#the100femslashnet

Clarke stops by the fence, checking for the tell-tale humming that signifies the fence is on before ducking underneath the wire and moving to join Raven.

 “Hi,” Clarke says, settling beside her in the grass and dusting off her palms against her knees.

 “Did you consider that maybe I wanted to be alone?” Raven says, and her voice is soft but there’s an edge to it.

 “Sorry,” Clarke says, and she’s moving to stand when Raven’s hand comes up to grip her wrist.

 “I didn’t mean it like that,” Raven says, tugging at Clarke’s wrist, “I don’t mind if you sit with me for a while.”

 “Of course,” Clarke says, sitting back down and curling her legs up underneath her. “It’s nice back here; the camp is too busy for me sometimes.”

 Clarke thinks about the months she spent alone, wandering the forest, hating herself and everything she’d done on Earth to survive. The time in Polis, trying to keep track of who was a friend and who wasn’t, time spent in negotiations to that her people could live in peace.

 “Do you ever think about leaving again?”

 “Sometimes,” Clarke says, “But not like it’s something I’m going to do again, I just miss it sometimes. The freedom, not being responsible for the lives of so many people, the sights. I don’t miss being alone though.”

 “I think about going sometimes,” Raven says, resting her cheek against her knees so she can look at Clarke, “Not that I’d make it far, not like this.” Her hand taps her brace.

 “We’ll go together one day,” Clarke says, her fingers running over the petals of the daisy by her right hand, “Not for long,” she says when she sees the look on Raven’s face, “Just for a few days. There’s a cabin about a day’s walk away that’s mostly still standing, with a lake and about half a day away there’s this field full of wild flowers. Although I guess technically all flowers are wild flowers now.”

 “Sure,” Raven says, “It sounds nice, getting away from here for a while.”

 “Yeah,” Clarke says softly. Half the Skaikru still look at her like she’s something to be feared, like she’s still Wanheda. Like everything she’s done hasn’t been for them, for the Hundred.

 “What are you actually doing out here anyway?” Clarke asks, pulling up daisies and piling them in front of her.

 “Thinking,” Raven says, watching the treeline sway in the wind. Clarke scrambles to grab at her flowers when the wind threatens to blow them away.

 “I try not to think anymore,” Clarke says, tucking the flowers into her pocket. “It usually gets people killed.”

 “Is that why you stepped down from being Skaikru’s ambassador and left Polis?”

 “Partly,” Clarke says, “Octavia’s doing a better job that I could have anyway.”

 “Don’t you miss being in charge?”

 “Sometimes, but it’s better like this.” Clarke says.

 “What was it like out there?” Raven asks, shivering in the strong wind.

 “Lonely, wild,” Clarke says, tugging off her jacket and draping it across Raven’s shoulders, “It was like being in charge of camp, but without the constant worry that you’re going to get somebody killed.”

 “You could have gotten yourself killed,” Raven says. Sometimes she doesn’t think that Clarke believes her life means all that much. And then, “Are you sure? It’s freezing out here.”

 “Don’t worry about me,” Clarke says, and Raven gets the feeling she’s talking about more than just the cold, “Besides; if you get sick I’m the one who has to treat you.”

 “I get it, you’re just looking out for yourself,” Raven says, letting Clarke see the way the corners of her lips are curved upwards.

 “Of course,” Clarke says, and there’s something wistful in her voice.

 They sit in silence for a while; Clarke watches the trees and Raven watches Clarke.

 “I’ve got to get going,” Clarke says eventually, “I have a shift in medical soon.”

 “Okay,” Raven says, and starts to slide the jacket off her shoulders when Clarke holds up a hand to stop her.

 “Don’t worry about it; I have a cardigan in my locker.”

 “Are you sure?” Raven says, but she’s already zipping it back up to stop the cold bite of the wind.

 “Yeah,” Clarke says softly, “Hold into it for a while, if I really need it I’ll come find you.”

 Clarke stands and heads back to the fence. Raven watches her go and waits until she’s blocked by the kitchens to turn back to the treeline.

      ☆

Clarke brushes her thumb across her bottom lip, still pressed between Lexa and the wall. Lexa’s hands are still against the wall on either side of her head and her breath is warm across Clarke’s cheek when she exhales again.

“It’s not like we both haven’t been wanting to do that for a while,” Clarke says, but she doesn’t try to stop Lexa when she steps back, leaning against the wall opposite Clarke instead.

“That’s not,” Lexa starts only to stop herself, “I just meant I didn’t know if you were still angry at me.”

Clarke’s face tightens momentarily at the mention of it before she relaxes again.

“I’ve been working on letting that go,” Clarke says, pushing back the strands of hair that were sticking to her face. “Putting the past in the past and all that.”

“And how’s that going for you?” Lexa asks wryly, running her fingers over the ridges of her braid.

“It’s going,” Clarke says. She’s not sure if the pounding in her ears is her heart or the bass of the song that’s playing. “I’m still a little stuck on the part where you abandoned me and my people though.”

“I was doing what was best for mine,” Lexa says, “But I am sorry about what happened.”

“Sorry doesn’t make it okay,” Clarke says, her phone buzzing in her pocket.

“I’m sure they’re missing you,” Lexa says when she pulls it out to check it.

“It’s Raven,” Clarke says, “Making sure I’m not dead.”

Clarke steps across the hallway until she’s in front of Lexa, and with her heeled boots on they’re almost the same height.

Clarke doesn’t acknowledge that Raven’s spoken, just continues to pull things from her pack and place them on the shelves opposite the bed, but Raven knows she heard from the way her shoulders tighten and the fact that she spends a moment too long staring at the shirt in her hands.

 “I didn’t even know you were gone,” Raven says, “Until about three days after, when I finally asked Octavia why you hadn’t come to visit me and she told me you hadn’t even made it through the gates.” Raven waits a moment before adding, “I thought you just didn’t want to see me.”

 “No.” Clarke says, her voice firm. “Coming in, saying goodbye to you, it would have made the whole thing more real. It would have made it harder for me to walk out the gates again. But it wasn’t because I didn’t want to see you, Raven.”

 The way says her name makes Raven think of before, when they would stay up late working out strategies or the best way to keep the camp functioning or just talking; lying side by side in the dark with their shoulders brushing and Clarke’s fingers tracing patterns along her arm.

 Clarke still hasn’t looked at her, is still placing items on the shelves like she needs something other than this conversation to focus on.

 “It didn’t feel that way to me,” Raven says, her voice sounds small and accusing and she doesn’t mean it like that, but a tiny part of her thinks that maybe Clarke deserves it.

 “I needed to be somewhere where I could look at someone and not see a dead persons face,” Clarke says, setting a pale green shell down before finally turning around. “That wasn’t here.”

 “And you’re back now?” Raven asks, running a hand across the soft pelt covering the bed. “For real, you’re not just going to up and leave again?”

 “Not without the rest of you,” Clarke says, coming over to stand in front of Raven. She takes Raven’s chin and tilts it up until she can meet Raven’s eyes. “Not without you. Or at least not without saying goodbye first.”

 Raven lets out a breath and wraps her arms tightly around Clarke’s waist, burying her face in Clarke’s stomach. She feels one of Clarke’s hands come up to cup the back of her head and the other rests against her back, warm through the thin fabric of her t-shirt.

 “Good,” Raven says, her voice muffled. “But I don’t think you should leave again at all, everyone missed you too much.”

 “Including you?” Clarke asks, settling onto the bed beside Raven and tugging her back so they’re both lying shoulder to shoulder. Clarke takes her arm and pulls it towards her, tracing patterns across her skin.

 “Including me,” Raven agrees, letting herself relax. “I think I missed you the most, but it’s a close call.”