#tag code 5

both, sort of. usually when i start a fic it’s with an abstract concept, then when i get an idea of the direction it’s headed and the voice and pace of it, i start jotting down ideas for where i want it to go. then i put all the ideas in order and finish the fic. 

one guy said he had cash money ready to hand over. like asking price. and ngl i was really considering it. he was like, “i just drove in from california. this is a really great deal. too good to be true.”

to which i replied, “yeah there’s a reason for that.” 

so anyway, i just thought i’d offer you this:

oh sure. i didn’t really explain that well.

i typed out a really long explanation but it comes down to:

i’m not attracted to people very often and i have trust issues and i’m hard to get close to and i’m a very passive person, and because of all this i avoid most relationships (as you can imagine, i suck at them). so i no longer know what i want out of one anymore (hence the wishy-washiness); i don’t set those kind of expectations of myself and i don’t dwell on the pursuit of seeking sexual/romantic companionship. i tend to turn it down when it’s offered, too, but that’s a long story.

my day has been very nice. i woke up at 10 because i wake up at 10 every day, then i wrote in my journal for a while, and did a little bit of nothing for a long time, then i called my sister and we went to a very late brunch, now i’m home again doing more nothing while listening to a bunch of lawn mowers outside.

yesterday i locked myself out of my house but that was pretty much the only thing that happened. 

this week i literally have no plans except a bunch of work meetings i have to actually get pseudo-dressed for because i have to go on webcam for some horrible stupid reason. 

i’m a happy person so a lot of things make me happy. i’ma narrow it down to the things that made me happy today:

day naps with the windows open

when people send me nice asks/comments

accidental breakfast with my sister

talking to my mom and grandma on the phone

god i used to do this to my ex-bfs before i knew what it was. A+