Click Read More for the first half of Chapter 1 of Order Up, my Green Eggs and Ham The Second Serving rewrite! It’s long, so be warned lol. Also feel free to check out the full chapter when its inevitably released on Ao3!
https://archiveofourown.org/works/48472795/chapters/122267893
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
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Sam looked at the framed photo on his wall of himself, Guy and Mr. Jenkins. He smiled as he put it into his suitcase as gently as possible. His mind began to wander as he collected his items. How was he going to introduce himself? This wasn’t like meeting a stranger, this was his mother; maybe he should practice an introduction. He shoved his luggage into his suitcase, spare red hats and loose bruckles jingled inside before he turned to his mirror.
“I’ve gotta have just the right opening line.” He said pondering his reflection, should he try his default act, goofy and personable? “‘Sup, Mom!” His heart wasn’t really in the words so he let out a chuckle to try and sell it more. “Or do you prefer Mom I-Am? Or Mrs. Mom? Or the Mother Formerly Known As Mom?” Who was he trying to fool, no one was even here. He let out a sigh “No..just be yourself.” For some reason that had become harder to do then putting on this act.
“Hi, Mom I…” he couldn’t stop his voice from cracking, he felt so nervous and he wasn’t even talking to his mother. He took off his hat- he should be polite right? He fixed his fur before looking back at the mirror, why did he feel the need to avoid eye contact with his own reflection? “I…am Sam.” He paused. “No, that's still not right.” He put his hat back on, adjusting the brim back to its proper spot. “Sam…I-am. It’s nice to finally meet you” Sam spoke, outstretching his hand to the mirror. He felt like he was about to start crying. He was so close to meeting her, so close to finally getting to ask why she left him, so close to actually having a real family. The thought almost pushed him to tears, he wasn’t sure if it was from happiness or sadness, regardless he wasn’t ready to break down now. “Put that hand away Samual I-Amual!” He said in a jokey impression of an older woman. “Where I come from Mom’s hug their sons.” His response to emotions has usually been to push them back down with some sort of humor, he didn’t have the time to waste on being sad about past events. He hugged the mirror, trying to get some comfort and imagining his mother hugging him back was at least doing something to keep his emotions from spilling out.
Guy had just come in from grabbing the mail, shuffling through the letters. All bills. He let out a sigh, he was glad that Flerz took over SnerzCo so he and Michellee had at least one source of reliable income until the shop was built. If Michellee lost her job after the Snerz fiasco they’d be in the red for sure, and he’d have to give up inventing for who knows how long. Guy glanced over at Michellee with a soft smile, he was glad that she still found some free time to paint even with her job, she was amazing at it, but he couldn’t help but notice her newest piece was a family portrait. Seeing him, Michelle and E.B. all together like a picture perfect family made his stomach feel weird, he couldn’t tell if it was butterflies or if it was twisting into knots, maybe both? He thought about really settling down with Michellee for a moment, it sounded nice, ideal even, but something about it just seemed scary to jump into. Guy chalked this up to it just being too early to consider. Yeah- that had to be it, it’d only been 5 months, there’s still plenty of time to get used to this.
He made his way to the living room, preparing to settle this new addition to the pile of bills on the coffee table. As he walked over he caught the tail end of a news segment. It seemed like two nations are going further into an ongoing conflict, something about a highly dangerous substance being stolen and they’re just blaming each other. He was never one to be interested in the news, especially segments that could easily get him overthinking and this seemed like one of them. He changed the channel to the next channel over, some basic sitcom, just for some background noise.
“I can’t believe Sam is going all the way to East—“ Michellee said while continuing to paint, before she was quickly interrupted by her daughter E.B. causing Guy to jump in surprise and drop the bill notices he had in his hands.
“I wanna go!” Said the child resting her arms on the larger stack Guy was choosing to ignore for now.
“You don’t even know where he’s going.” He replied, picking up his dropped notices.
“Don't-care-it's-not-here-take-me-there!”
“E.B., look—“
“Oh, come on. Summer vacation is so boring.” E.B. spoke in an overly dramatic manner clearly trying to get her way by prying.
“And, Mom, ever since Meepville, you’ve made huge strides in supporting my life of thrill seeking adventure!” Oh so she was going for Michellee now, man does she know how to play dirty. Guy could see it on her face, it was hard for her to say no to her only child.
“Well, yes, I’ve..uh..definitely made real…progress there.” Michellee was stuttering, she gripped her brush tight from the unexpected stress causing her to mess up Guy’s smile on the portrait and break her brush. She let out a small nervous chuckle before she walked over to her partner for support. “Well, what do you think, Guy?”
“Believe me I’d love to go on another adventure with Sam as much as E.B. would. But look at this stack of bills.” He explained, gesturing to the large pile of papers cluttering the coffee table. “First months rent on the new invention shop, bamboo for the pandog, Sam's subscription for the Egg of the Month Club…Okay I’m canceling that one, he only eats green!” Almost as if he was summoned by speaking his name, Sam burst into the room.
“Ding dong! Doorbells broken!” That overly energetic voice yelled out holding the severed remains of the house's doorbell in one of his paws; Seuss, was he trying to annoy him on purpose? He swore he heard that monotonous laugh track say an excited “Sam!!” With cheering and clapping to boot, Guy quickly turned off the T.V. he had to be serious and gentle right now. No annoying distractions.
“Operation Find My Mom begins…” Sam was doing energetic handsprings, almost seemingly bending gravity to his will as the suitcase was spinning quickly in the air before dropping to the ground upright. “now! Because me and my best bud are on our way to East Flubria. Right, Guy?” It hurt Guy to see Sam this excited when he knew he’d have to shut down his offer; it also hurt to be pulled off the couch by the wrist.
“Actually Sam, I can’t.” Guy spoke in his gentlest voice. Sam gasped. Then he gasped again…and one more time, it was like when Sam spotted the briefcase all over again. “Whew, Sorry, I just realized I forgot our toothbrush. By the way did you say something? I kinda zoned out for a second.” Guy looked down at Sam with a soft expression, he wondered if Sam did hear him but just didn’t want to acknowledge it. Fine. He’d repeat it slower. “I. Can’t. Go. With. You.” Sam's expression fell, he stared at Guy with the most pathetic, sad look on his face. “And I can’t go without you! You’re my best friend Guy. I need you! So, I’m going to go for broke here and give it one last shot. Will you come to East Flubria with me? ” Sam said, holding his paws to his chest and clasping them tight together, he was begging Guy to go.
Yip, that hit Guy in the heartstrings, it felt very…real, as real as when they were in his treehouse back in Stovepipe, and Sam was never really like that. He turned towards Michellee, she looked concerned, she clearly didn’t want him to go. Of course, it has to come between his girlfriend and his best friend, just his luck. Guy let out a soft sigh before giving a gentle yet firm “No.”
Why’d he think he could just say no to Sam I-Am and it’d just be over and done with? He should’ve learned his lesson by now ever since those stupid eggs. Sam was showing up everywhere, in his mailbox, at the construction site of the Inventionarium, the back of his car, you name it. Guy couldn’t say yes, he had a child to help provide for now and this shop would make financial woes a thing of the past. He wondered why Sam didn’t just go without him, he didn’t really need Guy that much did he? After the zillionth no he really needed to explain why, Sam wasn’t going to get the big picture otherwise.
“I’m sorry Sam, but I just can’t go with you. I’m starting a new business. I have new responsibilities. You know what opening up this shop could mean for me and Michellee.” Sam saw that expression on Guy’s face, how gently he was trying to put this. He wasn’t trying to hurt Sam on purpose. Guy just had his own life now, and that meant not being able to see Sam whenever he wanted. Guy seemed so happy with Michellee. Without him, it made his heart ache all the same. He wanted Guy to be there with him when he met his mother since Guy was the closest thing he’s had to a family in his entire life, but who was Sam to pull Guy away from his source of happiness and family? He’d be no better than his own mother for ditching him.
“You’re right. Your family needs you, Guy. Just like mine needs me! So I’m going to find my mom and do for the I-Am’s what you’ve done for the Am-I’s.” Sam swore he saw Guy wince a little when he referred to Michellee and E.B. as his family. He shook the observation away and began walking out of the Inventionarium with Am-I’s. As he walked out he saw that a huge crowd had gathered and it thrilled Sam to see Guy’s shock turn to happiness; he was finally getting the recognition he deserved. “I should’ve known this shop would be your destiny. This place is gonna be huge!” Sam said with a small chuckle seeing Guy sheepishly wave at the excited crowd. “And look! Not one of your inventions has spontaneously exploded!” With a click the sign flipped to zero, the sign reading “0 Days Until Grand Opening”.
Then almost as if Sam had jinxed it, Guy heard a loud ‘BOOM’ behind him and suddenly he and the entire crowd were shoved forward. It was like a nuke went off, a mushroom cloud of smoke came from the shop and Guy could feel the ground quake beneath his feet, cracking the pavement and flipping the nearby cars. He swore you would have felt the ground shake from Meepville. By the time it was over Guy and the crowd could hear ringing in their ears as they peeled themselves from the pavement, a rumbling settling in their bones. Guy turned towards where his shop once stood but now only a pile of rubble and ash was left.
Guy was speechless, what cruel creator would allow him such joy for just a brief moment, thinking he’d finally done it, he’d finally done something with his life, before pulling the rug from underneath him and leaving him lower then where he started. He wanted to fall to his knees and scream, to pound the ground and ask why? But all he could let out was a shaky and defeated, “My shop…my inventions..”
Guy could hear tires squealing towards the wreckage. This was it. He was going to jail for life. He just destroyed the entire yipping town so it made sense. As he raised his paws in preparation to be shackled, he saw Gluntz step out of the vehicle and jump over the hood. “Guy! I heard about what happened and I want you to know, I will find the person who did this to you.” Of course, Gluntz wasn’t really the type who would catch on that this was just the latest failure of Guy Am-I. “Thanks Gluntz…but it was me.” Gluntz just kept on looking around making binoculars with her hands. Seuss she’s worse than Sam, how was that even possible? “I swear on my life the wretched monster responsible for this atrocity will pay! Oh, that cow looks suspicious. I’m gonna go and interrogate it.” Then off she went laughing, reverse hood flipping and speeding off to a lone hill with a single cow just…munching on grass.
This ridiculous series of events did nothing to even slightly raise his mood, if anything it just dampered it more. “Guy, I’m so sorry. I know what this meant to you.” Michellee walked over to him and gently grabbed his paws, he could barely bring himself to look into her eyes he kept glancing up at her with his shoulders slumped, he felt so embarrassed. Why’d he think that he’d ever be able to do something like this? Of course he’d mess it up; just like he always did.
Michellee glanced over at Sam, his face had a subtle hint of shock and sadness on it as he stared at Guy, not a single trace of his usual over exaggerated facial expressions. She turned her gaze back towards her partner with a gentle stare and gave one of his paws a soft squeeze. “Guy…you should go with Sam.”
Guy looked up at his girlfriend with a perplexed expression, Sam doing the same. “What? No. I can’t. I have to rebuild the shop.” He pulled away from Michelle and turned to the now ruined building, balling his paw into a fist in frustration and anger as he looked at it. “Besides, I’m responsible for every smashed window and tipped over car in town right now.” He let out a harsh sigh as he rested his face in his palm. “I must have a stack of U.Owe.Me’s a zillometer tall.”
“Guy..” Michellee spoke in the softest tone she could, she hated seeing him like this. It only showed every now and then but it’d never been this extreme before. The only time he ever seemed remotely happy was around his best friend. “I mean it…you need rest. It’d be good for you to get away…have some fun.” She said as she looked up at her partner's sulky expression, gently grabbing his free hand. Guy seemed to be considering her request, he’d been extremely stressed out lately, money was short and the shop was eating up so much of their finances. Maybe it’d be good to just…relax. Yeah…that sounded nice. Sam perked up a little as he saw a small tired smile grow on Guy’s face.
“You’re sure Michellee? I hate to think this will just be another responsibility to push on you when I leave. Wouldn’t you at least like to come with us?” Michellee waved this notion off. “Nonsense, it’ll take them at least a week to clear all of this wreckage. We’ll deal with this together when you get back. Plus I’ve still got work silly, and your job is uh…” she looked back at the rubble “currently a pile of rocks- we’ll need the money to fix all this up, so I’ll stay behind. You just need to focus on recharging.” Michellee smiled as she gave another soft squeeze to Guy’s hand.
Guy turned his head to Sam, his smile growing a little seeing how excited he seemed to be. He really wore his heart on his face. Just as Guy was about to open his mouth, E.B. cut him to the chase, although her voice was muffled. “I can come too!” Guy looked down and saw Sam's briefcase wobbling a little bit. Sam quickly caught on and opened it, causing E.B. to roll out from the luggage.
“Alright, it’s not what it looks like!”
“Really? Cus it looks like you were stowing away in my suitcase.” Sam said as he looked at E.B.
“Alright, it is what it looks like, but the point is; I’m coming with you guys!” She exclaimed, raising her arms up as she approached her mother and Guy.
Michellee let out an exasperated sigh, this girl just never gave up. “Young lady, we've discussed this.” She said in the sternest voice she could muster. She hadn’t pulled it out for awhile. “And we’ve discussed you being more fun.” Yeowch, E.B.’s tone was sweet but it cut deep. Guy could see on Michellee’s face the hurt from that comment, he felt tempted to butt in, to say that she had really learned to let loose a little and that E.B. was taking this too far just for her own gain.
E.B. looked up at her mother with an excited smile, her eyes filled with a lust for adventure and the unknown. Michellee took a soft sigh, it reminded her so much of herself at E.B.’s age. Always wanting to try something new and do the next best thing. Her torn expression shifted into a smile as she crouched down to her daughter's level. “You know what…I trust you. You can go, just…just be sure you stay safe, try not to do anything that’d make me too worried.” she said to the youngster with a playful pinch to her pudgy cheeks resulting in a slightly annoyed “mooom” but ended it with a giggle and a tight hug with her mother.
Guy smiled back towards Sam who was practically seething with excitement. “Alright Sam, we’re in.” Guy could see Sam jumping with enthusiasm. “Sklergagenatpak! That’s East Flubrian for ‘I do not speak East Flubrian but I’ll do my best to respect and acclimate to their local customs and culture.’” Guy chuckled at this, Seuss he’s such a dork. This thought screeched to a halt as he felt Sam grab his hand and start pulling him along, E.B. catching up behind them. “C’mon! You guys gotta go pack, don’t worry about the tickets, it's on me!” Guy pulled his hand away but kept walking. “Sam I know where my house is, you don’t need to pull me there.” This just made Sam flash him a big smile. “I know, just wanted to hold your hand for a sec.” He then gave a mischievous finger gun and a wink, clicking his tongue against his teeth. Even though it seemed to just be a joke, it didn’t stop Guy's face suddenly feeling all flushed and hot.
It took Sam almost 3 days to find a cold air blimp to East-Flubria on such short notice, but it at least gave the Am-I’s time to pack all their essentials. Before he even knew it he was standing in front of the ramp to get onto the blimp. It felt like he got some sort of mental whiplash just standing there, frozen in his own mind and body. This was really it. No more imagining what could be, he was going to experience it. He was snapped out of this train of thought as he heard Guy talking to Michellee.
“Be careful with my baby.” She said, sounding strained.
“I promise.” As Guy said this, he rested his hands on Michellee’s shoulders for a moment before suddenly being pulled into a tight and unexpected hug. Guy froze for a moment before slowly hugging back, not squeezing nearly as tight as Michellee was. “Guy, c’mon! The blimp’s going to leave soon!” E.B. shouted from the platform, causing Sam to realize he’d just been staring at the couple.
Guy and E.B. waved goodbye to Michellee, her smile wide as she waved back. Sam took the liberty of finding their seats across from a yellow, well dressed man who was reading from a newspaper. Sam put his luggage on top of the seat, seeing E.B. and Guy walk up the aisle and plop their suitcases next to his.
“Sam you hungry? We’re going to get something to eat farther up the blimp.” Guy spoke, staring back at him. To be honest Sam wasn’t feeling hungry (for once in his life.) His stomach felt like it was tied in a zillion knots. “Nah, I’m good…Air travel upsets the ol’ tum.” Sam joked, patting his belly and Guy nodded in acknowledgement. “Oh, well take it easy. These things can go pretty fast.” Sam nodded as he sat down. Now that he really thought about it hadn’t really thought about the last time he had a good sleep. Guess he’d been so worried about booking the flight he just wasn’t able to.
Sam rested his head against the back of the seat, man they were comfy. He felt like he was sinking into the cushions, almost as if he was being pulled into a land of clouds and chickaraffee down. Sam could feel his eyelids getting heavier and heavier, his mouth slacking open as he plunged into a deep sleep, the seat seemingly surrounding him inside a cocoon of bliss and warmth.
Then he heard an alarm clock. Son of a yip, of course he’s suddenly pulled out of the most wonderful sleep for a stupid alarm clock. As he pried his eyes open he noticed he wasn’t on the blimp anymore. Sam was lying in a bed covered in a bright green blanket. He frantically sat up, turning his head from side to side to figure out where he was. It looked like a childs bedroom. Crude colored pictures adorned the walls and plushies and toys were either strewn across the floor or half-hassardly shoved into a toy chest in the corner. The room was illuminated by an emerald green light spilling out from a nearby window and there was an unnerving lack of straight lines and symmetry. He turned towards the still ringing alarm clock, resisting the urge to hold his hands against the side of his head. The clock then began bounding, and walking out of the room, still letting out a shrill ringing that gave Sam a headache.
As the clock walked out he saw two feet walk into the door frame. He looked up and saw a figure standing in front of him wearing an apron and holding a tray of green eggs and ham, seemingly offering them to Sam. Its face was obscured by a space themed mobile in front of the figure, but deep down in his gut he could tell who it was. “…Mom?…” he breathed out apprehensively, suddenly feeling gravity shift as he began to float into the air. He tried to peek around the mobile, trying to just get the smallest idea of what his mother looked like but she turned and began running, laughing joyously but it seemed more mocking in this context. Sam moved any limb he could, trying to get closer to his mother but was always kept so tantalizingly close yet so far away. He couldn’t touch her, he couldn’t hug her to make sure she was real, he couldn't see her face. No, there was absolutely nothing for him to do but to yell for his mother, praying she could hear him and just turn around, please for the love of Seuss just turn around. No matter how hard he screamed she just kept laughing, taunting him with how happy she was without him, ignoring how tormented he felt alone.
As he kept screaming the hallway shifted, the walls seeming to melt away like wax, the wallpaper peeling away to reveal a musty abandoned smell. His mother went into the green void at the end of the hallway, fading away almost as if she went into fog. Suddenly gravity switched on again causing him to fall down into the mist, sliding down a railing of an unseen staircase so fast his hat almost flew away. All that surrounded him was that green misty vacuum that muffled his screams to the point he couldn’t tell if he was even making audible noise. Without warning the railing stopped causing him to fall beneath the fog, flailing as tears streamed down his face with broken sobs. He thought he could smell fire, smoke…ham.
The fall became less harsh, almost like a parachute was causing resistance as he was dropped into a highchair. When he blinked he could see a green egg on a spatula, hanging dangerously off the edge. He wondered for a moment how it didn’t fall. He could see his mother holding the spatula towards him, offering the egg that was once again keeping him from seeing her face.
“Here Sam, try them.”
“Sam?”
“Sam.”
“Sam!”
He could feel nudging on his shoulder as he heard Guy yell to wake him up. Sam's eyes shot open, he was breathing heavily and his fur was slightly damp with sweat and tears. “Sam are you alright?” Guy said, sitting awfully close to him, his face caked with worry. Sam continued to catch his breath for a moment before he responded. “Y..yeah yeah…just uh…just a nightmare.” He said with an awkward cough before turning towards the window. “Do you…get those often?” Guy inquired, hovering his hand in the air above Sam's shoulder as if he was deciding if he should comfort him or not. Sam shrugged. “Enough to where they’re not that big of a deal anymore.” He replied, staring deep into the glass. Guy decided against touching Sam, laying his hand in his lap. “Well…we’re almost there. Are you feeling well enough to eat?” Sam turned to Guy who had a small smile on his wrinkled face. “I hear that green eggs and ham are really good on a blimp.”
Sam chuckled and gave a small nod. “Yeah…I guess I could eat.”
Sam followed Guy towards the front of the blimp, wiping the edges of his eyes to get all the crust out. Guy glanced back at Sam everyonce and awhile before they sat down at a booth, the waiter putting a booster seat down for Sam. Sam considered the menu for a moment before ordering what you’d expect. “You're not hungry, Guy?”
“No, me and E.B. ate breakfast a while ago.” Sam nodded and glanced down at the table.
“Do you know how far we are from East Flubria?” Sam questioned, drumming the table quietly to occupy his hands.
“Can’t be long now. These things can move around a million zillometers an hour, it's really impressive actually. The fact this blimp is so large yet can move so fast is a technological marvel!”
Sam smiled seeing Guy geek out over machines, it was a clear passion of his.
“Oh please, I bet you could build something way better than this in no time. Your mind is a marvel within itself.” Sam spoke without really thinking, maybe he should’ve asked for some tea with his breakfast; his mind was still a little foggy.
Guys cheeks seemed a slightly brighter orange then they usually were, maybe it was his sleepy brain pulling tricks on him. Guy cleared his throat a little before responding.
“Uhm..well uh…thank you, Sam.”
“It's nothing. I’m sure you get that all the time from Michellee.” Sam gave a cheeky wink and a slight wiggle of his brows.
Guy shifted his gaze away from Sam as he let out a soft ‘yeah’ though he didn’t seem particularly excited about it.
“She does compliment your skills right? Cus they’re undeniable.” Guy scoffed at this notion.
“The skill to make everything blow up?”
“Guy. Not everything you make blows up.”
“Really? Name one of my inventions that hasn’t exploded.”
“The tree house.” Sam said without hesitation.
“…that doesn’t count.” Guy grumbled.
“C’mon Guy you got to be kidding me! That thing is incredible! What do you mean it doesn’t count?”
“It…just doesn’t.”
“You’re just finding ways to ignore the success’ so you can focus on the mistakes Guy.”
“I can’t keep riding on highs from my pre-teen years Sam. I’ve been inventing my whole life and the only thing I have to show for it now is a pile of ash, mountains of bills and wrinkles before 30.”
Sam was catching the drift that this was stressing Guy out, which wasn’t his intention in the slightest. Time to change the subject. “Right…how’ve things been going around the house? You and E.B. getting on well?” Guy shrugged in response, rubbing the back of his neck as he thought.
“I suppose. I don’t really know what she thinks of me. I mean I’m not sure how I’d feel if my mom’s new boyfriend moved in.”
“What about you and Michellee?” Guy froze for a moment.
“We’re…fine.”
“Just fine?”
“I mean not just fine, it’s…it’s weird. She’s a great woman but sometimes…” Guy sighed and slouched slightly in his chair. “Sometimes I feel like I’m just holding her back…”
“Guy…” Sam leaned forward and gently rested his hand on Guy’s, though he needed to crawl almost entirely onto the table to reach him. “You’re not holding anyone back. You’re not a burden on anyone.” He said trying to be as genuine as he could but the held back snickers from Guy was keeping him distracted.
“Sorry, sorry.” He said while holding his free hand over his mouth to muffle his laughter. “You just look so ridiculous on the table like that.”
“Wow, Guy. I’m trying to be nice and you’re laughing at my poor stature. So cruel.” Sam said while tutting and shaking his head. He was unconsciously smiling hearing Guy laugh, it was such a rare sound to hear from the knox.
