#tesco

Main Masterlist | COD Main Masterlist

You’re making breakfast, Simon is leaning against the counter, sipping coffee, talking fast in his thick Mancunian accent.

Simon: “Awright, love… so I went down t’the chippy last night, yeah? Got yerself some bits an’ bobs, an’ that bloke behind the counter… proper numpty, swear down.”

You: “Uh… wait… chippy… bits and… what now?”

Simon,teasing:“Oi… y’hear me? Proper numpty, love. Means daft bloke, yeah?”

You:“Numpty… daft… okay… got it… I think.”

Simon: “Yeah, but he’s a right one, swear on me mum. An’ then Danny—aye, Danny from work—he’s jawin’ on about t’new bloke in the office… proper muppet.”

You: “Danny… new bloke… muppet… wait… I’m lost again.”

Simon: “See what I mean, love? You keep blinkin’ like a deer in t’headlights. Take a sip of your tea, settle yerself.”

You,taking a deep breath, muttering:“…I swear, I need subtitles for this…”

Simon,smirking:“Subtitles? Love… I ain’t slowin’ down for subtitles. You’ll catch on… eventually.”

You,playfully:“Eventually?! Simon, this is domestic life, not a bloody cryptography lesson!”

Simon: “Oi, rookie… it’s Mancunian linguistics. You’re doin’ alright… for a daft foreigner.”

You,laughs:“Daf… alright… stop, my brain’s melting!”

Simon: “Melting? Nah… that’s just yer face when you’re tryna follow me. Cute as ever though.”

Tesco, Saturday afternoon.

You’re holding a shopping basket, trying to follow Simon as he darts down the aisles like he owns the place.

Simon: “Awright, love… we need milk, bread, an’ those sausages I like… naw, not them cheap ones, the proper ones, y’know? An’ while we’re at it, grab a pint o’ cream fer t’pudding later. Got it?”

You: “…uh… milk… bread… sausages… pint… cream… wait… pudding?”

Simon,glancing back, smirking:“Aye, love… you still there? Or did I lose ye already? Come on, keep up. It’s Tesco, not a sightseeing tour.”

You,trying to repeat quietly:“…milk, bread, sausages… proper ones… pint of cream… pudding…”

Simon: “Closer. Still sounds like yer readin’ it off a list, though. Keep yer eyes peeled… an’ don’t dawdle.”

You:“I’m not dawdling! I’m just… deciphering your accent!”

Simon,grinning:“Decipherin’… aye… that’s what it feels like sometimes, love. But ye’ll get there.”

He veers down an aisle quickly, almost knocking over a display of cereal. You stumble to catch up, basket wobbling.

You:“Simon! Wait-aisle three… what’s aisle three?!”

Simon: “Aisle three… cereal, breakfast stuff, an’ whatever the hell else they cram in there. Come on, love… keep yer basket steady!”

You repeat, trying to keep pace:“…aisle three… cereal… breakfast stuff… whatever else… keep basket steady…”

Simon:“Better. Still got that deer-in-headlights look, though. Tesco’s no mission briefing, love… but you’re treatin’ it like one!”

You,laughing, exasperated:“…Mission briefing in Tesco… that’s me, apparently.”

25 notes and I'll work really hard to learn to juggle a reverse cascade

50 notes and I'll ask my mum if I can dye my hair

100 and I'll clean my room

200 notes and I'll try to do better on Duolingo (I'm bad for procrastinating doing it )

250 and I'll try to cut down my screen time

350 and I'll start reading the books I keep meaning too (it's a long list)

500 and I'll knit 10 pumpkins of random sizes and colors (

1000 and I'll write a rlly obscure and dumb fanfic I keep meaning too