#tectuen

Thirteen saying 'do you really think I'm going to believe anything that comes out of your mouth' to the master in timeless children. And then her asking Tectuen if he was telling the truth you can tell that wasn't what she wanted to hear, for once she would have been glad for him to be lying

Something something 'that fear of becoming your parents, that thought that always lingers about who you could have been if you were loved, that feeling that you could have been more if it wasn't for the family that life gave you, trying desperately to convince yourself you are not them despite your similarities, mourning for the innocence that was taken from you, that inability to completely let your parents go even while acknowledging the detriment they cause because 'they're your parents' 'they love you' 'your overexaggerating' because deep down you want that parental love that you've always heard about but seems to belong only in fairy tales, punishing yourself for the person they made of you, still trying to live up to their standards even though you know it's impossible and accepting that you'll never be the child they wanted.' In this Doctor who episode tonight

The parallel between 'innocence and memory'. Thirteen has the potential to recover her memories while for the most part people do not recover the innocence they lost to trauma. Thirteens desperation is understandable and justified. The cold way Tectuen watches her though as she attempts to calculate just how far thirteen would go to get back that part of herself is frighteningly textbook

'Morality was always your flaw' not in a your too good way but in the way that psychologist condemn the restrictive nature of ethical guidelines. This is a scientist saying your morality and compassion are holding you back from making great discoveries the same way she did when she experimented on a child. She did not let morality hold her back on making the necessary discoveries that would benefit her people. She used division to shape the universe to be what she thought was correct and when it failed she scrapped the experiment and started again with no regard for the lives there the same way you might toss out a spore sample. Why should she be held back by morality when she can do great things?

'You took something that didn't belong to you.' 'You assumed I came through that wormhole.' 'You denied me my life!' yes yes yes get her this is what it has been building up to

Thirteen looks tempted here by Tectuen's proposition but you can tell that she knows this is wrong no matter how strongly she wants to regain her memories and get her answers, she cannot entirely ignore her moral compass even for what she wants because she knows it won't really be what she wants it'll be a twisted perversion that allows Tectuen to keep the upper hand

It's the way thirteen visibly recoils when Tectuen says 'this just shows I was right to have your memories erased' that way that parents lash out with the intention of hurting you and reminding you of your place when you dare speak out of turn. And then to follow it up by telling the ood to guard her as if thirteen is the one that can't be trusted, the one that is volatile and abused a child, that desperate attempt to regain control of you