contemplation
contemplated cutting my hair since these the same locks you ran your fingers through as you left locks on my heart with everything you'd do, but i wont start to give the satisfaction of knowing you possibly had split my mind into fractions without your knowing or even with the knowledge and knowing that it would hurt me if you were trying to ruin everything well congrats it's working for some reason got you off to the thought of my pain that is the base of hatred ;spite could be your middle name but you're the catalyst to showing me i wasn't lame just a normal reaction to that much trauma on anyone's brain and my immense energy scattered all over the plane and now there's no-one else but you to blame but im speaking in a context of your past life but did you ever think this was our second chance from a past life? obviously not by the way you responded as if someone wanted to hurt you or leave your body unresponsive and now that you've become a negative sponsor what i supposed to about even responding so sure i think about you now, but when some years pass and you're drinking wine at night with a clear glass you'll remember me like you remember having math class or maybe like will think about the zepher board or a backpack -covered in army-men. covet-less arguments and how pointless far they went maybe someone who tried  their hardest just to be your friend the many different laughs you shared, and how little the both of you cared conversations of wisdom and how time much you'd spend, and realizing that deceit and lust is what brought it all to end. you put a crack is his faith akin to the crack in old faithful and you wont see his smile when you are getting a face-full but let me spell this out for you so you realize how with time you are still truly wasteful when i came to you, before the lies i put the t-r-u in trust the letter in my name will help the feelings never rust those letters are S-t but i am nowhere a saint the letters from m-e will stay in your memory even if faint no matter how much hate you  keep sending me I. the next letter, will still wish the best for thee but you listened to the snake that slithers, and put the w-i in wither two years spent, that's two L's with no cool jay those were the next two letters by the way. cheers to television memories, always wear my hat like Al that's A-L. he began his rest in peace in So-cal do i have a way with words yet? w-a-y-s? L-O because i was lost offshore though it was tide-less because your lies are venomous V-E such a fool i was for believing you'd never poison me but you. oh y-o-u i used to ask myself why you couldn't be true and one day i realized it was because you had no intentions to. so aside from my letters in the message the amount of letters you'll get from me with only be three and don't get it twisted, i only wanted to see you happy. i was reacting to the poison you put in me. the only reason i ever even spit venom you see. and my words and pictures will be all you see of me. unless somehow things workout differently. but hope it wont take too long, since it's your turn to be where i used to be. but for now it's time for me to grow. i need sun i cant live in your shade. enjoy the memories of your lies and the one winner games that you played. enjoy my little separate little letters, although im sure you'll put them together. spelled out right in front of your face, and realize what you've done- well hey we all make mistakes. but this last separate part hurts even for me to say.
for worse or for better yet hoping for forever i tried to make it all okay. for worse or better yet hoping for forever i spent my days hoping that you'd stay. for worse or for better i put the T-h-e in together i would have stayed till our colors turned gray. but alas, and remember we met in September , and i was to be much more than a friend. but alas my darling, you were the one who put t-h-e beside end.
~GS
