#teach consent

There's a phrase I've come to know well over the years. I couldn't repeat it in full before I turned sixteen, but the unedited version is "fucked up normal". As in, that's fucked up, but it's normal to the person experiencing it. Like - I spent my early childhood thinking that you got a window view for your birthday. Or 'health care' involved getting a gummy vitamin if you were good that day.

That stopped after I met my Godfather. But that's a different story. This story is how I learned that my adopted family was a crime syndicate.

My 'normal' had changed the day after Guido the Knife found me huddled in a doorway on one sleet-filled spring morning. I had a window view every day, and hot meals three times a day, and the softest, comfiest, warmest bed, and good, clean clothes. Every day. I used to call my Godfather 'Santa' because I honestly believed he was Santa Claus in disguise.

“No parent wants their child becoming a victim or a perpetrator of sexual assault. And that makes early lessons about consent absolutely crucial. But that doesn’t mean the lessons need to be frightening or panic-inducing. In fact, those discussions don’t even need to be about sex. Because, essentially, consent is about boundaries.

How to Teach Young Kids About Consent

Teaching a child about consent means teaching them about boundaries. So establish boundaries in the home and natural consequences when those boundaries are crossed.

Explicit lessons about physical boundaries can begin as soon as children are becoming curious about bodies, around 4 years old.

Lessons around physical boundaries start simple with reinforcing the idea that no means no and that children are not allowed to touch another person without permission.

Parents need to respect their children’s boundaries, too. Model consent by not tickling, hugging, kissing, or wrestling children when they say no.

If children are struggling to understand, couch the lesson in the idea of asking permission, which may be easier for some kids to understand.

Read the full piece here 

If She’s Not Having Fun You Have To Stop

“MEN (& everyone!) PRACTICE THIS:

- Can I do this?

- would you like it if I…?

- I would really like to…

- No? OK. What would you prefer?

- If you arent into it I respect that.

- Does this feel good?

-  Is this ok?

- Are you having fun?

- How do you feel?

- What do you want?”

”No means no doesn’t only apply to sex. It also applies when your friends say they don’t want to drink anymore, when they say they don’t feel comfortable w affection, when they say they don’t smoke weed. Respecting people’s boundaries doesn’t only mean when it comes to sex”

Watch Sad13’s (Speedy Ortiz’s Sadie Dupuis) “Get a Yes” Video

“Sad13 (aka Speedy Ortiz’s Sadie Dupuis) has shared a video for “Get a Yes,” from her new LP Slugger. The clip, which doubles as a step-by-step guide to consent, was directed by Isabel Farrington, and features Dupuis and a cast of friends dancing as they illustrate the rules of consent.”

I wanted to make a tribute to ’90s-style group dance videos, and my childhood friend Patsy Gay, who spends her days as a dance archivist, put together a sample reel of choreography using moves from Spice Girls, Aaliyah, Salt-N-Pepa, Janet Jackson, and Jordan Knight vids… plus Stephanie Tanner and Urkel. Isabel Farrington, who directed the video, styled it as a late-night TV infomercial about teaching the dos and don'ts of getting consent to dance with your partner. We filled the video with tons of our friends and shot it over a couple days at Silent Barn.”  

“MEN (& everyone!) PRACTICE THIS: 

- Can I do this? 

- would you like it if I...? 

- I would really like to... 

- No? OK. What would you prefer? 

- If you arent into it I respect that. 

- Does this feel good? 

-  Is this ok? 

- Are you having fun? 

- How do you feel? 

- What do you want?”

“if i was a parent”