You werenât loyal to me.
Oh, but they were. Thatâs why they never questioned you, they know how loyal you are, how you pride yourself in that, and never thought youâd actually leave. Thatâs why they never went after you, they just couldnât believe youâd really left, left them, they didnât know how to search for somebody who made it clear he didnât want to be found. They were loyal, they just never expected you not to be.
They know. They remember, and how couldnât they, when they are not the same without you, they donât see things the way they did with you standing next to them. They lost their balance the day they lost you, there is an empty space now where you once were and itâs just not the same anymore, not without you.
You still are. A brother, a friend. You are standing in front of them, and theyâd take you back in a second, you need only ask.
You may have forgotten, but I havenât.
Believe it, they canât either. They just canât wrap their minds around the fact that youâre not there anymore, that you chose to leave them, after everything youâve been through together. They never looked for you because they didnât know it was possible you didnât want them anymore. They thought youâd forgotten, they never could.
And itâs why Iâm going to give you what you never gave me: a chance.
They never gave you a chance because they didnât think you needed it. They would never presume youâd wanted it, that you were ever even thinking of betraying them, that you needed something else other than them, than what you had together. They gave you a chance, donât ignore it. Theyâre giving it now too. Theyâre here, arenât they?
But youâre too proud, too stubborn, too insecure. How could they want you when you left? You canât admit the mistake you made because you donât think theyâll forgive you, and what then? Youâd have lost your purpose, youâd be left alone, again. The kind of loneliness you never knew existed, the one you felt for the first time when you left them, only it would be worse because youâd know they donât want you back this time.
You canât bear to hear their refusal, which is why you prefer to have this on your own terms, you wonât beg, you want them to beg. Beg to join you, beg for you to come back.
Just a bit more, and maybe youâll yield.
You want to feel that theyâd missed you, and to be able to have someone watch your back again, someone to care enough for you to risk defending you. You werenât made to be on your own, not like this, and you know it.
But you wonât break, why wonât you break?
