#taking forever

update

Update

A little teaser for it below:

Some time after realizing I had osdd I also figured out that any therapy that isn't osdd focused would be completely useless. The reason behind this is that all of the cause of symptoms are inside my alters and if that is not adressed, you could cure me forever with no progress.

For instance, say I'm experiencing anxiety, and I go ahead and say that to a therapist; I have a heavy feeling that I'm about to die or am already dying and can't get rid of it. The therapist could take me through multiple excercises and grounding methods, we could discuss at length where this is coming from and why I believe this and we could go through hundred reassurances and facts that point to secure survival. And the next day I would feel just as anxious. Because I have an alter screaming 'We're about to die! We're dying right now!' in my ear and no conversation or exercise is gonna make you less anxious if you have that going on.

Now you might think, well, you could hear your therapist out and then tell the same thing to your alter. But there is one tiny problem. Alters don't listen to a word I say. I try to talk to them, I get 'You don't know anything and you are stupid and don't matter' and then they continue whatever they were doing.

If the therapist knew about osdd, and I could tell them about the alter, and have them talk to the alter directly, that might do something, but I would be afraid. Because my alters would be just as rude and mean to the therapist. They are not civilized, they live in my head and are used to having zero consequences of their actions. So telling a therapist 'clearly you're an idiot fuck off' would be perfectly normal for them and I'm not sure therapists tolerate that kind of disrespect. I don't want to be mean to anyone but can't control what they do. And there is no therapist in my country educated about osdd, it's not recognized as a real disorder.