A conman walks into a bar. It's Constantine in Desmond's bar.
Constantine had just finished telling the Justice League how fucked they were when suddenly he finds himself in a bar. The cute bartender pours him the most expensive stuff without asking for a card and even lets him smoke inside. He knows this isn't heaven despite the high quality spirits and the good company. He teasingly mentions having misplaced his wallet and the bartender laughs before telling him he can work it off when he saves the world. Constantine blinks and finds himself back on earth just before the crisis went from bad to unsalvageable.
Desmond's bar that works as a mini haven for souls tasked with saving the world. He summons the souls that bear the mark of a champion (aka main characters or beloved side characters from series) giving them a break while he rewinds their universe. Once everything is in place they are sent back for a redo and the experience is thought of as just a dream. Or a vision, but they rarely fail the second time and forget having been in his bar.
Constantine through virtue of his fucked up soul does not think of his time in the bar as a dream. He knows the world ended and he knows some bloke with a bar gave him a second chance. He wants to see him again so he is always front and center when the JLA or any other Justice League bears a chance of facing the end of the world. He doesn't sabotage their attempts to save the world since he gets the feeling that will give someone else his spot at the bar, but he is disappointed when they save the world on their first try.
Desmond: Any other time I would make fun of you and call it a skill issue, but it's kind of flattering. Wanna see how many bases we can cover before you go back?
Constantine: *removing clothes* You gonna bugger me or am I gonna bugger you?
He is back on Earth just as they were getting to the good part. He says fuck like Spanish speaking commentators say goal lol Dinah has been watching Constantine when she can and she is concerned â„¢ Dinah trying to talk to Constantine because the red flags have flashing lights and she isn't the only one seeing them. They stage an intervention for Constantine who is like I thought this was a world ending emergency...
Constantine: you think I'm mad?
Zatanna: more than usual, but that's not the point. We are here for you.
Constantine: that's real sweet of you, darling even, but if you wanna help me all you gotta do is put me front and center in any disaster so I can finally fuck or get fucked by the being that watches over this universe. My balls are so blue they're never gonna change back so I would really appreciate it
Everyone speechless but also that's very much in theme with the magician lol
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Small PSA since we kinda touched on the theme but if anyone reading this ever needs emotional support, calling or texting 988 will connect you to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. There is also a Wikipedia Page listing the numbers of hotlines for other countries so if 988 is inaccessible please don't hesitate to look up the number accessible to you. Check in on your friends and fam and stay safe!
