#tantrum time

I'm not someone who tends to price check breakfast cereal, but lately I have had to be. Observe:

12oz of cheerios for over $5. $7 per pound. That is a stupid amount of money for wheat o's that are mostly air. but look at this...

The same amount of cereal for $2. But store brand. Hannaford is a middle of the road grocery store in my area. There is absolutely no reason that General Mills should have more than twice the production costs. Even if Hannaford somehow saves on distribution by shipping to their own stores, that still doesn't justify this kind of price difference.

General Mills could make Cheerios for $2. There is absolutely no reason for this price difference, other than that General Mills can get away with it.

To be clear, I do NOT blame biden's economic policy for this (thought I would love to see tougher laws around consumer protections). This is at best price gouging, and at worse election interference! This is nothing but corporate greed screwing over everyone.

Food is ridiculously expensive. Rent is ridiculously expensive. Used cars and car parts are ridiculously expensive. The food we need, the roof over our heads, cars that we have to have, all crushingly expensive. Overall, the economy is doing great! But in some very impactful, very limited areas people who are just getting by are being squeezed harder than ever.

This is not where I usually post these kinds of things.  There’s no usually right now, though.  So this is happening.

I will preface the next part by saying that I am as okay as any of us are right now.  I am employed.  I am not sick.  My living situation is good and (thank God), my marriage is in a nice, strong place and I still both love and like my partner.  What comes next is a stream of consciousness fucking BLLLLEEEAAAARGGGGGHHH.

Having said all that?

YOU GUYS I FUCKING HATE THIS.  I hate it soooo much.  I am scared and anxious all the fucking time.  My tummy hurts.  I am fucking CRABBY and SCRATCHY right now and I want to YELL.

I miss everything.  I miss going to the gym and seeing Mary, who is a nice lady who always says hello and checks in with me while she is curling her hair and I am suiting up.  I miss all of the people I randomly see at the gym every morning.  I miss Delfino and Richard and James and Rosemary and the trainers and the loud insane strength training class with the crazy version of Sweet Dreams.  I miss getting my latte at Peet's on Friday and how one of the women that works there always calls me Mama.  And the security guard in our building, Robert, who always fist bumps me on Fridays.  I even miss my stupid desk and I definitely miss my Accordion Babes pinup calendar.  I hate working with only half of the tools I need and not being able to tell from just seeing people what is going on.  I take a bunch of my cues from physical posture, tone of voice, attitude.  I don't have that now and I feel handicapped by it.  I miss swimming!

I miss my friends and I can't help being worried about all of you.  I guess part of me is a just a big ole mother hen who wants to run around and check on everyone and make sure you are all okay.  

I hate feeling this powerless.  I hate feeling this stupid.  I hate not having an attention span or an ability to focus (and I know some of you struggle with this every damn day and I am SO FUCKING SORRY).  This is very humbling in a whole lot of ways and, in case you were wondering, I HATE THAT, TOO!  I mean, I am learning from it, and that part is good BUT FUCK.

I am not enjoying this series of firsts - first conference call (I set them up, I am not important enough to be on them); first telephonic therapy appointment; first Zoom hangout (which was super cool - THANK YOU - but also I need to figure out how to fix the camera on my laptop so I don't look like I am made out of neon); working from home for the first time (it sucks); having everyone else be as paranoid and anxious as I am (turns out to totally suck).

In short (TOO LATE, I KNOW) this is the me equivalent of having a total meltdown because my favorite spoon wasn't clean and I couldn't eat my mac and cheese with it and now I am crying hysterically in the hallway while holding my stuffed Snoopy until I actually give myself the hiccups and then fall asleep because I am exhausted.