#team net

"BARBARAMAGE!" - the wizard, taking a level in barbarian 

"We could just pretend we all died?" - the rogue

"So, you were supposed to save the duke and instead you went shopping?" - the cleric 

"So....we were never here?" - the cleric to the party

"The forest you entered is now a dome of blackness." - the DM "We helped!" - the cleric 

"There's just silk ropes everywhere." - the DM

"There are a limited amount of bear in any given forest." - the wizard 

"Everywhere we go, shit's fucked up. So welcome to...that." - the monk to the sorcerer

"Welcome to the Fucked up Forest. Shit's fucked up." - the monk to the fighter 

"I'm either cut off from my magic or I have a concussion" - the sorcerer 

"My size might not mean much to the giant, but it means a lot to me!" - the (enlarged) wizard 

"You punch up under the giant's loincloth and knock him unconscious." - the DM to the monk 

"Raging ranger. Rage-rer." - the wizard

"That rock is paying for his axe and my armor!" - the fighter 

"You gracefully descend in to its gaping maw" - the DM

"I'm in my room licking my armor clean like a cat" - the fighter 

"I'm gonna tie my self to the ship, tie myself up good" - the cleric 

"You're completely covered in rock monster slobber" - the DM

"Then you just pull the ol' kill 'em and take your money back' routine." - the rogue 

"The password to pilot the airship is "Boaty McBoatface"." - the fighter 

"It's the gambling way, it might be better tomorrow" - the fighter with a gambling addiction 

"Is the password 'surprise, motherfucker?'" - the fighter to the cleric

"We're looking for a wretched hive of scum and villainy" - the rogue 

"I'm the lucky damsel and he's the infuriated fighter" - the rogue 

"We can't Run Lola Run this?" - the rogue

"I throw a few 'Praise the Lords' in to the conversation randomly, at inopportune moments" - the cleric

"You could pretend to be a ghost and read the books?" - the cleric's suggestion to the wizard getting to the library 

"These people need to get festive" - the fighter

"You can just give me 200 gold,man, you don't need to tell me the world's going to end - the NPC librarian

"Because the world will end if I don't." - the wizard getting in to the library 

"...whereupon some people were turned inside out." - the rogue getting let in to a library at midnight

"This has to work sometime" - the cleric on his persuasion rolls

"Meanwhile, in the Hall of Justice..." - the DM on the temple of Tyr

"I'm converting him. He will take time." - the cleric on the wizard 

"We're churchin' it up" - the wizard 

"We need to restock on nets and things to throw off the airship while it's flying." - the rogue 

"Clothed only in a leather bikini bottom and a huge sword, I march in to the temple and demand the holy book!" - the rogue

"Hey, gods help those who help themselves" - the barbarian

"You don't want to sound entitled" - the fighter to the cleric before he communed with his god 

"My god is more than a magic 8-ball!" - the cleric 

"My room smells like blueberries and the skulls of my enemies" - the rogue 

"While you're gone, the bear climbs in to your bed" - the DM on the rogue's room on the airship

"No one wants to chase the adventurers, the guards know they'll get their asses kicked" - the DM

"Alright, let's bounce" - the barbarian 

"God-kings, my favourite enemy" - the fighter

"Sorry we weren't here, we were busy sealing a portal to hell." - the cleric 

"Show me where the dragon hurt you!" - the rogue

"If I ever become Prime Minister I'm putting you in charge of naming rich people's kids" - the cleric to the fighter 

"Top speed! Nyoooooom!" - the monk 

"Of course he's tyrannical, his name is Tyranax" - the rogue

"The trigger word is 'caw-caw!'" - the cleric setting up the healing glyph 

"Once this fight is over we're going to buy the monk a beer" - the rogue to the monk 

"I'm taking poison and shame damage right now" - the unconscious barbarian 

"Your body is like 'ugh'." - the DM to the fighter who shrugged off a poison 

"Can we fly overhead and just Looney Tunes them? Like with pianos and anvils?" - the cleric

"And by fork, he means his penis" - the wizard on the spiny devil 

"Look at you, with your gorilla arms." - the monk to the gigantic wizard 

"I've tried to stab the party a few times, and you guys seem pretty cool with it." - the rogue Looks like I forgot to do them from the game before too, so here’s those:

"We stole their paladin and dropped him in to hell, we should probably go back to help the town" - the cleric

"Fuckyouleavemyninjafriendalone!" - the aggravated wizard on the monk 

"'Ice to see you', or 'kick some ice' I can't decide"- the barbarian's puns on the ice storm

"Avenge my unconsciousness! Take his butt for me!" - the rogue 

"The wall of thorns is like a silk sheet to a barbed devil" - the rogue 

"This is what we call a tactical egress" - the wizard (we're running away) 

"You're going to have to use the Pythagorean equation to calculate your shortbow shot" - the DM 

"That's worth more than a golf clap, it's worth a Bill & Ted's 'Excellent" - the barbarian 

"You miss 100% of the karate strikes you don't take" - the barbarian to the monk after the monk failed to hit

"We can throw a net over him, then sit on him, then stab him while we sit on him" - the cleric #teamnet

"You take his ear off" - the DM "I always wanted to make a mitten out of one of those" - the rogue

*rolls eyes* "Oh gods write a poem about it already" - the monk to the ranting BBEG

"Behold, the field in which I grow all the fucks that I give" - the monk to the BBEG, gesturing to an empty space 

"Careful guys this is a hard hat zone" - the wizard 

"If you could fly, why would you ever walk again?" - the fighter

"Of course you have to check it for traps, it's called a trap door" - the monk 

"We don't just need a long rest, we need a long-ass rest" - the monk 

"I light up a smoke" - the rogue on the finished battle 

"LOCUST DONUT!" - the fighter

"You make a sloth saving throw" - the DM "Am I a raging sloth?" - the barbarian 

"The monk's just been moonwalking around" - on forgetting that haste increases movement (duh)

"Dibs on his spellbook!" - the wizard on the NPC wizard being attacked by the wyvern

"Sorry man, totally forgot to tell you about the explodey part" - the rogue 

"You weren't here to give my noggin a floggin', were you?" - the rogue to the wyvern 

"That's some good wizard-angering" - the wizard on the monk's attacks 

"You can't even see over the wall, can you?" - the rogue to the halfling fighter 

"You have dishonored Team Net!" - the rogue on the wizard's failed net toss 

"If these NPCs think they're getting XP from this they are sorely mistaken!" - the rogue 

"You guys are like Han and Chewie" - the fighter on the rogue & barbarian 

“We should reduce them and THEN put them in the bag of holding!” - the fighter

*As the acolytes fall to their death* “You’re expeeeeeeendabllllle” - the cleric 

“Well, we’ve never cement shoes-d anyone before…” - the cleric

“If you join our adventure, there’s a 30% dance you will fall to your death” - the cleric 

“We’ll get the bear armor. Barmor.” - the fighter 

“You are suddenly surrounded by a swarm of locusts!” “We can just eat them, right?” -the fighter

“That’s not a wizard, that’s Lumpy Space Princess” - the ranger on the DM’s choice of fig for the evil wizard 

“Wyverns are chicken-dragons” - the cleric

“Tyr cries another tear” -the fighter on the cleric’s bad behaviour 

“Asmodeous is the god of…bad…things…” - the DM, flipping through his notes

DM: “You’ve taken this poor acolyte’s life savings!” Rogue: “He’s a monk, he doesn’t need it!" 

"Somebody took the bloody mess perk!” - the wizard on the rogue’s sneak attack 

“He yawned and you shot the arrow in to his mouth” - the cleric on the rogue’s surprise round 

“Most wizards don’t have armor classes” - the wizard 

DM:“So there’s a corridor, with some windows-” Rogues: “Are there dramatic lightning flashes?” Dm: “Of course!”

“We should fight on the airship, we can always hide in the closet if the battle gets really bad” - the cleric

(okay technically the night before last but then I did a 24-hour stream so sue me)

"Aren't you a little short for a halfling?" - the barbarian to the ranger

"Your sword is doing more damage than you are" - the DM to the cleric 

"The wyvern is here, munching on guards. Nomnomnomnomnom" -the DM making the dragon model eat the guards 

"As he runs by I give him a sportsmanlike slap on the butt" - the wizard to the barbarian 

"I head in the direction where the killing can proceed" - the barbarian 

"Oh no, the monk caw-cawed!" - the wizard 

"...all I have is words at this point" - the rogue 

"Damn, man, now we got no hope" - the rogue on the death of the owl's familiar

"He looks at hurt as I feel" - the wizard

"You shoot an arrow in to his cheekbone" - the DM on the fighter's crit 

"Get in the airship and hit him with it!" - the rogue's helpful advice to the wizard 

"A ranger riding a bear while firing arrows. So badass." - the barbarian 

"I've been putting a lot of thought in to how to not kill myself" - the rogue 

"He's going to rune everything!" - the barbarian on the guy escaping with the runestone

“We need to work on our scorpion diplomacy." - the rogue 

"Team net is about to be bad for your health and you don't have insurance!" -the sorcerer 

"The avocado iceberg just motoring across the water." - the rogue 

"I want a nacho hat." -the rogue

"I drop a ball bearing in to the water." - the rogue "It has a bearing on the situation." - the sorcerer 

"It's better to have a rabbit corpse and not need it than need a rabbit corpse and not have it." - the sorcerer 

"You saw the slime." - the wizard "And it opened up my eyes" - the sorcerer 

"You're on monk duty." - the wizard to the fighter 

"We need magical umbrellas" - the sorcerer

"I'm lichen it." - the sorcerer on the cave 

"I'm more Watson than Sherlock at this point." - the rogue 

"How are everyone's brains?" - the DM

"Do you want to start a tontine?" - the rogue "You might as well just pay me now." - the wizard 

"But my loins! My loins are so prepped and girdled!" - the rogue

"Can we put it in the bag of holding?" - the fighter "THAT'S NOT THE SOLUTION TO EVERYTHING" - the monk 

"This pool is like that underwater level of the NES Ninja Turtles game." - the fighter "That game made me punch my NES." - the sorcerer

"The pool smells terrible, dank, like bong water." - the DM 

"I throw my dancing lights ahead like a landing strip. The lights are pink." - the sorcerer "Oh cool, straight ahead of us, ping ping ping." -the monk “You mean 'pink pink pink'." - the sorcerer

"I come out of the water and shake my dreadlocks out like a shampoo commercial." - the monk

describing NPCs "There's someone in full plate, someone who's clearly a mage, someone wearing no armor-" - the DM "Closet mage." - the fighter 

"Nobody suffocates in the bags today!" - the wizard  "And there was much rejoicing." - the sorcerer  

"How do you give the cleric advantage on this persuasion check?" - the DM "I repeat the last three words of every sentence he says like a 90′s informercial."  - the sorcerer  

"So in order to see underwater, I am going to put my familiar in octopus form on to my face, and use my ability to see through its eyes." - the wizard

"I get in to the bag of holding by putting it on my head like a hat and letting it drop." - the fighter "That is the trippiest thing I have ever seen" - the (stoner) monk 

"We can't kill the guards, can we?" - the fighter "They're innocent, we don't want to kill them." - the monk mumbling "I kind of want to." - the sorcerer, pouting  

"Can we just send the thieves a text saying it's from Tyr? It'll be like fire icon, skull-and-crossbones, poop emoji." - the rogue  

"You're the chosen one. You don't take shit from the chosen one." - the monk 

"But what if I want to go skinny dipping and there's a killer on the loose?" - the sorcerer "I'll be there, man. You won't see me, but I'll be there." - the (creepy) rogue