#system apocalypse

But what are the odds? Seriously, if we’re talking a more-or-less average guy or girl, with a reasonably “ordinary” life prior to Things Going Boom - what are the odds that they’re actually at home when the apocalypse happens? As opposed to at work, caught in rush hour, or even picking up the week’s groceries?

I grant you, if the thought of an apocalypse hitting while I’m at home is bad, the thought of trying to dodge zombies inside Walmart is levels of urk worse. Channeled exits, mazes of shelves and items, people screaming - it’d be worse than Black Friday.

But. It’s a likely scenario. Meaning any serious prepper, or game nerd who’s daydreamed about playing the End of the World before it actually hit, might have at least considered what they’d do if that happened.

So. You’re in a retail store when the World As We Know It changes forever. What do you do?

In the first few moments of this situation you need to do something counterintuitive: ignore that this is an apocalypse.

Survival comes first and foremost. You have to deal with the immediate life-threatening danger. The zombie trying to eat your face ranks higher on the “must deal with” list than a dragon rampaging in the street outside. Treat it like any other natural disaster, and evaluate what you absolutely must do to make it through alive. What course of action gives you the best chance? Fort up where you are? (See, dragon outside.) Or flee the scene? (Trapped inside with zombies.) In prepper’s parlance - are you bugging in, or bugging out?

If you’re running for it, then exactly what kind of retail store you’re in may be less relevant. Remember that any reputable store has to comply with fire safety rules. That means fire extinguishers you can grab as makeshift weapons, yes - but more important, the main doors should be unlocked. If you’re closer to the back of the store and there are Things between you and the usual way out, head for the employee doors. You’ll set off an alarm going out, but that’s the least of your problems.

...Well, aside from the noise drawing more zombies. Plan accordingly.

But what if the major threat is outside, and you plan to bug in? To stay put, whether that be for hours or days or just a few minutes to catch your breath?

Consider the kind of store you’re in. If you’re in a strip mall or square, also consider other nearby stores; they may be better options, and can give you a wider variety of improvised weapons and supplies. Let’s take one particular short comparison: hardware store that Shall Not Be Named, vs. Books-a-Million. (Note, drawing off various stores I’ve personally been in, your local shops may vary.)

I’m looking at these in particular because they both have an advantage for siege/monster situations: you can get up onto an above-head-height level. In Hardware that generally means climbing the shelves or using the lifting machines, but you’ve got it. BAM has a slight advantage for those of us less athletically inclined in that the second level is, in fact, a formal second level, with stairs and all. OTOH that means you have a set place you have to barricade to keep anything else from getting up there. Both places do have breakrooms and bathrooms, so as long as the plumbing holds out and there’s some way to do electricity, sanitation and cooking are going to be easier. That said, there are some differences - here are a few!

Hardware. Pros: Tools, tools, tools; improvised weapons galore. Building materials to fortify the place. Maybe some comfy cushions and other homey stuff, depends. Also if you’re working with other people trapped in the same apocalypse, many customers and employees are likely to have useful making-stuff-work skills.

Cons: The stuff in this place was never meant to be lived-in long-term, the fertilizers and concrete dust and other assorted insults may eat your body alive by way of immune system arrrgh. Recruit a doctor. No, more than one. And look into getting a lot of fresh air.

BAM. Pros: Books. So much to read. How-to manuals will be Really Important if the internet goes down! Also when the fit hits the shan, “bookstore” is likely to be low on anyone’s “to be looted” list. You may pass unnoticed long enough to get the place set up and defensible.

Cons: You’re going to have to get most of your fortifying stuff somewhere else. And the people you’re likely to team up with here will have... a varying skillset.

Of course, the most awesome option would be having access to both of these. But that likely means laying claim to, and holding, a moderately large chunk of town. In the middle of an apocalypse. With everyone else going crazy trying to survive.

Chaos Seeds: Classic of the genre, though definitely dated and the series degrades with the more recent books. Very nice magic system, one of the better uses I've seen, and the characters are notably very colorful/fun. Good fights and damn graphic, isn't afraid to be gruesome though there is a beating heart of humanity through the series I personally enjoy

Dungeon Crawler Carl (mix of LitRPG and apocalyptic dungeon elements, what it says on the tin): one of the best, and I mean BEST of this genre in my opinion. extraordinarily dark and horrifically funny. This shit will depress you as you giggle at it. But its just so damn good with some really nice underlying as well as overt commentary. More gorgeous character writing though here it's all Carl and the beautiful Princess Dount (his show winning, talking, cat whom deserves the universe in her paws) all the way. Very absurdist humor by the by, if that's your thing

Ascend Online (town builder litrpg): I mainly love this one for something that happens I think at the end of the first book though it might be the second. It sort of flips the magic system against our hero in a wonderfuly monstrous way. This one is Very Big, and honestly a little boring at times. But the game mechanics and magic system are drooling off of the page, begging to be thought about. Our main character is smart and resourceful, as a veteran of video games he capitalizes his knowlage for a satisfying build. If you’re really into game mechanics this shit was MADE for you, it is also just plain interesting. Good ideas and good fight scenes to go around for everyone! And mainly I just consider it a bit boring because I listened to the audiobook and the narrator read off the Entire Status Page ever like chapter which, if you're an avid LitRPG reader, you’ll understand the pain involved in such a thing

He Who Fights With Monsters: Another insanely long book, another absolute banger. While personally I'm not a fan of the series as it progresses, the first one is a full experience all on its own, lightning in a bottle to me. The main character is one of the best I’ve read about, the magic system is deliciously unique, the side characters are memorable as hell, but most of all I adore the worldbuilding in HWFWM SO fucking much. I have like full posts thirsting after it GOD. I could sit here and just talk. This is one of the best on the list to me, right up there with Dungeon Crawler Carl; even better in the side character department

Ritualist (The Completionist Chronicles): This one’s strengths are a surprising mix of absurdist comedy and a somewhat well thought out magic system. The writing is,,, Not The Best especially compared to some others, but it was a fun and very quick read, especially compared to some others on this list. a popcorn turn your brain off read

System Apocalypse (While most LitRPG exist in fantasy worlds, this one is a post-apocalyptic sci-fi vibe): This is another short one. It takes place in Canada and the main character is a ball of severe anger issues and angst, he has a very cool motorcycle and kicks hella ass. It’s great. His companion is top tier as well, there may or may not be a hot space elf prince involved. If you don't like romance you’re still good though because there isn’t any since John is a pussy ass bitch. Sorry, sorry, I'm trying to be fair and balanced. It's good! John is definitely a flawed individual, I think people often miss a lot of the little nuances in his character and write him off as petulant and pissed (to be fair, he is) but to me at least there's a bit more going on. Even if he can be genuinely irritating to read about

And finally, my two favorite series... and guilty pleasures

The Good Guys: A quintessential barbarian. Think of a barbarian character. Boom. There it is. That’s our man Montana Coggshall. this series is my version of embarrassment exposure therapy, Montana is constantly being humiliated and nothing good ever happens to him. But Also, this is not a sad or angsty or dark series at all. Its fun and light and god are the fights amazing. a fantasy romp to its core. Charming and delicious and fun and action packed to the gills.

The Bad Guys: A quintessential rouge. Think of a rogue character. Boom. There it is. That’s our man Clide Hatchett. This series has a style and comedy and charm to i cannot physically understate and there are So Many genuinely clever moments

there are so many characters that fuck around with morality and right/wrong and different view points that make the world feel so lived in

Everything from plumbing to lumberjacks is explored and given loving attention.

Reading it feels like coming home, I honestly don't care that the plot has turned into side quests and atm the side characters haven't gotten enough time in the spot light

The main character and fucking sheer amazing awkward kind conflicted energy of his dialogue, I've developed a connection to Eric ugland's style of writing further than I thought and I can't get enough of this shit. Also every problem Clyde Hatchett has is solved with some sort of fucking batshit way I Adore

He's the guy who used a dagger that could travel through liquid to travel through a guys stomach and out the other side. Did I mention how gorey these books are? Because Yeah. I adore Clyde Hatchet, my favorite character to ever be written in any place ever. He walks into places he absolutely shouldn't be, gets called elf boy, kicks everybody's ass while simultaneously being the most awkward and uncoordinated mess elvenly possible, then leaves. He is in the palace throne room profusely apologizing to the servants for getting dirt on the floor and beating the shit out of the king, he is at the altar of your wedding punching you in the face and then turning around and tripping on his dress, he is calling himself a hero before robbing a home blind. And also he keeps on shoving acid globs down people's throats and managing to do that while maintaining pure silly little guy energy is genuinely character writing talent. He's perfect. Yes it is very dorky.