#the-core-four

"So, who are you?" The smaller wicked one gazed upon the taller one's twisted form with a devilish delight, and an innate scientist's curiosity.

"Who? Who am I?" The taller, indifferent one stared down at the small one's face with a stinging, pained look, and a slight twinge of annoyance. "Who is merely derivative of what, and WHAT I am, good sir..." He began, continuing his stroll down the London street with slow, heavy strides. "Is an amalgamation. Not just if body parts, which evidently intrigues and amazes your dark imagination. No I am an amalgamation of ideas, of dreams, of hopes shattered and aspirations failed. I... am a consequence." His voice was growing in intensity, and his eyes were beginning to glow more vibrantly. "I am a reckoning! An oncoming violent hurricane, destined to wreak havoc in the life of he who wronged me by bestowing life upon my stitched vessel!!" The creature then roared into the night, shaking even he who was listening to this tale of woe.

After a moment, they both stopped at the docks, and a long awkward silence befell them.

"Yeah.... I was just..... see I just wanted a name really...."

"I was given none, call me what you will." The bigger one replied.

"If you insist... Mr. What-You-Will"

Hi! We are a rabid band of insufferable theatre kids heck-bent on stealing our director’s car one day. Be sucked into our black hole of chaos. You have no choice.

H: “Mother”. She is the oldest of the group, the mom, but also the most innocent. A beautiful young woman we don’t deserve. Does her best to keep us out of trouble. Drives a car named Perry and has a mannequin hand named Margo. A college-attending Queen. A skilled artist and musician.

Fact: The Core Four neatly corresponds to the Scoops Troop from Stranger Things, in which H is Robin, P is Steve, E is Dustin and B is Erica.

E: “Wench”. She is a chaotic curly-haired gremlin of a child. The shortest of the Core Four. Loves plants, has a plant baby named Theseus. Still in high school (unfortunately). Aspiring author, plays the flute. Irish, and spouts off in Irish Gaelic sometimes. Meme Lord.

When Mother is absent, Sir, Wench, and Child become Da Bois™️, a whirlwind of a trio that brings untold chaos without the supervision of Mother. We stole a shopping cart once.

P: “Sir”. He is the tallest, radiates pure unrefined fun uncle (“Funkle”) energy. s o f t but won’t admit it. Attending college but leaving soon for a 2-year mission. Hair go p o o f like John Green. Cozy London autumn aesthetic. Bit of a mad scientist. An Intellectual and Bohemian.

When Sir is absent, Mother, Wench, and Child become The Girls™️, and Barbie/Frozen singalongs ensue (led by Mother of course, a child in college). Obsessed with calling Sir s o f t and he hates it. Mother can employ the dreaded Motherglare to keep her children in line.

B: “Child”. She is the the youngest, unassuming because she’s the quietest, but could kill a man with her biting sarcasm. Stuck in high school with E (but goes to a different school). Loves TØP and has passed her obsession onto E. Tech crew, writer, artist. Apprentice to E’s Meme Lordship.

The imagined adventures of a Core Four camping trip.

-Mother and Sir alternate between being the one running through the forest and the one sitting and reading or drawing

-Wench swings through the trees, identifies plants, and names all of them. No one can get her to come down.

-Wench and Mother sing incessantly while Child is trying to read, Sir either tells them to shut up or joins in with LA LA LA LAAAAA (from Hadestown of course)

-Child awkwardly follows Wench’s Tarzan-esque pursuits and tries to get her to cOME BACK TO THE CAMPSITE YOU FOOL

-Sir makes lots of fires, almost sets a forest fire but it's fine

-Mother goes on rambles about the beauty of nature and the stars, Wench occasionally joins in, Sir talks about the wonder of God and how much he created and how wonderful life is that we are all here together. Child chimes in with "uhhh the trees are prETTY AND SO ARE YOU GUYS"

-Wench actually becomes one with the forest. (Except sometimes a twig will snap and she'll jump on Sir because IS IT A BEAR)

-Sir uses his scout skills to keep everyone, like, alive

-Wench and Mother dance without music like the grandma from Moana, Wench talks about "feELING THE RHYTHM OF THE EARTH" and Mother just goes along with it. Child waves her hands with them for like 2 seconds before busting out laughing, being like "what IS this" and returning to join Sir who is halfway between "what. on the earth. is going on." and "I'm used to it by now"

-Sir waking up in the middle of the night to the sounds of Wench making a literal treehouse

-Sir being thoroughly impressed by the treehouse and abducting Child to live in the treehouse with him and Wench

-Mother waking up the next morning being extremely freaked out because everyone's gONE

-Da Bois™️ (Sir, Wench, and Child) all trying to stifle laughter as we watch her try to find us

-Mother literally fighting a wild animal

-Wench becoming friends with a raccoon

-Sir abducting a cub to momma bears dislike

-while Wench and Mother dance, sing, and appreciate nature, Sir trains Child as his own 1-da-boi army (as previously established, Sir, Child and Wench are Da Bois™️). She is a cadet by the time Wench and Mother return but even when standing at attention she can't stop laughing and smiling. She and Sir perform the FIRE EARTH WATER AIR sequence in perfect time