#teachersg

Today, I asked my kids what was the meaning of “coward” and one brave soul raised his hand to answer.

“Coward means that you say you want to fight but didn’t. It means you are not brave.”

I took it negatively. Of course, his answers could have meant something else entirely, but at that moment, it sounded a lot like pride and ego to me.

His answer took me aback. For awhile, I stared at the 30 innocent faces in front of me, wondering what’s going on inside their heads, wondering how many fights, battles and losses have occurred precisely of this notion of “bravery”.

Maybe it’s because they are still so young and are unable to express themselves fluently. Maybe they didn’t quite mean it that way, but I couldn’t just let it slide and move on to the next topic. I couldn’t, for what if my worst fears are right? I have a chance, right here right now, to at least try to correct that notion.

“Is fighting equals to bravery?” I asked tentatively and I saw those little heads bobbed up and down eagerly. My heart sank a little more but I ventured further.

“All right, but fighting does involves hitting and beating people. Is it right to hit the person beside you, or someone smaller or even bigger than you? Is that still considered as brave?”  

To my relief, they immediately shook their head until one smart Alec questioned me.

“Why is that you always say is us hitting other people? What if other people hit us?”

So I threw the question back at them. “Okay, does it mean that it is okay to retaliate and lash out at the people around us just because they hit or hurt us?”

Again, they shook their head, albeit a little hesitantly this time round. I took a deep breath. I could see that they were getting impatient and bored, with many monkeys fidgeting restlessly. Perhaps that’s enough preaching for the day, and so I aimed for one last valiant struggle.

“What I am trying to say is...fighting; physical violence or prowess doesn’t necessarily mean that one is brave. Bravery, to me, isn’t about physical fighting. It is about standing up for what you think is right. It is about daring to stay true to your values, your ideas, even when everyone else, everything, seem to be against you.

It could be something as “big” as saving someone, but it also could be something as “small” as telling the truth, like admitting that you are in the wrong, because all those things can be very scary at times. ”

I paused and looked at them for 10 seconds. The class stared right back at me in silence. I wasn’t sure whether they understood what I was trying to say. After all, how can I expect a child of a single digit age to understand all the complexities and nuances of the world? They still have a long journey ahead of them. They will learn, in time.