as far as we can tell, validity is a huge part of the online plural community and culture. plural positivity is largely focused on validating systems, and plural discourse is dominated by what kinds of systems are and aren’t valid.
it seems to us like there’s a lot of reliance on others (particularly strangers on the internet) to reassure other systems that they are real, that their trauma was real, that their origins are real, and that their lived experiences are real. and while we do believe that outside validation and reassurance can be helpful and uplifting, we feel like relying on validation from others too much can cause some issues for systems in the long run.
if you’re a system, if you’re plural, or if you have a dissociative disorder, that’s not going to change whether or not people believe your experience is valid. if anything, we believe the online culture of hyper-acceptance and obsessing over validity can lead some individuals to make the wrong conclusions about themselves without any critical thinking or self-reflection. if a singlet is questioning plurality, and the online plural community rushes to assure them that their experience is plural and they are a valid system, that person may be led to believe wrongly about who they are. additionally, if a system relies too much on receiving outside validation to reassure themselves, they won’t be able to self-soothe as effectively if there’s no one around to validate them when they’re hurt or fakeclaimed in the future.
we think more effort needs to be spent by individual systems online investing in themselves, learning how to reassure themselves, and learning how to build self-confidence. if you’re a system, being fakeclaimed online isn’t going to change that fact. and while being fakeclaimed online truly is horrible, if you have a firm footing in your identity as a system and know your worth, the opinions of random people online really shouldn’t amount to much.
we know beginning to believe in yourself is easier said than done! we ourselves have a lot of self-confidence issues we’re still working through. but it’s not the responsibility of strangers online to validate you when you’re feeling unsure of yourself. sure it can be nice, but learning to rely on this kind of validation can make it more difficult to have faith in yourself in the future!
you don’t need other people to tell you you’re valid - have some faith in yourself, your system, and your experiences! and if it turns out you’re not a system after all, no harm done. it’s okay to question, and it’s okay to be wrong! but it’s not okay to take someone else’s word for what you’re experiencing, instead of spending time with yourself and learning who you are on your own.
it can be hard, but it’s worth it! we know it’s an uphill battle, but it’s certainly a task worth taking on, for any system of any origins.
good luck out there! remember to stay hydrated, take care of yourself, and take a step back from syscourse or even system spaces in general if it’s getting to be too much!
