#taeheeoffcam

mark didn’t have to ask why. he could only imagine what taehee’s feeling after having her hopes of debuting crushed when the label announced that they would be discontinuing loona. to add to that, she had to watch each of her friends leave one by one, finding other opportunities for them to help pursue their dream. he also didn’t need to ask why she didn’t want to leave too, or go home even, knowing she’ll be disappointed if she quit so early. he’s glad she still has that spark of hope within her at least.

“that’s not true,” mark murmurs next to her.

taehee’s eyes widen a fraction when he looks back at her with a genuine gaze. no matter how hard she tried, it is immensely difficult not to get caught up in his stare. she feels something warm inside her, feeling the heat rush up to her cheeks, but she doesn’t know what it means. “we’ll make it special. you still have me,” the young boy continues, “and i’m not going anywhere even if…”

“even if you decide to leave too,” like an unspoken promise in between them, they stayed by each other’s side through everything. she opened her heart up to him, trusting in his word, and he did the same.

“i’m moving out this week,” he heard taehee blurt out from beside him, and a few seconds of silence ticked by before an airy chuckle from her broke through it, “surprise.”

mark pretended to choke on his drink, repeatedly hitting his fist on his chest in order to soothe him. he turned to his left with wide eyes and exclaimed a staged, “really?”

“your reaction was late.”

“i just processed what you said now,” a small smile took place on his lips before he leaned back, shock becoming evident all over him again, “that’s— wow, that’s great?”

his reaction caused the corner of taehee’s mouth to twitch upwards, moving her upper body towards him to steal a fry from the bag on his lap, “great? you don’t want me as your roommate anymore?”

mark rolled his eyes at her and this time, a wider grin threatened to show itself, “it’s not that. i meant like, finding a house was a very adult thing to do, and now that you found one and moving out this week is very … cool.”

he knew taehee like the back of his hand down to every detail and habit as if they were the lines and veins on his own arm. he knew the exact menu she wanted whenever they went out and ordered from subway, or how she liked her bread toasted late in the night while she reached for the nutella jar on the shelf next to where he stood, or how’d she react whenever a host said something not particular to her liking even without having to look at her.

he’d know when something’s bothering her with the way her eyes blink rapidly across the room, identifying every object in her own space to distract her from falling. he’d know when to speak about it and when not to, choosing to rub soft circles on the back of her hand with his thumb as he laced their fingers together amongst the stuffy crowd.

so really, it’s no surprise to the now twenty-two-year-old that taehee wanted to move out of their dorms. he had watched her deal and go through change countless of times in her life that he notices how restless she’d feel whenever she’s at the middle point. she was looking for something new and she found an answer. he was simply happy for her.

“wow,” taehee exhaled, pulling mark out of his reverie, “i can’t believe we’re in this stage already.”

the sun that gradually set before them painted pink and orange hues in the sky, the pretty sight causing the slight twinkle in her eyes as they reminisced and shared take-out from mcdonald’s.

mark licked his lips before asking, “what do you mean?”

“i still vividly remember the day we got so happy over getting our first choreography right back when we were trainees,” she told him, eyes drifting to the way the same tender smile grew on mark’s pair of lips.

“ahh,” he chuckled, “i remember that. i honestly forgot the song but i remembered it was locking, right? then we went to 7/11 after to get hotdogs and chocolate to celebrate.”

taehee let out a short giggle at the memory — young mark and taehee, two foreigners, who at the time trusted no one but themselves, sneaking out after practice to celebrate what you can call was their first win as trainees in korea.

“everything’s so fast these days,” she then mumbled, lips falling into a straight line, “next thing you know, we’re already 30, each of us have like at least two solo albums out…” mark chuckled at the mention of their solos.

she breathed in another smile, “then we’re gonna need to put more and more pain relief patches on as our bodies become sore more often.”

“i still want to sing even when we’re at the age that we couldn’t do everything we’re doing now,” mark told her honestly, “like dancing.”

“i don’t know,” taehee responded, trapping her bottom lip in between her teeth as she thought of what exactly she wanted to do in the future, “i love dancing.” but despite their differences in intention, the girl felt her face soften in admiration at mark’s ever-growing fervor towards singing. she loved that ever since they were trainees in the practice room.

“then you should take care of your body more,” mark quipped, reaching an arm out to grab the box of chicken nuggets that sat warmly on the center console. he opened the lid and grabbed a piece, “don’t get sick.”

she replied with a dismissive, “okay,” under her breath, before her eyebrows raised at another idea, “or i can still do producing.”

her persistent stubbornness with the topic caused mark to shake his head at her, yet it failed to hide the smile that slowly made its way to his lips — one that she doesn’t see since she’s busy watching over the waves clash against one another, the sun going down behind them.

“you should listen,” the softness in his tone unexpectedly made taehee’s heart skip a beat that she whipped her head to him in surprise, lips slightly parting once she makes eye contact with his stare that was filled with nothing but attentiveness, “take care of yourself.”

and like sticks banging simultaneously on drums, she heard her heartbeat get louder and louder the more seconds of silence pass by. she blinked at him once, then twice, before shaking her head and looking towards the front again.

“it’s okay. i have you,” taehee brushed the issue off easily, popping another fry in her mouth like it was no big deal.

“but i’m not going to be there all the time.”

“of course not. what are you? siri? and i was just joking, i’m an adult. i’ll survive on my own.”

“siri?” she heard him laugh. the jovial sound causes her to smile, “you don’t even use siri!”

“i’m fully capable,” a playful smirk took place on taehee’s lips as she sassily flicked her hand towards him, the gesture adding to mark’s amusement. “i don’t need anyone,” she singsonged.

“okay, miss independent,” a friendly chuckle sounded out of mark, and she took note of the way his cheekbones raise as he tried to bite back another one of his adorable grins.

she pulled her eyes away from him again, dusting the salt off her hands before placing one on the door handle, “do you want to go out for a bit? the cliffs look pretty neat.”

mark gave her an affirmative hum instead of a verbal answer, pulling his mask up above his nose before he hears the satisfying click the door makes when he opened it.

there’s one tiny problem though. it seems that he had forgotten the open bag of fries that sat on his lap this entire time, and taehee could only watch with horror as they spilled onto the sand once mark took a step down from the car.

“mark!” she screeched, jaw dropping down in shock as the last bag of their fries became no longer edible.

mark whispered a curse word as he bent down to pick each of them up, “my bad,” and he laughs over the obvious frown he could hear from her when she responded with, “that was the last one.”

taehee reached over to the passenger seat and opened the glove compartment, pulling out two sheets of tissues from the pack she just grabbed inside. she gave them both to mark, telling him to make sure he’s got everything before throwing them in the trash.

“you’re so clumsy,” the annoyed scoff that comes out of her caused mark to giggle. “are you seriously getting mad right now?” he said, dusting his pants off with his right hand while holding the soiled paper bag with his other.

“food shouldn’t be wasted!”

“french fries, taehee,” he pointed out with an amused brow, disappearing from taehee’s view as he walked towards the trash bins a few feet behind the car, “we can get some on the way home.”

the furrowed look etched onto her features was quickly replaced with a delighted one at hearing his proposal, and she shouted an enthusiastic, “okay!” before getting off her vehicle.

he made his way back to the car after he had disposed of their trash, inhaling deeply to get a waft of the sea air around them, but what had him more excited was the beautiful contrast of the orange sky to the deep blue waters, and the shadows the clouds casted over one another made the scenery look unreal — like a painting in a museum. a flock of seagulls then flew by and a wave of nostalgia hit him, yet the first thought that crosses his mind was—

“is this what australia felt like to you?”

taehee turned to him from the other side of the car, humming softly as mark sauntered to her side, “what was that?”

“i asked if this is what your home in australia felt like to you.”

and for the nth time that day, the corners of her lips slowly stretched into a smile — mark indeed had his way of reminding her of home, “kinda…but the feeling’s different.”

“how?” after taehee’s made sure the car was locked, they started taking calm strides towards the shore, leaving embedded footprints in the sand with every step they took.

“you realize it’s your home and you fall in love with it,” she answered, feeling mark’s shoulder brush against hers as well as his hand; so gently, it sparks something within her.

the feeling is foreign, but familiar, and it scared her.

“realize?” mark asked again, noticing the way she subtly creates some distance in between them as they walked.

“you tell yourself it’s natural because it’s always been there. you don’t think about it at first,” she kicks the sand beneath her feet while they walked, and she tries so hard not to think of the faces of her mom and dad that had flashed in her head before continuing, “but once you’ve realized, it’s already too late and you start to miss it, wishing you had appreciated it sooner before it was gone.”

mark doesn’t say anything after that, choosing to nod silently at her words before pulling his gaze away from his best friend.

on that lonely beach, there were only the clashing waves, the setting sun, and them — two people who were afraid of admitting the things they were too scared of realizing themselves.

the boy felt the weight of her last words so heavily inside of him that he was reminded again of how quickly time was flying. he never got to put much thought to it until now. the many opportunities he could have told her how he felt all flew by in an unnoticeable blur, he’s only starting to realize the fear that sat deep in his chest when it came down to finally confessing his feelings for his best friend.

it’s not that he’d get rejected, or worse, let his presence be banned from ever getting near her out of sheer awkwardness (if it ever does come to that point, a tid bit of hope remains in him that taehee wouldn’t allow something as petty as that), but it’s the possibility that he’d never get to say anything to her at all.

all because someone else was a mere step ahead of him.

and honestly speaking, from the bottom of his heart, it would pain him to think for the rest of his life that he didn’t even have to try to get at least a word out.

someone’s phone dings nearby, and he looks up to see taehee already a few feet ahead, her back towards him as she stopped and pulled her phone out of her pocket.

“who was that?” he asked in curiosity, taking a step closer to her but pausing when she turned around to face him.

“it’s just yeonjun. he sent a message,” she placed the device back in her front pocket, readjusting her mask so it sits properly on top of her nose, “do you want to go back now? you might want to rest or something since we’re waking up early tomorrow.”

even without an answer, she begins to walk in the direction they came from, assuming mark would follow once she had passed him, but his voice suddenly puts a halt in her steps, leaving exactly a foot in between the two of them.

“i have something to tell you.”

normally, if a person was about to tell another something serious, you’d notice a change in their voice depending on what they were about to say. panic could fill someone’s tone when they tell you there’s a sudden emergency and you need to get out, or their voices can drop as low as a whisper when sharing a secret not even you were supposed to know.

with mark, it was different. his voice was almost the same — mellow, calming, not pitched too deep or too high, grounding even. she heard his tone almost everyday.

it was his eyes that gave him away. they held something heavy in them as if he wanted to tell her something so badly but couldn’t. she tried to push away her growing pit of nerves, eyes slightly squinting because of the blowing wind, “what is it?”

“umm,” his adam’s apple bobbed up and down with the way he gulped, hoping to calm his frantic heart so he could finally get some words out.

one.

two.

three.

four.

exactly five seconds ran by, and with a subtle intake of his breath, he says, “i really—”

they both jolt in surprise when taehee’s phone suddenly rings, the ringtone piercing through their growing tension like a spear.

and when she takes it out, mark gets a quick glimpse of yeonjun’s contact name on her screen and takes everything in him to hold back a frustrated huff.

her hand hovered over the silent button but mark shakes his head, forcing a smile on his chapped lips as he nodded, “it’s okay, take it.”

“i’m sorry, it’s probably nothing,” she murmured apologetically, but still took a step backwards before turning around and answering the call, “what’s up?”

seeing as she’s occupied, mark immediately diverted his attention away from her, not bearing to see a small taste of his fear manifest right before him. he slowly began to realize that the same heart that he had loved her with ended up being the one to choke his own words down, letting them die helplessly on his tongue.

at that moment, mark tells himself he wasn’t ready yet, even if he so badly wanted to be.

a sharp pang hits his chest when taehee turns back around, taking note of the beaming grin she has on after ending the call.

he quickly plasters on a smile, “what is it?”

“it was just a funny story with wooyoung so he called me,” she told him, briskly walking back to the position they were in before they were interrupted, “he does that, it’s normal. he said ‘happy birthday’ by the way.”

sensing the genuineness in her message, mark releases an internal sigh. he was in no place to be jealous anyways, he told himself. “tell him thank you.”

a pleasant hum came from taehee hearing this, deciding to continue their way back to the car as she moved pass mark, “what were you going to say?”

“nothing,” he casually shrugged, despite the fact that his heart was literally about to jump out of his chest minutes prior, “i was just going to say thank you because i enjoyed today.”

taehee playfully clicked her tongue at him as she tossed her keys in her hand, the metal clinking against one another as she caught them, “we just went to mcdonald’s and walked for a bit though.”

“it was still enjoyable.”

“why?”

mark’s answer was simple, but it was everything to him, “because it was with you.”

his best friend whips her head around to face him, now walking backwards as an amused grin spreads on her cheeks, “what’s gotten into you, huh? that’s supposed to be my line.”

choosing not to answer, mark jogs right past her, simply putting a hand out to ruffle her hair in place of a verbal response.

meanwhile, taehee’s eyes steadily followed him ‘til he entered the passenger’s side of the car, not noticing the way her cheeks warm and how her lips naturally imitate the pleased grin hanging around the boy’s features.

she gets in after he did, and placing her seatbelt over her, she says, “let’s go get some mcdonald’s!”

II. A FEW HOURS LATER IN TAEHEE’S HOUSE

after taehee had dropped off mark by the dorms, telling him to take their second order of take-out from mcdonald’s upstairs for the other members, she immediately went straight back home to finish one last birthday present for mark.

scratch that. she doesn’t even know if she’ll be able to finish it in time before the day was over.

she was satisfied with the chords, completed the lyrics two days ago, and even had different melodies planned in her head as she sang the song. taehee was a perfectionist, but she told herself it’d be fine if she just sent mark a simple draft.

and she’s had him listen to many many other drafts before, including the ones that she wasn’t particularly proud of. mark was always one of the first people to hear them.

there were times that she was so eager to hear his opinion that she’d shove one of her airpods right in his ear, and he’d pretend to whine and complain saying that it hurt.

but in all seriousness, mark stayed honest with his thoughts and made sure taehee knew that. it might sound biased or exaggerated, but he really did appreciate all the things she had produced ever since her first try. his input, suggestions, comments — everything he had told her had been such a great help, and if taehee could list one of the reasons why she was grateful for mark lee’s existence, it was that he was genuinely supportive of her ever since day one, even without having to say anything. just him being there for her was enough.

so she wondered why the hell was she so nervous about letting mark hear a mere draft of another one of her songs.

“we’ve been making shades of purple out of red and blue,” taehee sings, strumming the strings on her guitar as she sat criss-cross on her couch, “‘blue’ and ‘you’ rhyme, right?”

her brows furrowed into a questioning stare as she looked up from her notes, meeting the beady eyes of her lhasa apso prancing out from the hallway leading to the kitchen.

chubs is a very active dog, always running around and looking for things to go in and out of before spending time with her owner, so taehee doesn’t pay much attention to her and allows the dog to continue trotting lightly into the next room.

“something seems odd,” she mumbled to herself, pursing her lips while her eyes ran along the words and notes on her paper.

a long pondering hum sounded out of her, before finally, she picks up her pencil and scribbles some of the words out, replacing them with new ones. she haphazardly throws the pencil back down on the couch and begins again.

“you don’t have to say ‘i love you’ to say ‘i love you’,” her mellow voice together with the tune of the guitar filled the quiet atmosphere of the house, “forget all the shooting stars and all the silver moons.”

“we’ve been making shades of purple out of red and blue. sickeningly sweet like honey, don’t need money. all i need is you….”

taehee trails off, her singing falling into a soft whisper as her strumming slowly comes to a stop, and just like a few hours prior, she feels that pounding in her chest once more.

the image of mark telling her to take care of herself from awhile ago quickly flashed in her head. she remembered hearing how soft his voice was and how it contrasted to the deep stare he held as he looked at her.

unbeknownst to her, never once did mark keep his eyes on the sunset, only taking a bare glance or two before bringing his attention back to taehee. he spent all his time studying every line, every curve, every mole and detail God had decided to put on her blessed features as he listened to her reminisce.

realizing that she had been frozen for a minute too long, taehee quickly shook the thought off and pushed it back to the deep ends of her brain.

weird.

this wasn’t the first time taehee made a song about or for the members. everyone knew that welcome to my playground was made for jungwoo and some of the lyrics of fly away with me was based on her moments spent with jaehyun and mark. she even lead the 127 members in creating an impromptu serenade for taeyong’s birthday just before he came home with the manager, who was on board with the idea.

it went well, by the way. making taeyong all flustered and red was their exact goal.

but so suddenly, she felt confused. she didn’t know why there was a warm flush threatening to show on her cheeks as she read through the lyrics of the song she was planning to send to her best friend.

it wasn’t about or for mark in the first place, she told herself. it just so happened that she was making a new song and decided to send it to him for his birthday. right?

the sound of her dog’s barking as well as someone’s footsteps entering the household pulls taehee out of her reverie, quickly turning around to see her manager go through the front door with paper bags in hand.

“jiyeon unnie!” she grinned in surprise, “what’s that?”

jiyeon smiled back at her and headed to the kitchen, prompting taehee to get up from the couch and follow suit. “자장면,” her stomach grumbles as the pleasant smell wafted its way to her nose, “have you eaten already?”

taehee politely answered her no while she went to get two ceramic bowls and two pairs of chopsticks for themselves, setting them down on the island just as jiyeon finished taking everything out of the paper bags.

“thank you, unnie,” taehee sweetly told her, sitting down on one of the stools and picking her chopsticks up to begin eating.

they both ate in comfortable silence, chubs’ footsteps running around the house with the occasional barking filling the atmosphere.

until jiyeon decided to break it, “oh! i have something to tell you.”

the excited look she had on her face caused taehee’s lips to stretch into a smile, and she gave her an acknowledging nod to continue, “what is it?”

“so i was supposed to go to this wedding, right?” jiyeon hears taehee hum as she gets herself a glass of water, “apparently, the bride and her best friend — not the groom — had feelings for each other!”

she doesn’t pay much attention to the way taehee choked on her water after that, simply looking at her with her mouth agape. she seemed to be more focused at the gossip rather than the well-being of her throat, taehee wanted to say (but couldn’t).

“no way!” taehee coughed, “during the wedding? you’re making that stuff up!”

“of course, not during the wedding,” jiyeon retaliated, turning back to get another bite of her noodles. “it was before, when they were still in high school up until college!”

“wah,” taehee sighed, going back to her seat across her manager as she handed her a glass of water, “where do you even get all of this from?”

“when you’re that reliable person in a friend group, you know all the drama and secrets,” her statement pulls out an airy chuckle out of taehee. that is kind of true, “then do they know you’re telling this to me?”

“please, it’s not like you’ll tell them i told you,” jiyeon rolled her eyes, playfully squinting them towards the younger girl before continuing, “but you know, that’s a shame.”

“i know the bride’s happy with her groom and all but you know, there’s that ‘what if’ lingering in the air.”

taehee pursed her lips at that, her mind getting clouded with a certain thought before quickly shaking it off.

“if i love someone, i’m going to tell them,” jiyeon said, and the determination in her tone puts an amused grin onto taehee’s lips.

“really? that’s romantic,” she commented.

“no regrets,” jiyeon shrugged, eating the last bits of her food, “you know, even if i don’t end up with that person.”

“that’s why you,” she pointed a finger right onto the tip of taehee’s nose, the girl straightening up almost immediately, “if you want to date, go date—” the female idol breaks down into a laugh, her hand coming up to cover the endless chortles that left her mouth, “—someone you like. do it secretly; if you want me to help you, i’ll go help you; if you want tips or something, like how to—”

“SHHH!” taehee immediately halted in her laughter, hands flying to jiyeon’s mouth to prevent the words that were about to tumble out of her mouth. her eyes that were widened in embarrassment brought greater amusement to jiyeon that she had to hold in a chuckle. 

taehee slowly brought her arms back to her sides, relaxing into her seat while she shook her head aggressively, “i don’t want to hear it! i don’t want to!” she was greatly aware of how experienced jiyeon was at relationships. there were a few times that she might have overshared, but it’s not like she didn’t want to know either. this brings taehee back to jiyeon’s earlier statement — “if i love someone, i’m going to tell them.” well, she sure is generous with her tales. 

meanwhile, an adoring smile slowly creeped its way onto jiyeon’s mouth as she studied taehee’s innocent demeanor. being her manager for three years, she knows enough to see how confident and bold she was in front of the fans (with the members, it was usual but very lightly), but can get so easily flustered with a sincere compliment or two. jiyeon giggled.

“why are you looking at me like that?” 

taehee watched as the older girl stood up, grabbing their bowls and utensils before moving to the sink. jiyeon turned the tap on and started rinsing, “you deserve to be happy too. we’re all just humans by the end of the day.” 

she doesn’t see the confused look taehee is giving her but she knows. “i’m not saying you need a relationship to be happy,” she continued, “my point is just that if you know you’re going to be happy with something or someone and you won’t end up regretting your choice, by all means, go for it.” 

“what if there’s something stopping me from doing so?” taehee piped up, trapping her bottom lip in between her teeth as she waited for an answer. 

though it was right on the tip of jiyeon’s tongue, it doesn’t come to her immediately. she wanted to give time to taehee for her to think herself. 

a few more moments of silence pass before jiyeon turns the tap off, leaving their bowls and utensils freshly cleaned on the dish dryer before fixing her gaze on the younger girl. “that’s not true,” she started, “nothing, or no one, is stopping you from choosing your happiness.” 

“these options laid out in front of you wouldn’t be there if it weren’t for the decisions you made earlier,” jiyeon stated almost matter-of-factly, “you chose to audition, to train, to put effort into your training, and now you’re here, an idol — with a house, and a car, and a dog.” 

when taehee still doesn’t understand, jiyeon decided to take her seat back across from her. “remember when you told me you wanted to buy a house?” the twenty-one year old nodded slowly, “that was a big responsibility. i told you ‘what if we couldn’t be there and something suddenly broke? or what if you’d find it easier that you stayed in the dorms and regretted moving?’” 

“you told me we’d find a way to fix it, that we’d find a way to make things easier as long as you got a house,” jiyeon’s smile widened at seeing the features on taehee’s face soften in understanding, “because it’s what makes you happy. you’d choose to move forward when things get hard because you’re happy with the decision you made.”

“so really, the only thing that’s stopping you from choosing happiness,” taehee already knew what she was going to say next, “is yourself.”

 III. NCT 127’S TENTH FLOOR APARTMENT

mark’s phone dings somewhere under the sheets of his bed and he blindly reached for it as he fought the fatigue weighing down on his eyelids.

he let out an internal cheer when he finally found it, holding the device above him as he tapped it open. his eyes formed into a squint because of the screen’s brightness, and so he quickly lowers it down before unlocking his phone.

once he clicks on the green messaging app, an unconscious smile appears on his face at seeing the contact name on top.

joanie now

i’m gonna stay the night in the house so i’m not going home :O

and it’s technically not your birthday anymore but i just want to give you this

untitled_draft.mp3

don’t judge it too hard that’s only the first draft T______T

anyways, i hope you had fun today. you’re so old 👎

just kidding haha !!!! goodnight, marky !!!!!!! happy birthday ♡

“‘you’re so old’,” mark chuckled to himself (as if taehee wasn’t just four months younger than him) before he sending a short message back, knowing she’d reply tomorrow morning. mark stared at their messages a little longer before clicking on the file, not pressing the play button just yet.

mark’s heard many of taehee’s songs firsthand ever since predebut and he had always been amazed at what he’d end up listening to, mesmerized with the way she could produce and finish such diverse tracks.

and he feels his admiration for her grow all the more as he listened to the song she just sent him, the corners of his mouth stretching into an unconscious grin at the way her beautiful voice flowed through the speakers.

mark slept with a happy heart that day. all his fears and worries that were brought up awhile ago on the beach seemed to disappear every time taehee’s song played again and again through his earphones.

he hopes that one day he’d get to play his heart’s song for her too.

locking = when you suddenly go from a fast movement and ‘lock’ or freeze for a short while before going back to dancing

fromseul there you have it :D hope you guys enjoyed this and happy birthday to our fully capable ace, mark lee <3

“oh please, shaving is the same for everybody no matter what you use,” she rolls her eyes, mouth full of toothpaste, “i won’t cut you, i promise.”

mark’s pretty shocked, flustered even.

but he doesn’t show it and continues with his work, just imagining the closeness that would exist in between the two of them if he agreed makes his head explode (keep in mind that he doesn’t know he has feelings for her yet). wouldn’t it be too intimate for people who are just friends? best friends?

“nah,” he shakes his head slightly, “you’ll say something and then we’ll laugh, and then you’ll cut me.”

taehee bends down and disguises a scoff when she spits out the toothpaste, rinsing her mouth with water before shutting the tap off. “i’ll be quiet then,” she puts both of her hands on the sink, making eye contact with mark through the mirror.

“nope,” he says, popping the ‘p’ sound.

taehee huffs air out her nose, her displeased demeanor causes mark to let out another deep chuckle. she turns her back on him and starts exiting the bathroom, “i just thought it would be fun.”

“okay,” mark says in acknowledgment, not expecting taehee’s head to pop back in when she heard him. “so next time?” she asks again.

even if her legs felt like jelly and she swears her arms were about to fall off at any moment, she wasn’t home for most of the time. she coops herself in the studio all night long after practice, itching to produce at least a good beat. she didn’t know anything about what was happening in the dorms; how the members could hear the fuming exclamations mark and haechan threw at each other behind enclosed walls; how doyoung had to switch rooms with mark every now and then when some nights got too bad.

when she enters the practice room, she takes light of the silence that hung around the atmosphere. it was still earlier in the morning anyways. her eyes shift from haechan’s gloomy expression to the straight frown mark held on his lips. she snorts, “now who shit in who’s cereal?”

as she placed her training bag on the floor, she was expecting mark to at least come up with some sort of excuse, then she’d hear haechan tease him and laugh about it, except she continued to hear silence. instead, taehee looked up to see mark glare at haechan oh-so-discreetly; the latter doesn’t even spare him a glance. making sense of the tension in the room, she pursed her lips and made eye contact with jaehyun through the mirror. she’d find herself asking him about it later.

after finding out what had happened the night prior, taehee approaches mark (not to probe or anything but ..... yeah). “hey, you okay?” she mumbles to him. mark shakes his head and a small sigh comes out of his mouth, one that she notices, “it’s fine. it’s.... it’s nothing.” taehee observed that he didn’t want to talk about it, so she let him be. “okay,” she tries to give him a comforting smile, “i won’t force you or anything. i’m just here.”

now with haechan, it seemed like every time she opened her mouth to say something to him, he turns away from her and proceeds to act like he had something more important to attend to. taehee plays it off and tries to show that it wasn’t bothering her (after all, this was their issue. she didn’t want to insert herself into situations where she wasn’t supposed to be), but she did feel hurt that haechan was ignoring her too.

but then the car ride to meet with the rest of the dreamies was awful.

mark had offered to sit in the back row even when there was clearly enough room for the three of them to fit in the middle. “oh shit,” taehee thought, half humoring herself to distract her from the tension, half dreading all the negative energy that’d be hanging around for twenty minutes, give or take. she decided to catch up on sleep during the ride, trying to pay no mind to the gnawing feeling in her chest.

it wasn’t until the following week that mark started to avoid her too. he seemed to be fine with everyone but her and haechan.

“did i do something wrong?” she asks jeno on their way to music bank. they stayed behind the rest of the group, watching as an invisible brick wall form itself in the middle of mark and haechan.

jeno hums in confusion, “what’s wrong?”

“mark’s starting to ignore me too.”

“huh?”

taehee bites her lip and faces the silver haired boy, worry evident on her features. “is it because i asked? am i being nosy?”

“noona,” jeno’s face softens at the older girl before wrapping his arm around her as a comforting gesture, “you’re just concerned. it’s probably nothing, you know them.”

taehee decides to give them some space.

by then, fans would see how taehee would hang around jeno rather than mark and haechan. they were always attached by the hip before (not that taehee wouldn’t laugh at jeno’s corny jokes by the way).

meanwhile, mark and haechan were too caught up in their fight that they failed to consider how taehee would feel. they were all a trio, but it felt like they were all sucked into the whirlwind of flaming emotions when they started avoiding meeting each others’ gazes or telling jokes that the other would like.

first, haechan started ignoring taehee because he thought that mark would come to her and she’d take his side. on the other hand, mark (stupidly) had the same feeling about her and haechan except he didn’t want to burden the former by making her the middleman. he began to steer clear from taehee a few days later.

“we might have had hurt noona too, you know,” hyuck sighs to mark. they had already made up by this time. “i know,” the elder replies, “then we’ll just have to fix this with her too.”

thanks to doyoung, mark and hyuck didn’t have to wait too long to clear things up with taehee.

the girl was distracted with the phone that occupied her hands, failing to notice that there were already people in the room before she looked up from her device. her eyes widened in surprise and she stepped back, making quick movements to close the door until mark and haechan started shouting a string of ‘no!’’s.

“NOOO!”

“WAIT, TAEHEE!!!”

unbeknownst to the two, taehee tries to suppress a grin when she picks up the lighthearted tones in their voices. a short sigh of relief slips past her lips and her grip on the doorknob loosens.

only her head peeks out from behind the door and she’s met with the fondest of smiles from her two closest friends. just to make sure, her expression then turns into a soft pout, “are we okay now?”

while mark nods, haechan decides to coo and tease at her further, making his voice slightly a pitch higher, “we’re fine now! come here, you big baby.”

taehee rolls her eyes at his antics before pushing the door wider and stepping in. once she’s within arm’s reach, the youngest of the three pulls her down beside him and squishes her into a side hug. mark watches them with an affectionate gaze, chuckling when taehee tries to push away the maknae’s kissy faces.

haechan ceases in his mini-attack, letting out another giggle at his noona’s adorableness before deciding to press his cheek into her shoulder, “were you worried about us?”

“if i wasn’t so nice about all of this, i would have pulled both of your hairs out,” mark laughs in his own fashion, clapping his hands excitedly as he releases his own amused giggles. on the other hand, haechan sneaks a peck to the side of taehee’s forehead which adds to her faux annoyance, “ya!”

taehee catches mark’s sincere eyes with her own and she feels more warmth envelop around her. “we’re really sorry,” mark stammered, pushing down his bangs to his forehead with his right hand.

“that’s okay,” taehee shrugs, or at least tried to. haechan continued to show his affection by perching his chin atop of her shoulder, his nose brushing against her cheek. she continues, “you guys are fine now so i’m cool with that.”

a few beats of silence tick by. though taehee might be appear to be happy and content with her words, the two other boys knew she’d still want to know what the heck happened between them considering the fact that they left her in the dark for weeks. “you wanna know what happened, huh?” haechan prompts.

mark lets the younger boy give a gist of what they were arguing about in the first place (past is past!), as well as mentioning why he regrettably started ignoring taehee at the time. mark explains his own reasoning after, adding another rushed apology by the end of his statement.

“you guys are so stupid,” taehee deadpans, causing the two boys with her to chuckle. “while i do believe the line between right and wrong may get blurry depending on the situation, i won’t take sides when it comes to you two,” she wraps an arm around the younger boy beside her and starts playing with the hair on the back of his head out of habit. “i could’ve helped you guys make up if you’d let me, but i respect your privacy. i just kinda hated the part where the two of you just started ignoring me when i didn’t even know what was happening in the first place.”

“we’re sorry, noona,” hyuck mumbles, placing another soft kiss on her clothed shoulder (mark visibly grimaces much to the amusement of taehee).

taehee hums, “let’s just move on with this— i don’t like mushy talks.” mark chuckles at this.

“so, we’re all okay now?”

“we’re all okay now.”

again, taehee knew that disagreements among friends were bound to happen in the years they spent with each other. taehee also rolled her eyes at hyuck when he said that the three of them were most probably fated together one way or another (“the three of us? soulmates.” “okay, mark and i? could be. but you and i? impossible.” “you’re just too scared to admit that you’re in love with me!”).

what she didn’t know was that she’d spend almost a lifetime with these two. she could never admit it willingly, out loud, and straight up in front of their faces but she doesn’t, and won’t, ever regret putting through the amount of headaches and mountains of bubbling rage they’ve all experienced within their friendship.

noticing the lack of reply, taehee looked to her right in concern and nudged the younger boy gently with her elbow. “what’s wrong?” she asked quietly.  taehee took note of the slight frown on jisung’s features before he shook his head. “you’ll be gone most of the time starting next year,” he weakly mumbled. she allowed herself to observe his side profile for a few more seconds, blinking as she turned her head to the ceiling with a hum.

“don’t be too sad. what are you? living in the stone age? you can just call us if you need help, you know?” yet deep down, they knew it wouldn’t be the same anymore. who’s going to agree (though quite reluctantly) to treat him to ice cream late at night? who’s going to accompany him to the practice room and dance to his hearts’ content with? who’s going to pat his head and tell him he did a good job by the end of the day? even if he could bring himself to ask the other members, it only came naturally to taehee anyways.

no more mark and taehee to guide them during recordings. no more mark and taehee to act like parents during schedules. no more mark and taehee to complete them as eight members.

the thought alone brought tears to jisung’s eyes; the dream show was still tomorrow. “jisung-ah, it’s late, and we both have to get some rest. i’m gonna go back to the dorms now,” i don’t want you to leave.

taehee sat up on the bed but her feet stayed planted on the floor. she knew that she and mark weren’t really gone. they’re only gonna have separate schedules after they officially graduate. they’re still a few messages away.

it wasn’t the end of nct dream, but why did it feel like it?

jisung pushed himself up on his elbows, “i still have some stuff to tell you.” he’d blame the small crack in his voice on puberty (but really, he’s just trying to hold back the tears before the actual show). he wanted to say, “just 15 more minutes,” but that would be too obvious. too late for that — taehee can read him like a book.

the older girl looked back at him and proceeded to give him a sad smile. “just one more, noona,” jisung pouted, “just one more.”

there was a tint of playfulness in his tone, like the one we’d hear whenever he loses in a game and asks for one more chance. jisung tried to ignore the tinge of sadness in his chest, his eyes begging taehee to stay for a few more minutes.

“just one more,” taehee reminded jisung, leaning back until she laid beside him. “understand?” jisung grinned triumphantly at her, giggling as she yawned into her palm. “okay, so remember that one time haechan hyung cut your hair? he actually......”

"what are you doing?” she stutters while her hand stays stiff in taehee’s grasp. “you’re cold. don’t they do this in the dramas you watch?” the latter smiles cheekily before shifting her gaze to the path ahead of them. they see jungeun wrap an arm around yerim’s shoulder before whispering something funny in her ear, causing their youngest, yeojin, to pout cutely in annoyance before pulling on jungeun’s arm, begging her to let in on their little discussion. 

“they do, but,” taking a short breath, heejin chooses to huff instead of continuing her sentence, a puff of white air fanning her nose after. “i wasn’t in the middle of the road. i was thinking,” she tells taehee. 

“about?”

“uhh,” it only comes to heejin’s realization that she was thinking about her since they left the building, “where you’ll be spending christmas this year.”

“oh,” is what taehee replies. 

“yeah, will you be spending it in doyoung oppa’s or....?”

“taehee can spend christmas with us!” sooyoung throws herself in between the two girls with a cheery grin, causing heejin and taehee to act annoyed as part of their playful nature.

“i don’t wanna spend it with someone as loud as you!” taehee violently shrugs the elder’s arm off while still holding onto heejin’s hand, and her reaction makes taehee giggle. “i am not loud!” sooyoung defended with a hand to her chest, “when was i ever loud?”

“just now,” they all deadpan, even the girls ahead of them did so too.

“i can spend christmas with you guys,” taehee chirps, “it’s not like we’re not family or anything—“

“we asked a ‘yes or no’ question and you hit us with a cheesy answer,” jungeun rolls her eyes knowing the girl doesn’t see her, but the latter could simply tell by her mocking tone. “jeon taehee, always making everything cheesy.”

“yeah! why are you even holding heejin’s hand?” sooyoung inquires, walking briskly to taehee’s other side, “it’s not like she doesn’t have hand warmers or anything.”

“she doesn’t,” taehee answers, the same time heejin says, “i don’t.”

yeojin spots the brightly colored 7/11 sign just 20 steps ahead of them and immediately runs towards the entrance out of excitement, but yerim sees this as competition and begins dashing, enticing a race between the two of them.

jungeun readies herself into a sprint but the trio previously behind her walks past, and she sees sooyoung’s brow raise at her current stance — knees bent into a lunging position with her hands about to touch the layer of snow beneath them. “right,” jungeun straightens her posture as she clears her throat, “i’m older than them. ya! choi yerim! im yeojin! don’t run or you’ll slip!”

heejin, sooyoung, and taehee all snicker at their friend’s attitude before stepping into the convenience store, lips spreading into a relieved smile as they feel the warmth of its built-in heaters.

“i’ll go get some chips,” heejin whispers to taehee, “you can let go of my hand now.”

she feels her friend softly squeeze her now warm fingers before letting go of them completely. “what are you getting?” taehee asks, turning to her. “ramen,” she replies simply, already walking into its designated aisle. “you?”

“i’m getting myself a hotdog.”

around 15 minutes later, the six girls find themselves empty seats to eat on before they go back to the company to train — jungeun, heejin, and sooyoung on one table and yerim, yeojin, and taehee on the one next to them.

“i thought you said you were getting a hotdog,” heejin points out once she notices two hotdogs in front of taehee. “changed my mind,” the latter singsongs before taking a bite out of her food.

“i can’t believe there’s school in two days. i haven’t done my homework,” yeojin whines, picking at her own cup of ramen. this causes the rest of them to laugh at their youngest’s statement, even if they too dreaded the coming monday.

“you have to go to school, dummy,” taehee tells her with a teasing smirk on her lips, “we still have to learn a bunch of stuff.”

heejin immediately thinks back to earlier when taehee had held her hand after hearing the word “dummy”. never would she have thought she would fall victim under her friend’s charms. she can recall the numerous times she and the other girls would tease taehee about the people who’ve liked her, and she’d always brush them off with an embarrassed whine in response. 

where does she even get all that from? she hasn’t even watched more than five kdramas and yet she’s this heart-wrecking, blush-causing, warm-handed crush of all sorts. wait... crush?

“taehee, slow down. you’re already halfway done with your second hotdog and three of us aren’t even one-fourth through our ramen cup,” jungeun scolds the latter, snapping heejin out of her mini-trance.

“we only have fifteen minutes left and we still have to walk back to the company!” taehee tries to raise her voice out of panic, but the food in her mouth made her sound as if she was speaking into a pillow. nonetheless, the girls were able to understand her muffled words with the way their eyes widened and how they hurriedly tried to finish their food.

“if yerim didn’t stop by those dalgona stalls, we wouldn’t have taken this long!”

“me?! if jungeun unnie had tied her shoes properly, then we wouldn’t have stopped by a dalgona stall!”

“that’s so petty! if yeojin hadn’t— ah! this is hot, whatever, let’s just all finish quickly so we can leave.”

they surprisingly finished under three minutes and managed to get on the same street as their company in five, but the speed in which they were running at had them all desperately trying to catch their breaths. 

“i’m gonna cry, my stomach is starting to hurt,” yeojin hunches over with her hands pressing to her abdomen, causing worry to cross over their features.

“do you want me to carry you on my back?” taehee’s voice is laced with concern as she jogs to the younger’s side. “we’re almost there,” but she’s already crouching in front of yeojin, using her hands to gently pull her forward until her knees hit her back. yeojin then carefully wraps her arms around the girl’s neck, before taehee hooks her hands behind her knees and stands up.

“okay, let’s go,” soonyoung signals all of them to start running again after taehee’s got yeojin covered. before they knew it, they were met by warmth once again within the establishment’s building, though a thin layer of sweat covered their foreheads.

“thank you, unnie,” yeojin tells taehee as the latter lets her down. the older girl pats her shoulder in return, “no problem. don’t practice too hard if your stomach still hurts real bad, okay?”

yeojin nods tiredly in acknowledgement as they all shuffle to the elevator. dance practice hasn’t even started but the girls were already exhausted as only their breathing was heard in the small space.

the doors soon open, but not on the floor they were heading to.

“oh, taehee!”

upon hearing her name, the said girl looks up from the tiled floor to see who had called her, and her eyes brightened in almost an instant. “hey, mark,” she grins.

“i’m here too,” another voice says from behind the boy, and taehee’s expression quickly changes into a thin line once she meets eyes with them. “donghyuck,” she greets monotonously.

the change in her mood causes the rest of the girls to snort and giggle except for heejin, who begins to mull over the exchange between mark and taehee.

mark oppa definitely likes taehee unnie. no, maybe taehee unnie likes mark oppa? no... unnie’s just this friendly with everyone, right? but since when did flirty become friendly, jeon taehee? why am i even thinking about this? i’m not jealous, am i? since when do i get jealous?

a scoff that escapes heejin’s lips doesn’t go unnoticed by others in the elevator. their small talk from earlier had already died down into a comfortable silence once they got moving again, and only heejin’s thoughts were able to break the quiet.

“is something wrong, heejin-ah?” taehee asks, and heejin answers with a prompt shake of the head. “i thought there was something stuck in my throat. i’m fine now.”

if there’s one thing heejin’s good at rather than practicing and studying, it’s hiding her emotions well (call it lying, but this sounded better in her head). she can tell any excuse to their trainer and it comes out as smooth as telling a simple truth. 

yet jeon taehee seemed to have stripped her off of those abilities just by taking her ice cold hand in her warm one. funny.

the elevator dings as the doors open, and the boys step aside to make way for the girls to pass. “see you later!” mark bids them goodbye with a polite smile. they do the same before the metal doors close.

“are you sure he doesn’t like you?” sooyoung’s voice echoes through the hallway and taehee is quick to cover her mouth with her palm. “keep quiet!” she whisper-shouts.

“i’m older than you!” sooyoung rips off the hand that was covering her mouth before her voice returns to its original volume, “and stop acting like no one’s ever liked you before. girls and guys have already confessed to you, be confident.”

great, more competition.

“i’m jealous,” yeojin hums, crossing her arms. “excuse me, baby, you are twelve years old. you’re not allowed to date yet,” jungeun reminded her with a nagging tone. she could pass for a mom role when they debut as actresses.

yeojin stops in her tracks before turning to face all of them. raising her hands to the ceiling, she says, “love has no age! love has no limits! it’s for everybody! love is supposed to be shared,” the endearing smiles they all held on their features after her little outburst fuels her “anger” more. 

“until you can walk without someone carrying you on your back like a baby, yes, you can date,” soonyoung teases.

“that’s all your fault too!”

as they continue to tease yeojin in front of her, taehee feels a tap on her shoulder and she turns around to be met with a pack of haribo gummies in her face, "oh!”

“i got these for you by the way,” the hand that holds them out in front of her belongs to heejin, cheeks raised up in a small awkward smile as her eyes twinkled under the white fluorescent lights.

taehee giddily thanks her for the small treat, accepting the golden package in her hands. she smoothly rips the plastic as she opens the pack, but her hands halt their movements before she looks to heejin with curious eyes, “but why though?”

heejin raises a brow in question, “am i not allowed to be nice to my friends?”

“not this nice, no,” the latter hums in response, tapping her chin as if she were in thought, “not when you like them.”

taehee sees heejin stiffen and her eyes widen by an inch, causing soft giggles to sound out of her at her friend’s reaction. “i’m kidding,” she tells heejin, before resuming on their trail to the practice room.

“that thing unnie said about girls and guys liking you is getting to your head,” she butts, “be humble!”

“i am being humble!” taehee replies, handing back the pack of gummies so heejin can have some for herself. she takes some of the red gummy bears and chews on them with an annoyed pout. 

“see?”

“whatever.”

“you like me~” she knows she meant it platonically.

heejin sighs, watching her step into the dance studio first.

“maybe i do,” she meant more than that.

II. AN HOUR AND THIRTY-SEVEN MINUTES LATER 

heejin watches as taehee executes all the moves they learned perfectly. even the little details she didn’t know were included in the choreography were done so effortlessly by her.

she twists the cap open and takes huge gulps from her water bottle, cool liquid making its way down her dry throat.

“what do you think about her performance?” she hears an older voice say from the side. her gaze shifts to its owner and sees a familiar dark green snapback. it was their trainer. 

“taehee? she’s doing well,” another voice. it belonged to sooyoung.

“she even got all the details correct,” jungeun, another one of their best dancers, added.

“i feel confused,” heejin blurts out, but she quickly corrects herself by mentioning her actual thoughts about taehee’s performance. “i mean,” she clears her throat, “she memorized more than most of us did. she’s good.”

their trainer scoffs, shoulders dropping down as if he were in utter disgust. “you call that good?” the croak in his voice starts to make heejin’s blood boil, “she’s doing it all wrong, she can’t even do the simple moves correctly.”

he gives them one last shake of the head before marching off to where taehee was practicing, each sound of his footsteps adds more dread to their chest. heejin looks down in guilt. 

meanwhile, sooyoung squints her eyes at the back of their trainer before putting her blue jug down, the metal creating a resonating bang when it meets the hardwood tiles of the practice room. “i’m so annoyed,” she huffs, “why can’t he just accept taehee’s actually doing well and praise her? because she’s better than his actual trainees? because she’s a foreigner? so he gets to stomp on her like that? so annoying.”

jungeun shushes her in fear that they might get caught talking behind their superior’s back, but the same thoughts also lingered in the backs of their heads from time to time, especially during these situations. 

it was always taehee who received the bad end of certain trainers, even when all of the trainees think she’s doing the best than the rest of them. it wouldn’t come as a surprise if taehee had fought back or defended herself, maybe quit, but she doesn’t. she stays silent and endures all of it until the end of the day.

“it’s a simple move! why can’t you do it right?” their trainer’s voice booms throughout the whole room, surprising some of the trainees who were practicing. the music stops and all eyes are on them now. everyone stays unmoving except for the dramatic pacing of their trainer.

“you, come here,” the older man called another trainee over. heejin recognizes her to be hyunjin. “show her the choreo,” he demanded.

hyunjin does so immediately as the music played, not before guilt quickly flashes over her features. heejin knows her as another of sm’s dancers having watched her during monthly evaluations, but she internally points out the details she’s missed so far into her dance that taehee’s already gotten covered.

“okay, stop,” their trainer cuts her performance off, and hyunjin gives him a ninety-degree bow before shuffling to the side.

taehee jolts when she feels the trainer’s hands grab her by the sides of her arms and pull her to the middle, the action causing heejin to widen her eyes in shock. 

“do it,” the trainer seethes, pushing taehee forward when the intro of the song starts to play. she takes in a subtle breath before getting into position, and she dances like no eyes are on her, even her facial expressions look confident.

“there are people who just hate it when others are good,” heejin hears jungeun mumble beside her, “they couldn’t accept it and they do anything to break down their confidence. it’s good that taehee doesn’t let them.”

come to think of it, heejin has never heard taehee complain about anything, not even this kind of treatment from their trainers.

“i hate saturdays,” the older girl sighs lastly, and in a few seconds, the music stops as does taehee’s movements.

most of the trainees watch their male trainer correct, or rather scold, taehee once again with small frowns before they were all eventually told to resume their own practice.

when their superior walks away, heejin sees sooyoung scurry off to where taehee’s standing, gently grabbing her by the hand and pulling her along to where they were situated. “practice with us,” she heard her mellow voice say once they neared them.

“you did great, taehee,” jungeun pats her on the back as she praises her, and her voice drops into a whisper, “don’t mind that old skank.”

warmth spreads within heejin for the nth time that day when she hears taehee’s wholehearted giggle. the thought of seeing her smile forever brings butterflies to her stomach.

heejin decides she wants to be the cause of that smile. 

taehee scrunches her nose at heejin when she walks to her side, and the latter mirrors the action out of habit.

“you okay?”

“of course, i’m okay,” taehee shrugs like what happened earlier was no big deal. “i’m used to it,” she adds an awkward chuckle by the end of her sentence, causing heejin to pout.

“we’ll debut in no time,” her confidence causes taehee to laugh at her adorableness, but heejin takes it the other way. “why?” she giggles along with her, “what’s funny?”

“you just sounded cute, heejinie,” and there it was again, the loud beating of her heart and the warmth across her cheeks. she’s hoping to god taehee doesn’t notice it.

“well,” heejin clears her throat before continuing, “we’ll debut together, and you can shove it in his face how great of a dancer you are, and then you’ll put up your own studio and teach little kids to dance like you wanted.”

one of the corners of taehee’s lips raise into a small smile, but it’s a grateful one at that. she can always count on heejin to make her feel like someone knows she’s trying her best, feel reassured that she’s getting closer to her goal. she hopes she makes heejin feel the same way.

“thank you, heejin-ah,” taehee says with a sweet tone, her left hand coming up to caress the back of her hair.

the younger girl stops another grin from showing as she bit her lip, playfully pushing taehee’s hand away before they both resume to practice.

III. BUS N26 ON THE WAY TO THE DORMS

“heejin-ah, what do you think?”

“about what?”

“practice today,” taehee tiredly mumbled. all the girls were exhausted after a long day of running, exercising, dancing, and other forms of physical movement that need not to be named. yeojin and yerim were passed out on each of sooyoung’s shoulders, all three of them fast asleep, and jungeun has yet to drool on the bus’ cold foggy window.

“tiring,” heejin hums, opting to rest her head on taehee’s padded shoulder. she feels the older girl press her cheek against the top of her head and content washes over her immediately.

“you can sleep if you want to,” taehee tells her, a small yawn following soon after. heejin finds herself enjoying taehee’s warmth once more as she snuggles a bit closer into her shoulder, and her eyes slowly droop into a close.

“unnie,” heejin exhales after a few moments of silence, and taehee hums in acknowledgement.

“i just want you to know.... you’re like the sun, and i’m like the moon.”

a sleepy smile makes its appearance on taehee’s features, her eyes were closed as well, “why?”

“you’re already great on your own,” the unexpected comment makes taehee’s heart flutter. this snow-filled night begins to feel warm for her.

“you work hard. you dance well. your voice sounds lovely when you sing and cool when you rap,” heejin lists off. taehee was always fond of this side of her friend — she’s not much of a talker during the day, but at in the night when she’s all sleepy and tired, heejin lets out more than they would expect.

“you’re amazing on your own, jeon taehee,” heejin continues, “people like me are like the moon. we need to depend on others to shine; i can’t do that on my own.”

“don’t say that, heejinie,” was taehee’s gentle reply. “it’s hard, but you’re doing so well. you work hard, and you’re amazing on your own too,” she smiles, even if heejin doesn’t see it, “you get along with others just as well; not many can do both.”

heejin feels taehee part herself from her when she lifts her head from its current position, but the small pout that grew on her lips fades away as soon as she feels a hand come to leave gentle strokes on top of her hair.

haechan spits out his water and goes into a coughing fit while everyone stops what they were doing. both taeyong’s and doyoung’s eyes widen at what taehee had just said, the latter’s jaw dropping to the floor. mark doesn’t even know how to react because there’s no way she could have said that so easily (with the topic being so controversial in the industry and all; geez, is she really being serious?).

“is this a joke?”

“for real? seriously?”

“since when?”

questions were thrown left and right by taeyong and doyoung, winwin adding to the mix (yet it was more out of excitement than shock). he taps on taehee’s shoulder repeatedly, and she turns her attention to him from the screen in front of her. “since when?” he asks again.

“the third day of practice,” a smile gradually takes over taehee’s features. it was amusing to see the members get so excited over this.

“woah,” jungwoo releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding. he slowly brings his hands together and claps, until everyone in the practice room was cheering and applauding with him. you can hear johnny laugh over jaehyun’s shy smile, yuta joining in soon after.

taeil cups his hands over his mouth and shouts, “i hope you guys last long!” causing the group to get louder. taeyong still can’t process what was happening, “are they really dating? how come— how come we haven’t noticed? hold on, i think i’m getting lightheaded,” he slightly stumbles a few steps back and doyoung holds him for support. taehee sees this and becomes genuinely concerned, “guys, this isn’t really—“

“yah jaehyun-ah,” yuta calls from his seat. “if something happens...” the members watch him point to the side of neck with his thumb, slowly dragging it to the other side with a menacing glare. the members laugh as he keeps his ‘dad mode’ act on, “you got it?”

haechan, now having recovered from his coughing fit earlier, follows through by singing the familiar tune of ‘the wedding march’. knowing the boys, taehee hears everyone join in on chorus (except for their leader who was still trying to take in the newfound information. “get yourself together!” doyoung tells him, already tired from having to keep him up).

“just let them be,” she hears jaehyun say beside her. taehee playfully rolls her eyes but complies nonetheless.

suddenly, the door to the practice room opens and the members all freeze when they hear the footsteps of their manager enter the room. he starts to get confused when he notices the sudden change in their atmosphere, “what’s going on?” taeyong’s lips visibly pale and all the more his legs feel like jelly with the thought of having to come up with a quick excuse.

winwin worriedly glances to taehee. “we were just joking around,” she chuckles, going to stand up and brush imaginary dust off her sweats. “we just got surprised when you entered. were we loud?”

their manager shakes his head, “i just got worried for a moment. carry on, i’m just here to remind you guys that the instructor is coming so you can stretch now to start early.” he gives them one last smile and heads to the corner with a nod, probably to read and send important messages with his phone.

doyoung slowly turns around to the group and exhales shakily, closing his eyes for the dramatic effect. this erupted laughter from most of them, yet it wasn’t long before they did as they were told.

“are you guys seriously dating?” mark mumbles to taehee when they go stretch beside each other. “well, we go on dates,” she whispers back, switching to the other foot as she did lounges.

“..... but?”

“we’re not really.... together, if you know what i mean.”

mark’s mouth parts open as he nods understandingly. he licks his lips before asking another question in hesitation, “do you really like him?”

taehee looks up from her position on the floor and raises a brow at him, “what does that mean?”

the boy blinks rapidly for a few times before shaking his head, “nothing. sorry if that came out wrong.” taehee doesn’t reply and instead walks away to their bags. mark begins to worry that he might have said something mean until she comes back with two water bottles, one in each hand, and gives the other to mark while she sat back on the floor. “thanks,” mark says when he finishes warming up.

taehee tries to reassure him that he doesn’t have to worry about anything. “it’s just fun and games, mark,” again, his feelings become jumbled with the way she so casually let that out. she twists her tumbler cap open and drinks from it, leaving mark confused at her words.

he shakes his head and lets it be. unknowingly, mark doesn’t question her relationship with jaehyun ever since that day.

later when taehee goes to check the time on her phone, her eyebrows raise in surprise at the number of messages she received from the members. a few chuckles slip past her lips while she scans through them.

taeyong mom 3m ago

i’m happy for you but you guys gotta be careful, okay? let’s talk later after practice?

fullsun 5m ago

i’m not letting jaehyun hyung kick me out of the room for you

but if you need good places to dine in i could help you

scratch that, i need time to move on. i can’t believe you left me just like that. [crying bunny.gif]

but then again, i can’t blame you ......... sigh

boss moon 5m ago

congrats~!!!

(and much like haechan a while ago, she chokes on her drink as she read the last message.)

doyoungie 7m ago

no funny business when you guys are alone

you know what i’m talking about

the call rings for four times until the other end of the line picks up, mark greeting her first. “yo why’d you call?” he asks, his voice sounding cheery despite the fatigue that was starting to overcome him.

he hears papers rustle and things being moved around before taehee answers him. “nothing, uhh i got it. it’s all good now,” and she sniffs.

“are you... are you crying?” mark’s been her best friend for years, long enough to know what she was feeling based on her voice alone. the hoarse little crack he heard in the middle of her sentence tells mark that she was far from being ‘all good now’.

“are you with anyone right now?” he continues to ask her, and taehee mentally facepalms herself for her slip up. she shuts her eyes and sinks down the bed so she could bury her face in the pillows, her throat becoming dry. “taehee?”

the girl responds, her monotonous hum muffled by how she faceplanted on the bed. she cranes her neck to the side and stares at the wall, eyes tired from holding back her tears. “i’m alone,” she says.

mark raises a hand to his hair and nods, forgetting that she couldn’t see him for a little while. “do you want to video call?”

taehee bites her cheek and hesitates. would she want mark to see her fucked up state of sadness, eyes swollen and nose red and runny? but then again he’s seen the worst sides of her ever since they were younger, so it couldn’t be that bad. 

right?

“maybe seeing me would make you feel better,” mark jokes, unknowing that it made taehee smile just a tiny bit. she considers his suggestion, “okay.”

they both turn on their videos, yet they’re met with different views. taehee could see mark but the latter sees the the ceiling. “taehee,” mark whines softly, “i can’t even see you.” 

from mark’s screen, taehee’s phone moves violently before it stills. his features visibly soften when he finally sees the current state of his best friend, the wet trails on her face coming across old ones. “what’s wrong?” he pouts, and taehee starts to realize how much she misses her best friend by her side.

she wanted to tell him, “oh one of the staff just got a hold of my special hard drive and now they want to sell my songs; my songs which i’ve put every effort and hour working on; my songs which i’ve spent countless nights trying to get them to sound right; my songs which have been the only way i could pour my thoughts and feelings onto without letting anybody know. yes, those songs. they’re even selling it without as much as a letter of my name on it.”

she also wanted to say, “i’m tired,” but they’re idols, aren’t they? it’s a part of the path they chose. taehee thinks she shouldn’t even think of it that way in the least bit, the fans make her happy.

mark watches her shake her head no, and he frowns.

a few moments pass and an idea comes to his head. “taehee,” he calls her, “look at me. i’m going to tell you something.”

“i’m listening.”

“but i want to see you! i want to see your face,” the sincerity in his voice makes taehee’s heart flutter. “your whole face.”

the girl hesitantly looks directly at the camera, brows slightly raised as she waits for what he had in mind. when mark doesn’t answer right away, she starts to feel weak and vulnerable, but despite what she thinks, the boy on the other line believes that his best friend is as strong yet as gentle as she was before. if not, then even more.

“okay, so i have this idea,” mark’s childlike voice causes taehee’s lips spread into a small smile, though he doesn’t see it in the middle of his explaining his idea. “we’re singers, right? you don’t have to write one but if there’s already a song that could describe how you’re feeling right now, maybe you could send it to me?”

he makes eye contact with her through the screen, and he could visibly imagine the cogs turning in her head. mark winces, “or is that too cheesy for you?”

taehee pretends to think for a bit before saying, “i guess i can roll with that.”

mark grins, “okay so, you can find a song, and when you’re ready, you can send it to me. okay?”

“okayyyy,” taehee tries to match his tone, but as an emotional wreck (currently), it sounded more forced than it should.

mark’s screen turns into a blur of colors, letting him know that taehee switched apps to find some song that could at least give him an idea of what’s been troubling her. on the other hand, taehee continued to hesitate for a bit. does she think his idea was cheesy? no. would they be doing this for a long time? most probably. was she afraid of giving out too much? maybe. 

joanie now

open spotify.com

mark clicks on the link, music soon filling the space inside the four walls of his room. he places his phone on his chest as he closes his eyes and pays attention to the meaning of the song, well aware that taehee could hear it too from the other end of the line.

“saturdays are not the same as they used to be. sadder days, why do they keep using me? they keep on using me.”

mark frowns. 

meanwhile, taehee hums to the song from her end, new tears making their existence as they slid down her cheek, making wet patches on the sheets of her bed. she couldn’t believe her ears when her manager had told her about it. “let me think about it,” she said, but her manager looked at her apologetically. she knew how special those songs were to her. putting a hand on the younger girl’s shoulder, she said, “taehee, they’re not asking.”

“they keep on using me.”

mark blinks his eyes open after the song had ended. “that’s how you feel?” he murmurs, more to himself than to the girl in seoul.

“yeah.”

mark sucks in a breath, “you know you could always talk to me about it, right?” taehee doesn’t verbally answer, but she acknowledges it. he continues, “whatever you’re going through, i’ll be by your side. no matter what it is, okay? this is like a process, and i’m ready to walk through it with you. just don’t push me away. i’m your best friend.”

“it’s cheesy but i’ll protect you. that’s what we’re for, right?” mark hears another sniff from the other end of the line shortly after he finishes his sentence. he pouts. “you’re leaving tomorrow so we’ll hang out as soon as you get here, okay?” he tells her, thinking it’s the least he could do to comfort her when they’re kilometers apart.

mark picks up his phone from his chest and goes to one of his playlists, “you know what will cheer you up?”

“you already did though,” he smiles at this.

a notification banner appears at the top of taehee’s screen. clicking on it, a smile grows onto the girl’s features before it turns into a chuckle. “i’m not playing this.”

mark whines, “come onnnn.”

“mark- okay, this,” she laughs, pertaining to the song he sent her, “is already cheesy.”

“it’s gonna make you laugh though!”

he hears a sigh from the end of the line, giggling when he thinks about how taehee would’ve rolled her eyes at him if they were beside each other. “i can’t believe out of all the justin bieber songs you send me this,” taehee tells him.

before mark could retaliate, the familiar tune of the intro makes its way to his ears. taehee was already losing it. 

“i know you love me, i know you care. just shout whenever, and i’ll be there.”

“did you just base your speech to me on this song?” taehee giggles, causing mark to quickly shout in protest. “no! i meant it, seriously.”

“oh you meant it?” taehee teases him. 

“mm,” she hears an affirmative hum from the other side, causing her laughs to ease to that of a soft smile. “okay, then it’s not cheesy,” she tells him.

the chorus plays in the background as the two recall their predebut days together. taehee was with the other female trainees for the first two and a half years, only joining the boys around the second month of 2014. still, her and mark were close during that period of time.

mark laughs, “oh my god, dude, but do you remember the time you let haechan cut your hair?”

his laughs only grow louder when taehee groans. “i swear, everyone looked at me like, ‘huh? what’s wrong with her hair?’ lee haechan, seriously- ugh.”

“do you know,” mark clears his throat, his stomach begins to hurt from all the laughing, “i really thought you were going to stop hanging out with us after that.” taehee asks why and so he continues, “you really got so upset. i remember jeno’s face when you saw what haechan did.” mark tries to impersonate jeno, widening his eyes and forcing his lips into a straight line as he attempts to look scared, causing taehee to turn away from the camera, laughing. “note to self: do not make joanie upset.”

“oh you better,” she warns him, mark sensing the playful tone in her voice. “oh wait, it’s this part!”

“when i was 13, i had my first love. there was nobody that compared to my baby and nobody came between us or could ever come above.”

mark swears he was going to bust his lungs by the amount of times he laughed tonight, slapping his thigh as he listened to taehee impersonate ludacris. “she had me going crazy. oh i was starstruck!” taehee joins in him laughter as soon as she was done, momentarily forgetting the events that happened earlier that day.

even as the song ended, the two continued to talk for another hour — laughing and smiling and reminiscing. taehee was the first to be aware of the time. 

“isn’t it like, past midnight already over there?” she asks. mark taps his phone screen and sees that it was actually a little past one in the morning, leaving him only five hours of sleep before his day officially starts. “it is,” he tells her.

taehee hums, “i promised jeno and jisung to take them out to dinner.”

mark feels his stomach grumble, all that laughing made him quite hungry. “really? where are you guys eating?”

“i don’t know. manager unnie is taking us though so i guess it’s a surprise?,” taehee shrugs. she jokingly adds, “i trust her.”

mark grins before clearing his throat, “you trust me, right?”

taehee furrows her brows at his question, before answering that she does trust him. with her whole heart, she does.

“okay,” mark nods, “i’m just here for you, always. got it?”

“i know- i’m sorry. thank you,” taehee sighs, but it’s a good sigh. the type you’d let out after realizing you have someone there to catch you, to be there for you. all you need is to open up and let them in.

“don’t be sorry,” mark smiles. “so is this goodnight?”

“duh, you have to sleep,” the boy rolls his eyes at her sassy tone, shaking his head as the girl on the other line giggles softly. “message me before you leave, okay?”

“alright,” taehee answers him as she stretches, standing on her feet to prepare for dinner. “goodnight, mark. i’ll see you tomorrow.”