#tally talks

so I'll let the queue run out and then the blog can be put down again.

I might pick this up on a new blog that doesn't pretend to be something it isn't. idk if anyone but you guys would be interested in Christina but it's worth a shot maybe. idk

Haha, thank you! I've been on a hiatus for a hot minute but i'm trying to get back into the swing of things!

It’s the she

THE SHE!!

Ironically, the character I had the hardest time creating is the one I relate to the most. At the time, it felt like all my problems were tackling me at once, leading to this massive creative block. I couldn't come up with any new ideas for this setting that everyone else in my group was thrilled about, and I felt very sucky about it! In the past, I made characters based on concepts and tropes that I enjoyed, and their design would come with relative ease. Not in this case— I was so lost for ideas that I decided to take some inspiration from my life instead of from fiction. Fun fact: The design for Mateo— my human wizard— was partially inspired by a teenage boy I saw at a restaurant randomly one day. I'm happy with how his design is coming together (even if I'm constantly trying to tweak it). He's also Spanish, which I felt compelled to include because I was starting to get back into my Spanish practice and wanted an excuse to use my vocabulary somewhere.

I think it was a good decision to base bits and pieces of his personality and story on my experiences and feelings at the time, though that means he is *incredibly* angsty. Who doesn't love good ol' teenage angst? Mateo, much like me, was lost in navigating newly found adulthood and felt like an outsider in his group. I absolutely adore my D&D party, but at the time, I was so filled with doubt and self-consciousness that I felt very isolated. I'm in a much better place now— thank you therapy— but he is still going through it. It felt nice to channel my complicated emotions into a character because I had an outlet to get it out of my system.

Right now, in our campaign, Mateo is going through some emotions that I used to overwhelmingly feel— hopelessness, stagnation, and guilt. There's a sense of healing in knowing that there are other characters for him to reach out to and that, one way or another, I'll get him the happy ending he deserves. I may have felt incredibly alone, but he doesn't have to. I used to think my depressed state would never end, but I know that I'll get him to an end goal. I know things got better for me, but I certainly didn't think they would at the beginning of 2023. Mateo doesn't think he'll get better, but I'll make sure he does. It's a way of showing my past self some love and kindness. It's therapeutic.

Up until very recently, I was 100% comfortable with the thought of killing Mateo off. I was tired of the game and wanted an excuse to leave. The more I develop Mateo's character and RP him— complicated emotions and all— the more I realize that I don't want him to go. I realized that I didn't want to leave the game, too. I want to see him win. I want him to find his purpose, passions and joy amidst all the chaos. I want more funny interactions and vulnerable moments. I have a backup character, and he's pretty neat, but he doesn't have my whole heart and soul like Mateo. My little wizard boy reignited my love for D&D, and I sincerely hope it stays that way.

Gen 2 will feature a mystery bachelorette styled thing, where there will be teen boys in various costumes pursuing a teen girl in costume. This is not a tv show btw, it’s a San Myshuno fundie mom with a camcorder making a video series for her Godly SimTube channel (I can explain. I won’t, not yet, but I can.)

Would anyone be interested in submitting a contestant (spare brother, CAS made, whatever)?