#talkingishard

Essentially (since I have no idea how to post images and don't really care to learn at the moment) a white couple won a custody battle for a little black girl and went to walmart to buy hair supplies. At the store they asked a stranger for help in selecting the right supplies for their new daughter. The narrator of the twitter thread (the walmart stranger) and all of the insta commenters thought this was a heartwarming story. My blood, on the other hand, was chilled. These people fought a custody battle for this little girl. They must have expected to, at some point, take custody of her. Why did they wait until the last minute to prepare for her ? And black hair is such a tender subject among black women, one that I don't think most of the insta commenters (who seem based onlly on their avatars, to not be black women) understand. The implications of raising a black girl with all the societal baggage that comes with and not being prepared for that are deeply concerning to me. I'm sure that the white couple had the best intentions, but, Imean, there's a saying about the road to hell and what it's paved with.

It just seems to me that most of the insta commenters are wrapped up in the delightful story of a white couple and a black woman working together, yay! post racial society, that they're missing that the white couple needed to ask multiple strangers for help learning how to care for black hair after winning custody of a black child. This implies, to me, that the couple doesn't have any black friends (at least none close enough to give advice on basic hair care, which is the same as have no black friends). IF they have no black friends, then this little girl may be the only black person they know. Which is not good (it seems obvious to me why that's not good, but it didn't seem important to the insta commenters. One even went so far as to say "Even if they don't have black friends, they're clearly not racist becuase they're fostering a black girl." Which is missing the entire point.)

I also keep thinking about this documentary I saw a few months ago. A horribly tragic young woman became pregnant with a child that she was incredibly unprepared to care for (she was underaged, homeless, jobless, using, among other issues) Despite all of this, she bought little shrits and pants for the baby long in advance of the birth. And I keep thinking, this woman who could not care for her own child began preparing for it months in advance of its arrival, while this couple who fought a custody battle for this child did not prepare for a basic necessaity until after they'd won. It seems fucked up to me in a way that I know I'm unable to express. Part of it is race, I can't help but wonder if the custody battle was over a white child would the couple have been prepared ahead of timee? But part of it is just... kids are tough, they always need stuff and they never shut up and they have so much energy and they're so loud. And black kids come with extra complications because....

I dunno, just trying to get my thinking straight. I'm bothered by the superficial displays of postracial unity, especially when they're so easily punctured. It's not going to do this little girl any good to be raised by white people who are only willing to interact with black strangers or black people they pay to teach them things. She'll need consistent, long term interactions with black people, but more than that she'll need to see her guardians have consistent long term interactions with black people. There was a book written a few years ago buy a white couple who had adopted a black kid (don't remember the gender) who said essentially the same thing. I have no idea the title or the couple's name. (And of course, other people don't put as much importance in what books say as Ido).