God, sometimes I get so sucked into my dreams, I can’t wake up. I read a lot of fantasy, a lot of fantasy with these instant families & die-for-each other romances & these inescapable bonds, and it makes sense because I’m lonely, and I feel so goddamn unlovable, and if these villains can find their goddamn soulmates, there’s hope for me too, right? But sometimes I dream of it. Sometimes I dream I’m a part of some fantasy world, that I’m in danger, and always the details are so murky, the storyline so fragile It’d dissolve if I look a little too close, but the thing that feels so real it has me refusing to wake up, is that someone cares for me. There are people there who try to protect me, and there’s always someone who loves me wholeheartedly, someone I love wholeheartedly back. I can never remember what they look like, or what they sound like, or anything that matters. I only ever remember being held. Always. It’s the same thing. Last night it happened again, and it’s been a while, and it’s been a rough week, so it was both dangerous & welcoming all in one, and I remember laying in this guys arms, being held, him kissing the top of my forehead, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt like that. And it feels so real, every time, something I’ve never ever experienced in real life feels so fucking real in my dreams, and I wonder every time if I could have really manufactured such a feeling out of hope or if maybe in a past life I was really loved in such a way.