I.N.V.U
Reader x Taeyeon
CW: Fluff, Major Angst, Self harm, Suggestion of death
Word count: 4000
Synopsis: Y/N and Taeyeon first met in the early 2010s and fell in love, however it was a case of the right person, wrong time as soon circumstances out of either of their control seemed to tear them apart. Now a few years later their paths cross again, reawakening feelings they thought they had gotten over…
Taeyeon POV
Taeyeon fights off the tears in her eyes, trying so hard to not cry as she wrote the words she had felt during the last 3 years. ‘You made me feel the happiest I had ever been and just as quickly the saddest I had ever been. Made me lose my mind in delusion and then made me lose my mind from that unveiled illusion. Yet you seemed unchanged, unfazed, and moved on peacefully and for that I envy you’. As she translated her feelings into words, her efforts to stay strong wavered, tears beginning to flow down her cheeks as she held down her sobs. She couldn’t believe it, after all these years, after all she had been through, things were starting to go wrong, again. And now she couldn’t bear it anymore, it was time to close down this chapter once and for all. Her vision got blurry from the tears, and she rubbed her eyes slowly, but her pen flew out of her hand and dropped onto the floor, and she sighed in defeat. Even now, she couldn’t win. She tried to lean over and reach her pen, her hand almost reaching when her chair tips over and she falls to the floor. She groans loudly in frustration, that stupid chair had gotten a loose smaller leg. Picking herself, the pen, and the chair she signed off on her letter, she was about to sit again but she changed her mind, pushing the chair back. Standing, she scrolled through her phone checking to see if Y/N had responded yet. There it was once again, the two blue ticks without reply and sighed shaking her head with a sad smile. It was stupid of me to believe again, she thought to herself, as she took a step back, towards the chair, stepping up on it. Closing her eyes her mind relayed the memories of you, from the start till the present as she put the noose around her neck…….
Four Years Ago
You were getting ready to leave for work and after that you still had your classes, you sigh, knowing it was going to be a long and tiring day. As exited your apartment you heard heaving and an unpleasant screech of something heavy being dragged, you turned to see, a couple doors away a girl was struggling to push a big box towards the door. She must be someone new moving in, you conclude. Locking your door, you look at her again, sigh and walk up to her, “Excuse me, Hi, do you need some help”.
The girl stops trying to push the box unsuccessfully and turns to look at you. Panting, she rolls her eyes, “It’s okay, I think I got it”. You nod and are about to leave, you remember you had forgotten your charger and rushed to get it. As you leave your apartment for the second time, you see the girl standing and panting, frustrated clearly since the box hadn’t moved an inch and as soon as she spots you, she immediately pretends to start pushing it again…unsuccessfully again.
Suppressing a smile, you walk up to her again, “Are you sure you don’t want any help?”.
She sighs and rolls her eyes again, “Fine. Fine yes, I do need help.”.
You hold back a chuckle and begin to help her and in less than 10 minutes the two of you have moved everything in together. She looks at you and quietly thanks you, but you were having too much fun right now, “Sorry what was that?”.
She huffs and looks at you in disbelief, “Are you serious right now…. what even is your name?”.
“Y/N”, You say with a smirk, “You were saying?”.
She grits her teeth and sighs in defeat, “Fine, you win. Thank you Y/N.”
“And what’s your name?”, you ask smiling sincerely, finding her really amusing.
“Taeyeon.”, she said pouting.
Y/N POV
You sleepily yawn, this was so boring, you thought as you looked at your computer screen. Days like this really made you miss your college life. What’s the point of sitting for 8 hours in a small office with work which can actually be done in about half the time but you have to still be there the whole 8 hours and finishing early just mean more work. You sigh, at least the money is good…or seemed good at the time you started working, 3 years since and it just has remained the same, while inflation has been killing you recently. That’s when you received a couple of texts on your laptop and eagerly turned away from your PC and saw the messages from Taeyeon and smiled, things seemed to at least be going well with her now. You leaned back, stretching as you recalled when you first got this job offer…
Three Years Ago
“Are you sure about this?”, You ask nervously.
She sighs, “Of course its fine, you are with me, it doesn’t matter if anyone sees us”.
You didn’t protest further but you weren’t so sure about Taeyeon’s plan, it would be absolutely disastrous if you both were caught together. But after 7 months of being together Taeyeon was starting to grow tired of having hide it, she found it really unfair that she was still banned from dating and that even if she wasn’t, technically, she still wasn’t allowed because the fans would still be on her case. Though, recently she said she might just randomly reveal her relationship with you and get it over with, however, somehow you had managed to keep her from doing it. You knew that at this point of her career it would just be really bad for her to do something like that, besides you didn’t want that type of spotlight either.
There was something else, something which you had been hoping for a long time but now that it seemed so close to being achievable it scared you more than you could imagine. You had been working so hard in college and part time and it seemed to pay off since you finally got an offer for your dream job. But it was overseas, far away from Taeyeon. And you still had to tell Taeyeon about it…
“Quick, in here”, she practically dragged you inside one of the empty rooms, it was dimly lit and not very big, but it felt quite empty, “I don’t think anyone will disturb us here”, she said smiling as she began peppering you with kisses.
“Taeyeon wait”, you take a step back, “there is something I need to tell you…”, you pause giving her a moment to know this was serious.
She looks at you seriously and then closes the distance between you both, giving you a quick peck on your lips, “What is it love?”
You take a deep breath, “I have a job offer, the one I wanted…”.
She smiles happily grabbing your face excitedly, “What! That’s amazing, your hard work is going to pay off! Maybe we can save up together and then-”, she gets cut off.
“It’s-it’s from a foreign company, so I will have to move away”, you add, “If I decide to accept it, of course”, you finish solemnly.
“Oh…”, Taeyeon said as it began to sink in what this meant, “So….are you?”
“I-I…I don’t know”, you reply darkly, knowing this was a lose-lose situation. She looks at you like she wants to say something but keeps quiet. The rest of the time you both spent together passes by quickly and rather silently as both of were thinking about what neither of you wanted to happen.
Taeyeon POV
Taeyeon took a shaky breath as she felt the rope around her neck and felt herself begin to seriously tear up as she recalled the time where you just left. Without telling her, without any hints, without any warnings, you just went. And she tried to chase you down, even almost catching up to you but falling just short while you didn’t even look back. The worst thing was that she was really sure you left because of her, only because of her. Because recently she brought it up with the board that she wanted to publicly announce her relationship with you despite the fact that it might jeopardize her own career, she didn’t care, not as much as about her relationship with you. But she knew you didn’t want her to do that because you weren’t selfish like her, that you weren’t scared like her. Yet why didn’t you tell her that you changed your mind. Why did you go so suddenly. Why did never look back once….
Y/N POV
Too engrossed in texting, you didn’t notice your colleague calling out your name until they gently slapped your shoulder.
“Helloo, Earth to Y/N, the meeting is almost about to start, everyone is waiting for you”, they say with a hint of annoyance in their tone.
“Yes, I’m coming, just a second”, you say dismissively, unplugging your phone from your laptop and switching to texting on your phone now as you slowly and absent-mindedly head towards the meeting room.
After about two hours of boredom, the meeting was finally over and you finally headed home in a hurry, the last train, you can’t miss it or else it’s going to be a long wait before you are able to catch a bus home.
Fortunately, you made it just in time, just in time to watch it leave before your eyes that is. You groan in frustration and walk defeatedly towards the bus stop. The bus you need still has an hour before it arrives. Great. None of this would have even happened if your car hadn’t decided to break down a couple days earlier. It’s like you gain one thing and lose two. At least you still have your date with Taeyeon tomorrow. It feels a bit surreal still, even though you already had seen her a few times this week, one of those times a half-date.
About an hour and a half later you finally reach home and go to your bed, exhausted. You see Taeyeon had still kept texting you and you replied back to her, telling her you were really looking forward to tomorrow and were also going to sleep now. As you closed your eyes, you couldn’t help but think how things ended between the two of you last time….
Flashback
It wasn’t really your fault, but it was. After giving much thought, you had decided against accepting the offer and instead remaining here and hoping you would find something else here. You even told Taeyeon that and even though she asked you a few times if you really wanted this, you could tell she was really relieved about your decision. But it all changed when went back home that day and received a call from none other than Lee Soo-man himself who revealed that Taeyeon had asked to reveal her relationship status and that he was going to turn her down. That it would harm Taeyeon, her group, and the company if it was publicized that one of the stars of SNSD was dating someone, much less a ‘commoner’. Moreover, if either of you made any further attempts to make the matter public, there would be no other option other than to put Taeyeon’s career on hold and end it at the earliest possible opportunity, in this industry at least. That wasn’t all either, all the sneaking around you and Taeyeon were doing needed to be stopped too and effectively, this open secret needed to be erased. As the comeback of the group approached, each member needed to appear ‘pure’, and you would just ruin it.
You were absolutely stunned by this, unsure what the implications would actually mean to Taeyeon’s career. You had known her for long enough to know how much she had dreamt of this, how hard she worked every day to keep a reality. Was staying here the right decision then? These restrictions given to you by the guy… when you weren’t even part of the company, yet he knew you wouldn’t have too much choice but to comply because your girlfriends’ aspirations were on the line. They will probably give her several strict rules to follow too, she’s also always so busy during the comeback period.
That’s when your doubts crept in for the first time, a grave mistake in hindsight but you didn’t know what exactly you were doing back then. Impulsively you decided to leave after all. You loved her but you were also selfish, you didn’t want to be in a relationship with her only behind closed doors. You wanted things as they were right now. What’s the point if the only place you both could enjoy peacefully was your home. You wanted to travel with her, visit cool places, eat out, go the movies. You wanted a real relationship, not one controlled by some guys in a suit who only cared about their quarterly profits. By tomorrow afternoon, you will be gone. Taeyeon wouldn’t understand, she would keep trying to convince you. Hopefully she will hate you for this. Because that’s the only way you know you can do this. You can’t bear the thought of her still loving you and waiting for you after you betray her like this.
The next morning you left in a hurry, packing everything you could and leaving for the airport, your flight in a couple hours. Your instincts fighting you the entire time you waited for the boarding call, warning you that this was a mistake, and you would be lying if you didn’t shed a few tears, but you had gone too far, your ego wasn’t going to allow you to back down now. Not even when heard your name called by her. You felt like your knees would buckle, you didn’t dare look back. You would have crumbled, you would have run straight back to her. And she would have given up her dream for you. So, you kept looking ahead pretending to not hear.
The last memory you had of her, and you ignored her and hurt her in it. That’s the sort of monster you were. You thought you would never see her again. Until she showed up last month, she had changed and so had you, but it only took a glance from a distance for you both to be drawn to each other again. Like it was destiny that you both couldn’t be kept apart from each other. You wanted to hold her, kiss her, apologize so much, knowing it wouldn’t be enough. But you just looked at her from a distance in disbelief and when she approached you to greet you, you couldn’t meet her eyes. She laughed at that. She found it amusing, saying that it happened way too long ago. You didn’t believe her though. Because you knew her. But slowly you began to warm up to her again and in a few hours, it was just like old times. Laughing and chatting about the silliest topics without a worry in a world.
You both met up once again, the very next day and the one after and it was like the old times. Almost the old times. The only thing that was different was that she seemed to be very on guard. Like she was wary of you.
It was nothing special really, just a dinner but it was hard for either of you to not think whether this was a date or not. It was like a half-date. The vibes were amazing, you both making each other laugh and filling in on what’s been happening in your lives. Teasingly kicking each other under the table even, just like the old times. And as you both left the place, she grabbed your hand, holding it softly. In the end, you even went to her place to drop her off.
She stopped by the entrance of the building and turned to look at you, “Thanks for walking me back…I did really enjoy the time we spent together today.”, She looks at you intently and then looks away quickly, “Maybe we can do something like this again?”
You grab both her hands and smile, “I was thinking of asking you that you know.”
She smiles back shyly, “You better have.”, then she suddenly gives you a quick kiss.
You can only stare back at her in surprise as you feel your cheeks color, “Wow…that’s…it’s been a long while since…”.
“And whose fault is that”, she scolds, and you look away guiltily. “Look, I am just teasing, but, if you really mean it, then no more games or half assed commitments. I need you to give your all. I am at my own limit Y/N, I don’t want the extra stress, especially from you because that just….hurts more”.
You squeeze her hands, “Yes, I know and I am sorry again. I promise you, this time it’ll be different. We’ll make it work this time. I’ll make it work this time. No matter what. Just one chance and I won’t let you down.”.
Then she kisses you, not a peck, a proper kiss, it seemed to last for hours and at the same time only a second. When you both pull away, you both can’t take your eyes off each other when she suddenly let’s go of your hands and steps away, “Sorry, I can’t, we shouldn’t. Not before we have a better idea of what we are.”. That hurts to hear but you can’t blame her. You force a polite smile and nod; she was only trying to protect herself.
“Goodbye Y/N”, she said, entering the doorway, “See you soon...”
Y/N POV
You wake up, disoriented, and look at the time, it’s already almost afternoon, you are to meet Taeyeon at her house soon. You pick up your phone and see a text from her and just as you are about to reply, your phone shuts off, out of battery. You sigh, you should have put it on charge before you slept. You turn to reach for it but it’s not there and groan, you didn’t want to get up yet. But you had to, you sigh and close your eyes for a moment as you think about Taeyeon, ‘This time I won’t let you go’, you vow and sigh.
You jolt awake, crap, you had fallen asleep again, you pick up your phone to check the time and realize you never put it on charge, you get up quickly, looking at the clock and realize you are already almost an hour late to meet her. You can charge it while driving-no you can’t, you realize since your car wasn’t available. The bus it is then, you decide, frustrated, frustrated that nothing seemed to be going right, you couldn’t find your charger, you were late. You quickly go to shower and get ready. In the midst of all that, you realize, you had taken your laptop and charger to your office…and never got it back. You didn’t shut it off either so to her it must seem like you are leaving her on read. That’s not good. Especially after you promised her. While you wait at the bus station, thankfully you manage to find a charging station. As soon as your phone turns on you send her an apology saying you’ll explain when you get there.
After an hour you finally reached her place, as you hurried inside, you realize, you never really went to her new place and didn’t know exactly which apartment was hers. You send her another text to ask. You just knew it was on the second floor. But as soon as you got there, it became kind of obvious which one was hers, she still kept that stupid welcome mat you gave her years ago. Before ringing the bell, you decide to see if she replied yet and that’s when you want to punch yourself, you never turned on your data, so your texts never got sent, until now, however she did see it immediately. Hard to say whether that’s good or bad. Nervously, you go up to her door and ring the bell. No answer. You think you heard a small crash but it’s hard to tell. You ring the bell again. But yet again there’s no answer. You begin to feel anxious now. Was this the right place? You were beginning to think that maybe you were at the wrong door. After all someone else could have the same mat right. You knock on the door a couple times but once again. Nothing. You check your texts and nothing, despite her status being online. You wait for another 30 minutes before you give up. ‘Did she get mad? Was this the wrong door? Was she not serious? Was this her revenge?’ Your mind racing as you are flooded with pessimistic possibilities. You text her again, ‘Taeyeon you there? Are you mad at me? I am really sorry I was late, but I really can explain. And I am not going to leave until we make up. I am serious, I am not going to let go of you this time.’, you send her these texts and sit on the floor, leaning against the door. If she was mad so be it but you were not going to let things between you both end sourly again. Not now, not ever again.
Taeyeon POV
“I really wish I could hurt you like you hurt me so you know what you put me through yet for some reason even I had a chance to, I know I wouldn’t be able to do it.”, she thought to herself closing her eyes. And then she hears a ding as a notification pops off. Opening her eyes suddenly, a wave of adrenaline coursing through her as she tries to read what the screen says below. It’s from Y/N, “I’m for being so late, I’ll explain it when I get her.”, followed by, “I’m here, which is your door?”.
That’s when she hears the doorbell ring, turning her head towards the door quickly and in her relief and excitement momentarily forgetting about the rope around her neck, shifting around on the chair and in that fateful moment, the weaker leg of the chair gives way, breaking off and falling away as Taeyeon loses her balance.
Immediately, she gasps in panic and heaves hard as she tries to breathe, both her hands clasping the rope and trying to keep herself up aloft. Panic ensues and she immediately feels like it’s a lost cause, her legs desperately trying to reach for the fallen chair, the tip of her toes just about able to reach the side of it but it’s not enough. She wants to scream, she wants to call out your name but she can’t. Already she feels the strain and the strength in her arms fading. She doesn’t know how much longer she can keep struggling. Her eyes begin to get blurry as tears begin to flow. She doesn’t want this. She wants it to stop. She faintly hears the knocking on the door but is more focused on holding onto the noose. Her grip begins to loosen, she can’t breathe, she feel weak, lightheaded. ‘Y/N please save me, please don’t leave me again’, the final thoughts in her mind before her the light in her eyes begins to fade, her hands gently falling back to her side and her head tilts sideways in an unnatural position as she floats about for a seconds before she stops moving completely…
