you are in matters of sex, but there are a few things that we need to hammer out before actually doing them.”

“You can do whatever you like,” Harry said, before he could stop himself.

“Can I now?” Malfoy dipped the tip of his tongue into his whisky again. “I won’t go too far, not this time. As much as I might like to.”

And Harry trusted him, as absurd as it was. He took Malfoy at his word and didn’t ask for further reassurance.

“I’d like you to … lead. To take control.” Harry pushed his half-full glass away from himself so he wouldn’t down the whole thing. “Just until I work out what I’m doing.”

“That,” Malfoy said, voice low, “I can do.” He set his glass down on the table and stood with a flourish. He held a hand out to Harry, a dark grin on his face. “Shall we?”

“Fuck yes,” Harry muttered, delighting in the way the corners of Malfoy’s mouth quirked up in response. He took the proffered hand and stood, stepping into Malfoy’s space. “Lead the way.”

Really feeling neutrals today apparently

(These are just for my personal use (and some for friends) & i have fun designing them)

Art all found on Pinterest https://pin.it/ 15Gpn5sDS

Quote from an insanely spicy but also soft fic Stretched Out by @thecouchsofa (Drarry, E, 5,5k)

Listen, you, you can't just be saying things like that to me, don't you know I'll fall in love with you???? Again???

This question was a tough one for me because I'm a bit of a pathetic little worm sometimes about my fic and although it will never stop me writing and posting, I don't often feel that proud of my creations...it's more of an 'OH GOD DON'T LOOK AT IT JUST SLIDE IT INTO THAT DARK CORNER AND THEN RUN AWAY AND PRETEND YOU DIDN'T POST ANYTHING AT ALL' situation. HAVING SAID THAT, I think my 2023 Erised is what I'm the happiest with (Nothing Gold Can Stay). It's also the last thing I've posted! I have some kind of deep connection with that one and the amazing @sits-bound did a fan binding of it and sent it to me and honestly I was so moved that I well up anytime I think of it lol and I've said more than once that I want that in the box with me when the lower me into the ground lolol.

In terms of upcoming works, I have something stupid like 16 wips including a sequel to the aforementioned Erised and a gift fic for @sits-bound as a meagre thank you for the absolute dream of the binding...but this year has been a bastard health-wise and so I've been very deliberately taking it slow and not signing up to a single fest (restraint!). I'm planning on applying to pinch hit for Erised though (of course that doesn't guarantee anything but it's the only thing I'm actively applying for in 2024).

I can't believe you sent me this ask, I've come over all shy, you're THE Couch Sofa!

The Lesson of You by thecouchsofa

Fuck, marry, kill: Paul Atreides, Harry Potter, Roger Federer

Tee I just want to say this is the best ask game response I have ever received in my entire LIFE. You get ALL the awards and my eternal love. Onto the question!

Fuck: Harry Potter. I just KNOW he could hold me down and [redacted] with his [redacted] while simultaneously [redacting] me. Post-war Auror training muscles babyyyy.

Marry: ROGER FEDERER NO FUCKING CONTEST. In addition to being the GOAT and in killer shape at age 42, his net worth is like 1 gazillion dollars and he has a steady stream of brand deals and several investments which would keep us living comfortably (LAVISHLY) till we die. No student loans, the entire world is my oyster, my kids (if I had them) would have a stress-free, free-to-pursue-their-passion life. He’s also just really calm and cute and goofy. He’s so husband.