#the100femslash

It feels strange, to be two separate people with separate minds and separate bodies after drifting together. Sharing everything that makes you who you are with another person, every single thought, memory, feeling, only to get wrenched apart again.

 “Stupid post-drift hangover,” Raven mutters at one point, her chin digging into Clarke’s shoulder when she speaks.

 It doesn’t hurt much, but it’s enough that Clarke knows Raven’s there, close. She starts to feel better after that.

 //

 ‘Fucking Kaiju’s,’ comes bouncing through their neural link and Clarke laughs, breathless, as they swing a punch at the level three that had come through the breach.

 ‘Fucking Kaiju’s,’ she agrees, lifting a leg to kick out the Kaiju’s leg and leave it off balance as they fire up the plasma canon. ‘Trying to take over the planet and disrupting movie night.’

 “Unbelievable,” they say, aloud and in unison as they drop the dead Kaiju in the middle of the parking lot.

 //

 “I hope you guys are ready to go down,” Monty says, dropping into the seat across from Clarke.

 “Please,” Clarke scoffs.

 “You’re the one’s going down,” Raven says, pointing her fork at him, “We always clean up at game night.”

 “That’s going to change tonight,” Bellamy says from Raven’s right, “Octavia and I are going to sweep the floor with you.”

 “That’s some big talk, Blake,” Miller flicks a spoonful of mashed potatoes at Bellamy, smirking at the disdain on his face when it hits him directly in the chest.

 “It’s not just going to be talk once we beat you,” Octavia says, handing her brother a napkin while Monty snaps a picture.

 “Just make sure your bets are in before five,” Monty reminds them, their phone’s dinging with the notification that @montyg has posted a picture.

 //

 “They can’t shut down the jaeger program,” Raven says, disbelief colouring her tone, “What’s going to happen the next time a Kaiju attacks? Pray it doesn’t kill to many people, destroy to many buildings?”

 “They think their fucking wall will keep them out,” Harper spits out, face flushed.

 “Dumbasses,” Clarke chimes in, “They can’t relocate us Hong Kong and let the jaeger program die out; humanity will die out with us.”

 “We’re drinking to the end of the world then,” Jasper announces, entering the room with several bottles of what Clarke assumes is Monty’s signature moonshine.

 //

 Following their transfer to the Shatterdome all the pilots train harder than before. They start logging more hours on the mat, brushing up on their combat skills, spend more time running drift simulations, more time watching old tapes and analyzing their previous fights. If they’re going to go out, they’re going to go out fighting.

 //

 Clarke knows how Raven feels about her, always has thanks to the drift. She also knows that Raven knows about Clarke’s feelings too. One of the first things you learn from drifting is how to get over embarrassment. Your co-pilot knows everything you’ve ever experienced and vice versa, if you don’t get over it quickly you’re going to spend your whole life blushing.

 By an unspoken agreement made in the drift they’ve never voiced these feelings aloud. Clarke’s beginning to wonder if she should change that.

 //

 The comms for the Keeper and the Purpose have gone dark, but they don’t let themselves think about what that could mean. Force themselves to focus on the Kaiju’s in front of them, making their way towards the shore and more specifically, the city.

 The first double event since K-Sci predicted they would start seeing multiple Kaiju’s coming through the breach three days ago.

 ‘We’ve got this,” They think, bringing up a foot to kick the Kaiju in the chest, driving it back several meters as they fire up their plasma canons, “we can do it.”

 //

 “I’m really glad you assholes are alive,” Bellamy says, once they’ve all been examined by the medical personnel, “You had us worried there for a minute with your freefall from outer space.”

 “The feeling’s mutual,” Raven says, her arm wrapped tightly around Clarke’s shoulders, “I’m glad you didn’t get eaten by that Kaiju.”

 “Please,” Octavia laughs from her place at Bellamy’s side, “He’d be to bitter, the Kaiju would have spit him straight back out.”

 Clarke snorts and Raven tightens her grip on her, “It’s time for a sixteen hour nap, we’ll see you two at lunch tomorrow.”

 Clarke waves goodbye and lets Raven drag her down the corridor to her quarters.

 //

 “We understand the risk,” they say, side by side like always, agreeing to what is essentially a suicide mission. But if it works, if they can actually close the breach and survive closing it, then they’re free.

 They tell Kane they accept the mission.

 //

 “If we make it through this,” Clarke says, knows Raven can finish the sentence without her help.

 They’re shoulder to shoulder, sitting in the space between their rigs passing a bottle of vodka back and forth. Soon they’re going to be going through the breach, trying to stop the attacks once and for all, but for now they’re going to sit here and enjoy each other’s company. Spend as much time together as they can.

 “If we make it through this,” Raven echoes Clarke’s promise, a verbal pact.

 We’re going to make it, Clarke tells herself, repeating it like a mantra. We have to.

 //

 “Octavia,” Bellamy says; they hear his voice break over the comms and pretend they don’t, “I love you so much.”

 “I was the lucky one,” Octavia says, voice strained. They don’t understand the context of the words, but obviously they mean something to the siblings. “You know that, right big brother?”

 They don’t hear Bellamy’s response over the screech of metal.

 //

 “We’ve got the Kaiju carcass. We’re going through the breach,” They say, their voice shaking. “See you on the other side of this.”

 //

 She ejects Raven’s pod. Her oxygen supply is gone, Raven’s gone; it’s just her now. For the first time in a long time, the inside of her head feels empty.

 She detonates the Struggle‘s core, hit’s the eject button, prays she’ll make it back.

 //

 Everything is dark, and then all there is is Raven.  Just like that, everything is back to normal.

 “We did it,” Raven clutches her shoulders, fingers pressing into her biceps through her jumpsuit tightly enough that Clarke knows it’s going to bruise. “We saved the world, and we didn’t die doing it.”

 Later, once the adrenaline and shock wears off, they’ll remember all their friends who didn’t make it; who died saving the world. But for right now, they float somewhere off the coast of China and hold each other.

 //

 Clarke finds Raven sitting in the space between their rigs nearly a month after they successfully closed the breach.  The Struggle rebuilt for a victory lap.

 It’s been a whirlwind month of press releases and interviews and memorials. Clarke’s glad it’s all finally over, that they can go home and mourn in private. Reclaim their lives.

 Clarke isn’t sure who she is outside of a jaeger anymore; who she is separated from Raven.

 “So,” Clarke announces herself, rapping a fist against the metal shell of the Star’s Struggle, “I made you a promise several weeks ago in this very cockpit.”

 “You did,” Raven says, a smile playing on her lips. “You meant it?”

 “You’ve been inside my head enough times to know that I meant it,” Clarke says, taking a seat beside Raven on the cold metal floor.

 “Good,” Raven slides a hand into Clarke’s hair to pull her into a kiss, “because I meant it too. As long as you want me with you, you’ve got me.”

 “You’re going to be stuck with me for a long time then,” Clarke laughs, wrapping her arms around Raven’s shoulders and pulling her close, her grip tight but not uncomfortable. The way they always used to be post-drift.

Or, they thought they couldn’t.

Raven and Monty strategized and theorized for three days before concluding that if they blew up the things that were going to blow them up before time ran out, then maybe they would have a chance. And, Raven always loved a good explosion.

Time was limited. The odds of then getting to all the reactors before it was too late were very low, but they had to try. They always had to try. So, they paired off into groups of four. Clarke, Raven, Luna, and Niylah went in one group to the farthest reactor, and the biggest one. Raven studied the blueprints, she knew that monster inside and out, and she knew there was only one way to shut it down—and Clarke was not going to like it.

Raven stared at the large reactor in front of her. It was old and withered, barely standing, caked with rust and decay on top of an equally as damaged building. She was surprised it hadn’t decided to blow sooner. They’d gotten confirmation from the others; this reactor, this large beast, was the last one, and they had two days left.

“The only way to shut it down is to blow it up.” Raven stated what they already knew as she took off her back pack and cracked her knuckles before opening the control panel to reveal a tangled sea of wires. Clarke hovered inches behind her, eyes fixated on Raven’s fingers as she worked the wires. Raven didn’t know why she was even bothering with the wires—she already knew how to blow this one up. Maybe she was just doing it for show, for Clarke. After a few seconds of useless rummaging, Raven sighed and turned her to Clarke, eyes darting back to the control panel, “And the only way to blow it up is to manually blow it up because there’s a failsafe and someone has to keep the button pressed down in order for this thing to go.”

“Which means someone has to stay here and keep their hand on the lever. Someone has to stay here and die.” Clarke nodded with each word, trying to come to terms to what the outcome of this would be.

“Not someone.” Raven met Clarke’s eyes. “Me.”

Color drained from Clarke’s face and her eyes widened. “Raven, no, you can’t. We’ll find another way.”

“There is no other way.” Raven argued.

“There’s always another way.” Clarke countered.

“I’m dead anyway, Clarke!” Raven exclaimed in agitation. Clarke’s face fell, and she shut her mouth, staring at Raven with the saddest eyes. Looking away, Raven said a bit more calmly, “I—I have a month left, two weeks tops, and then my brain is gone. Without my brain, what do I have? I’ll be a rag doll, and that’s no way to live, Clarke. We all have a choice, this is mine.”

Clarke stared at her in disbelief, realizing that this had been Raven’s plan all along. “You already knew about the failsafe.”

Raven turned away from her, trying to control her breathing so that her voice wouldn’t shake when she spoke. “I did. I saw it when I was looking at the blueprints for this thing.”

“Raven, we could have found another way.” Clarke said softly, putting at hand on her friend’s shoulder.

Raven looked up at her, a small smile tugging her lips and she shook her head. “There isn’t another way, Clarke.” But of course Raven knew that Clarke knew that. She just didn’t want to believe it. “You have to accept that I made my choice weeks ago when we set out to destroy this damn thing. I made up my mind then, and it hasn’t changed now. I’m going to do this and you have to let me.”

“Doesn’t mean I agree.” Clarke mumbled, squeezing Raven’s shoulder.

Raven placed her hand on top of Clarke’s, holding it tightly. “Now when have we ever really agreed on anything?”

Clarke laughed, sniffling, then looked at Raven with glossy eyes and smiled sadly, “Raven,” She whispered, searching for what to say. Her friend, maybe even her best friend, was about to die and there was nothing she could do to change that—there was nothing she could do to find a better outcome, an outcome to where she lived.

But this was war, and people died in war, even the people we loved.

“Hey, Clarke,” Raven called, pulling her back to reality.

Clarke flicked her eyes up to the girl. “Yeah?”

“Don’t waste this.” Raven smiled.

Sniffling again, Clarke smiled back and nodded. “We won’t. I promise.” Then she let go of Raven’s shoulder and started back towards the entrance of the building.

Raven turned back to the control panel and began weaving the wires so that they would cause an explosion, and moving some so that she could access the failsafe switch. She didn’t watch Clarke as she left, she couldn’t or else she would start sobbing and if she did that then she wouldn’t stop. She listened until the blonde’s footsteps disappeared and then she shook her head, focused, and got back to work.

Hurry up and save the world, right?

A few minutes with her hand in the panel, and the failsafe popped up and a countdown started. Two minutes. Two minutes for Clarke, Niylah, and Luna to get as far away from there as possible.

Luna. Tears pricked her eyes as the woman’s face flashed through her mind. She didn’t even get to say goodbye, not properly. She was sure Luna knew what she was planning to do; Luna could see it in her face and she’d always been good at reading people. She never said anything to Raven about it, though, didn’t try to talk her out of it, because Raven was as stubborn as Luna and trying to change her mind when she set it on something was a complete waste of time.

They’d had a good run, as short as it was. Meeting Luna, meeting someone who made her feel love again, after Finn and Gina, Raven wasn’t expecting it. But most good things are always unexpected, right?

Hearing footsteps behind her, Raven grumbled under her breath and shouted, “Clarke, I said get the hell out of here!”

“Not Clarke.” Luna said, entering the room.

Her eyes nearly bulged out of her head and she almost let go of the failsafe. “What the hell are you doing?”

“What does it look like?” Luna asked in her usual aloof manner.

“Luna!” Raven hissed, anger overtaking sadness. “Get the hell out of here.”

Luna shook her head. “I’m staying with you.”

“But you can live!” She wanted to shout but her voice came out in a broken sob. How could Luna do this? She was blowing the damn thing up for her! For all of them. So they could live. So she could live! Only one person was supposed to die today, that was the plan. Luna was going to ruin everything.

“I’ve lost all my people, Raven. You’re the only one I have left.” She put her hand inside the control panel and placed it on top of Raven’s so that they were both clutching the lever. “I choose you.” She enunciated each word, stepping closer to Raven so that their bodies were pressed together. She pressed her forehead to Raven’s and whispered, “With you gone, my world wouldn’t make sense.”

“It did before.” Raven said shakily, her breathing shallow.

“But it wouldn’t anymore.” Her free hand came up and rested on the back of Raven’s neck, her thumb lightly stroking the sensitive skin.

“Okay.” Raven exhaled breathlessly, her heartbeat erratic. So they were going to die together, like some futuristic version of Romeo & Juliet, only instead of dying for nothing they were dying to save the world, choosing to die rather than living in a world that ceased to make sense. “All things considered, I had a pretty good life.” Raven shrugged.

“Yeah?” Luna grinned.

Raven flicked her eyes up at Luna’s, biting her lip. “Yeah.”

“Me, too.” Luna agreed, then shrugged, adding, “All things considered.”

“And in the end, I met you.” Raven nuzzled her nose against Luna’s.

“We met each other too late.” She mumbled, the hand behind Raven’s neck trailing down her arm to her hand, where she intertwined their fingers together. “We didn’t have enough time.”

Raven shook her head. “Nah, I think we met each other at just the right time.”

Luna quirked her brows. “You think so?”

Raven gave her a chaste kiss. “I do.” Kissed her again, then looked at the timer inside the control panel and her stomach flipped. “Fifty seconds left.” She breathed out a long sigh, anxiety finally setting in. She wasn’t afraid of death, not since landing on the ground where she faced it every day, but she was nervous about what came after. After the blackness, after the shock.

“We’ll be reborn.” Luna said, as if reading the girls mind.

Raven looked at her curiously. “Reincarnation?” Luna nodded. Raven considered this. “If we do get reincarnated, I hope we meet each other again.”

“We will.” Luna affirmed, kissing each of Raven’s cheeks. “Kindred spirits have a way of finding each other in every lifetime.” Her lips met Raven’s, warm and chapped, molding together. They poured everything they had left into the kiss, all the love, all the worry, all the fear, everything they couldn’t convey into words was screamed against their lips, and when they pulled apart they could barely breathe.

“Do you think it will hurt?” Raven asked, her forehead against Luna’s once again.

She shook her head, not opening her eyes, still trying to remain in the euphoria. “I don’t think we’ll feel anything.”

Raven’s eyes went back to the timer. “Twenty seconds.” She said softly, her voice barely audible. Tears pooled both of their eyes, some escaping down their cheeks. They weren’t sad that it was over, they were happy to have gotten a beginning at all.

“I love you.” Raven said.

“I love you.” Luna said.

And they grabbed each other into a tight embrace, bringing their bodies as close as possible to each other, so close they melted together, as if they were one entity. The timer started beeping and Raven whined, her grip on Luna’s back tightening. Luna buried her face in Raven’s neck and the beeping got louder and louder and quicker and quicker.

And then there was silence.

And then everything was warm.

Last time she stepped foot on the island, she’d been nervous, afraid even. But now, being the only other person there, and with the drones disabled, all she felt was ease as she walked the path through the woods towards the mansion.

What she was walking towards, it wasn’t death, it was her.

She was walking towards Raven, to be with Raven. Emori had looked at her as if she was crazy for leaving when a safe haven was right there. And Luna understood why; all her life, Emori thought of one thing: survival. And now that she got to survive, why would she give that up? Luna understood, but Emori didn’t get it.

To die alone, now that was a tragedy. Luna knew that better than anyone.

And she wasn’t going to let Raven be a tragedy.

Clarke tried to talk her out of it, as she usually did with plans she deemed unfit. But with one stern look she stopped mid-lecture and remained quiet, though her eyes spoke volumes. She didn’t try to stop her when she left; she wouldn’t have been able to if she tried.

The only one who really seemed to understand was Murphy. After telling her that Raven had decided to stay on the island, to die in space like she wanted, he saw the switch go off in Luna’s eyes and he knew. He nodded at her and gave her the keys to the boat, wishing her a silent good luck and a silent farewell.

She wouldn’t die from the radiation, but she would die.

She’d made peace with that long before Skaikru fell from the stars.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Raven nearly shouted, looking up at Luna from the bottom of the lab.

“I came for you.” Luna answered as she began down the stairs. She kept her head high as imagines from a few days ago flashed through her head; Abby taking her blood, her bone marrow, strapping her down to that damned bed. She’d felt pain before, fought in battles and lost those she loved, but having a large needle in her back, being used for something she couldn’t control, that was a different kind of pain, one she never wanted to feel again.

Now she wouldn’t.

“I’m not going to Polis.” Raven stated, turning away from her and going back to whatever she had written on the board. “I’m not going inside that bunker.”

“I know.” Luna reached the bottom stair and began walking closer to Raven, who was waving a wrench in her hand in agitation.

“And even if I did there would be no point—I’m already dead.” She went on, her annoyance growing.

Luna sighed, crossing her arms. “Raven, I know. I’m not here to convince you to change your mind.”

Raven looked at her then, brows furrowed. “Then what are you here for?”

Luna hesitated a moment, then answered, “No one should die alone.” I don’t want you to die alone.

“What?” Raven’s eyes widened slightly in realization and she shook her head. “Luna, no. No, I can’t ask you to do that.”

“You’re not asking me.” Luna countered.

“I can’t let you do that.” Raven growled through gritted teeth.

“This is my choice, Raven.” Luna rose her voice an octave, getting her point across. She took a few more steps until she was standing inches away from Raven. Slowly, gently, she grabbed Raven’s hands in her own and said, softly, “And I choose to be with you.”

Raven’s eyes were glassy with tears, but she wouldn’t let them fall. “Why? You barely know me.” She said, her voice slightly cracking.

Luna held her head to the side slightly, pinching her lips together. “All my people are dead. I have nothing left.” And I want to be with you. Is what she didn’t say, because how could she say that? They hadn’t known each other long, didn’t really know each other at all, and yet Luna was ready to die with this girl. She felt something for her, maybe not entirely love, but something just as strong.

“Alright.” Raven finally said. She gave Luna’s hands a squeeze, then grabbed another wrench from the table and placed it in Luna’s palm. “Let’s get to work.”

Luna was no rocket scientist, but she was smart, and she picked up Raven’s techniques almost perfectly. They had four days to build a second suit for Luna.  Raven got it done in one.

“That’s it.” Raven breathed, standing back with a satisfied smile on her face. Luna looked from her to the white suit, her white suit.

Space, Luna thought as her arms crossed over her chest, I’m going into space. She never even fathomed the thought before now; before the Sky People came, going into the stars was just a fantasy. Yet there she was, standing in front of a pod that was going to take her into the sky, to the stars, to the sun and the moon, to die in peace.

They had two days.

They spent it in the bed on the top floor, wrapped around each other, not speaking, just embracing each other tightly.

They were lost inside themselves, Raven thinking about those she had lost and Luna thinking about what she had nearly lost in the Conclave—herself. It was her and Indra against each other, and Roan against Octavia. Clarke being Clarke, called a draw and convinced everyone to share the bunker in peace for the next five years, said that there had been enough bloodshed and they needed to all stay alive. That it was what Lexa would have wanted, for them to survive. It was astonishing to Luna, really, how Clarke had the power to bring people together, especially those who hated one another. And she found it incredibly annoying—luckily she wouldn’t have to listen to it anymore.

The final day came, and they were in the pod in their suits, a cable attached to the back of them so that they could float without being lost in space.

Raven turned to Luna, her eyebrows knitted together. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

Luna nodded, smiling. “I’ve always wanted to see the stars.” She could go back if she really wanted to, she would survive the radiation, but she would be alone for five years. It wasn’t the life she wanted.

Raven nodded once and stood to close the hatch. “Let’s go home.”

The cable was attached to both of them, and Raven opened the hatch and they became weightless. For a second, panic surged through Luna and her eyes went wide. She looked to Raven, who only smiled in reassurance and grabbed her hand, tugging it gently.

“Come on, Spacewalker.” She said, pulling Luna up out of the pod and into the black, quiet galaxy. Luna kept hold of the girl’s hand as they effortlessly floated, surrounded by the white stars and the soon to be vacant earth below them. Luna could see the haze of the clouds, the blue of the sea, the green of the trees, and there, to the left, the red barren of the wastelands. Soon, so soon the rest of the earth would match it, and soon, too soon would the people who didn’t make it to the bunker become one with the sand.

There was a bitter sweetness inside of her. In a few moments she would be dead, but she would be reunited with the rest of her people, and she would see Lexa again. Lexa, the friend she made while in her first Conclave, the girl she fled to save because she didn’t want to kill her, the girl who protected her and kept the rest of Trikru away from her, away from getting justice for her cowardice during the battle.

And she would be leaving with Raven. The stubborn, headstrong, beautiful Sky Girl she never expected to feel anything for but ended up feeling everything for. She thought her emotions died with her people, but Raven proved that wrong with just a smile in her direction. Luna had only known her for two weeks, but it felt like a life time. Time moved much faster during the end of the world.

Being in space was like being in the ocean; complete freedom. For once, since leaving the oil rig, Luna felt home. And when she looked over at Raven, who was glowing in the light from the distant sun, Luna could see that she felt the same. She saw her heart expand, her eyes wide and glistening. She was crying with a large smile on her face. Since landing on the ground, Raven was finally home, too.

And then she gasped, and she squeezed Luna’s hand, and Luna knew it was almost over. She drew Raven closer to her, wrapping an arm around her as best she could with the bulky suit on, and held her tightly into her side. They’d talked about it. How Raven would only survive a few minutes in space after the initial takeoff. How her brain wouldn’t be able to handle the pressure of it.

“I give myself to the miracle of the sea.” Raven uttered, struggling to breathe. They were holding on to each other so tight now, but their eyes remained on the earth.

“May we meet again.” Luna whispered, switching her oxygen dial off. She laid her head on top of Raven’s, taking as many breaths as she had left.

It wouldn’t be long now.

Minutes, seconds.

“First we save the world, then find our humanity again.”

But she didn’t know if losing it was worth it in the first place. Because once you lost your humanity it was hard to pull it back. Once you let the darkness in it was hard to push away. Once you stopped being someone who cared and started being someone who acted, it was hard to feel again.

She was growing content in the nothingness. She was becoming accustomed with the emptiness.

Until Luna.

Luna kom Floukru, the leader of the Sea People. Fierce, fearless, beautiful, haunted Luna. When Raven looked at Luna, she saw a mirror image of herself; she saw the same ghosts, the same heartbreak. It was a different kind of pain: Luna had lost all of her people, Raven had lost two people who mattered the most, yet they were the same. The only difference was that Luna turned that heartbreak into peace and Raven turned it into rage.

Luna.

Luna.

Luna.

Stupid Luna.

Beautiful Luna.

Luna, with her curly hair and wise, sad eyes. Her soft voice and her stubborn mind. She was unnerving, firm in her beliefs and set in her ways. Whenever she spoke it was like listening to the calm breeze over the ocean, the water gently swaying with each word. And when she looked at Raven it was like she was drowning, falling deeper and deeper into her dark eyes. All the air rushed out of her and her lungs burned. She didn’t know what to do except stare back and hope she wasn’t making a funny face. And Luna just studied her carefully, then she tilted her head to the side and smiled. And when she smiled, Raven was suddenly floating. Her lungs burst with air and she was on top of the water, going up, up, up until she met the sky. She was so high she could touch the clouds. So high, so light that she felt that nothing mattered—except seeing Luna smile.

Raven knew, in that moment, with Luna smiling at her, full teeth and scrunched nose, that she was a fucking goner.

And Raven knew, when Luna was holding her as they sat on the floor, Raven crying into her hands, and Luna stroking her shoulders in attempt to calm her, that there was no going back. She’d give everything she had left to Luna if only she’d ask, and Luna knew she would, but she wouldn’t ask.

And when it was over, when Raven and Abby had created the Nighblood Cure and saved the world yet again, Luna would take a chance and ask her to come back with her to the oil rig, to help her rebuild, to help her recruit more people, to be with her.

And Raven would say yes because Luna made her feel like a person again, Luna made her feel, Luna gave her some of herself back. And Raven was tired of fighting, she was tired of surviving; she wanted to breathe without the fear of death looming over her shoulders. She wanted to be alive, not just live.

Luna gave her the sea. And Raven gave her the sky. They gave each other a piece of themselves that the other had been missing. A puzzle piece they didn’t know had fallen out.

Luna had been there for her, comforted her, calmed her, held her, whispered soothing words into her ear. For the first time in a long time (since Gina), Raven felt less alone. Luna made Raven feel…well, she made her feel something. Something that hadn’t been there in what felt like forever.

And now she was just going to leave. She was going to walk out the door, take the boat, and sail into the water until she was lost at sea. She would die out there on the ocean. Raven figured it was a death she wanted, a death she’d always prepared for, but Raven wasn’t ready.

It was the end of the world, but Raven wasn’t ready to die.

She wasn’t ready to die alone.

Swinging her legs over the bed, she pulled up some shorts and slipped on a tank top before clicking her brace into place and tip toeing out of her room. She would make Luna stay. Well, she would try. She would try to make her stay for herself. It was selfish and it was wrong but she couldn’t lose her. She couldn’t lose the woman who made her feel again.

When she got to the front of the mansion, she saw Luna’s silhouette near the door. If she’d arrived any later, then Luna would be gone and she’d have taken the rest of Raven with her.

Raven stopped a few feet behind the woman, her heart thumping like crazy. She clenched and unclenched her fists, the anxiety building inside of her. Before, she knew exactly what she was going to say, but now, now she had no idea.

But it was Luna who broke the silence. “You and Abby are nowhere closer to finding the cure as you were when we first arrived here.” She turned to face Raven, eyes as sad as the first day they met back in the med-bay of Arkadia. “I’m growing weaker by the passing days and I am tired.” Luna looked out the large glass doors, up at the dark purple-blue-green sky. It wasn’t supposed to be that color, Raven knew. It was three in the morning and the sky was supposed to be black, but the radiation was changing it. “If the world is going to end, then let it end.” Luna’s voice was soft and calm as always, not moved by their impending doom.

“If the world ends then you’ll be the only one left. You’ll be all alone.” Though Raven was sure that didn’t matter to Luna, but she had to try.

Luna shrugged unfazed and turned back to the door, somehow closer though Raven hadn’t seen her move towards it. “I’m already alone.” She muttered.

“You’re not alone!” Raven shouted, her fists tightly bawled. Her emotions were flaring, her anger simmering. How could Luna not see that? How could she be so blind as to what was in front of her? Taking a deep breath and exhaling deeply, Raven repeated, more quietly and calmly, “You’re not alone.” Her voice was pleading, begging for Luna to just listen.

And Luna did. She stepped back and turned to Raven, silent, waiting for her to go on.

Raven bit her lip and looked away, unsure of what to say. Should she tell Luna the truth? Should she make up a lie? She sat on the arm of the chair beside her, the throbbing in her leg finally registering in her brain. She rubbed her temples, sighing internally. Screw it. She thought, looking up to Luna, who was still patiently waiting.

“I—I think I love you.” Raven finally admitted. And Luna stayed silent still, but her eyes were alight and her brows were raised. So, Raven went on, wringing her hands nervously, “I know it’s only been a week but, Luna, I… I think I love you.” She furrowed her brows and shook her head, correcting herself, “No, I do. I love you.” She began pacing around the living room, arms crossed. “I gave up on finding love a long time ago because, well, everyone I’ve ever loved has… But with you, when I’m with you, when I look at you, I just…feel like I’m floating and my stomach gets knotty and I forget what to say sometimes, which is annoying because I always know what to say.” She laughed breathlessly and finally looked at Luna, a few tears escaping the corners of her eyes, because there she was, spilling her heart out, and all Luna was doing was just staring. But it was too late to stop now, so Raven wiped her eyes and took a deep breath, “Maybe it’s crazy. Maybe it’s too fast. And maybe it’s a waste of time since the world is ending and we can’t save it, but Luna, the world is ending, and I…want to spend my last days with you.”

Silence enveloped the room. The two girls stared at each other, Raven breathing heavily, eyes brimming with tears, and Luna stoic, standing and watching her. She’d said too much. She probably ruined it. Luna was going to leave and—

“I’ve lost everyone, too.” Luna’s soft voice filled the room and echoed around Raven. “I know the pain inside of you.”

And Raven could have laughed. She was surprised she didn’t. She’d just poured her heart out and that was all Luna could say. But at least it was something. “It’s consuming.” She agreed.

Luna stepped towards Raven so that there were only inches between them. “Tell me to stay.” She whispered.

Raven’s eyes widened. “What?”

“Tell me to stay.” Luna repeated, her dark eyes meeting Raven’s. Slowly, hesitantly, she grabbed Raven’s hands in her own and held them loosely, afraid of overstepping, afraid she would pull away despite her confession.

Raven’s pulse was rapid, the butterflies in her stomach multiplying. “Stay. Not for the Nightblood Cure, but for me. Stay for me.” Her voice cracked through unfallen the ever growing lump in her throat, and her hands tightened around Luna’s. She nodded, and choking on a sob-laugh, Raven pulled the woman against her into a tight hug.

They held each other in the middle of the dark room. Silent and crying, they held each other up and they held each other together. For the sake of themselves, they didn’t let go.

“I’m tired, Raven.” Luna spoke into her hair. “I’m tired of being poked and stabbed and I’m tired of Abby taking parts of me away.”

“I know.” Raven stroked her hair. She pulled away slightly, holding Luna’s face in her hands.  “I know you are. But it’s almost over. It’s almost over.” She promised, offering Luna a small smile. Luna smiled and nodded, pressing her forehead against Raven’s. After a few more minutes of silence, Raven twined her fingers with Luna’s and began pulling her to the back of the house. “Come on.”“Where are we going?” Luna asked, though she didn’t pull away and let Raven lead her down the hall.

“To my room. Back to bed.” Raven said simply.

Luna furrowed her brows, a small frown forming on her lips. “You’re still scared I’m going to leave.”

“No,” Raven turned back to her, grinning. “I just want to sleep with you.”

“I love you, too.” Luna whispered later that night, her body tangled around Raven’s. One arm was wrapped around her back, holding Raven against her chest while the other played with her hair.

Raven smiled against Luna’s bare chest, nuzzling closer to her.

The world was ending.

They couldn’t save it.

They were going to die.