Bible Thumper Sims

Robin and Candace Mills had 13 children: Jeff, Taylor, Stephanie, Jonas, Juliet, Lance, Harrison, Brittney, Lindsay, Cooper, Regina, Tyler, and Shawn.

Robin completed his Nerd Brain aspiration and became a bestselling author, best known for his books about the Watcher. He died surrounded by just family, no cameras.

Jasper and Dorothy Flanagan stopped having children after the twins, having just 7: Jet, Onyx, Sapphire, Malachite, Amber, Carnelian, and adopted son Peregrine.

Jasper started off as a freelance Paranormal Investigator, but eventually dabbled in being an author and a social media influencer - neither took off. But he was happy with what he accomplished for both the Watcher and his own ego. Although they had their difficulties, Jasper and Dorothy never divorced and he attended her funeral.

Simon and GodsMiracle Eaten had 16 children: Rocky, Cliff, Clay, Azalea, Zinnia, Ash, Hunter, Holly, Jasmine, Rowan, Willow, Magnolia, Buck, Petunia, Primrose, and Olive.

Simon completed his Country Caretaker aspiration and outlived every other parent, including his twin and his wife. He died at home.

Samuel and GodIsParadise Eaten had 15 children: Jill, John, Nathan, Amy, Gabriel, Mercy, Grace, Robert, Phillip, Josie, Charles, Jane, Lauren, Joseph, and William.

Samuel has already completed his Mansion Baron aspiration (because I use mods that don’t require 20 columns), and would go on to work hard until he died. In return, his children would remember him as a Godly man that never let his family want for anything.

Jill Eaten marries Brett Barajas.

Jet Flanagan marries Dolly.

I’ve been on the fence about ending the blog, and now that all the oldest kids are married I feel confident in saying that this will be it. All the other kids grew up Godly married early and bred often, amen.

Cliff Eaten gets married to Gloria Cambeiro.

Clay Eaten and Emilia Lowry get married. Emilia shows up in a dress dramatically different than what she promised Clay she would wear, which would be gossiped about for years to come. Clay refused to go on with the wedding until she does something about those harlot shoulders...

I will no longer list birthdays, just courtships & weddings, and instead of a daily recount it just happens when it happens.

Rocky Eaten marries Traci Yarger.

Jet Flanagan starts courting Dolly.

“Mom, I don’t want a birthday party tomorrow.”

“What?! Jules, that is sooo ridiculous. Why wouldn’t you want a party?”

“My friend, Sappho, says birthdays usurp the importance of Jesus’s birthday and God will kill us all for thinking we’re as good as Jesus.”

“Jules, Jules, Jules,” Candace tsked, “Like, every day billions of Sims celebrate their birthday, and, like, not even one has been struck down in righteous fury over it. It’s totally fine to have a party.”

“But mom-”

“Julie, sweetie, I’m, like, so done talking about this. If we don’t throw a big party, everyone on Simsta will totally think I’m a bad mommy. Just because it’s your birthday, that doesn’t make this about you, ok? You can, like, totally pray and repent after the party if you want. And btdubs, don’t hang out with those goth freaks. Everyone will judge you. Mmmkay?”

“Rocky. Your mom told me you’re being brainwashed by secular scientists into abandoning Jesus.” Simon’s tone was firm and disapproving.

“She’s just being hysterical. Probably the pregnancy hormones.”

“She isn’t pregnant right now.”

“She’s still a woman, and more emotional and unreasonable than us.”

“That is true, but you’re going off topic. What is going on?”

“Humanity is ruining God’s Earth! We’re polluting the air He gave us and we’re dumping oil into the ocean-”

“Rocky Dale Eaten! Where are you getting this from?! Who’s corrupting you with left wing hippie propaganda?!”

“It’s not propaganda! We’re really-”

“For every scientist that says we’re ‘ruining’ the planet, there’s two more saying everything is fine! They’ve been crying global warming for 50 years and nothing has happened. They’re being paid by the elites to make you afraid, because the easiest way to control the masses is fear. If they can scare you, they can control you.”

“I’m not scared! I want to save the Earth God gave us!”

“Do you hate me?”

Dorothy looks over at Peregrine, then dramatically sighs and closes her book. “I would much prefer if you had never been born, but if it were not you then it would simply be some other child spawned from Satan’s embrace. I do not blame you.”

“But do you hate me?”

“I adopted you, even when your parents were ready to cast you to Satan’s arms. Of all the people you know here on Earth, I dare say I hate you the least.”

“Does everyone hate me? Why did my parents give me away?”

“Your mother is a false Christian consumed by the devil’s passions and your father...” Dorothy pauses. “We’ll see about your father. Don’t you ever forget: what happened in the library was a secret, and telling anyone would damn you eternally.”

“I know. You keep telling me.”

“I’m joyed to hear of your understanding.”

Peregrine rocks on his feet. “Malachite likes me more than you like me. We play together all the time!”

“How delightful. Why not go play with him now?”

“The chemistry table blew up and he had to take a bath. He wouldn’t let me stay in the bathroom with him.”

“I imagine he wouldn’t. What has become of the chemistry table?”

“I think it’s still on fire.”

"...”

“...”

Sunday, Summer Birthdays

Eaten (GIP & Samuel)

- Josie Eaten (born)

Mills

"Hey, mom, I got a job! I'm a conservationist."

"You're a what?"