#teamnet

"That rock is paying for his axe and my armor!" - the fighter 

"You gracefully descend in to its gaping maw" - the DM

"I'm in my room licking my armor clean like a cat" - the fighter 

"I'm gonna tie my self to the ship, tie myself up good" - the cleric 

"You're completely covered in rock monster slobber" - the DM

"Then you just pull the ol' kill 'em and take your money back' routine." - the rogue 

"The password to pilot the airship is "Boaty McBoatface"." - the fighter 

"It's the gambling way, it might be better tomorrow" - the fighter with a gambling addiction 

"Is the password 'surprise, motherfucker?'" - the fighter to the cleric

"We're looking for a wretched hive of scum and villainy" - the rogue 

"I'm the lucky damsel and he's the infuriated fighter" - the rogue 

"We can't Run Lola Run this?" - the rogue

"I throw a few 'Praise the Lords' in to the conversation randomly, at inopportune moments" - the cleric

"You could pretend to be a ghost and read the books?" - the cleric's suggestion to the wizard getting to the library 

"These people need to get festive" - the fighter

"You can just give me 200 gold,man, you don't need to tell me the world's going to end - the NPC librarian

"Because the world will end if I don't." - the wizard getting in to the library 

"...whereupon some people were turned inside out." - the rogue getting let in to a library at midnight

"This has to work sometime" - the cleric on his persuasion rolls

"Meanwhile, in the Hall of Justice..." - the DM on the temple of Tyr

"I'm converting him. He will take time." - the cleric on the wizard 

"We're churchin' it up" - the wizard 

"We need to restock on nets and things to throw off the airship while it's flying." - the rogue 

"Clothed only in a leather bikini bottom and a huge sword, I march in to the temple and demand the holy book!" - the rogue

"Hey, gods help those who help themselves" - the barbarian

"You don't want to sound entitled" - the fighter to the cleric before he communed with his god 

"My god is more than a magic 8-ball!" - the cleric 

"My room smells like blueberries and the skulls of my enemies" - the rogue 

"While you're gone, the bear climbs in to your bed" - the DM on the rogue's room on the airship

"If we're going to die, we're going to do it in a dungeon!" - the cleric

"No more month-long 'vacations' in the swamp" - the wizard

"We just want to let the guy know we know stuff too." - the rogue 

"Can we change his name to Sir Turd Ferguson?" - the barbarian 

"This guy could sell a horse in under a minute!" - the fighter 

"When they get back, I fuck around with them for about 20 minutes before I let them back on the airship" - the fighte

"I am not going back to that noble district for like 100 years" - the monk 

"Trident. Didn't work" - the barbarian on the magical trident 

"You should use your winged boots like a hoverboard and cause someone to crash in to a pile of manure" - the barbarian to the rogue

"Who is this guy? Can I murder him?" - the rogue

"Give me the strongest whiskey you have, I'll chug a gallon of it and purify myself" - the rogue after being poisoned

"I'm meditating in shame in the corner" - the monk, after tragic failure rolls 

"It's a pig party!" -the DM

"And we're just chanting 'BEAR! BEAR! BEAR!'" -the barbarian 

"But instead, you got to pee on some goblins" - the barbarian 

"You've been spending time with an endless wine cask and a bear." - the DM 

"Here, buddy, I brought you an entire roasted pig." - the rogue "Did you at least wrap it in tin foil?" - the fighter

"I'm waiting for my magic items like a kid standing at the mailbox" - the fighter 

"Somewhere on the ethereal plane, there's just a cloud of vomit" - the rogue 

"I'm just sitting in my room imagining the rest of the party is off giving money to the poor" - the cleric (we're drinking)

"Do you ever have one of those days where you just want to eat mashed potatoes until you die?" - the rogue 

""We should put a cool flame paint job on the airship, decepticon stickers on the back" - the rogue 

"You can't take him to the nobles, he looks like a rotten avocado" - the fighter on the acid-burned wizard

"Don't leave the place all sticky while we're gone." - the rogue "I'm going to drink a slurpee in the pilot's seat!" - the fighter

"I'll stay behind, but only if you guys leave me the everfull wineskin" - the fighter 

"We need a magical airship dock" - the fighter 

"No one wants to chase the adventurers, the guards know they'll get their asses kicked" - the DM

"Alright, let's bounce" - the barbarian 

"God-kings, my favourite enemy" - the fighter

"Sorry we weren't here, we were busy sealing a portal to hell." - the cleric 

"Show me where the dragon hurt you!" - the rogue

"If I ever become Prime Minister I'm putting you in charge of naming rich people's kids" - the cleric to the fighter 

"Top speed! Nyoooooom!" - the monk 

"Of course he's tyrannical, his name is Tyranax" - the rogue

"The trigger word is 'caw-caw!'" - the cleric setting up the healing glyph 

"Once this fight is over we're going to buy the monk a beer" - the rogue to the monk 

"I'm taking poison and shame damage right now" - the unconscious barbarian 

"Your body is like 'ugh'." - the DM to the fighter who shrugged off a poison 

"Can we fly overhead and just Looney Tunes them? Like with pianos and anvils?" - the cleric

"And by fork, he means his penis" - the wizard on the spiny devil 

"Look at you, with your gorilla arms." - the monk to the gigantic wizard 

"I've tried to stab the party a few times, and you guys seem pretty cool with it." - the rogue Looks like I forgot to do them from the game before too, so here’s those:

"We stole their paladin and dropped him in to hell, we should probably go back to help the town" - the cleric

"Fuckyouleavemyninjafriendalone!" - the aggravated wizard on the monk 

"'Ice to see you', or 'kick some ice' I can't decide"- the barbarian's puns on the ice storm

"Avenge my unconsciousness! Take his butt for me!" - the rogue 

"The wall of thorns is like a silk sheet to a barbed devil" - the rogue 

"This is what we call a tactical egress" - the wizard (we're running away) 

"You're going to have to use the Pythagorean equation to calculate your shortbow shot" - the DM 

"That's worth more than a golf clap, it's worth a Bill & Ted's 'Excellent" - the barbarian 

"You miss 100% of the karate strikes you don't take" - the barbarian to the monk after the monk failed to hit

"We can throw a net over him, then sit on him, then stab him while we sit on him" - the cleric #teamnet

"You take his ear off" - the DM "I always wanted to make a mitten out of one of those" - the rogue

*rolls eyes* "Oh gods write a poem about it already" - the monk to the ranting BBEG

"Behold, the field in which I grow all the fucks that I give" - the monk to the BBEG, gesturing to an empty space 

"Careful guys this is a hard hat zone" - the wizard 

"If you could fly, why would you ever walk again?" - the fighter

"Of course you have to check it for traps, it's called a trap door" - the monk 

"We don't just need a long rest, we need a long-ass rest" - the monk 

"I light up a smoke" - the rogue on the finished battle 

"LOCUST DONUT!" - the fighter

"You make a sloth saving throw" - the DM "Am I a raging sloth?" - the barbarian 

"The monk's just been moonwalking around" - on forgetting that haste increases movement (duh)

"Dibs on his spellbook!" - the wizard on the NPC wizard being attacked by the wyvern

"Sorry man, totally forgot to tell you about the explodey part" - the rogue 

"You weren't here to give my noggin a floggin', were you?" - the rogue to the wyvern 

"That's some good wizard-angering" - the wizard on the monk's attacks 

"You can't even see over the wall, can you?" - the rogue to the halfling fighter 

"You have dishonored Team Net!" - the rogue on the wizard's failed net toss 

"If these NPCs think they're getting XP from this they are sorely mistaken!" - the rogue 

"You guys are like Han and Chewie" - the fighter on the rogue & barbarian 

“We should reduce them and THEN put them in the bag of holding!” - the fighter

*As the acolytes fall to their death* “You’re expeeeeeeendabllllle” - the cleric 

“Well, we’ve never cement shoes-d anyone before…” - the cleric

“If you join our adventure, there’s a 30% dance you will fall to your death” - the cleric 

“We’ll get the bear armor. Barmor.” - the fighter 

“You are suddenly surrounded by a swarm of locusts!” “We can just eat them, right?” -the fighter

“That’s not a wizard, that’s Lumpy Space Princess” - the ranger on the DM’s choice of fig for the evil wizard 

“Wyverns are chicken-dragons” - the cleric

“Tyr cries another tear” -the fighter on the cleric’s bad behaviour 

“Asmodeous is the god of…bad…things…” - the DM, flipping through his notes

DM: “You’ve taken this poor acolyte’s life savings!” Rogue: “He’s a monk, he doesn’t need it!" 

"Somebody took the bloody mess perk!” - the wizard on the rogue’s sneak attack 

“He yawned and you shot the arrow in to his mouth” - the cleric on the rogue’s surprise round 

“Most wizards don’t have armor classes” - the wizard 

DM:“So there’s a corridor, with some windows-” Rogues: “Are there dramatic lightning flashes?” Dm: “Of course!”

“We should fight on the airship, we can always hide in the closet if the battle gets really bad” - the cleric

(okay technically the night before last but then I did a 24-hour stream so sue me)

"Aren't you a little short for a halfling?" - the barbarian to the ranger

"Your sword is doing more damage than you are" - the DM to the cleric 

"The wyvern is here, munching on guards. Nomnomnomnomnom" -the DM making the dragon model eat the guards 

"As he runs by I give him a sportsmanlike slap on the butt" - the wizard to the barbarian 

"I head in the direction where the killing can proceed" - the barbarian 

"Oh no, the monk caw-cawed!" - the wizard 

"...all I have is words at this point" - the rogue 

"Damn, man, now we got no hope" - the rogue on the death of the owl's familiar

"He looks at hurt as I feel" - the wizard

"You shoot an arrow in to his cheekbone" - the DM on the fighter's crit 

"Get in the airship and hit him with it!" - the rogue's helpful advice to the wizard 

"A ranger riding a bear while firing arrows. So badass." - the barbarian 

"I've been putting a lot of thought in to how to not kill myself" - the rogue 

"He's going to rune everything!" - the barbarian on the guy escaping with the runestone

"I got stoned. I got stoned real good." - the wizard on being petrified

"You can never have too many liches." - the GM

"Liches get stiches." - the rogue

"Birdalopes?" - the cleric

"Sloppy Slurk." - the fighter

"You just did a Zangeif piledriver." the rogue to the monk

"We should take a wishbone from one of these enemies to use for intimidation." the rogue

"Right in the cloaca!" - the fighter

"Those trolls look bigger in this very small room." - the wizard

"Dammit, my eldritch blast isn't a two-handed weapon!" - the fighter/warlock

"That's a juicy firebolt!" the wizard

"Well played, weird wyrm." - the rogue

"I went to poison college for this!" - the rogue

"The creature is large, you are medium..." - the GM working out something "

"You've been swallowed and can't move or attack, but on the bright side you're immune to being attacked." the GM

"Can I build the fighter a Bane-like rig that just injects healing potions into his veins?" - the wizard

"We don't kinkshame on this boat." The GM

"So if they put all the right ingredients in the right place they bake an evil cake?" - the monk "The evilest cake." - the wizard

"I didn't succeed, but I didn't fail the worst." - the monk on seducing the dragon

"Arriving on a strange ocean-going elven ship in a landlocked valley lake would probably raise a lot of questions with the locals." -the GM "That's very us, let's do that." - the monk & fighter

"We're in civilization, crew. No more being fuckwits like we are on the ship. Watch your six." - the rogue

"You know what? Disintegrate." - the wizard

"Team Net in the houuuuuuse!" - the wizard

"Do we want to just go in to this tavern full adventurer? Like, give us the Saving-the-World breakfast for five?" - the cleric

"So uh, injustice? Any injustice happening? Anything?" - the cleric

"So... you're trying to get into the Vault to kill Szass Tam?" -the Harper "We're feeling Szassy!" - the rogue

"Some of the Zulkirs are able to be swayed." -the GM "How are we going to figure out which, hand them a survey?" - the fighter "How would you rate your job satisfaction?" - the monk

"Did you make a ruckus?" - the Harper "We have a hard time NOT ruckus-ing." - the fighter