#thealphainyou

"So what's on your mind today?"

"...Last night I went to this church, actually I think it was referred to as a spiritual facility, called Agape. It was recommended to me by this guy I met on a train. He said it was more spiritual and less religious."

"And how did it go? Did you enjoy the experience?"

"I did. Yeah I did. I'm still learning myself. Every new experience, every new environment, I continue to learn about myself and what I want to do. How I want to do it. I didn't really disagree with anything that was said during the service. They said the phrase 'vibratory frequency' like 80 times throughout the whole thing haha. But it was cool. I can't say I felt like I belonged. That's not the right word. It's safe to say I have no interest in starting my own religious group."

"I wasn't aware that was even up for consideration."

"It's been suggested to me by certain people that I meet in my travels. They get into a conversation with me and then they say, 'maybe you should start your own religion'. It would look something like Agape. I'm not for it."

"What makes you feel that way?"

"I'm not sure. It felt...too mindless? Too spiritual. I like to leave room for each individual to have conscious thought in regards to my content. I'm interested in creating independent thinkers. Not worshipers of God or in the case of Agape, the self. That should all go without saying. We're here, we're awesome, now what? That's the question I guess I want to answer. The now what."

"And what have you come up with?"

"I want to be successful. I want Shaun Fury to be successful. Like...Agape talks about the same type of stuff that I talk about. But they don't do it in a cool way. Maybe there is no cool way to talk about it. Which is why I want to stop talking about it. The information has to be expressed through actions. Through storytelling and experiences. That's the only way it'll be able to go mainstream."

"So is that your primary goal? Going mainstream?"

"What else is there for me to do on this planet? I'm good-looking, I'm extremely talented, I have a genius-level intellect; what the fuck am I supposed to do with any of it? Save the world? With what resources? No. I have to get successful first, and then focus on the solving of the world's problems. There's no other way of looking at it...You know I went to a party and was introduced as the 'Apex Alpha Male'?"

"And how did that make you feel?"

"Silly. It made me feel silly. I was wearing a fucking hoodie and jeans. And I get that this whole city is about make believe, but come the fuck on. If I'm going to be this guy for the rest of my life I don't want it to be pretend. I want him to be flashy. I want him to drive nice cars and party in mansions. And then get a phone call from the president asking for assistance on a global crisis. Otherwise, I'm just living inside my fucking head. I can't allow that to happen. Then I'd be nothing more than a crazy person with delusions of grandeur."

"Hmm...I can see where your concern is stemming from. So it's not really about enlightening the world then? Like it is with such organizations like Agape or even Scientology to a certain extent. You just want to live an extremely extravagant life to keep from going crazy."

"Does that sound ridiculous?"

"It doesn't sound ridiculous when I take into consideration just how highly you view yourself. You're writing a story about the most Powerful Being in the universe, and he's you. And it seems that you're looking for real life experiences to aid in the telling of this story. I think it's good that you have a firm understanding of where your motivation is coming from."

"I wouldn't be helping anybody though, would I? Not just by telling a great story."

"Is that important to you? Helping people?"

"Well I can't call myself 'The Enlightened One' and not help people. That just seems wrong. Even though, a true enlightened one is as indifferent as the universe itself is, since we are said universe experiencing itself, but that's besides the point. I have it within me the desire to do good."

"Well, didn't you say after you become wealthy, that your next priority would be that of the philanthropic variety?"

"Yes, I did...You don't think that's self-indulgent do you? I heard Mother Theresa actually prevented the children from receiving charitable donations because she believed that their poverty was holy or something."

"You aren't planning on starting an orphanage, are you?"

"No."

"You're looking for someone to tell you that you're doing a good thing. And that's not going to happen because from your perspective there is no such thing as good or bad. Just intention. With that said, you're leaving your life and the actions that you partake in your life up to the interpretation of other people. These people may have a stronger moral code than you. They may have a looser one. But at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter does it? You can't sit here and tell me that you care what people think of you, can you?"

"I care what I think of me. I personally want to be a good person."

"Then be a good person to your standards. What have you done that is making you question that you're not?"

"...I...fuck...I think I may have gotten this girl pregnant. In fact, I'm pretty positive. She told me that she was. And I believe her. And I told her to get an abortion, and she won't. And...now I haven't heard from her. I don't know where she is. I don't know about her mental state. And somehow I'm able to move on with my life and my ambitions knowing this information. I'm able to just brush this whole situation aside, like it never happened...That's what's making me question whether I'm a good person or not."

"Have you tried getting in contact with her?"

"No."

"Maybe you should."

"I don't want to. The truth is, I don't want to deal with it. I don't want to deal with any of it. See my point? This is me making a morally wrong decision. I'm choosing to view it as such. I am. Yet I'm still making it. How can I call myself a good person after that?"

"...You want me to tell you that you're not?"