#technical essay

Write a 1500-word Technical essay addressing each of the following points/questions. Be sure to completely answer all the questions for each bullet point. Separate each section in your paper with a clear heading that allows you to know which bullet you are addressing in that section of your paper. Support your ideas with at least three (3) citations in your essay. Make sure to reference the…

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?

INTIMACY OPPORTUNITY: A STUDY IN GENEROUS NARCISSISM was an enormous success. I can say without sucking my own dick (too much) that it was magic, and that its magic was entirely dependent on the people and energies supporting it. Over the span of a few days - building it, fluffing it, testing it and finally running it - INTIMACY OPPORTUNITY became something entirely other than what I’d originally imagined, and it was incredible.

I spent nearly a year developing this piece, a month gathering materials and planning the event, a frantic week in building it, and four hours performing it, from a cramped private bathroom. I want to maintain the integrity of that unusually intimate and often anonymous space, so I’m avoiding specific details, but suffice it to say, the profound experiences that emerged from the performance of INTIMACY OPPORTUNITY made every bit of work beyond worth it.

This piece was originally imagined as something far more voyeuristic than relational, an exploration of the self and its social and sexual relationship to screens. It became something far better than that. A project that began as an investigation of virtual persona resulted in a manifestation of my own. Building the space, I had a severe realization: I was building Nuzzle Nest, IRL. At one point in the process, I (probably sobbed) “this piece was supposed to be about everyone else, but it’s really about me.” Sort of. More accurately, a project developed with the Other in mind became a much more complex relationship between myself, my selves, and those of the audience: generous narcissism.

Reflecting on it afterward, I realized that what I’d done was basically throw a cozy party in the basement of a gallery. It was an excuse to create a space for people to get comfortable, an zone of unusual intimacy, an excuse for friends to get together and enjoy a drink and think and chat and of course, nuzz. So, a rousing success.

DEDICATIONS/ADORATIONS/GENUFLECTIONS

I don’t feel strange being so shamelessly proud of this project because I was only part of its magic. Truly, INTIMACY OPPORTUNITY nor generous narcissism would exist as they do without the frankly dumbfounding support and love of all these gorgeous queer artists, thinkers, livers, magicians I’ve somehow found myself surrounded by. Bless.

I offer my deep, abiding and insufficient gratitude to everyone involved with this project. Special thanks to sisterqueen Elspeth (ekwws), whose work inspires me every minute of every goddamned day. I live with a goddamned genius. Special, enormous thanks to RJ (kinkyroads), without whom Nuzzle Nest would have been a hastily assembled pile of velvet and tears, and without whose dedication and friendship, so would I have been.

Thanks to everyone who inspires, supports and contributes to my tiny idea seeds, whether or not you’re aware. To the geniuses I’ve been blessed enough to orbit and nuzz in virtual space, to live and love with in physical space, to everyone who reblogged and reposted and spread the word of INTIMACY OPPORTUNITY, who performed generous narcissism and sent along the energy, to those of you who made it out and to those of you who were there in virtual spirit, to those of us who do the work of building a community, a context in which we can experience intimacy on our terms, in which we can be seen for the gorgeous fictions we’ve created of ourselves, thank you, thank you, beyond words, thank you.

Wow, this feels like a dedications page, and I guess that’s not so off. Both INTIMACY OPPORTUNITY and (especially) the concept of generous narcissism emerged from my relationships with queer magicians, in virtual and physical realms. It simply doesn’t exist without friendship. Therefore, the projects of INTIMACY OPPORTUNITY and generous narcissism are dedicated to all you babies who with or without knowing it, helped me understand the personal and political power of narcissism; the enormous importance of recognition (and anonymity!) to context and self; and of course, queer friendship.

THE FUTURE OF INTIMACY OPPORTUNITY + GENEROUS NARCISSISM + MY WORK GENERALLY

It was a big decision, but after the overwhelming success of INTIMACY OPPORTUNITY this time around, I’ve decided to take the Nuzzle Nest on tour. We’re going to Europe!!! …just kidding.

This incarnation of INTIMACY OPPORTUNITY was truly an enormous success, and I think it’s good to let this project rest a while. As my dear gay wife Adrian put it, Nuzzle Nest exists in three phases: gas, liquid, and solid. It takes a lot of energy to make something as gaseous, as phantasmic as the virtually emergent Nuzzle Nest a solid, but it was done. It’s dissolved again, now, and who knows when it will become solid again. Someday, though.

That isn’t to say I’m done with installation and performance. Far from it. INTIMACY OPPORTUNITY was my freshman effort as a performance artist, definitely the first of many. I’m already working on another project tangentially connected to generous narcissism, INFANT PHENOMENOLOGY, details forthcoming. I’ve also got several performances coming up and many more in mind for the coming months. Most immediately, I’ve been asked by my sister Elspeth to contribute a video piece to her and our friend Nik’s takeover of the performance space at Temp, “24 HR,” coming up this Saturday at 7:30. I’ll be blabbing and reblogging about this in other posts, but COME COME COME. I’m also giving a lecture and performance in June, at Baltimore’s SophiaJacob art gallery, so if you’re nearby, you have to come to that too.

As for the remainder of my thesis, there is still a LOT of work to be done. INTIMACY OPPORTUNITY embodies the performance component of a hybrid artistic thesis, combining an artistic and academic investigation. Having performed a study in generous narcissism, it’s now time for me to continue writing the theoretical architecture of the concept. Anyone interested in learning more about the concept of generous narcissism, feel free to hit me up - god knows I haven’t been able to shut up about it for months, and returning to the writing is only gonna exacerbate that. I’m really excited for the work, but it’ll be an arduous four months. Then, in September, I defend, and (God willing) swipe a diploma from the fool hands of the NYU administration. Losers.

Whew. Talk about narcissism. What a post. I’m cutting myself off. Much more to come, any questions, hit me, so excited, holy shit this happened wow.

Again, and never enough, DEEPEST THANKS to everyone who helped Nuzzle Nest become a reality - to those of you who helped conceive of it, whose very existences and presences in virtual and physical space developed it, who helped spread the word, who helped build it, who attended and got intimate, who generously sent their magic and their self-love, your energies were felt, your work was more appreciated than can ever be repaid, and your friendship more meaningful than I can express. Maybe I’ll just hold a big-ass banquet for all my friends. That seems like a good idea.