#texting!

In his arms, in the blanket, Sander shivered violently, his eyes drooping closed and his lips a deep shade of purple. “Sander, come on, Sander, you have to stay awake,” Robbe spoke, sounding desperate. Sander’s eyes blinked open, staring up at him, barely, but nodded his head all the same. “Just stay awake for me, please, I’m calling an ambulance. Just stay awake.” 

He dialed 100*.

The ambulance arrived within minutes, but Sander’s shivering hadn’t gone down much, even with the clothes over him. the paramedics practically had to pull Sander from Robbe’s arms to assess him. As one paramedic went to fetch something from the ambulance, the other looked at Robbe, reaching out to grab his shoulder and trying to assure him, “He’s going to be okay. He’s going to be okay, I promise.”

Robbe nodded his head, not realizing that he himself had been shaking, both from the cold but also from being scared, being terrified of what might happen to Sander. In fact, now that he thought about it, he wasn’t even for sure how long he had been riding. As the paramedics moved Sander to wrap him up in a blanket designed to heat him up and keep it trapped in, Robbe glanced at his phone. 

It was after midnight. 

When had he called Amber? 

When did he leave the apartment?

“Robbe!” 

Amber and Aaron came running around the corner. Both of them were still dressed in sweats and oversized jackets, both of which seemed to be Aaron’s. There was a beanie over Aaron’s head, pulled over his ears, and Amber had a panicked look on her face. The girl paused briefly at Robbe, looking him over and he weakly gave her a nod, before she moved towards Sander and the paramedics. Aaron halted beside him before taking off his own jacket.

“Aaron,” Robbe spoke. 

“Shut up, Robbe, you’re shivering,” Aaron spoke, throwing the jacket on his shoulders a little harshly. 

The paramedic walked over to him, handing Robbe his brown jacket. Amber was hovering over Sander and talking with the other paramedic. Robbe clutched the brown jacket. “Is he going to be okay?” Robbe questioned. Aaron straightened up, waiting for the news as well.

“He will be,” the paramedic replied, nodding his head with a sympathetic look over his face. “He’s still cold to the touch, but he’s starting to come to a little more. We’re still going to take him to the hospital so he can receive a proper look over.”

“Which hospital?” Aaron spoke up.

Whatever the answer had been, Robbe didn’t hear because the other paramedic and Amber were helping Sander onto the stretcher. There was a little bit of flush to his cheeks, his hands were wrapped up fully in the cacoon that he had been wrapped up in, and he was still shivering, but it wasn’t as violent as it had been before. Robbe watched as Sander leaned back, closing his eyes, and the paramedic spoke to him. The paramedic with Sander yelled for the one by them, who moved back to the ambulance to load Sander inside. 

Amber moved back towards them before stepping towards the ambulance. The paramedic was watching her and Amber said something. The paramedic hadn’t been the one to respond to her, so it must’ve been Sander, but whatever he said caused Amber to glance at him and Aaron. There was a brief moment of silent communication that passed between her and Aaron, who patted Robbe’s shoulder. 

“Lock up your bike,” Aaron spoke up. “We’ll follow them.”

Robbe nodded his head, moving to lock his bike to the nearest bike rack. The remaining paramedic closed the door with a resounding slam and Aaron guided Robbe towards his car. The two of them climbed in and Aaron sped off. 

Robbe’s phone buzzed. 

Amber. 

I’m sorry. You should’ve been the one in here with him.

Amber, it’s okay. You’re his cousin.

I know. 

But I know you wanted to be in here too.

Robbe couldn’t argue with that one, and she knew it, so he didn’t respond to her comment. 

Is he okay?

He’s okay. 

He’s afraid.

Of what?

There wasn’t a response for a bit. 

Then,

I don’t know.

…

Robbe shouldn’t have been surprised, but he was surprised to see that the parking lot was mostly empty. The handful of cars were few and far between. Aaron had crookedly pulled into a parking space near the front of the hospital beside a maroon four-door bar and beneath a light post. Robbe climbed out of the car, gripping tightly to his brown jacket, and headed into the hospital with Aaron right behind him. There were only a handful of people there and Amber was not one of them. 

Robbe sunk down in one of the chairs and Aaron joined him, patting his shoulder. Both their phones went off and Robbe checked. It was the group chat.

Jens: I’m sorry, I just woke up. Did you guys find him?!

Aaron: Yeah, Robbe found him. We’re at the hospital now.

Moyo: Any news?

Noor: Robbe, are you okay?

Robbe: I’m fine.

He wasn’t and Aaron knew it.

Aaron: He’s worried. We just got to the hospital.

Aaron: Amber rode in the ambulance. I think she’s back with him now. 

Moyo: Text us the address.

Jens: We’ll be there soon.

Moyo: We’ll come to pick you up.

Jens: Okay. See you soon.

Robbe silenced his phone, shoving it in his pocket. Aaron sent him a glance as Robbe sat forward, clutching tightly at the brown jacket in his hands. As they waited for Amber, or for the rest of the Broerrrs to show up in the hospital, Robbe couldn’t get the image of Sander, shivering and helpless out of his mind. He saw it every time he blinked, all-consuming and almost suffocating. He looked so lost and confused, such a vast difference from how he looked hours ago.

Robbe felt like an idiot. He felt like if he could’ve been fully awake, he might’ve been able to convince Sander to put on some clothes, or recognize that he wasn’t wearing anything sooner, gotten to him before he left the lobby, before he got so far. But, at the same time, that Robbe knew how his mother had gotten when she put her mind to something. He couldn’t remember how many times he had followed his mother around the city aimlessly to make sure that she didn’t hurt herself. He couldn’t have done anything, but he wished that he could’ve tried. 

“He’s okay,” Amber spoke. 

Robbe glanced up, finding her there. The blanket that Robbe had brought from Sander’s place was clutched in her hands. There was a worried look on her face as she sat down in the seat that Aaron was sitting in. He glanced around. Aaron was by the vending machines now. Likely, he had seen Amber and gotten up to meet her. Robbe had been too lost in his own thoughts. “Is he?” he questioned, his voice cracking. 

Amber nodded her head. “He’s in the best place that he can be right now,” Amber replied. 

Robbe nodded his head. “What happened?” 

“The doctor thinks that he was in a manic episode,” Amber replied. “It’s…” she trailed off when Robbe nodded his head. Since they moved in together, Moyo and Robbe talked extensively about their mothers on an almost regular basis. Robbe had found out in high school that Moyo’s mother was bipolar, but he didn’t know what that meant truly until they moved in together. He knew what a manic episode was and Amber seemed to understand that. “There’s nothing you could’ve done, Robbe.”

“I know,” he replied, turning towards Amber. The girl had her blonde hair pulled up in a ponytail and her eyes were staring at him, worried. “I’m just… I’m really worried about him. If he’s okay.” 

“He still seemed out of it,” Amber admitted, pulling the blanket against her lap and fiddled with the loose strands nervously. “I don’t think he was fully aware of what was going on when you found him. He knows that he’s in a hospital because he was talking about it being too bright and getting his meds in order. But, he kept talking about how he left the front door open and that he was worried you were going to get hurt because he had done so.” 

Robbe pulled out Sander’s keys from his pocket, fiddling with the David Bowie keychain on them. “I had locked the door behind me when I chased after him.” 

Amber nodded her head. “Yeah… when Sander’s mother and sister first got here, I told them that you were the one that found him and went after him,” she informed him. Robbe nodded his head, running his hand through his hair and leaning forward. “Robbe-” she stopped suddenly.  

Robbe glanced at Amber, only to see her looking over his shoulder. Curious, Robbe turned around to see what he was looking at only to find a blonde-haired seething woman, Britt, who was standing in the doorway from the parking lot. Robbe noticed Aaron was moving from the vending machines towards them and Amber moved out of her chair. Robbe started to stand up, but he was quickly knocked off balance by Britt’s sudden and rough push. 

“You did this!” she snapped, shoving him again. 

“What are you talking about?” Robbe questioned, backing up further and dodging Britt’s shoves. Aaron ran over, grabbing her and pulling her away from him. 

“You did this!” Britt spat. 

“Robbe didn’t do anything!” Amber shouted, stepping between Britt and Robbe. The nurses moved from the nurses’ station towards them, to tell them to keep it down, and Amber quickly lowered her voice as she hissed out, “How the hell are you even here? You aren’t even Sander’s girlfriend anymore and I didn’t even call you!” 

“Camille did,” Britt replied, her eyes glaring daggers at Robbe over Amber’s shoulders. “She called me to see if Sander had been with me and caught me up on everything.”

“Well, that was her mistake,” Amber replied. 

Britt rolled her eyes. “Just admit that you never liked me and get on with it,” Britt replied, crossing her arms across her chest. Amber didn’t refute her statement. “That doesn’t mean that I’m not right. Robbe did all of this. He’s the entire reason that Sander went into another manic episode.” 

Britt turned towards Robbe, who was hovering over Amber’s shoulder. The door opened somewhere, but Robbe didn’t look around, not that he had much of a choice as Britt pushed past Amber to stare Robbe directly in the eye.

“He’s ill. He’s bipolar. He’s not in love with you. You’re just the next fantasy that he gets caught up with and his next obsession that he follows until he gets out of his manic episode,” she spoke with certainty. Robbe sucked in a breath. 

Despite the fact that he was trying to remain stoic and unmoved by Britt’s words, the thought twisted at his stomach and nearly suffocated him. Trying to control his emotions, Robbe shakily exhaled, whispering, “I don’t believe you,” because there were lots of reasons to not believe her. Sander’s outburst was only one of them. Robbe knew that Britt’s words were meant to twist, to sting, and she knew all the right pressure points to press. They had known each other long enough that Britt knew how to string at his insecurities, which had never gone away. 

Britt frowned, a knowing look on her face. “You’ll see when his manic episode ends and he breaks up with you just like he has everyone else.” 

But, she was cut off before she could even begin. 

“That’s bullshit,” someone’s voice snapped. 

The three of them turned around, finally spotting who had come into the hospital waiting room. 

Moyo stood behind them, a look of pure anger crossing his face. Alongside Lucas, Jens, and Noor, Moyo was dressed in sweatpants and a hoodie. Noor was clinging to his arm, trying to silently soothe his anger, but Robbe could tell that she was also pissed. Jens and Lucas hovered behind the two of them, standing beside Aaron, with worried expressions on their faces as they were ready to intervene if needed. But, Robbe saw the look on Jens’ face. He was as pissed as Moyo was, glaring at Britt as though he could possibly will her to explode on the spot. 

“Not everything someone does is because of their disorder or because of an episode.”

Britt rolled her eyes. “One time he was manic, he memorized all the lyrics of every one of David Bowie’s songs.” 

“When was this?” Moyo questioned, staring at her with squinted eyes. 

Britt shrugged, “A couple of years ago. Does it matter?” 

“Just because something is enhanced by the mania doesn’t mean that his feelings aren’t real,” Moyo replied, crossing his arms over his chest. “Sure, one time during a manic episode he memorized all the lyrics of Bowie’s songs, but his love for David Bowie still remained, yeah?” Britt glared at him. “Also, while we’re at it, just because he memorized all the lyrics doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s manic.” 

Moyo turned towards Robbe. 

“You know that you didn’t cause his manic episode right?”

Robbe nodded his head. 

“What’s going on here?” a foreign voice spoke. The group of them turned to find an older woman. Like the rest of them (save Robbe, who had pulled on his jeans in his flight from Sander’s apartment), she was in pajama pants and a sweater. Her brown hair was tied up in a messy bun on the nape of her neck, two stud earrings in her ears. She was frowning, glancing at all of them, but it intensified as her gaze settled down on Britt. “As far as I am aware, Britt, Camille calling you was a mistake. She’s been away with friends for the past two months and she wasn’t aware that you and Sander aren’t together.”

“I was just worried about-”

“Save it,” the woman spoke, holding up a hand. She seemed annoyed and frustrated. Robbe wondered how long she had been listening in on the conversation. “Sander has already informed me that the two of you are not together anymore so you have no reason to be here.” 

Britt moved to speak.

“And, frankly,” the woman added, cutting her off, “I don’t want you anywhere near my son ever again if that’s how you speak about him when he is not around. I’ve already had enough experience with someone hurting my children and I am not about to sit through it again. Please leave. Now. Before I decide to call security.” As a final gesture, the woman ushered to the door behind them, the door that led back out to the parking lot. 

Britt stood there, her mouth opening and closing like she couldn’t figure out what to say, before she closed her mouth completely and moved out of the hospital.

Noor let out a sigh and shook her head, “Guess we’re never having dinner again.”

“Probably a good thing,” Moyo remarked. Noor had a look on her face that seemed like she agreed. “The last one was pretty awkward with Britt insisting that Sander was her boyfriend for the entire time and them eventually blowing up at each other outside.”

The woman let out a sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose. 

Amber looked apologetic. “I’m sorry, Aunt Katrijn,” Amber spoke up, rubbing her shoulder. The woman reached up to pat Amber’s hand. “She showed up and starting blaming Robbe for everything and things just sort of exploded.”

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” Katrijn Driesen spoke to Amber. The woman moved towards Moyo, extending out a hand which he took cautiously. “Thank you so much for saying those things,” the woman spoke. “You must be one of Aaron’s friends, right?” 

Moyo nodded his head. “Yeah, and Robbe’s too,” he replied. “It’s no problem at all. My mother is bipolar as well and I couldn’t let her keep saying those things.” He dropped the woman’s hand and nodded towards Robbe, who was still partially obscured behind Amber. “We’ll wait for you outside, okay?” Robbe nodded his head and the boys, and Noor, filed outside. At Katrijn’s glance, Aaron went as well.

Once the group of them were gone, Katrijn turned towards Robbe and Amber, who were the only two remaining. Robbe stepped forward, glancing nervously towards Amber. It wasn’t how Robbe wanted to meet Sander’s mother, but it would, unfortunately, have to do. “How’s Sander?” he questioned. “Is he okay?” 

The woman stared at him, she had the same green eyes as Sander, before she nodded. “He’s still getting warmed up but he’s going to be okay,” the mother replied. Robbe nodded his head, smiling. He was going to be okay. Robbe was trying to work up the courage to ask if he could see him, but Katrijn Driesen seemed to be especially good at reading his mind, “But, he doesn’t want visitors at the moment. Camille is saying goodbye to him now.”

“I’m sorry,” Robbe spoke suddenly, his voice breaking. He felt especially cold at that moment, his body chill beneath the warmth of his own clothes. Amber turned towards him and Katrijn took a step closer. He took a deep breath to steady his breathing. “I should’ve realized sooner,” Robbe stated, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I should’ve been there sooner, but all I had was a bike.”

For a moment, the only thing that Katrijn Driesen did was stare at him and Robbe worried that he had upset her even more. It was his one chance to make a first impression on the mother of the guy that he liked and he might’ve just potentially screwed it up. But, then she stepped forward, reaching out to pat his shoulder. “It’s not your fault,” she replied. “You were there for him, Robbe. You realized that something was wrong and chased after him with a blanket and called the paramedics to help him. Thank you for that.”

Robbe nodded his head, pulling out the David Bowie keys again and handing them to her. The woman took them in her hands and nodded, softly. “I locked up the apartment as I left,” he informed her. “My backpack is still there, but I don’t need it until Monday. All my homework is done.” 

Katrijn smiled. 

“What?” he questioned.

“Nothing,” the woman replied. “But, you’re exactly like Sander described. And, he does know that someone was there. I don’t think he realizes it was you, but he did know that someone was there holding him and trying to get him warm.”

Robbe smiled, pushing his hands back into his pockets. 

“What’s going to happen to him now?” Amber questioned, clutching the blanket closer against her chest. She looked scared and afraid and worried all at once. “Are they going to keep him overnight?”

Katrijn nodded her head. “Yes, he’ll be staying overnight then be transferred in the morning. Sander has decided to commit himself to an institution,” the woman spoke. Robbe let out a sigh, his shoulders slumping and his head dropping as he ran his fingers forcefully though his hair. As he glanced up at her, he noticed that she was saddened by the news as well. “His doctor is hoping that he’ll only have to be in there a week, but it could easily be longer.”

Robbe nodded his head and he spotted Amber mimicking the same motion. 

“Go home, you two,” Katrijn spoke. “It’s late and I promise to give Amber all the updates that she can forward to you, Robbe.” Robbe nodded his head, reaching out to take the blanket from Amber. The girl sent him a confused glance, but it went away when Robbe held it to his chest and hugged it tightly. “I’ll try to get your backpack to you by Monday, Robbe.”

Robbe nodded his head again. “Thank you, Mrs. Driesen.”

“Please,” Katrijn spoke. “Katrijn is just fine.”

“Katrijn,” he replied. He opened his mouth but closed it soon afterward to swallow the sorry forming in his throat. So, instead, he settled on “Goodnight” as Amber hugged her aunt. Then, the two of them walked out of the hospital to meet with their friends, who were waiting anxiously for the news. 

…

earthlingoddity started a live broadcast

The notification caused Robbe’s heart to jump sporadically in his chest. 

Robbe didn’t care that he was with his study group for his science class, didn’t care that there was a quiz coming up in a week, because all he could think about was opening the notification. He jumped out of his chair, grabbing his phone, and moved out of the room. His study group from the class, including Yasmina, watched him curiously and worriedly. He had been deadly silent for the past two hours, but he was thankful that his old biology partner quickly turned the group’s attention back to the subject at hand. 

Robbe moved outside, sitting down on the bench outside the library and opened the notification.

He let out a breath of relief, seeing Sander on the screen. 

It was obvious that he was still weak, but Robbe recognized his headboard, the dark blue sheets of his bed, and the sight of the opened duffle bag beside him. He was in his apartment, he had been released from the hospital, and Robbe knew this of course. Amber had texted him that Sander was going to be released, to go home and pack some things, before heading to the institution that he was going to check in with. But, Robbe smiled at the sight of him. He had been worried about Sander so seeing him smiling and grinning (even though his mind knew it was half-hearted, not even like the ones before the two of them had kissed) was a welcome relief to Robbe’s worried mind. 

“Okay,” Sander spoke, his voice coming through the speakers of his wireless headphones. He had been talking to the people in the chat, scrolling through the messages as he talked, waiting for something. “It’s been a couple of minutes, so I think that everyone’s here. Um, I just wanted to let everyone know that I’m going on a trip with my family for about a week, maybe two. So, my mom has strictly told my sister and me no phones or technology so don’t expect any updates from me.”

The chat was swarmed with messages and Sander’s eyes darted across everyone. 

“Yeah, it’s one of those surprise family trips that she likes to plan,” Sander replied, a slight grin forming on his face. Robbe studied the smile closely, pondering if he should say something in the chat. Anything to make his smile grow wider. This smile was weaker than all the others and, as if realizing it, Sander swallowed. “So, yeah, don’t get too worried about me over the next couple of weeks since I won’t be posting as often. Now, I have to get back to packing. Just wanted to make sure that you guys knew before I completely disappear off the grid.” 

The chat swarmed with hearts, messages, and David Bowie lyrics as Sander said goodbye to every name that he could see. Robbe thought about sending a message, but the broadcast ended before he could. So, instead, he swiped open his messages, finding Sander’s name, and sending him a direct message. 

Saw your live. 

How are you feeling?

When Robbe checked his phone, hours later, he still hadn’t replied, but Robbe wasn’t too surprised. His mother didn’t get her phone back until three days after she had been admitted, finally calling him on the night that he and Noor had gone to the warehouse, the night that Sander had seen him for the first time and Robbe had been blissfully unaware that under the hood and the black mask held everything that he had been searching for and more. 

…

Casa of Milan, Robbe, and Zoënne

DINSDAG 14:34

Zoë: Robbe, is it true? 

Zoë: About Sander?

Milan: What about Sander? 

Senne: Did something happen?

Robbe: He checked himself into a mental institution

Robbe: Same one as my mom. According to Amber.

Senne: What happened?

Zoë: He had a manic episode and voluntarily checked in.

Zoë: From what I got from Amber.

Milan: Then why did you ask?

Zoë: Amber hadn’t replied yet.

Senne: Is he okay?

Robbe: Yeah, he’ll be okay.

WOENSDAG 17:03

Robbe: I don’t know what to do.

Milan: About what?

Zoë: About what, Robbe?

Robbe: Sander hasn’t responded back to me.

Robbe: I know that he has his phone back.

Robbe: But, he’s not talking to me…

Robbe: Do you think I did something?

Milan: Robbe…

Senne: Robbe, you didn’t do anything.

Senne: It’s likely that he’s embarrassed about what happened.

Robbe: Are you sure?

Senne: Yes, Robbe. Whether or not you’re aware of it, he likes you so much.

Zoë: So much so that he spray-painted your face on a wall.

Milan: Wait… what?!

Robbe IJzermans sent an attachment.

Milan: Wow, that’s gorgeous.

Milan: And, I can’t even get someone to make me breakfast.

Zoë: Haha, I stole Senne away from you.

Senne: Robbe, just give him some space and he’ll come to you when he’s ready.

Senne: Sander’s always been sensitive about his diagnosis. 

Senne: He likely didn’t want you to know about it yet and wanted to tell you himself.

Senne: Okay?

Robbe: Okay.

Robbe: I just want to see him.

Robbe: But, not until he wants ready.

Senne: Did you tell him that?

Robbe: Yeah.

Robbe: He hasn’t responded.

Senne: Give him some time. He’ll let you know.

Robbe: Thanks, Senne.

Milan: I think what you mean is “Thanks Dad”

Milan: We all know that Senne practically adopted you.

Milan: I miss your father-son duo so much.

Milan: I’m such a proud Uncle Milan.

Robbe: No thanks, Milan. That’s your thing.

Zoë: Ooo, brutal.

Senne: 😂😂

Milan: 🖕🏻🖕🏻

Milan: Fuck you, Robbe. Fuck you. 

Milan: But, let us know when you hear anything!

…

Robbe felt like he was constantly staring at his phone, waiting for it to explode, ring, something. He fiddled with the case, constantly refreshed his message fifteen times, and tossed it in the air, anything to keep it in his hands. His teachers were getting annoyed at him, constantly checking his phone, and his friends, Amber, Noor, were all waiting with him, waiting to see if Sander would ever text him, even though they all knew that Sander had been texting Amber and his family for several days now.

It had been a full week before Robbe finally heard from him.

Robbe had been in one of the few classes that permitted the use of technology, which is probably a good thing because Robbe would be on the Internet for the fifty minutes that the class was being held, and, so as a result, he didn’t find Sander’s text until he had switched on his phone back on, sitting down at a table with Yasmina, who was receiving texts from her boyfriend. 

Once Sander’s name popped up on his screen, Robbe let out an audible breath of relief and Yasmina immediately glanced up, a look of concern crossing her face as she stared at him, “What is it?”

“Nothing,” he replied. “Sander finally messaged me.”

Yasmina smiled, “That’s good! Isn’t it?”

Robbe nodded his head, turning to the message.

I’m sorry, Robbe. I didn’t mean to scare you. 

You didn’t scare me, Sander.

And, I’m sorry for the late response, I was in class.

The teacher hates technology.

It’s okay. I’ll be quick. 

Robbe felt a deep sense of foreboding at the message in front of him, his stomach dropping in his chest and his fingers shaking as he typed out the next message. Across from him, Yasmina had been on the phone with her boyfriend and she stopped mid-sentence to stare at Robbe with a worried expression. But, Robbe didn’t glance up at her. He kept his gaze focused on his phone. 

You don’t have to.

I’m out of class now.

Still…

“Is everything okay?” It was Yasmina, her phone still propped up against her ear and a worried expression plastered over her face. Robbe didn’t realize how stiff his body was until he started to nod his head and found it difficult to do so. Yasmina must’ve known because Robbe heard her vaguely talking in his whispers, heard pieces of ‘I’ll call you back’ and ‘I love you too’. Despite the fact there were three bubbles that indicated that Sander was typing, Robbe waited still, his phone in his hand and constantly refreshing the page. 

When the messages finally came through, his heart officially stopped in his chest. 

My mom told me that Britt talked to you and what she said.

Britt was right.

You’re just another obsession. 

I’m sorry to drag you into this.

I’m sorry. 

Robbe pinched his eyes closed, his tears springing to the corner of his eyes, but only one single solitary thought rang through his head, pounding against his skull like he was about to have a headache. He’s lying. He was lying. Robbe couldn’t say how he knew for sure, but he did, because he just did, he knew it in his bones, in his heart, in his brain, in his soul. 

Sander was lying. 

Sander wanted to be with him. 

Robbe knew what it was like to be kissed, going through the motions with moving lips and tongues and holding to one another. Robbe had done it way too many times in high school, back when he was still in the closet, so he knew what that felt like. But, what he felt with Sander was completely different than that, even different from the kisses that he had received after he came out. It was something that sent his entire skin ablaze, consuming his blood like wildfire, something that made him feel completely alive and like he belonged, safe and secure wrapped Sander’s arms and kiss. 

And, he knew it. 

You’re lying.

His thumb hovered above the blue arrow to send the message. 

Robbe closed his eyes, but he was unable to send it. 

He deleted the message, pushed himself to his feet, and mumbled out an excuse to Yasmina, his head was pounding, he couldn’t think, he needed to go home. And, whatever it is that his mouth managed, she seemed to have believed him because she didn’t chase him through the school and to his bike, which they managed to fetch from the Academy over the weekend. 

His phone buzzed, likely Yasmina promising to send him notes or Zoë questioning what’s wrong or maybe the boys blowing up the flatshare group chat. But Robbe kept walking, not looking at it, because he knew that the one text message that he wanted, the one that said I’m sorry or I didn’t mean it from a platinum-haired artist that had captured his heart completely and irrevocably, wouldn’t be on his phone screen. 

…

When he got home, the apartment was completely empty. 

It wasn’t a surprise to him, of course, because all of the guys were supposed to be at school and Noor was out at work, likely throwing her all into her next piece, and he was supposed to be at school too, knee-deep in his last class for the day, taking notes, and doing homework with Yasmina and Lucas, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t be at school right now, not with his heart shattering into pieces for the second time in three weeks because of the same man. He was thankful that he was alone, for now, because he didn’t have to explain to the boys, didn’t have to explain how he knew Sander was lying.

Slamming the door shut behind him, kicking off his shoes at the entrance and throwing off his jacket, he moved into the kitchen, wondering if he should drink a beer, or two, or twenty. As he threw open the door to the fridge and only spotted Moyo’s beer that he hated, Robbe frowned. I knew I should’ve stopped and grabbed a bottle of vodka. But, as he started to reach for a beer, even if it was Moyo’s beer that he hated, the front door of the apartment opened. Robbe tensed. He had forgotten to lock it. 

But, as he moved to grab a beer bottle to defend himself should someone come rounding the corner with a knife (because he may be heartbroken, but he could still swing a bottle), a soft voice called out, nervously, “Is anyone here? It’s Camille Driesen. Amber sent me the address.” 

Robbe moved from the kitchen, around the corner, and, sure enough, there was Camille, standing in the foyer. At the sight of him at the other end of the hallway, she breathed in relief, toeing off her black converse alongside his kicked-off shoes, “Hi! You must be Robbe.”  

“Hi,” Robbe spoke, trying to keep his voice even. “And you’re Camille. I saw one of your photos at Sander’s apartment.” 

Even though Robbe had seen her face in that picture with Sander, she looked a little different. Her features were more rounded and defined. Her brown hair was cut to her shoulders, slightly angled, and the tips were dyed a deep purple that matched the skirt that she was wearing. She had small stud earrings and a nose ring in her right nostril. She quickly crossed over to Robbe and extended a hand towards him, which he took. 

As he moved to take a step back, her grip increased on his hand, her nails lightly digging into the back of his hand to keep his hand in her own. Robbe glanced up and she was studying his face. Apparently, it was a Driesen family trait to be able to read Robbe’s face or, maybe, he was something of an open book because the next thing that Camille did was to question, “What happened?” 

Robbe let out a sigh, taking his hand out of hers to dig for his phone. “My worst nightmare,” he admitted as he pulled up the messages with Sander. He could feel Camille’s hazel eyes on him as he reached out the phone for her to see. 

If she didn’t know, she would eventually. 

Camille eyed him curiously before taking the phone in her hands. Unable to watch her face, Robbe moved back into the kitchen, deciding to just heat up some leftovers. He heard Camille follow after him, spotted her reading the messages as she leaned against the doorway. Then, she let out a sigh, shaking her head as she handed him back his phone, “I’m afraid that Sander has always had a history of self-destructive behaviors.” 

Robbe took his phone back. “Do you want anything to drink?”

“No, thank you though,” Camille replied. Robbe nodded his head. “I know the two of us don’t really know each other, but I just wanted to come over to apologize.” 

Robbe turned towards her. “What for?”

“I’m the one that called Britt,” Camille stated like it was obvious. “If I hadn’t called her there, she wouldn’t have been there to spit those things at you. I didn’t realize that the two of them had broken up. I was away on a trip with some friends and the handful of times Sander and I spoke, he didn’t bring it up.” 

“Why didn’t he tell you?” Robbe questioned. 

Camille shrugged her shoulders. “He’s always trying to make sure that I don’t worry about him and what’s going on with him especially as of late with Estelle,” she admitted, leaning against the counter as Robbe pulled his food from the microwave. At the use of a new name that he didn’t know, Robbe glanced up at her with wide eyes, but the girl continued on without realizing, “Plus, he and Britt have been on-and-off so many times, I don’t even think that I know them all. Probably didn’t want me to get my hopes up that they were finally over.” 

“What happened with Estelle?” Robbe questioned, furrowing his eyebrows. Camille glanced up. There was a look of surprise on her features that were so similar to Sander’s that it almost hurt his already breaking heart. Robbe opened his mouth, closing it briefly, before he added, “And, who is Estelle?” 

“He didn’t tell you?” Robbe shook his head. “Well, I guess that makes sense,” she replied, looking over to the cabinets and partially avoiding his gaze. “He probably didn’t want you to worry about him. I don’t even think he told Amber about what happened.” 

Robbe swallowed. “Who is Estelle? And, why wouldn’t he tell Amber what happened?” 

“Estelle was a girl that had been stalking him,” Camille informed him. Robbe looked over at her. “And, to be honest, if I hadn’t been there to see half of the stuff that she did, I’m sure that I wouldn’t know either. Sander has a bad habit of not wanting others to worry about him which almost always tends to backfire and make them worry more about him.” 

“He had a stalker?” 

Camille nodded her head. “Yeah, and a pretty nasty one at that, in comparison, though she never did anything violent against him. She basically started following him everywhere that he went. She would send him messages every day through his private messages which he would get, but hers were on another level than some of the others. But, he was finally granted a restraining order when she broke into his apartment and we caught her in the living room. After that, she got a little vengeful, sending a message saying that they couldn’t tear them apart.” 

I didn’t want her to hurt you.

Robbe let out a breath, leaning against the counter. 

Finally, he thought, his mind working into overdrive. It was like the final piece of the puzzle unlocked and everything that Robbe thought was odd had finally clicked into place. The way that he had gotten tense when the pizza delivery man knocked on the door. His comment about not wanting ‘her’ to hurt you. His insistence on never showing Amber or Camille on his Instagram profile (or Britt, he realized, back when they were dating). 

Robbe’s mind flashed to the mini-golf place, the brunette girl that Sander had been yelling at as he headed back to the group, and how he had tried to act like it didn’t matter when it had obviously seemed to have bothered him. Had that been that girl? She had been looking at him star-eyed and on a mission, but Robbe had thought that she was simply a normal fan. But, now that he knew this, he couldn’t help but think that it might’ve been the girl. He had visibly relaxed once she was gone and had restrained himself after her appearance. 

“Oh,” Robbe breathed out. It all made sense. 

Camille must’ve known because she patted his shoulder in comfort. “It’s why he moved to the apartment that he did,” she continued. “Either you have to have a key to the gate or someone has to give you the code to get inside which I’m sure you know. Even if she could scale the gate or the brick fence, it’s difficult to do and is technically trespassing.” Robbe did know this because he had asked last week. “It’s why he stopped posting photos of him and friends, why his friends are always off-camera, why he started posting fewer photos with himself.”

“Yeah,” Robbe replied. “I followed him for about a year before we met.” 

Camille’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh? He broke his sacred rule?”

“Yes and no,” Robbe laughed, the first real laugh in ages. “He didn’t know that I was a fan until I told him. He saw me somewhere else and managed to find me on Instagram when Noor tagged us in a post. Then, we started talking and everything escalated from there.” 

Camille smiled. “I really am happy that Sander found you. He really needs you right now.”

Robbe glanced at her. “You read the messages,” he replied. She nodded her head. “Sander doesn’t really want me around him at the moment. Even if we both know that it’s not true, I need to respect what he wants.” 

“You’re right,” Camille spoke up. “That is what he said, but I know Sander better than anyone. He’s broken up right now. Ever since what happened with our father and Britt and Estelle, Sander believes that he’s toxic to anyone that he’s around and only accepts the love that he thinks that he deserves. That is the only reason that he and Britt managed to survive as long as they did.”

Robbe didn’t know what it was, it might’ve been the way that she said or the exasperation in her voice, but he chuckled at the comment. “Sorry,” he mumbled, covering his mouth. “I know that this is a serious moment.” 

“It’s okay. All I do is laugh in serious moments, I literally can’t have a serious moment,” Camille replied, a grin forming on her face as well. “Anyways, back to Sander, the only reason that he’s telling you to stay away from him is so he won’t hurt you anymore. He thinks that you’re better off without him so he’s pushing you away so you won’t get ‘dragged down’ with him.”

Robbe let out a sigh, leaning his head back. 

Despite having never seen them together as a legitimate couple, Robbe had seen how Britt treated Sander as her boyfriend, making decisions for him like he couldn’t properly make them. The first time had been at the bar where she had been insisting that Sander was her boyfriend and he had finally gotten sick of it, shouting at her to stop calling him that and storming out of the bar. The second time had been that blasted text of a heart when they were together. And, then, there was the hospital where she had insisted that Sander would come running back to her once it was all over. 

Robbe didn’t want to be like that because Sander had his own feelings and knew what he wanted. 

But, at the same time, Robbe couldn’t help hearing a voice in the back of his head, sounding an awful lot like Senne had when he encouraged Robbe to confront a boy that had broken up with him over text.

I don’t know about you, but I would want to hear that face-to-face. Face-to-face, Robbe. Face-to-face.

“Am I allowed to see him?” Robbe whispered. 

Camille nodded her head, a bright grin forming on her face, “You’re one of four people allowed.” 

Robbe let out a breath, grabbing his leftovers and sticking them back in the fridge. They were cold, anyways, he decided as he headed out to the foyer to put on his shoes and jacket. Camille followed after him, the grin spreading over her face. 

“I do have one favor to ask,” Camille replied, pulling a sketchbook out of her bag. “Can you give this to him once you get there? It’s a blank one. He’s already gone through all the remaining pages of the one that brought with him and I decided to surprise him.” 

Robbe smiled, taking it from her and putting it in his bag. “Thank you.”