#tag code 4

Huh, southern gothic. What would that look like, I wonder?

post-tfa h/c

soft kylux; we all know what it means but it’s hard to explain

modern aus with no actual set-up, just angst that ~makes sense~

apologism in fic tags

apologism in fanart captions

just really a lot of apologism

millicent 

hux dies a lot -- no one takes it too seriously

kylo OR ren OR ben, but always just...hux

kylo ren informing hux he thinks too loudly

senator ben amidala

kylo ren reading hux’s mind, hux getting pissed about it

a truly baffling amount of fluff

myspace au

aus where ben solo is actually just adam sackler/driver

daddy issues. just. so many daddy issues.

“i fucken hate kylux”

emperor hux

everyone’s-a-smuggler aus

Inappropriate Use of the Force

references to hux’s love for the first order’s bureaucratic forms

references to hux having to fill out a number of said bureaucratic forms when he finally hooks up with kylo ren

crack treated seriously

kylo ren wearing the mask to hide how innately expressive he is

hux’s weird first names

close to the same height but still size diff because jfc kylo ren is big

hux realizing that jfc kylo ren is big

epithets “the General” and “the Knight”

overprotective kylo ren fucking mowing down anyone who even thinks about hurting hux

ben solo :’)

trash compactor references

hux dealing with the monetary fallout of kylo ren’s tantrums

virgin kylo ren

mutual dreams of ruling the galaxy together

thinking about their mutual dreams of ruling the galaxy together while they are fucking

southern gothic kylux

Inappropriate Use of Lightsabers

hux seeing kylo ren’s face for the first time and thinking about how surprisingly young and pretty he is

lightside verses and redemption arcs

i plan to have the honeycomb timestamp posted this weekend. and before this clusterfuck began, i was working on a honeycomb masterpost, so hopefully i’ll finish that too. otherwise i need to get some mental shit together so i’ll be hanging back a bit. 

i’m keeping my ask open for the time being because the supportive messages have been comforting, so i’ll be around to respond to them. i’m tagging everything related this fiasco “wank economy” for your blacklisting pleasure so that you don’t have to unfollow if you don’t want to see it on your dash (i’ve had over a dozen people unfollow since it started, which...ok, i get that, i’d probs unfollow me too, no hard feelings). 

so i’m going to do what i always do when this happens, which is continue to be just myself. at the end of the day, that’s all i have, and i won’t apologize for being me.

in truth, i didn’t read the entire thread before having a total fucking meltdown about it. i didn’t even read a fraction of it. i’m not going to stiff-upper-lip this and pretend i was above it all, that i wasn’t affected -- i had to call off work. i work from home (as several thread posts touched upon and condemned me for, and while i owe no one an explanation, here it is: i am narcoleptic.) but i couldn’t take calls if i was a sobbing wreck, so noped the fuck out of there.

and i hope this tells you everything you need to know about who i am: i was so distraught and sad, but all i did was get some ice cream and skip rocks at a dam for a while. i drove around my hometown for a couple hours. i bought a diet coke. and then i went home. and now i feel better.

while i appreciate all the asks i’m getting discussing fandom economy, because yes, that was absolutely the catalyst of this specific situation, i’m not upset about having a friendly debate about fanfic tip jars, nor taking down my link for it. i’m upset that i was personally, openly roasted by what appear to be dozens of anonymous individuals and then shown it (i didn’t google my name or whatever, someone sent me the link). and it’s not lighthearted shit that you could have found on my about page, but things people who have been following me for years had to have known. it’s terrifying thinking there are people who follow me who harbor this kind of judgment and resentment and look for any excuse to hop on the hate train. 

that’s why i’m posting the asks even though i could be replying privately to some of them -- the people who engaged in the wank are following me, and i want them to know the other opinions out there. at this point, my opinion doesn’t matter. the damage has been done; there is nothing i can say or do to mitigate that or change anyone’s impression of me. 

i am not here for you to like me, i am not here to pander or beg for attention or praise. i’m here because i want to be here, because i enjoy the community of fandom and i believe the stories i want to tell belong in the lexicon of fanfic. though many people appear to be convinced i’m some kind of fame dweller simply because i cross-post my fic links to multiple platforms (i mean. why wouldn’t you?), that’s all i want out of writing fanfic: i want to belong here. i want there to be room at the lunch table for me. if that for some reason looks to you like being a narcissist simply because i insist on existing here, then maybe you should be the one evaluating your perspective of self.

to those who think my writing is terrible: yeah, man. i don’t think i’ve once tried to convince anyone otherwise. i don’t write fanfic to be good, i write it because i enjoy reading it and i want to give back to the community that brings me a lot of joy. i want to be good at writing someday maybe, that’s why i’m gonna go to school for it. everybody’s gotta start somewhere; you can’t write in a vacuum. 

you make things you enjoy and you want to share them. they’re pieces of you, and some people like those things and you’re encouraged to make more of them, to share more of yourself. other people make things and you like them and want to encourage them too. it’s a good thing, this cycle. a positive thing. a thing that has taken me out of a very dark place and given me something to live for, that i’m worth the space i take up, the interruption in your visual field, your span of attention. 

it’s taken decades to get here. all i feel is gratitude, because i don’t see this growth as my struggle, my achievement, rather i’ve been lifted by the hands of people kinder and more compassionate than myself. i still brace myself on you, i still define myself by you, i still change shape and form to those who are stronger than me. that’s a weakness i’ve accepted in myself. 

i’ve taken down the post, though the reblogs are still active. i can’t do anything about that. i don’t know what to do with the money -- i feel like returning it would be rude because people gave it of their own free will, but i feel guilty keeping it. i may donate it to a charity. 

i try not to be overly defensive, but i will say: going to grad school is a dream come true for me. this opportunity means more to me than anything, and i won’t let anyone take that away from me. i’m not angry, i’m just very sad and hurt.

Your Vagina Is a Bigot; My Vagina Is a Saint, chapter 12: “Fuck Cinnamon Rolls! Vodka for Breakfast! - Why Kylux is More Popular than Stormpilot” by Franzeska