#temporary state

parallel patterns - temporary state

(PLT073)

I’ve always been a flexible person. Perhaps it was the gymnastics classes I took when I was young, or perhaps I was just born that way, but I have always been able to lean over with straight legs and put my hands flat on the floor. Recently my son saw me doing that and was impressed. He is only able to touch his knees. “I’m not flexible,” he said. “I’ll never be able to do that.”

And that’s where I had to jump in. Because of course flexibility isn’t a gift that you have or you don’t. It’s something that we all can work on and improve. Okay, maybe Gabby Douglas (2012 Olympic gymnastics all-around champion) may be naturally more flexible than the rest of us. But she also worked at it, every day, and built on what she worked on. All of us can become more flexible if we just stretch our muscles. Literally, and figuratively.

How many things in your life do you assume are immutable characteristics? And how many of them actually are? In psychology, we talk about states and traits. A personality trait is much harder to make changes to than a state that someone might be in. But there are so many moments in which we assume “we are who we are” (a trait), as opposed to feeling our reaction to something that could change if we did some things differently (a temporary state we are in).

I recently had a client tell me she is an anxious person and that’s just who she is. She wondered who she would become once we worked on some strategies to reduce her anxiety. I look at anxiety as a state that can be changed. It is true that some people tend to be more anxious than others, but there are things we can do to make changes in that tendency. One’s anxiety level can be changed if you work on it every day. If you stretch your muscles a little bit every day, you will find you can reach a little farther than the day before. Stretch out your “comfort zone” a little bit every day, and your comfort zone will become bigger and you’ll live with less anxiety.

Getting back to my son: what did I encourage him to do? To stretch. And I would say the same thing to you. Take some aspect of your life that you want to change and figure out what you need to do differently to move yourself toward the way you want things to be, and not the way they are now. The first step, of course, is to figure out if it’s something that can change. The second step is figure out how to change it. And the most important step is: STRETCH! A little bit every day, and you will be able to reach farther.