#taking space

[ Kara's head hurt from the crash. Actually everything hurt and stumbling out of that God damn ship didn't help. She'd been tinkering with the shipwreck for about 2 hours now, just trying to get something to work. Mom and dad had taught her a little bit about how their things worked but she never paid too much mind to those lessons.. She was really wishing she had now. Kal was tied to her back with the blanket aunt Lara had painstakingly made. Kara had thought she was crazy for it, just like mom thought she was crazy for having a natural birth. Kara felt a little more understanding to it now if she knew this was going to happen too. Her baby cousin, her sweet baby cousin she had promised to keep safe had tired himself out against her back. The freight of.. Well everything, finally exhausting the little guy so Kara could focus on work. ]

𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚗!

𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚗! 𝙱𝚎𝚎𝚙 𝚘𝚛 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐!

𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚙𝚒𝚎𝚌𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚓𝚞𝚗𝚔!

𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚐𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚊𝚢 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚊𝚖𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚏 𝚒𝚝 𝚍𝚘𝚎𝚜 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚞𝚙, 𝙺𝚊𝚛𝚊?

𝙷𝚒! 𝙸 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚋𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚢 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚝𝚝𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚋𝚕𝚎𝚠 𝚞𝚙 𝚖𝚢 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚎𝚝 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚜𝚝𝚞𝚙𝚒𝚍 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚎𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝙴𝚖𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚘𝚛 𝚋𝚞𝚞𝚞𝚞𝚞𝚞𝚞𝚞𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚢 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚙 𝚖𝚎? 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚊 𝚋𝚊𝚋𝚢! 𝙷𝚎'𝚜 𝚜𝚞𝚙𝚎𝚛 𝚌𝚞𝚝𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚞𝚙𝚎𝚛 𝚌𝚑𝚞—

[ of course now the broadcasting light would start working. ]

.........

...𝙷𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚘?

𝙲𝚊𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚖𝚎?

𝙷𝚎𝚕𝚙 𝚖𝚎. 𝙷𝚎𝚕𝚙 𝚖𝚎. 𝙷𝚎𝚕𝚙 𝚖𝚎. 𝚁𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝. 𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚊𝚗 𝚎𝚜𝚌𝚊𝚙𝚎 𝚟𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚎𝚕 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚎𝚝 𝟺 𝚘𝚏 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 𝚁𝚊𝚘, 𝚜𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚘𝚛 𝟸𝟾𝟷𝟹. 𝚆𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚌𝚛𝚊𝚜𝚑 𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝟻𝚝𝚑 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚎𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚁𝚊𝚘. 𝚃𝚠𝚘 𝚜𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚜 𝚘𝚗 𝚋𝚘𝚊𝚛𝚍.

𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚗!

𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚘𝚘𝚘𝚗! 𝙳𝚊𝚍 𝚋𝚞𝚒𝚕𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚘𝚏 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜! 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚔. 𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚗! 𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚗 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎.

𝙿𝚕𝚎𝚎𝚎𝚎𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎.

Dear Diary,

My sister put together a little “cozy corner” in her room. It was meant to be a space she could meditate, do yoga, and take space. Well Monster has fallen in love with that corner. Today she went there to relax and ended up falling asleep.

Is there any power in my silence?

When confused and hurting words can no longer take what keeps being said...

This is what’s left of my control

But as I write so will you, your stanzas stand taller than mine and run through their audiences like velvet while mine remain like linen, meant to be replaced.

The lesson remains part of the earth like a dew drop on a shiny leaf, inevitable that it will fall.

Is there any power in my silence?

So what will come of this?

I'm healing.

Slowly, but I'm healing.

I can regulate my emotions better.

I'm learning when to stop talking or interacting, before I spiral out of control.

I'm learning to not throw open a floodgate of emotions when the pain starts to grow.

I'm learning to take space when it all gets too much.

Because I'm starting to remember to realise, before it all happens, that its not worth it.

Its not worth the feeling of unnecessary guilt.

Its not worth the exhaustion and sleeplessness.

Its not worth the feeling of loneliness.

Its not worth the feeling of thinking you'll never deserve love while craving to be held.

Its not worth the hours of crying alone on a cold marble floor, when nobody even knows that you're crying, until you do tell them and feel guiltier.

I could just... step back.

I could just... not talk.

I could just turn off my phone and do something else.

Instead of feeling attacked over nothing.

Instead of hurting the one you love because you misread them and their intentions.