#thatbitchery

Thats what you're looking for. In high school I had a teacher that kept reminding us that life is already hard so you don't need to make it hard. And how do you do this, you stick to base one. To the most simple base you can.

Base 1 has a simple formula thats more paralell than lateral. Problem x Solution run parallel to Root causation x prevention.

Example. You have a problem with your skin- hyperpigmentation. The solution is pretty simple- even skin tone. So that side of the equation is pretty much done. On the other side, parallel to this, you have root and prevention. Whats the root of your hyperpigmentation? Probably scarring, because you keep bursting your pimples. Okay so whats prevention? Don't burst pimples. Maybe get pimple patches. Heal your inflammation whatever way is available.

These two equations are base 1.

Get whatever will cause cell turnover and healing (say, retinol) on side one. And then on side two you have just don't get inflammation and when you do, do NOT burst and consider pimple patches.

Easy. Base 1. Simple. Don't complicate it with 67997757 step skin care steps. What's the problem? okay what's the solution? Okay done. On the other side, what caused this, okay what do you prevent it so you don't run into the same problems forever?

Both beliefs are wrong. First of all, there is no good, no bad, just experience and perspective. People that lost jobs during covid would say Covid was bad. People that gained jobs during covid (influencers, &c) think its the best thing to ever happen. Experience and perspective. IS this good? is this bad? how misled. How do I make this work?

The idea that there's a good thing is making you stay stuck in limbo because you're trying to get the good. But that doesn't exist. Things just happen. RiGhT DeCiSiOn no just decision, and then whatever happens, happens. ladies we talked about this, remember? There's no such thing okay? In six years you look back from a different perspective and the interpretation of the experience is different. From Oh MY GoD I CaNt BeLiEvE I wAs FiReD to thank god I lost that job.

Second. You should've known this by now but just in case its knowledge but not belief- you can NOT control the future pls studying Medicine doesn't mean you'll work in the profession. Could you predict Covid? When you were making plans for 2020 did you say hehe also we will be in Lockdown so let me- NOPE. It just happened. Life just happens. The universe is in fact, a mind of its own. You do NOT have as much control as you'd wish. You could get fired. Become disabled. meet someone new and everything changes. Have an experience that changes everything. The future EVENTS are completely out of your control, regardless of what your manifesting Guru told you.

So then what is life about? Adaptation. If I HaVe No ConTRoL ThEn- yes you do. Over yourself. Which the only one you need but ah I digress.

So making decisions is hard because you're thinking you're some kind of god. And this mindset does have its own place yes but not here. Just decide. Just pick one and stick to it. If it works like you wanted okay. If it doesn't also okay. Just pick one.

How to deal with indecision? Just decide. Just pick one. You have options, yes? Pick one.

Not forever, at some point you will have to start thinking. And the prerequisite to that is knowing who you are. If I said land or Ocean? And you know you are fish you just say ocean you don't have to overthink. But if you don't know what you are you overthink it maybe whole time you are bird. So my message will ALWAYS be know yourself. Learn who you are. Not your ideal not your prime not the best your bla la. just who am I? Everything else will follow. BUT UNTIL YOU GET THERE just pick one.

There's no good or bad decision, just decision. You can not control future events anyway.

If you ask my man he's an anti feminist. Actually abolish feminism. Feminism ruined the world. In action, however, he's more feminist than I am. He thinks relationships should be 70/40 where he takes up 70% of the work and I'll do 30 because being female is hard enough. He thinks bride price should be paid to the bride not her father as back up money in case the wedding doesn't work out she has a backup. He thinks (knows) my money is my money his money is our money. He has more to say about women getting hurt in media and the glorification of female pain than I do. However, if you ask him, feminism is bad. What's important to me is a feminist, not someone that says they're a feminist. That's why he's my man.

When I'm booking an Airbnb / place to stay all I care about is wifi, swimming pool and hot water plus location. All these other things are useless to me. There's sauna there's gym there's bla bla no one cares. No you can't charge me more for things I don't care about. Is there a pool?wifi? Hot water shower? Booked. Charging me extra for shit I won't even use is funny who cares about gym do I look like I work out (I do). So I don't let places overcharge me for bs I don't care about.

3. I don't care about follower count because this is Tumblr I'm not getting paid. If it was Instagram id care. A LOT. Id be kissing up trying to placate everyone making sure I've served everyone's tiny little feelings because I will be getting paid. And I'm a gold digger I do, in fact, only care about money. So if Iog in and I have a new follower okay I guess who cares. If Iog in and I lost fifty okay. What do I care about? Having somewhere to pour my mother energy. That's it.

3. I had a topic I went to therapy for and as soon as I sorted it out I dropped out. No I don't want to spend hours talking about how shitty my daddy was that's past. Also I have a diary and I also studied psychology I'm here for this ONE thing because I can't figure it out. So when my first therapists kept trying to get me to trauma dump instead of dealing with the topic at hand I dropped them until I found my last therapist and made it clear from day one I'm here to talk about this thing. Yes I know my daddy is shitty and that ruined me. It's not something I'm willing to pay 3/4 of my salary for, though, so let's talk about this one thing. And when I felt huh I understand it now? Bye. Thank you.

4. I'm more nutrition focused than taste focused. So if you give me the best tasting thing BUT the nutrition is wack im not touching it. For this reason I almost never eat out because I need to know what you're putting in my plate I will not spend my money to buy cancer and autoimmune diseases etc. So even if you drag me to a seventeen Michelin star I'm getting fruit juice and specifying do NOT add anything squeeze that damn fruit. I don't careeee I want to know what's on my plate. So seven star two star one star negative five stars I'm getting fruit juice and if there's none I'll take salad, get two bites and throw the rest out. I'm too spiritual for that careless shit, my body is my temple.

5. What's important to me is feeling welcome. So if I was to go to four seasons and they made me feel unwelcome I'll just check out same day and go find some Airbnb in the countryside where host would worship me for existing and be there. Roadside cafe small business where they pack my orders with utmost care and write me a note and pin a picture of me on the wall>>> Prada or Hermes or Michelin star.

6. What's important to me in clothes is durability. Second third fourth fifth sixth ninth hand cloth with gold stitching, color still intact and material that's durable , comfortable and environmental friendly. So Chanel / miumiu and their annoying ass polyester aren't touching me I'll buy the 100% cotton from a zero name brand for 20$ that will last me my whole lifetime , not give me micro plastics and not look like chewed cud after every wash.

a) know what's important to you

b) stick to that.

ThiS iS ToO HaRd yeah for you. For YOU. YoU CaN'T no babes YOU cant. I can. I will. I am. Sit back and watch. Just shushhh and watch do you know what I am? This is MY world you're just in it sit down please. BuT WhAt If oh who cares. I'll make it work. I'll make it all work.

My one little life that the good lord gave to me to rejoice and be glad in and be fruitful and multiply in is the one you expect me to live according to your little limited mindsets? If you could just not? Yeah can you not?

a) Learning discipline

Reason most people have it hard learning and being disciplined is most of us associate discipline with pain. I'm African and where I'm from to be 'disciplined' literally means to be beaten up. "Discipline your child" = Beat sense into your child. For most of your childhood discipline involved some level of self abandonment. To be an adult is to relearn what it means to be disciplined. Is to realize discipline is the highest level of self love. Oh But Mother How

Fear Not. I got you.

I call it 'future banking'. I'm doing it for the future versions of me that deserve my love. Making my bed after I wake up so the future version of me has a clean bed to lie in. Saying no to alcohol because future me deserves a healthy liver and complete memory. Studying because future me deserves good grades. So when I look at my clothes on my bed after laundry thinking oh fuck this I can just steam them when I need them I shake my head no because future me deserves a clean bed, an organized room and organized laundry. So fine I'll do it. Why can't I just eat fries ONE TIME literally just ONE TIME? Because that's how habits form. Once you cross one line ONCE you'll keep crossing it. You won't stop. So no not even once. Because I deserve to have my boundaries respected, ESPECIALLY by myself. THIS is discipline.

b) Learning how to study. Now whyyyy would I do this at the bright age of 24, you ask. Because you learned WHAT to read, not how to read and it will trickle. At the base everything is connected. Your ability to sit and study aerodynamics is directly tied to your ability to study how to fix your own car so you don't get charged 6789878947848449$ for premium air from Dubai and be stuck 789789 hours on roadside because your car broke down. Learn how to learn. Because learning is a lifelong practice. Matter of fact learning IS life. As a child you are taught and you are forced to study so you do it for survival, but as an adult the pressure does not exist and you have to do it yourself from sheer free will. And it is adulting to learn how to learn.

How do I learn?

Well, depends on personality. Some people sit for 787 hours and focus. Some people listen when its being taught and just understand. The superiors learn the old way- apprenticeship. This fully depends on you as a person. A fish is a fish a bird is a bird a wolf is a wolf.

Fix your relationship with learning from something you had to do to something you need to do. Learn how to learn.

c) Learning to be in your body

Escapism is the science of survival. If I asked you, right now, what do you feel in your body - you know, the thing you literally live in- you'll have no idea. Unless you're experiencing migraines or cramps or some other large scale thing, you won't know. You won't know you have some tension in your mid back etc etc etce. Because survival requires some level of autopilot. On some level we ALL operate on some level of diassociation.

Adulting is the process of coming back to your body.

Daydreaming, maladaptive or otherwise, chronic scrolling, dissociation, etc etc etc. The science of survival.

To be an adult is to live. And your first home is your body. Unless you die you will never leave it. BuT AsTrAL PrOjEcTiOn bae. baby. My love. listen to me. you will NEVER leave your body, unless you die. As long as you are alive, your actual home is your body. Download. come back home. This is adulting. Come back home. You're not 6 and daddy is screaming at you and you can't physically leave because the consequences are unsurvivable you're 25. Those tactics that safely kept you alive as a child, thank them and come back home. You're 25 now. Come back home.

made a whole account based on this @exnefelibata

d) Fixing your relationship with pleasure

Pleasure is the completion of desire. Pleasure happens when you had a desire then you met it. Pleasure is the marker of sovereignty. Your current relationship with it is probably shame. Because as a child shame is necessary to keep you safe. But you're adulting. Basically, divorce shame.

Kindness comes from a place of humanity, while niceness comes from a place of manipulation. When you are kind you're authentic to yourself, but making the choice to be humane in delivery while when youre nice you're attempting to control the outcome of a situation to fit whatever is safe or dersiable to you.

example. I asked if you can do my share of work for me. You do not want to. If you were kind you'd say "Im not sure i could help you there" and let it at that. If you were nice youd say "Sure I'd love to!"

Both have their place, and its all dependent on consequences. Be nice to people that have more power than you so you don't suffer from ego. Reality beats idealism. In an ideal world you should be able to be kind and thats it. In reality being nice will do you more favors, depending on power and consequences.