#texttuesdays

               It was a rainy Saturday afternoon. I was walking home, with an umbrella at hand. When a figure flashed by me in the busy crowd of students, I was surprised.  I saw a girl running away from the gates of the school, and on my feet I saw a wallet; I tried to get her attention. But I was not heard. I had no choice, I have to return it. I followed her, trying to keep up with her pace in the crowded sidewalk.

               Following her led me to a nearby park, where I saw her sitting down on a bench in the rain, and I began to walk to her-- Oh! I forgot to check the I.D. to see if the wallet is hers, I opened the wallet and I saw that the picture in the wallet did not match the girl in front of me. I turned around and tried to walk away.  But before I took a step further I heard the girl whimper.  I walked closer and noticed the girl was crying

I put the umbrella over her head; she looked up revealing a pair of crying eyes “Are you okay?” She looked down again to the ground. “Leave me alone…” her voice was shaky, she was obviously depressed. I sat by the bench still holding the umbrella over both our heads. She moved her head slightly; stunned by the sadness on her face, I could see that she was in pain, I know the look too well, it was the look of a broken heart. “Does it hurt?” I broke the ice asking, “What?” she said slowly raising her head, “I asked if it hurts”. She stared at me with confused eyes she nodded

“But how did you know?” she continued her sentence with teary eyes staring into mine, I looked up into the gray sky “Because… I’ve been in your shoes before…” I said, while the memories of pain flowed back into me. Soon, I was lost in thought.  

               “Hey! Wake up!” my flashback ended with me being shook literally. “I was asking you a question and you just froze, I didn’t know what to do” she said. “I’m fine now” I said. “You said you were in the same situation as I am now, that you have been hurt by the one you thought loved you back?” she whispered “Yes I was” I replied. “So how did you forget the pain? How did you move on?” I looked at her eyes. I could see, amidst the tears, that she was hoping for an answer that would make you feel better.  “You know, no one can really forget pain, the scars from your wounds will always be there,” I said as calmly as I could she looked at me with utter confusion “What are you saying? Is that supposed to make me feel better?” She interrupted me. “But the scars remind us of the lessons that we learned from these failures…”  

I remember it as clear as day. One rainy afternoon, my heart was brutally torn apart by the same person whom I thought had the ability of fortifying it with love.  I was dumped, and left out to wallow in self-pity, regret and the puddles made by the heavy downpour. I wanted to die. I thought I had no more purpose in this world. And then as if the skies heard my plea, a car slipped on the road and knocked over the lamppost on the catwalk, crushed me before I could react. People gathered around and called for help, the thought of dying went through me, and I closed my eyes hoping death would take me.

Unfortunately, I woke up in a hospital room, and the doctor greeted me, I was disappointed. After sulking, the doctors then led me to a room, when I asked why; they said it was for some kind of test, since I was in a coma for quite some time. They said that my heart and limbs are now all bionic. I was at loss of words; it was a miracle for me to be alive.

I gazed at my limbs, arms and feet, I was amazed that they felt, scarily natural to me.

I am a new person now and I could live in whatever way I want, away from my old life. After two weeks I was given permission to leave the facility.

I had changed my identity and even switched residence and schools. My new life was a smooth as flying a kite at the seashore. It was lovely.  It was the life any teenage girl could dream of, it was normal.

Time flew fast. A young boy bumped me while walking down the halls. When I looked at him; I saw the face that crushed my emotions half a year ago. It was him.

“Hey, watch where you’re going.” He said as he looked at me with piercing eyes. And he walked away.  

I was stunned. I surprised myself, because never did once, thought of him in the past months. I thought it was all in the past and I have moved on. My bionic heart had just ignited the desire for revenge. I glanced at him, weaved through the crowd, my line of sight set on him. When my hand grabbed his shoulder, he turned around only for my fist to land square on his face.

“I really need to get used to this…” I whispered to myself staring at my hands

Shocked, he looked up at me, and stared. I can’t help but smile, he looked so helpless. Like me, several months ago; when he left me cold in the rain. He croaked my name. I crouched down so that I could see him closely.

“This is just the beginning,” I whispered, I and whispered his name, just like the way I called him when we were still together. I held his hand, and squeezed a little harder than I’m supposed to.

It's that wonderful time of year where the snow is gone (or almost gone) and Summer is just around the corner.  The sun has started to make its appearance earlier in the morning and it sticks around longer too and on top of that it's rays are so gloriously warm!

It is the perfect time of year to get outside for some much needed fresh air and sunshine, don't put off getting outside until Summer has arrived, get out there NOW.

I recently read several articles about green space, parks and nature and how spending time in those places greatly reduces stress levels.  If the sunshine itself wasn't motivation enough, spending time out in open, green spaces can cut your stress levels significantly (I feel like the articles quoted somewhere between a 10% and 30% reduction in those pesky stress causing hormones).

Who would turn down easy and free 'therapy' that reduces the toll of stress on their body and health? Not me! I'll be making sure to get as much time out of doors as I can now that the weather is warmer.  I've already completed a few outdoor projects around the house and I'm making it a priority to unplug from my technologies after work and spend more time outside.

I might go for a bike ride, or take the dog for an extra walk (win-win for both of us with that).  If I'm a little tired I might just pull out the lounge chair in the yard and sit out and read in the sun (sure, I may need a blanket if it's still a bit chilly, but that's as easy as grabbing one on the way out the door into the yard).  Maybe you like to garden, or jog, or take photos - whatever you're into, if you can do it outside go and do it outside.

Summer is coming, and with it are happier people, the Winter grumps are melting away.  If you haven't noticed the increase in smiles around you, take another look.  Just a little more evidence that spending time out doors reduces stress and increases happiness and well being.

In an economy where unemployment is up (especially for younger workers), the populations debt in increasing and interest rates have been stagnating at low levels for years I know I have it pretty good.  I have a job, my only debt is an affordable mortgage on an affordable house, and although interest rates are putting a damper on the growth of my savings, I do actually have some savings.

Still, I've been reflecting recently about my job, and about how much I used to really hate it.  Have you ever been in a job that you should love but some part of it is dragging you down?  I had a job in a lab working within the field I studied at school, it was interesting, and mostly enjoyable, until I started to constantly butt heads with my supervisor.  We just did not have personalities or work styles that would ever mesh together, and it started making every day a struggle.  I was miserable, it was a chore to wake up in the morning and have to go there.  I wanted to quit so often that it seemed a part of my daily routine was talking myself out of actually quitting because it wasn't financially responsible. Yet any time I would try to talk about it with people I seemed to always get the same type of response, and it went something along the lines of:

"Well, at least you have a job." 

Seriously? I think those have become some of my most hated words over the past few years.  Yes, I had a job, I was aware of that - but it was making me miserable!  I kept wondering, 'why on Earth do my friends and family want me to be miserable?'  I'd had several jobs before starting to work for the Government, and I had enjoyed them all, even when there was a personality I didn't jibe with all that well.  I am actually quite thankful for the fact that I had those jobs, with supervisors and bosses that were thrilled by my successes, encouraging of my growth, and supportive of the risks I would take, even if they occasionally didn't pay off.  That exposure helped me to be able to recognize some of what was making me so unhappy in my job.  They also served to show me that good bosses do exist, and that your supervisors really should be on your side, and should have a vested interest in your success - because your success becomes their success. (*If you've never had a boss that made you feel empowered in your work, they do exist, and I encourage you to do what you can to find one to work for - it can make all the difference in the world)

Armed with the knowledge that being miserable at work is not the status quo (and if it is then our country is failing) and knowing that I can flourish in an environment where I am not beaten down daily by personality differences and unrealistic expectations, I decided it was time for me to take a stand on my own behalf.

It was time for me to make my job work for me.

I started to take steps toward changing my work so that I wouldn't have to be miserable every day.  I did all those things you should do before actually leaving a job.  I spoke to the Ombudsmen's office about the issues to get their advice, I spoke with the Employee Assistance Program, EAP, (a network of psychologists that Government employees have access to free of charge 24/7).  I met with them, and discussed the issues and the options in front of me.  It was very helpful, and I recommend that people use these services more often.  They will discuss ANY issue, and why would you turn down free help?  Especially unbiased free help.

I decided that I wouldn't quit. It really wouldn't have made financial sense for me to quit (at least not until I had another job lined up) and I didn't hate working for the Government, I just wasn't happy in that particular job.

About a year before I became really unhappy in my old job I had joined a committee.  I joined because I wanted to be exposed to more people, more ideas, and to be involved in more than just my day to day laboratory work.  I enjoyed the break and the chance to contribute to a better work environment through the committee.

Looking back, that was my first step towards making my job work for me.

In order to not be miserable at work I realized that I needed to get out of my lab.  I set up a meeting with my manager (my supervisor's boss) and explained that I was unhappy, that my supervisor and I were not on the same page, and that despite having used the resources at my disposal (the ombudsman and EAP) I couldn't seem to make any progress towards ameliorating my daily work experience.  I asked if there was anything that she could do to help me, were there any other labs where I could be moved to?

After a few meetings, providing her with my resume, and telling her that I would happily do just about anything if it was in another environment, away from the daily struggles with my current supervisor, she told me the best news I'd heard in years:  "I think I have a job for you."

I was moved to work for another lab under her management.  I got to meet a lot more people (the lab was much larger than the one I came from) and the environment was more upbeat.  After a few months I found a groove, I met some other employees with similar interests and the cloud that had been hanging over me started to lift.

I had a new energy in my daily work, it wasn't such a chore any more, and it felt great!

I started to think about other ways my job could work for me.  I started taking steps to manage my time more efficiently which allowed me to work on a few larger projects being done by the committee I was on. The projects allowed me to gain new skills, new knowledge and gave me exposure to more people.  I did presentations for Management committees giving me exposure to the Director General (my managers' boss' boss).

From there I volunteered to help out with the yearly Charity campaign, where I met even more people, and added a few more skills to my resume.

Managing my time was allowing me opportunities to grow my skills, learn new ones and improve the workplace around me all in a days work. (Ok, so I sometimes had to bring the work home, but it's not a chore most of the time because it was for projects I believed in)

My new skills and confidence allowed me to join a new project team recently - again it's a volunteer type thing but I can work on the projects during work hours as long as I meet all my deadlines.  It has been amazing so far.  I have met even more people from all sorts of job backgrounds across the Government.  I had my first opportunity to facilitate at an event, we even hosted an event that the Deputy Minister attended - never did I imagine that I, a lowly lab technician, would ever host an event that the Deputy Minister insisted on attending. Wow!

Now I have days where I leave work completely exhausted, in a good way.  I had a lot of things to update when I did my resume review this year, and it felt great to realize just how many skills I was able to add.  I may have been miserable in my job a few years ago, and I won't lie, there are still a few days here and there where I'd like to just stay in bed and not go to the office, but they are few and far between - and actually more often than not it's just because my day is too busy and I feel too tired to do the running around it will involve.

Yes, having a job means you get paid to work for someone, but the best decision I ever made was to look around and find the ways that my job could work for me.  I may not get paid more to be a part of the committees and project teams I volunteer my time to, but money is just one form of payment; those teams provide me with a different kind of reimbursement.  I get paid in experience, opportunities, and in connections.  When the day comes that I need (or want) another job I now have a multitude of skills I never would have obtained by solely being a lab technician.  I have experiences to speak to that back up those skills, and best of all I have connections to people.  People who have helped me grow, have seen what I can do and who might just be able to help me find my next job.