#teamavocado

Joe Millionaire: For Richer or Poorer

Kurt: “If a woman can make me laugh, you got my heart.”

Joe Millionaire: For Richer or Poorer

Kurt: “If a woman can make me laugh, you got my heart.”

alrighty. so this is about to get supes-gossipy. so if you (not you-you, anon but like in general) are gonna get yo’ knickers in a twist over me referring to women in la leto’s life, please do so elsewhere. 

you should all know i do not do that whole Team chloe-valery-anastasia-lupita-etc thing. it’s not my scene. i’m not about praising any one woman in jared’s life and badmouthing all the rest for whatever superficial reason people wanna badmouf. if ya don’t know - here’s some light reading on my thoughts on that all: http://la-leto.tumblr.com/post/114715908476/come-on-you-don-t-really-think-vk-is-there-just

http://la-leto.tumblr.com/post/114655939686/j-and-v-are-dating-what-a-surprise-not-really

1) so, as far as i can tell, the actual “TeamAvocado” was some sorta petname that came to be sometime between 12/26/2013 and early 2014 in Tulum, Mexico between Jared, Chloe (Bartoli), Jamie (Reed) and (assuming tho so peripheral at this point so who the fuck knows) Talia Bentson, (and also assuming Terry Richardson is NOT on TeamAvocado. I repeat: TRich NOT on TeamAvocado). The exact date of origins may be different, but this was the first time I recall seeing it used by Jared and repeatedly. 

please note - these screenshots were taken today, 4/16/15:

Guessing “TeamAvocado” as a namesake logistically came to be because 1) they were all hanging in Mexico, where avocados run free and plentiful and 2) Jared just adores avocados.

And because he tends to always be the sun in every relationship, meaning it seems his friends become friends and their social lives eventually seem to revolve around him in his letoverse in some capacity because, as we’re all aware, he has this incredible charisma that transcends age, race, gender, sexual orientation, geographical location, sometimes reality, and pretty much sucks you in and makes you feel like he is everything you need in your life (I say as I’m tumblring about him and following a whole buncha you all also tumblring bout him) so they all went with it.

If i had to guess i assume he probs was being adorable and was like: “omg you guyzzz! I love you so much - thank you for being here with me in Tulum and celebrating my birthday and like this year ahead which is gonna be just bananas but, anyways. Like, you’re my favorite people, like we are a team and like I love you as much as I love avocados. omg, we. are. TEAM AVOCADO!!! Hashtag that shit. Yea, let’s be sure to hashtag that, ok? Gooooooo TEAM(Avocado)!!” 

So, it kinda became a thing.

And that thing continued through 2014, and evolved to include honorary member, Annabelle (Wallis) and I wanna say Valery (Kaufman) - but like, don’t quote me on that. I do know Annabelle did get looped into TeamAvocado because she was present during Jared’s VyRTviolet that took place the day after the Hollywood Bowl debacle (omg my heart still hurts for Jare) and he serenaded Chloe and Annabelle with the “Holy Guacamole!” song which seems like it was birthed also in Tulum and revisited on VyRT. 

Anyways. My comment regarding #TeamAvocado being officially Done-Zo Washington is because something def went down in Cuba, where Jared, Jamie, Annabelle, Valery and Chloe vacayed just after New Year’s 2015. That whole time feels very surreal, mainly because Jared seemed to drop off the face of the earth, which may have been due to Cuban/US cellular issues - howevs, pics were coming thru from Chloe who I would assume would have a similar cell plan as Jared, being that they’re both based in LA and travel the world repeatedly…..it’s weird. Whatevs.

So, there were rumors way before the boat and Cuba that things had to be strained between Jared and Chloe, seeing as he chose to hire Celebrity Stylist Micaela Erlanger to dress him for the Hollywood Critics Awards, which happened on November 14, 2014. Prior to that appearance, Jared had generously attributed most (if not all) of his red carpet, photoshoot, LLFD Battlegear “styling” to Chloe Bartoli, as that is her profession she’s been working to build up since at least 2012. Securing Rockstar, Sexiest-Engima-Alive, Oscar-Winner Jared Leto - whose style became a type of famous in and of itself - as your “main” celebrity client was probably akin to winning the lottery. Especially one as ready to give your name out to anyone that will ask “who dressed you?” because as a friend who loves you, wants you to do well.

Howevs, for whatever reason we’ll never truly know, Jared decided to hire Micaela (who currently dresses Lupita Nyongo, Common, Channing Tatum, Olivia Munn, Ivanka Trump, etc) and who knows how that convo went down but perhaps it was assumed that Chloe would continue to “style” him for more casual, everyday, rockstar looks, but for red carpet events - he’d have Micaela on-hand to pick him up some looks and handle those logistics.

Honestly, I know a bit about celebrity styling - and it is goddamn stressful work. It’s not just going to a store and picking things out that you like, or that you think someone will like. It’s building a network of connections and contacts, requesting pieces, putting them on reserve, arranging pick-ups, drop-offs, fittings, alterations, PR shit with designers and artists, etc etc etc. I don’t want to throw any mistaken shade her way but, just having an idea of Chloe’s lifestyle based on her social media postings and her presence in Jared’s life, it seemed like she was not based somewhere really working on taking care of all those things? And while I assume she knows the right people and can get shit taken care of - let’s be realistic. By the time awards season rolled in for Jared in mid/late 2013 through early 2014, I’m CERTAIN he was choosing most of the looks we saw him in - and I’m CERTAIN with his own almost 2-decade long fashion week invites, connections and friendships (especially with Givenchy’s Riccardo Tisci - which they’ve been close for nearly a decade, and Hedi Slimane at YSL, another close friend) Jared was probably being hand-delivered enough clothes on a routine basis to fill that Studio City home. ………maybe that’s why he moved? Whatevs. I have personal theories that knowing he’d have to do the respectful thing and show up for nearly all the awards shows for 2015 (after winning all the awards everywhere throughout 2014) he wanted it to go as smoothly and as stressfree as possible, and not have to spend a second thinking about a thing. So, babydoll moved on up and hired a celeb stylist with a shitton of clout that seems like she’s probs as Type A as he is.

I like to imagine he had hoped that move wouldn’t affect his friendship with Chloe - but at the end of the day, knowing you’re not going to be able to use his name as a client, knowing that he’ll soon be photo’d everywhere and have to acknowledge a new stylist is taking care of him, how could it not be a blow to her career? And while we like to imagine friendships should be strong enough to last something like this - like it was just a professional move he needed to make for his own reasons - having a friendship before having that professional relationship means any change to that professional relationship will undoubtedly affect the personal relationship. Not to mention, if he was doing a majority of the work and just gifting her the acknowledgment in the press, I could see that getting to him after a while too. Especially when it involves his personal style. Because suddenly people start thinking you look great because of this person that is not you - when it is you. So you. All you.

We know Jared. We know how his look has evolved and changed - and the Jared we saw throughout 2013 and 2014 and now 2015 is 100% him. It always seemed sorta phony that he’d be attributing her name to looks that very clearly seem like they came right out of his closet. Tho, who knows. Again, JUST A LETOTHEORY.

So, that brings us to January 2015, back from Cuba; Jared all but was still missing on the social medias, and when we were seeing him - they were kind of distressing moments. He seemed…..out of sorts. (I discussed my feelings then here.)

We know then too that Chloe unfollowed Jared on Instagram (which, if you do anything seriously, you must get all your breaking news by scrolling thru randos’ social media follows, ok??) - and then the stories started coming out that Jared’s odd behavior we know him to have, was drifting into real-life…

Not only all this but his appearances at the awards shows were, strained to say the least.

Most-telling, he completely avoided the red carpets before hand - which maybe he just hates that shit (tho, he sure seemed to get a kick out of it in 2013/2014) or maybe it’s because the less time he spends on the red carpet where everyone always wants to discuss who you’re wearing - and photos are taken which are then attributed via PR sources discussing who styled you and what they put you in – means less opportunities for the media to reference Micaela’s name as his stylist. Meaning maybe he was hoping to avoid rubbing salt into open wounds? I think most telling was that the only red carpet he walked, and walked happily, happened to be for the Oscars, which is also when he first acknowledged Micaela was styling him (as he included her in his pic of him and Zedd in the car on the way to the show….)

Things seemed to get even more awkward when it was revealed that Chloe did dress people for the Oscars (Oscar-winner John Legend’s wife) as well as Poppy Delevingne (yea, Suicide Squad’s Cara Delevingne’s sister) for the Vanity Fair afterparty… so, there were similar circles nearing overlap that night. Not to mention Annabelle was also at the Vanity Fair party, hanging with Margot Robbie (The Joker’s Harley Quinn), but not one pic of Annabelle and her bestie, Jared? Nor Jared and Margot?? WHY IS MARGOT NOT BFF’ING THAT BOY UP?!!?!!!?!?!??!!?!?!!?!?!!?!?!?!? She loses all respect in my boyfbff-ingbook for her lack of swagger on this scene.

It also seemed that Jared was friendly with Jamie - as they were spotted together a couple times following Cuba, but Jamie’s made it very clear on his social media channels that he’s moved on from MARS. Perhaps this is just professionally which is great for him because he has to do his own thing too as a musician/producer, but he has also made a few allusions to making new friends most recently at Coachella, and has not been at Jared’s side at all in Toronto, which seems like something he would’ve done back in 2013…

Which then brings us to Russia.

Again - people flipped out over Valery’s presence, however, considering 1) the country and 2) the personal situation happening with Jared and his bffs….it doesn’t surprise me that the only people that would’ve been able to/want to meet up with him there would be Valery and Anastasia (if we can believe the scarf theory…)

Meanwhile, Annabelle has recently referred to Jared as her “bestie” so maybe all is still well between them. Or at least I want to believe it is. He’s known her the longest (after Jamie) so I’d like to imagine they’d weather whatever storm seemed to happen over the new year…

But my posting about TeamAvocado troubles originated from Chloe’s IG crazeeee. Since the girl suddenly remembered she has an IG and has been using it to post pic after pic of her locking lips with various persons. Mostly from Coachella. Which, is Jared’s fave place…….The postings have almost felt forced, in a way. Like, OMG LOOOK AT HOW AMAZE MY LIFE IS!! whilst some little blonde boy is laying in his toronto hotel bed drawing on his snapchat faces, going to brunch alone, making timelapse videos of traffic on the Toronoto streets far below his hotel room window….

But this pic pretty much made it seem like if #TeamAvocado was on it’s last…leg?… it is now officially Done-Zo Washington (at least for Chloe):

Cause, like….. for a vegan, what would be like probably the exact opposite of an avocado? Maybe bacon?

Anyways.

That was a lot of shit. And I’m embarrassed I know all of it.

Someone please shoot me in the face so I can avoid having to remember writing any and all of this…..kthanxbai.

OHMYGOOOODDDDDDD.

I ALMOST FORGOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU ASKED ME.

2) Done-zo Washington™ is courtesy of our own little bambileto being his witty, sassy self. And I’m really just trying to make it happen for him.