#th.jade

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she hadn’t even wanted to go to the stupid party.

it was the middle of midterms, and jade had spent the past few days buried under paper after paper, her living room swallowed by stacks of textbooks and highlighted articles, enough to rival a small library. she had to do well. she was so close to finishing the semester strong, her GPA still clinging to a perfect 4.0. at least, it had been steady until she started dating freddie.

when he was away, she was sharp. disciplined. focused. but when he was home, he became a twenty-four-hour distraction, pulling her attention in every direction and dragging a few of her grades down with it. that alone had her on edge. add in the pressure of exams, and she’d become snappier than usual, quieter, too.so she’d locked herself inside her apartment, canceled everything on her calendar. everything except this one party.

it was some charity gala she’d agreed to weeks ago without bothering to check the date. by the time she realized it fell in the middle of midterms, it was too late to back out without causing tension. she’d spent the entire day toggling between getting ready and editing a paper, mascara wand in one hand, phone in the other. even when they arrived, she was still making last-minute corrections, thumbs flying across her screen, barely speaking.relaxing felt like a performance. she tried, though. smiling for photos. laughing at the right moments. playing the supportive girlfriend while freddie worked the room.

and then he promised the guys they’d hit the after-party.

by midnight she was drained. by two in the morning she was exhausted and trying to manage a drunk boyfriend who could barely string a sentence together. that was when it happened. jade was guiding fred toward the valet when one of the gala attendees approached her. older. well dressed. familiar in a way that made her stomach drop. she didn’t recognize him at first,until he spoke.the scent of whiskey clung to his breath as his hand settled on her side, casual and proprietary. he mentioned their time together a year ago like it was a shared joke. like it was harmless.

it wasn’t surprising. it was something she’d feared from the moment she and they became serious. running into someone who knew what she’d done before. someone who had paid for her. but the reality of it was worse than she’d imagined. standing there, in a room full of people who respected her boyfriend, with her past brushing against her skin, it felt suffocating. it was the final straw. jade leaving fred with his teammates and ordering an uber home.

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“i’m not mad at you i’m just upset at the situation.” jade had been crying on and off all day, and at this point she had no control over anything going on with her body or emotions. she was a week away from her due date and about to be stuck in the house alone. atlanta having been hit with a snowstorm for the first time in a decade had left her mom with a cancelled flight, and fred was scheduled to leave in the morning. games all along the east coast, hundreds of miles from her if something were to go wrong. but nothing is going to go wrong. she says the few words to herself quietly a few times as they stand together in the shower. fred tasked with washing her hair once it got too long and she got too winded easily to do it herself. the prenatal vitamins having done a number, taking her usually shoulder-length curls almost down to her lower back.

“i just hate being stuck here.” her face is swollen, from crying and because it sort of was just permanently like that now. her doctor saying puffiness just meant baby would soon be here. wiping at the tears, she dips her head under the water and lets out a loud breath. “stop looking at me.” she can feel his eyes even though her own are closed. he had been staring at her all day, trying to make her feel better, but it wasn’t working. she was content being moody and sad.

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“what are you doing here?”

hiccuping mid–sentence, jade grins up at fred, clutching a bottle of azul reposado like it’s the most treasured heirloom in existence. she’s lost her shoes somewhere along the way, though her purse is still hanging from her arm. she thinks. the girls had taken her out to celebrate her first successful month at the new job. officially the assistant coordinator of philanthropy and community Impact at the ufc. it’s a long title that basically means she spends her days ushering oversized fighters from charity events to corporate fundraisers.

honestly, it’s perfect. somehow it blends her need to put something good into the world with her natural charisma. the only downside is the schedule. from day one they made it clear she’d be traveling anywhere a major fight is held outside of vegas. and for the fights in the city she was expected to attend and host local charity events tied to the promotion. what used to be a relaxed, flexible routine has turned into a chaotic whirlwind, and the adjustment hasn’t exactly been easy. her and fred’s schedules have turned into this complicated little dance just to see each other. gregory isn't particularly happy either but they all seem to be finding a rhythm, but she hadn't seen her girls in weeks. so with her first weekend off she may have gone a little overboard.

“how did you find me?” narrowing her eyes suspiciously before stumbling slightly she somehow keeps tripping over her own feet. they’d spent the entire day hopping from one rooftop party to another. this one being stop number four. finally. you gotta take her home, she’s drunk out her damn mind. here are her shoes and her phone.

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“you sure you still wanna go? you look tired.” securing the strap of her halter top, jade glanced at fred through the mirror. his body was sprawled across the hotel bed like he’d just come out the other side of a war. she’d been in miami for work and they hadn’t seen each other in almost two weeks. fred had made the executive decision to catch a red-eye after his last game just to spend the weekend with her. now her charity events were done, leaving nothing but their suite and the fight the next night.

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she’s so close, eyes squeezed shut as her hips lift off of fred’s lap to meet his fingers, the tiny skirt she wore to the game pushed up around her waist. his hand is in her panties as they sit together on the couch, her body balanced in the center of his lap. "i wanna feel you, baby, please,” panting jade feels a bit frantic, breath hitching as his lips brush against her cheek, catching the corner of her mouth. then everything slows. not stopping all at once, but enough that she feels it. feels the change, hesitation from fred. jade’s eyes open, her fingers loosening where they’re tangled in fred’s hair as she turns her head to look at him. the same expression is there again. the one she’s seen every time they have tried to be together since she came home from the hospital. a few weeks since and she'd been given the clear to resume regulary activity. all regular activity.

“babe…” there’s tension in her voice, part frustration, part the ache of being wound too tight with nowhere to put it. she shifts, already knowing the moment has slipped away, and slides off his lap to give him space. “are you okay?” jade asks, even though she already knows. she can see it in the way fred's eyes avoid hers. she smooths her skirt back down, still a little out of breath, her tone softening despite everything. “talk to me… what’s going on in that head of yours? are you scared you’re gonna hurt me? or the baby?” there’s a pause, and then she softens further, sympathy slipping into her voice as she leans back in, closing some of the space she had just created.

“we are okay. better than okay,” she murmurs, more certain now. “i’m okay.” she emphasizes it gently, like she needs him to really hear it. they’re into the second trimester now. three and a half months, sixteen weeks. there’s a soft roundness to her belly, something she can still hide under baggier shirts like the one she wore tonight. their families know, a small circle beyond that, but mostly it’s still just theirs. the “golden era,” the “honeymoon phase”. all the parenting sites call it that. the nausea is gone. sweet pea is the size of an avocado now, with tiny features jade and fred had both leaned in too close to study during the last sonogram. she’s started to feel the faintest flutters too, little movements that still make her breath catch every time.

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“you are such a pervert. missed you.” jade mumbles softly against fred's cheek. smiling as her nose brushes along his. they’re tangled together in their bed. the space finally quiet except for the steady rhythm of their breathing. something that hasn’t happened since they brought meadow home.

the afternoon sun slips through the half-drawn curtains, warm and slow. it’s been four, almost five months, and they’ve both been running on empty. sex had sounded good in theory, but reality never quite lined up. with him gone every other week, jade spent most nights fred was home catching up on sleep. trying to settle back into some version of routine, and juggling wedding plans that kept creeping closer.

she had tried, though. when the doctor gave the okay, she’d even bought a soft baby pink lingerie set. something light, pretty. but when the night came, and meadow was supposed to stay with amari, they spent the entire dinner worrying. checking their phones. talking about her. until eventually they gave in. picked her up, and called it an early night.

this. this was different. unplanned. fred’s family in town, offering to take meadow to the zoo and give them a few hours to breathe. they’d used most of that time to sleep, bodies heavy with it. but jade woke first, turning into him, pressing close. her mouth found his neck, his chest, soft kisses coaxing him awake. it had been slow. easy. full of quiet laughter and lingering touches. nothing rushed, nothing forced. just them. no two-hundred-dollar lingerie needed.

jade doesn’t remember how she ended up on the floor. her eyes feel heavy, unfocused, struggling to land on fred hovering above her. everything is hazy, like her body is lagging behind her thoughts. she’d been in the shower when she first saw it. blood. it had trailed down her thigh bright red at first, startling before the water caught it, turning it into something softer, diluted, pink as it spiraled toward the drain. she hadn’t wanted to panic. told herself she just needed to step out, get out from under the water, think clearly. call fred first. then maybe drive herself to the hospital. she knew she was still in that window. the first trimester, where things could go wrong. where her doctor had warned her not to tell too many people, just in case.

just in case.