#technodium

Senator Miriam Defensor Santiago's PICK-UP LINES!!

  because I got a message from my friends from Twitter and Facebook. The message is:

“Para fair ang labanan sa susunod magpadala tayo ng interpreter sa Ms. Universe. Ipadala natin si Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago. Pwede na rin si Kuya Kim Atienza para may kaunting trivia.”

When I was a student here I was a very, very committed student, I was very, very busy not only trying to stay in the honor roll, but also in many various extra-curricular activities. For example, I was editor of the Philippine Collegian, and at the same time I was [co-sponsor] of the UP ROTC not once but twice. This only shows that lightning can strike twice. I never had time to get picked up by any of the males, because at that time I was fully convinced that all males had the brains of an amoeba.

[…] someone very close to me and actually, you’ll be surprised, someone very shy. So I told her, you must meet the students of Metro Manila, and you’ll see how impressive they are. I want her to stand up so you can see her, Ms. Heart Evangelista. She’s a twice-awarded best actress in Philippine films, but she has no self-confidence, I discovered. If you want to teach her self-confidence, can you please first get in touch with me, so I can verify if your intentions are honorable. Actually she’s available at Facebook.

She told me yesterday when she got lost in Hong Kong and a man was following her from floor to floor in a department store. She got very frightened and had an almost traumatic experience, and burst into tears. That is the kind of feminine personality Heart has. So I told her, “No, why should you get frightened? You should have turned around and confronted your fears. You should’ve stood up very straight in front of that Chinaman, and you should have said, ‘See anything you like? Anything? It’s 50 dollars. For 50 dollars more your wife can watch.’” If you keep coming with me, Heart, you will get educated.

I was a very, very committed student. I always woke up at five o’clock and then went to church. And then I devoted myself to studying the entire day and the entire night, which was the opposite of what my dormmates used to do. They devoted themselves to, let us call it, extra-sexual activities. And when exam week came, they all went to St. Jude, the patron saint of the impossible.

I never got picked up by anybody, either here in the Philippines or abroad. But now I know there are certain pick-up lines which will prove irresistible.

Why don’t you try the following?

Kung magkakaroon ako ng sariling planeta, gusto ko ikaw ang axis nito, para sayo lang iikot ang mundo ko.

Sana FB status ka na lang, para pwede kitang i-like.

Ibenta mo na bahay mo, total nandidito ka na, nakatira sa puso ko.

Sana naka-off ang ilaw, para tayo na lang mag-on.

Noodles ka ba, kasi Lucky Me?

[…] parang see-saw, pag wala ka, down ako.

Para kang hold-upper, lahat ibibigay ko sayo, wag mo lang akong saktan.

Galing mo din, ano? Di mo pa ko binabato tinamaan mo na ako.

Maglaro tayo ng kahit ano, wag lang taguan, kasi a girl like you is hard to find.

Sana exam mo na lang ako, para sagutin mo rin ako.

Bastos ka rin, ano? Di ka man lang nagpapaalam tuloy-tuloy kang pumasok sa puso ko.

Google ka ba? Lahat kasi ng hinahanap ko sayo ko natagpuan.

Nakalimutan ko pangalan mo, eh. Pwede bang tawagin na lang kitang… akin?

Nakalunok ka ba ng kwitis, kasi pag ngumiti ka, may spark

This is what Dr. […] Cabral said to Dr. Esperanza Cabral, when they were both students in the UP College of Medicine.

Sana ikaw ang cardiologist ko, para ikaw ang mag-aalaga sa puso ko.

Sana scientist ako, para ikaw naman ang lab ko.

Tindera ka ba ng yosi? Kasi you give me Hope… and More.

Para kang cactus, kasi handa akong masaktan, mayakap ka lang.

Pag wala ka ang buhay ko parang lapis na hindi natasahan: pointless.

Let’s go to Q&A.

Q: Pano mo sasabihin sa isang babae na mataba siya na hindi siya mababastos?

A: Excuse me, Miss, Mang Tomas ba ang lotion mo?

GUY 1: May sagot ka ba sa exam?

GUY 2: Puro blanko.

GUY 1: Patay.

GUY 2: Bakit?

GUY 1: Baka isipin nila nagkopyahan tayo.

I never thought I was going to enter politics coz I was studying hard here in UP to prepare for my future. I always thought that I would someday be a rocket scientist, astrophysicist, or even a lion-tamer. I never wanted to enter politics. I was simply forced by the circumstances. I’m afraid I was seduced by the young people of this country.

Once I entered politics, it became natural, being a civil, God-fearing, law-abiding citizen, for me to lose my temper, because politicians are… [waves hand down].

So… kelangan minsan sa politika, para lang mabuhay sa pulitika, to survive, if not to prevail, kelangan mataray ka. Iba naman klaseng taray ito. Eto nga yun sinasabi ko.

Di ko sinasabing maganda ako. Sinasabi ko lang, pangit ka.

Pag nakikita kita, parang gusto kong magsorry sa mga mata ko.

Wife: Ibili mo ako ng bagong bra.

Husband: Wag ka ng mag-bra, maliit naman boobs mo.

Wife: Eh bakit ikaw, nagbebrief ka pa?

Heart Evangelista is so beautiful people often tell her how beautiful she is. And she always says she feels extremely mortified when she hears it. So I told her, “Don’t do that! Why should you be so shy and why should you be embarrassed?” And I told her, “When someone told me, ‘Ang ganda mo’ I answered ‘Sana ikaw rin.’”

In a swimming pool:

Classmate 1: I’m sure lulutang ka.

Classmate 2: Bakit? Dahil payat ako?

Classmate 1: Hindi, dahil plastic ka.

When the cashier at the grocery said, “Miss, pwedeng candy na lang ang sukli ko sa iyo?” I answered “Bakit, tsokolate ba ang ibinayad ko?”

The husband said, “When I’m gone you’ll never find another man like me.” The wife replied, “What makes you think I’d want another man like you?”

This is what I learned in my eight years in UP. I never learned this when I went to Harvard, Cambridge or Oxford, they were just dull. I will now go to my assigned topic. [Licks lips]

ORIGINAL VIDEO here

Before you continue, please read Parts I, II, III, IV, V, and VI. :) Para lang ma-refresh. Hehe

After our date sa Alabang Town Center, we rode a jeep and a bus home. This time it wasn’t as stressful like when we got lost at the start of our date.

Nung nasa bus na kami pauwi, we decided na pareho kaming bababa sa Shaw EDSA. I can ride one jeep home from there, tapos he will take the train na lang pauwi. We paid for our fare and then bigla akong inantok. Tapos sabi niya sakin, “Tulog ka muna, gisingin na lang kita pag bababa na tayo.”

So I did. Pinikit ko yung mga mata ko so I can rest kahit konti. After a while, pag bukas ko ng mata ko, andaming tao sa bus! Its so full na marami na ding nakatayo sa gitna. Then pagtingin ko kay Paul, nakapikit siya. NAGPANIC AKO BIGLA. Ginising ko siya. Hahaha

“Paul, san na tayo??”

Napatingin lang siya sakin.

LALO AKONG NAGPANIC. Sumilip kami pareho sa labas

Feeling ko lumampas na kami. (Sorry that’s me, I sort of always assume the worst of everything).

Pagtingin ko, “Uy, dito na tayo. Mega Mall na oh!”

So bumaba na kami ng bus, pero pagtingin ko sa paligid namin,

“OMG. Shet sorry hindi pato Crossing!!”

FAIL nanaman kaming pareho. Hahaha

The good news was bumaba pala kami sa EDSA Magallanes, sa baba lang ng MRT Station - which was good. So nag train na kami, I bought the ticket to Shaw, tapos siya hangang Quezon Ave.

After nun, while waiting for the train, umupo kami and nagkwentuhan pa. He showed me this music video of Hibi No Neiro - Sour, which is so cool btw. (You should totally check it out)

After a while, we alighted the train and then went on our way.

It was the fastest train ride I’ve ever been on. From Magallanes to Ayala, to Buendia, to Boni, then to Shaw. Grabe ayoko pang bumaba :(

I wanted the date to go on forever. Kahit magkanda wala wala pa ulit kami, all the pagod is going to be worth it.

Hanggang ngayon, even after 10 months of being together, I get excited and I always look forward to spending time with him. I always feel good when I see him. It’s like a warm blanket on a cold night. Or like when you take the first sip of a sweet chocolate drink, or yung sabaw ng masarap na tinola.

I didnt want to get off the train and I didnt want him to go yet.

But we both had to go home. I was gonna go home to La Union kasi to visit the family, and I think he had some family stuff din the next day.

It was a very, very tiring day for us both. But it was all worth it for me.