Un-Diagnosis
Trigger warning: OCD
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March 22, 2019
I am un-diagnosing myself with OCD. At least for right now. At least for tomorrow. Because I am honestly kinda disgusted by the way it’s been prompting me to act over the past half-year, and because I can push back harder. It’s not making me do anything. I don’t have to do a damn thing I don’t want to. It’s just that the consequences feel worse than doing the thing would, and resisting takes effort, something I’m not always willing to give.
I broke a promise tonight, and I’m ashamed of that. I broke a promise, and that shows me how tight a grip I’ve let this get on me. At the moment I can’t make the first disappear, but I can be in hardcore denial about its existence.
I will not let this overtake what I have with you. I will not. I have a ghost of an idea for how to start filling in this hole, and I will not let it slip away. Not without at least trying as hard as I damn well can.
