Chemistry...
“No, this trick won't work... How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?”
― Albert Einstein
“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”
― Carl Gustav Jung
You always hear about “chemistry” between two people. It was always one of those things that I thought was just a myth... an old wife's tale. That “spark” between two people was simply a generic attraction.... UNTILL.... I met... let’s call him “B”.
It wasn’t until my early 30’s that I felt that “spark” that undeniable “chemistry” that, until then, I ‘d only just heard about... Now, do not get me wrong, I’d had my share of relationships, boyfriends, one-night stands, heartbreaks, experimental conquests even... But nothing like what happened with B. I had been in love... been hurt, been played, been cheated on, been heartbroken... I thought at 30 years old I had “done it all” ... Then I met B and he floored me... and I mean literally FLOORED me.
I had recently moved to San Diego, CA and was having fun getting some attention on a site called Fling.com... Not even sure if it is still active but back then it was populated with mostly younger people... I think at 30 (although, I must admit, at 30 I could have passed for early 20’s) I was one of the oldest females on there. I honestly don’t even remember how I came across B but I did... He was also in San Diego and just turned 30. From the start there was a mutual connection with B, not only was he in San Diego but he was originally from about 30 miles from my hometown, he had an area code that I was extremely familiar with... the good old 707 area code- V-Town (V being Vallejo, CA)… He too had recently moved to San Diego and I felt that is was fortuitous meeting him.
Anyhow, we texted back and forth for a few days and finally I agreed to meet him... A first date... A real date... Honestly, up until the I had never had a real first date... not even a real date... I guess you could say my relationship history and love life was pretty pathetic... Anyhow, we planned to meet close to my neighborhood at the South Park Abbey and Grill. They typically had local live bands and a pretty decent scene.
I arrived on time in my 2007 white BMW 328i (I was quite proud of that car)…. He was late... So late in fact, I went home and came back. When finally, he arrived in his late model black Toyota truck, we went inside and found a table... there really wasn't much chance for privacy or intimacy as It was packed and very loud. B did most of the talking as I tend to be shy, I mostly sat and smiled at what he was saying but I couldn’t hear very well anyhow. We ordered a couple of beers and some hot wings... I do not eat hot wings... they are too hot (go figure)… But being agreeable, I went along with his suggestion. Now these were not just your average hot wings these were like straight from the devil himself EL SCORCHO hot wings... Immediately, I felt my face turn bright red as my taste buds melted... I was in pain...
I was utterly amazed by how non pretentious and “real” B was, he was easy to be around and very laid back. I was off thrown by his petite stature as his Fling.com profile boasted a larger 6 feet height and in person he was maybe 5’9” at best... Surprisingly, this only made him more attractive, it was endearing. Conversation went on as did the evening and eventually it was time to go... He wanted me to go to his house which I refused... I did however, allow a kiss.... And this kiss was my magical fireworks in my head chemistry moment... I am not exaggerating when I say that it floored me, my knees were weak, my heart pitter-pattered and I went down... played it off as clumsiness but I was caught off guard. I was hit by that chemical spark for the first time in my 30+ years there in that parking lot leaning on the door of my car...
Long story short, I blew it with B... I had the chance for something real and I failed. I ended up hurting us both... We will have that occasional, “happy birthday” or “Merry Christmas” text but that is all.... Which is ok because our lives have moved on, it was over 10 years ago... But dang did it hit me. HIT me HARD and I fell... and still he is still the man of my dreams. He is my “one that got away.”
