#tail chasing

round and round and round

I saw your instagram story you have been in a good mood you want to spread positivity It makes sense the one who said goodbye is the one least affected I knew you would say goodbye again I was hoping you had learned your lesson and realized that friend’s aren’t just for fucking but you always find a way to prove me wrong I always find a way to try to stay or go back and I understand why dogs chase their tails because when you finally catch it there is  a sense of accomplishment damn that was challenging but I did it. it snuggles with it’s tail between it’s teeth. I keep chasing my tail with you I keep going around and around I’m getting dizzy. When you left me the fifth time, I tried to name a new season and I could only come up with tail i flipped a coin and it was only tails When we talked that final night I was the one crying I was the one already missing you, though it wasn’t morning yet the train wasn’t even in the station but I already had my bags in hands hell I packed them before I even ordered the ticket sometimes you can tell when you need to leave or when you start overstaying your welcome so I started having goodbye on the tip of my tongue and I love you’s between every kiss I stored all the words I could never tell you in-between your bedsheets in your middle drawer you know you still have my condoms all 5 that I have left there. I want to call you back and say “hey I kind of need them back for my non existent sex life” Just so I could have excusatory hello so I could catch my tail I saw your instagram life tv thing you talked about feminism and how women in the workplace need to be respected and it took everything in me not to comment what do you know about respecting women this is a lot of talking coming from a guy who has left more times than he came in me who has always left me feeling like my best wasn’t worth staying for that I was your best gf your best almost but people don’t tell you it sucks being first place when you’re still running in the race all it takes is one stumble to lose your lead. I tripped over my tail. You said that we were never the sunset couple the just married I get you’re not going to marry everyone you date that some people will be temporary but you have told me 5 times that I’m the best person who’s ever had you so why not? But love to me has always been a choice you don’t fall out of love because of the little things you decide you don’t want to deal with them anymore you don’t want to be around them anymore but we were never meant to be right my tail kept hitting you in the face and instead of saying hey can you stop going in circles you just left which solves the problem for you but I’m out here chasing my tail and I don’t think  I’ll stop I don’t know if I’ll catch it I understand why dogs chase their tail so much because until you catch it you feel like there is a part of your life left unexplored and it’s empty you think I come close when I’m sleeping, I’m already in curled all I have to do is stretch and flick maybe that’s why I slept with you so many times because I was so close all I had to do was stretch a bit differently. but you left before I could figure it out.