Sometimes you have a chat with @slipsthrufingers and sometimes things happen and suddenly you are magically compelled (I’m sure others can relate) to write a Pronn (or as I like to call it Brorick) fic. This is an abomination. Please don’t take it seriously. It has the word “teats” in it.
Bronn gritted his teeth, the sound of bone grinding on bone just loud enough to drown out the incessant chatter of the maids fluttering about the great hall serving food and pouring wine and securing warm beds for the night, but he couldn’t grind them forever, and so once he stopped, he heard it all once again. Whose bed they wished to be in, whose cock they hoped to have thrust into their cunts.
They twittered and schemed. There seemed to be small groups forming, girls who worked together to be together and to keep the other ones out. There certainly wouldn’t just be one in his bed tonight.
Though he tried not to, his gaze shot over to the other table, where Jaime fookin’ Lannister, his lady knight wife, and most importantly her squire were all sitting. Bronn’s face morphed into a scowl as the boy laughed while his lady tried to steal his cup away while his lord was trying to refill it.
It had been funny at the beginning, Podrick Payne and his magic cock. But when his bed remained cold night after night, none of the maids returning, and yet Podrick’s bed so full a broken bed frame had to be replaced just this morning, it was no longer amusing.
Bronn’s cock was big. He knew it was. He had compared it with the other men in the many camps he had been in. It was even bigger than Lannister’s cock, that cunt. It pleased whores well enough. They screamed and shouted for more, extolling how good it made them feel as he pounded into them.
So what was it that made Podrick’s cock so magical?
Well. Bronn grabbed a pitcher of wine from a passing maid who screamed then scurried away at his glare and then drank it down. He would soon find out.
He expected there to be more noise coming from Podrick’s chambers. Loud cries of ecstasy, but rather what he heard before he threw open the door were soft mewls, heavy breaths, loud gasps. Did Podrick truly give any of the ladies he fucked any pleasure?
Bronn sneered as five women screamed. He didn’t understand why, they weren’t even out of their shifts, their teats unexposed, not even the one that Podrick was fucking. “Get out! All of you!”
The girls looked to Podrick who rolled off the whore he was on top of and wrapped her up in his quilt. “Go on, I’ll come find you after.”
“He won’t hurt me, drunken buffoon as he is.”
All the girls scurried out and Bronn snarled as they glared at him on their way out. Once the last one was gone, Bronn slammed the door and barred it. Podrick raised an eyebrow, “What in all names are you doing?”
“That’s what I would like to know.”
“Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about!”
“How do you get all those women crawling back to your bed?”
Podrick raised an eyebrow. “Easily.”
Bronn sneered and marched up to him. Unlike the women, Podrick was completely naked and Bronn fumbled for something to grab onto. Not being about to hang him by the collar of his shirt, he instead shoved Podrick back down onto the bed by the shoulder. “Tell me.”
“What if I show you instead?”
Jaime stared at Bronn as he quietly ate his dinner, “Do I dare ask what your plans are for the evening?”
That night he returned back to Podrick’s room.
Podrick did not have a magic cock.
It was not about his cock all that much at all really.
