Quicky headshot of Sayyid and a presketch of my commission for Lich.

Sunlight streamed through the open windows and birds happily sang their merry tunes. It was a signal to get up and get to work, but she did not want to wake. Therefore, she stayed put with her eyes closed, the longer she pretended to sleep, the longer they would have together. Death was a busy man, and Maewen had her own schedule to keep. Finding time to just relax and be together was hard. She would never be one of those women who had to be with their man all the time, the type of woman who had to know their husbands every move. Maewen did not want to be one of those women either; she had her own problems to deal with. Still, stolen moments like these, when it was just the two of them, made all of their work worth it. They were not people who got the chance to relax often.

They both knew that time was ending, but they wanted to preserve it as long as possible. She could feel his fingers running toying with a strand of her waist length hair. It was wavy from the braid she normally kept it in, and tangled from the events of the previous night, and the few hours of sleep she managed, but it might have been made of glass for how gentle his touch was. A soft sigh of contentment escaped her lips, and she finally opened her eyes to face reality, and what a reality it was. He had been watching her sleep, and she offered him a small smile before snuggling closer.

When she was a child, she had put Taemat on a pedestal. He had not necessarily been her hero, that distinction was for her father, but he had been so powerful, so beautiful, that she knew she would gladly become his servant. So she had trained extra hard with her father, but Taemat refused her. He had rejected her service because she was Ikali’s daughter and he did not want to anger him. Eventually she wormed her way into his employ, and set out to be his most trusted servant. She was not sure, when her lines of devotion had crossed into love, perhaps she had always been in love with him, but he was out of her reach. The thought that he could have loved her back then would have made her laugh. Therefore, she had buried her feelings and married a good man. In the end, she regretted that decision, she had never been able to give Os her heart, but she practically ripped his from his chest when she left.

She was happy now though. Sometimes she thought that perhaps Taemat was only with her to humor her, and perhaps at first that was exactly what he had been doing. It was hard to believe that was still the case, as he ran his fingers along her hair, bringing it up to his lips. She titled her head slightly and placed a kiss to his chest, before resting her head on the spot and closing her eyes. Her world was always so peaceful with him around. She did not feel like she was on the edge of the insanity cliff. When everything was chaos, he was her rock. And she, she was his taste of life. In his world of gloom and death, she was so very, very alive. They savored each other’s presence.

“We will eventually have to leave this bed.” She said reluctantly, there was no more pretending they were asleep.

“In a little while.” He replied putting his fingers under her chin and lifting it so he could press his lips against hers.

Perhaps waking up was not so awful. There was always the good morning kiss to look forward to. 

I am the worst kind of person, the kind who only thinks of herself above all others. I ruined a man, a good man, a man who would have given up his life for me. I stomped on his heart because I gave my everything to another when I was six years old. In a way, he had to know all along that although I married him, slept with him, I never really belonged to him. It is no excuse though.

Having him near me know, knowing the child in my womb is not his makes me sick, sicker even than the pregnancy. He lies with me, soothing me, but I can only think of someone else. Someone I cannot be with. My stomach lurches again, but there is nothing left to empty into the bucket, and his hand rubbing my back only makes me sicker. I do not deserve his sympathy, his care, his love. He was always a better person than me. I never deserved his love.

“Leave me.”

Even now, with all of my regret, I walk all over him. I cannot even muster a please, but I cannot bear to be near him now. Not with the guilt weighing down on me. This child will likely kill me. It is what I deserve. If I die perhaps, I can stop hurting him. I watch him slink from the room before rolling over and covering my face with my hands. What kind of person was I? I sent one man away who worried and cared but I still longed for another. One out of my reach. He would give me a child but he was not a man you could hold on to. I pulled my hands from my face and stared blankly at the tears covering them. When was the last time I had ever cried? Not even as a child. Perhaps this pregnancy would be the death of me.

I heard the door of my room creak open and I just shut my eyes tighter. I couldn't face him again. Could not handle the guilt weighing down on what was left of my black heart. But the hands running through my hair nowhere not his. There was only one man left who I knew would never abandon me despite my sins. I sat up and threw my arms around him, sobbing into his shoulder like I was still a child. He didn't have to say a word, just sit there and I felt lighter. He would always be on my side, I was his little girl after all.