#taani

Spoiler: Rama’s first child is a boy, I think. Part of me feels like it could be a girl, but I also kind of want a first boy.  His name is Kurong and he primary use of his right eye when he’s like 12 or something. He could be the second child.

Also, it used to be 4, but Idk it became 5 because I couldn’t decide if their first boy should be named Denma or Maka and eventually I ended up keeping both because BROTHERS and I haven’t had that yet.

Nonny, I don’t really like... choose? Literally, I get feelings and I go with whatever feels right to me. And a lot of them tend to indicate girls which may have to do with the fact that my mom’s side of the family is mostly made up of girls and that’s what I grew up with? Idk.

At some point, after she realizes she’s with child for the 3rd time (which happens when Nima’s already in her early 30′s btw. She doesn’t have her first kid till she’s like 25), Nima and Dan do actually move from the ship as their primary home. The ship is small and their family is growing so it’s only natural even if it kind of hurts me, but I also know that it’s also good for them to grow up their father’s culture as well. But they’ll spend time with their grandparents in the summer and probably have like a summer house in Republic City (or Nima’s grandparents estate) because Dan’s duties make him have to go oversea often enough and often times he’ll take them as long as it’s not too dangerous. So, they spend a rough half-half time in Nerrivik as their primary home and Republic City/the Waterbender as a sort of getaway home.

Taani actually only gets two kids as far as I know and her first child is indeed a boy.

But I got asked about this once before and idk I didn’t answer only because I wasn’t sure if I should spoil, but ya’ll are smart and know what’s up so:

Nima has 5 kids. 3 girls and 2 boys. Their youngest two are actually twins. I do indeed know their names.

Rama has like 7 kids, dude. That number might be off (we’ll see), but I know he has a bunch and most of them are probably boys. Whether he’s first born or not, Kurong is the oldest boy.

aka I watched Inside Out and realised I have no idea what I’m going to do with my life

Hi, me again. It was a lovely lazy Sunday, I was doing my homework and then decided to watch a movie. Since I’d wanted to see Inside Out for a really long time now, I settled on that. Fast forward an hour and a half to me crying my eyes out, fast forward to two am to me having a panick attack about my future.

I have always had a plan for my life with every little detail thought out. For the first 17 and a half years of my life I wanted to become an actress/director. I had a school picked out, future workplace, all the plays and shows I wanted to starr in, the house I was going to live in etc. I knew exactly where I wanted to go and what I needed to do in order to get there. Everything was already in place.

Then came the surprisingly random decision to go on exchange. I still to this day don’t know why I decided to go through with that or what made me want to go in the first place. Somewhere in February 2016 I started looking for universities, I found something that sounded like maybe I wanted to study it. It was called something like English and European Cultures and Human Relations. I soon realised that that was definitely not what I was looking for in life. I didn’t really know what I was looking for, to be honest. All I knew was, that it had to be Denmark. There was no other option.

I came back from my year abroad with absolutely no clue of what I was going to do next. For some reason I announced that I was going to be a teacher. Now I had thought of this before, but in the context of becoming an Estonian or English teacher. Perhaps even Estonian or British Literature as those were the things I was interested in before I left. Now, however, I had set my sights on becoming ... wait for it... a primary school teacher. Let that sink in for a moment. Can you imagine me in front of a class of 20 or so students? Me? A person who hates children? That decision was once again influenced by the fact that I could study it in Denmark. Apart from marketing and tourism, teacher education is one of the few you could study in English. So it was settled, I was to become a primary school teacher.

Fast forward to February 2017, when the application process to Danish universities started and I realised that I have no idea how to do the whole thing. I found new specific admissions rules that I hadn’t seen before, more documents that I had to upload and so on. The deadline is March 15. I’m not sure if I’m going to submit my application, because what if I don’t get accepted? What if I do? What if it’s not really what I want to do? I was going to apply to Estonian universities as well, just in case I need a plan B, but now I’m thinking that maybe that should be my plan A. 

So last night, as I was contemplating my entire existence, I had a series of thoughts and questions run through my mind. What if I don’t want to be a teacher? It’s hard work and needs great organisational skills and if you look at my life, let’s be honest, there is no organisation. What if I don’t get accepted to any of my chosen universities? What if I took a year off to work and try to figure out what I really want to do? What if I joined the military and did my 9-11 months of service? (Honestly that idea is starting to sound more and more appealing) What if I just locked myself in my apartment and never left it again? What if I moved to Denmark regardless of whether I am accepted or not? What if I moved to somewhere else? 

With less than two months of school left, I am forced to make a decision that will affect the rest of my life. I’m not ready to do that, how can I make that decision if I can’t even decide what I want for lunch? Even by choosing to take a year off to work this out, I am still making a decision. One that I will second guess for the rest of eternity, because of who I am as a person. How do you expect me to choose my future if I sleep for 17+ hours a day and spend the rest dreading that I’m awake? I’m just so incredibly tired of everything, of school, of people telling me what I should and shouldn’t do, of existing. I just want to be in a quiet place by myself where I can just do my own thing. Even if that thing is sleeping for 23 hours, like I did a couple weeks ago. 

A while back I considered droping out, I didn’t want to go to school anymore. I felt like I couldn’t do it, but I also knew I didn’t want to do it all over again next year. I remember crying on the phone with my mom for two hours because she refused to let me go through with this. I felt like she didn’t even want to understand my situation and that she was just being mean. We agreed that I would stay, but that I didn’t have to be there any more than I absolutely had to. This meant that I chose not to go to any school events, including my graduation ceremony. I’m actually grateful that she persuaded me away from dropping out, because in less than four months, I’ll (hopefully) have my high school diploma and I’ll be free. 

I guess this didn’t really have a deep meaning to it, writing these thoughts down just helps me get them out of my head, which helps me sleep at night. 

Always and forever

Nima is probably most like Kai in her nature. She’s more heart than head. Reckless and impulsive on occasion, passionate, idealistic, tends to disregard her own safety and well-being in lieu for that of others. She’s is rather smart though in a clever way. It’s just a bit understated because she’s not the most studious, book smart person around. Her more amplified altruistic traits tend to come from her mother though. She has her mother’s kindness. Where she differs though is that Nima is definitely a lover, not a fighter.

Rama is probably more Jinora than Kai. He is a smart ass, but he has his mother’s demeanor and sense of logic. It’s less of a rascal and more of a little shit who’s too smart for his own good. Smartassery with a sense of dignity even. He has a somewhat inquisitive nature, loves his books and tends to approach things on that note. And he also has this way of moving around without really being seen. That all being said, Rama has a temper.

For fun and because I’m watching the Drunk Book Review of the delightful Sailor J, here we go:

Nima - This would depend on when she read it. If you gave her Twilight to read at like 10 years old she probably would actually like it and think it’s romantic because she’s literally a little girl who is naive and actually does not know better, but by the time she’s like 15 she would actually find the tale rather disturbing. Edward would probably creep her out honestly. I also heavily feel like Jinora would probably have had a talk with Nima about this book because no daughter of hers is going to think that jumping off a cliff is the answer to your boyfriend breaking up with you.

God knows I’ve worried if Dan is anything like Edward Cullen but at the same time I think that’s just me worried and tbh Dan is just grumpy, but he’s tolerant and respectful.

Dan - Twilight is not even on his radar. Like, if he were forced to watch or read it for whatever reason it honestly would bore him to death and he’d just think it’s all ridiculous. And, if whatever version of the Avatar World of Twilight drew upon any kind of Water Tribe mythology (since the Water Tribes take a lot of inspiration from them), he’d actually probably be offended.

Rama - Good god. Rama would hate this book. He would hate so much about it. The boring characters, the crazy overdrmatization with no reasoning, the lack of agency in the main character, the messages, the imprinting thing. As someone who loves to read like anything, Rama would not offer this book to anyone and just throw it overboard. (Unless it was a gift and he might just like bury it somewhere in his room away from his other books). But Rama would read it because if he picks up a book 9 times out of 10 he’s going to finish it damn it all and he’d be so angry throughout his entire read of this series.

Taani - Same as Dan. She just would not get so much of this book. None of the shit these people do make sense. She gets he’s a vampire, but why is he sparkly? Why is this necessary? She wouldn’t even finish it.

Tikaani - She’d think it’s such a stupid book. She can’t relate to any of these characters and dear god the main character is stupid. They’re all stupid and she has little patience for this actual fucking nonsense and why is this werewolf now in love with an actual newborn baby??? Also might be offended like Dan because Water Tribe reasons.

Kai - He would not even read it. It’s not worth his time and he has so much other shit he has to do, but he’d hear about it and feel similarly to his children. He’d also find Jinora’s disdain of it amusing.

Jinora - Less vitriolically than her son, but Jinora would hate this book. Honestly. The whole thing is a disaster. If she found Nima or Taani reading it, they would have a discussion about it because nooooo waaaaay is any of her kids being influenced by this book. Over her dead body.

Honestly, I don’t personally view her as bi (I’m fairly certain?), but I also won’t say that you can’t. I think Taani is one of those characters of mine that if I became crazy famous that if people wanted to view her as bi it wouldn’t really make me feel like it’s not right for her. Let me explain: There are some characters that, if something is applied to them, I may feel is just not right for them. For instance, Rama is straight. And liking men really doesn’t feel right for him because, idk, it just doesn’t? I cannot possibly imagine him liking men romantically or sexually. So, if someone asked me about him I’d probably be like I certainly won’t stop you from imagining those things, but you won’t ever see me write or interpret Rama as anything but straight because it doesn’t feel like it fits him otherwise.

As for Taani, it’s possible, but you probably wouldn’t see me writing about it as things stand now?

But you have my blessing if that’s how you wanna view her, nonny. <3

5. List 3 fears; one “surface level” fear, one “repressed” fear, and one “deep dark” fear.

Mobs of people. Imagine if a ton of people wanted to talk to you at the same time. Taani’s autism is more specifically her lack of ability to express herself like most others, but that’s still really overwhelming for her to process. By extension, public speaking also probably isn’t her favorite idea either. At all.

Never being able to actually, like, be “normal”. Taani knows she’s different than most other people and I think part of her rebellious phase came from a place where she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to make the most of her life because of her lack of ability to communicate the way others do.

Being malcontent with her life.

13. Which of the 7 Deadly Sins best describes them?

Okay. So, autism is not all Taani is (and I really don’t want it to be like the defining part of her because it’s not), but it does affect a big part of her.

Envy.

She can’t communicate with people as easily as they do with each other. And that’s always been a big insecurity for her. Not so much with her family, but when she wants to get to know people (or just talk to them without being afraid they think she’s weird because her facial expression is really static and she talks very little) As she gets older, this lessens (and maybe she develops more pride in her teen years), but she wishes that it would be easier to talk to others. 

(That all being said, Taani is content not to talk to everybody. That’s just her personality. Even if she wasn’t autistic. She’s like Rama in that sense, but less overtly curious? For lack of better terms)

P.S Feel free to contact me if anybody has any questions/comments/concerns about Taani’s autism. I am always up for advice and what not.

19. Do they consider themselves ugly?

Nah. I don’t think that’s ever really been a concern for her. If anything, she more than likely takes full advantage of her looks in her teens and she, like, has no issues with that.

23. Have they ever been assaulted/abused/raped?

Taani eventually has a boyfriend (when she’s like 17?) that becomes physically (and emotionally) abusive to her.

30. Have they ever been bullied?

Dan and Nima love each other unconditionally just like Naoka and Taani, but they’re just two different types of love. Let me explain:

Naoka and Taani’s love was built pretty much over the course of their lives. They met as literal babies. When I say that Naoka’s love for Taani is unconditional, I really mean that. He’s happy to love her whatever way she allows him too because she was his friend first for the longest time. Taani also doesn’t question Naoka as a safe place for her. She can tell him anything and trust him to understand her. He listens to her. What she’s actually tries to say and he’s patient with her. She’s also patient with him. And they know each other very well to boot. Ultimately, they’re love is like a natural garden that was nurtured over years and time and care by sunlight, water and all the right things.