#synth writing

Nick Valentine hated winter. Hate is even for him a strong word but the coldest time of the year didn´t do something good to him at all. It already starts in autumn, when the leaves started to fall and the humidity gets unbearable high. He always needed to be careful that his unprotected hand didn´t rust away, but especially in the wet days of fall, the humidity crept into his core like cold crept into bones. He felt like, he was corroding from the inside.

But that wasn´t the worst of this time. Nick needed to change his coolant twice a year. When the days became colder, he needed one with anti-freeze in it, which was thicker and his pumps had more work to do to keep it circulating if needed. The process of exchanging was humiliating, too. He needed half a day, just sitting there and waiting until the old coolant was out and the new coolant with the anti-freeze got pumped in. Just sitting with an open chest and waiting. Nick tried to distract himself from the terrible feeling he always got in the process by reading. He read a book or went through some case files. Besides him was always a cigarette burning. Sometimes, he put it to his lips. This old habit from his former self was soothing somehow, even if he didn´t get something out of it physically. Until the new coolant was finally in him, he emptied a whole package. Fortunately, cigarettes was still as common to find as NukaCola.

He cannot bear company during this time. Ellie sometimes helped with the tubing, but he didn´t want to bother her too much with it. He didn´t want her to saw him so vulnerable. Heck, he only can bear to be seen like this by people he really can trust, which was Ellie, Nora by now and his first mechanic, he didn´t know his name anymore. He did many of his repairs by himself most of the time, but sometimes he just needed a helping hand.

But the coolant wasn´t his only issue in the winter. His joints got stiff in the cold and exchanging the lubricant was a far more difficult tasked, so he often stayed inside when the weather got too extreme, which wasn´t always possible. Nick had been once surprised by a snowstorm, which were pretty rare after the bombs and even more unpredictable. It had frozen him to one place. As a human, he probably would had been dead, but he wasn´t keen on waiting until summer to be finally able to move, again either. But he had been lucky. He was found by a caravan who he had helped out once. They had warmed him up and escorted him back to diamond city. This winter he found enough excuses to not leaving his agency or at least DC.

And last but not least, he was haunted by memories, which wasn´t his own. Prewar Nick Valentine loved winter and especially Christmas. The lights, the smells, the food. And he had loved it because Jenny had loved it. She had decorated the house, cooked and baked the most delicious food. What would he do to properly taste food, again. The institute messed up his taste buds, but hey at least he got some. Even if food hadn´t a big effect on him physically like smoking. The food just got combusted and produced some heat, but that´s all. And through his messed up taste buds, it even didn´t taste good. Sometimes, Nick´s memories made it better, remembering the taste, but nether the less, he didn´t enjoy eating anymore. Food was also a rare resource and the people of the Commonwealth need it more than him.

Nick shook his head to dispel the memories, which stung in his chest. Maybe it was his pumps fighting with the thicker coolant. He thought, after killing Eddie Winters, Nick Valentine was finally gone, but his memories were still there. He still lives in him with all his good and bad times. But especially the good times were the ones hurting the most. The memories of Nick´s fiance smile, even if it became indistinct.

The good thing was, the people of the Commonwealth didn´t know the traditions anymore. They had other problems to deal with than buying expensive presents and decorating a way too big tree. So, this memories weren´t directly triggered around every corner. Maybe it would had been something else, if the bombs dropped two month later. He only was reminded of Halloween here and there, which was kinda ironic in a post apocalyptic world. And in all his years around the Commonwealth, he only saw two or three times really snow, which he wasn´t mad about.

Nick was pulled out of his thoughts when his door opens. Still sitting there with an open chest.

Tag list: @psybrepunk

Nick and Nora stared at each other and the room became silence. So silent that Nora could hear Nick´s pumps, which wasn´t surprising. She could directly look at them, working in his open chest.

The air felt thick, both didn´t even dare to blink and after a moment which felt like hours, Nick spoke up, cut the unbearable silence.

“SHUT THE DOOR!” He said almost screaming. He was glad that his door was towards a dead end and therefore obscured.

Nora needed a second to process this and her body moved prior to her mind. She closed the door. After turning back to Nick, she could see that he was fuming and she might saw some steam coming out of him, but that might be the cigarette in his hand. He tried to fight his anger down.

“Sorry, I thought you were out, I just wanted to grab something from your office. And I would had left a note and.“ Nora stumble over her words, still not sure how to react to the situation.

“What´s the matter, Nora? I´m not keen to bee seen like this,” He opened his arms that she could see more into his open chest where tubes coming in and out, “but I can´t run away either like you might have guessed.” He tried to settle his emotions. It was just Nora. She saw him way worse, but he really didn´t like to be seen like this. But why was she here in the first place? Why didn´t Ellie catch her before she stumble into his LOCKED office? His logic thinking took over which helped settle his emotions.

“I´m sorry, but I have no problem seeing you like this. It´s not like I didn´t know what I have to expect. Can I sit down? Please?” She really needed to calm her self and if she didn´t sit down, she would walk up and down the whole time. He gestured to the chair in front of the other side of the desk he was sitting at.

Normally, he would lean forward, but in his situation, this wasn´t really possible. The tubes had the right length for his current position. It was hard enough to find some which were clean enough for this purpose. Dirt wasn´t good for his pumps. Sure, he has filters, which he also needed to exchange them every now and then depending on how much his coolant was contaminated through punctured and damaged tubes. He even has the feeling that some bacteria felt quite well in his life-hostile body. Just another thing on his long maintenance list. He felt old.

Nora sat down. “Before I come to my matter. I would guess, you need to exchange your coolant for the winter. Why did you make a big deal out of it? Why didn´t Ellie give you company? Why didn´t you ask me to help you?”

Nick put his cigarette on the ashtray on his desk and let his hands fall to his tights, still trying not to touch the tubes. He started to avoid her gaze. “Can an old synth not have some quality time during his maintenance?”

“Nick, you don´t need to sleep, there you would have all the time you need for yourself.” He ignored her comment.

“And yes, I need some new frost save coolant. It´s not like we got a weather forecast telling you if the nuclear winter is getting icy or not coming at all. And I can tell you, I experienced both.”

“So, you wanted to be sure?”

“Ice can damage my pumps, of course I wanted to be sure. Can we come to your matter. It´s really not a big deal, Nora. I just want to be alone when I´m doing this.” He point vaguely at his chest and laid his hand back to his tights, carefully.

“Can you remember, when we found this perfectly preserved chocolate powder and marshmallows? It was just too good to be true. It made me sad, somehow.”

“I can. I promised to keep it until we find your son and then you can enjoy this with him.”

“That was at a time, where I almost lost the hope to find him, but you didn´t let me giving it up. Now we found him. I mean it´s complicated but what isn´t since the bombs dropped. Am I right?” She let out a hallow chuckle.

Nick turned his head and look at a drawer. “There you go, the in the right cabinet, the top drawer.”

Nora stood up. She passed Nick carefully and opened the drawer and there was it! She took the two boxes and put it in one of her big pockets.

“Thanks for keeping it for me. Now it is the perfect time to share this with my son. A hot chocolate taste best during this cold weather. And besides that, I wanted to celebrate Christmas with him. It would be his first one, so he is very excited.”

Nick swallowed but he caught himself. He wasn´t keen on the thought, bringing this old tradition back. Some of Nicks old memories came back. Jenny in a beautiful dress decorating the tree. No. This wasn´t his memories. He had another family, now. His OWN family. And it´s for the kid.

“OK, Nora, what is your plan?” Nick asked, still fighting with himself. Nora eased and explained him her plan.

“I can´t promise that the people will be open for that, but you can at least try and you can count on my help, but first.” He gestured to chest.

“Oh yes, sure. How long do you need?”

“Its´s almost done. And when you already here, you could help me.”

“What can I do?” Nora took a cautious step closer.

“You could hand me the bottle on the shelf there. I always need to put it above, so gravity helps the old pumps.”

“How does it feel?” Nora reached for the bottle and gave it to him.

“What do you mean? This?” He gestured to his chest, this time with the empty bottle of fresh anti-freeze coolant in hand.

“It does not hurt but it isn´t pleasant either. It´s a necessity. And I can´t really move during the process. A loose tube could cause a big mess. I might have a secretary but not a cleaning lady.” He put the bottle between his legs and grasped into his chest, started to rewire the tubes.

“What happened when you run out of coolant? It´s not like blood, right?”

“Am I in an interrogation?” He stopped and stared at her.

“Nick!” He sighted.

“Sorry doll, I don´t like to get to technical about this, about,” he swallowed, “me.”

“It´s fine. I´m just curious and I care for you, you know.”

“I know. It won´t kill me loosing coolant, but running out damage my pumps and you don´t get spare parts at the next property market. And if you know what happens then? My system probably overheat and more parts get damaged and that might kill me. So I try to avoid that.” Nick continued unplugging the tubes and plug them on other places in. Nora stares at this in fascination. Nick caught her gaze.

“Oh, sorry, I don´t want to stare. I just thought about how I could help you.” Nora lifted her hands in defends.

“If you don´t found it too disturbing that I work in my open chest, would you please provide me some light?”

“Nick, this isn´t the first time for me. Do you remember the time where you got shot in the abdomen and I needed to patch a hardly reachable tube and wire?” Nora took his desk lamp and brought the light cone in the direction of his chest.

“I successfully suppressed this memory.” Nick murmured and finished his maintenance. He cleaned everything with a towel he had beside him and applied some oil. The rust really became a problem, but with enough oil, it wasn´t a big issue, especially on his protected inside. He close his chest and finally started to ease.

“Done?” Nora asked.

“Done.” Nick said relieved. He started to bottom up his shirt or at least tried to. His good hand was oily and his metal hand always lack friction. Nora got around the desk to stand directly besides him.

“Can I help you?” Nick put the coolant bottles, the empty one and the one with the old coolant, on his desk. Turned to her, stood up and gave her an agreeing look. He felt defeated by his shirt and his greasy and messed up hands.

Nora came close and bottom up his shirt, really tender. He eased even more under her touch. All the anger, he felt before, was finally gone. Every time, Nick needed to open one of his plates, especially the chest one gave him so much stress. Physically, because he was vulnerable and mentally, because it made him aware what he was. Nora never cared for what he was. She always saw the man behind the machine and he really appreciated this.

When Nora was finished with her work, she gave him a short kiss on his cheek, took his bad hand and pulled him in the direction of the door. She always took his skeletal hand to show him how less she cared for his appearance.

“Come on, Shaun is waiting for us. And I hope he didn´t talk Pipers ears off.”

-

“Nick!” Shaun didn´t finished his sentence, he was talking to Piper and ran to his favorite Synth detective, when he saw him.

“Hey kiddo. Hi, Piper.” Nick greeted them. Shaun pumped into Nick and gave him a hug around his waist. Nick laid his good hand on Shaun´s back.

“So what´s your plan for this Christmas, Blue?” Piper asked and Nora grinned in response.

“OK, here is the plan.” She distributed the tasks. Piper went home and wrote an article to inform the people of the little festival which was coming to town. The first person, Piper talked to was Ellie. Piper should inform her, that Nick is currently at Nora´s place, so she didn´t need to worry. Ellie was glad that Piper was too distracted by her news that she forgot to asked about Nick´s little maintenance secret. She liked Piper but you needed to be careful what are you telling her. Some of it might end up in her little newspaper, if she ran out of ideas.

Nick and Nora were tinkering lights together, while Nick told Shaun about some of his cases. Shaun´s favorite one, was Nick´s first case, where he had pretended to have a bomb by making beep sounds to scare off some raiders.

Nora made hot water when they were finished. “Normally, we made this with milk, but I don´t really trust the brahmin milk and it´s expensive!”

“There is a reason, why this isn´t an essential nutrient source anymore.” Nick added and Nora chuckled as a response. She finished the hot chocolate with marshmallows and made a cup for her, Shaun and Piper. They thanked her and started enjoying their drinks.

“That´s really good, Blue.” Piper said.

“Delicious!” Shaun added.

“Nothing for me?” Nick said with a bit of played disappointment. They all looked at him not expecting that.

“I thought you can´t eat detective.” Piper broke the short silence.

“You can have some of mine.” Shaun offered.

“It´s fine. I actually can eat, but I don´t get anything out of it and most of it taste awful to me.” Nick explained.

“Do you wanna try?” Nora offered.

“No, this is something rare and you shouldn´t waste it on me.” Nick denied.

“I guess, I can spare a sip.” Nora offered, again.

“OK, but I can´t promise liking it.”

“That´s fine, but I don´t want you to miss out on something.” So, Nick took a small sip from Nora´s cup. The taste wasn´t as good as in Nick´s memories, but less awful than most of the food he tried as a synth. He still needed to hide his disgust, but he got practice in it. Since he had been a synth and therefore don´t really eat, he learned what it socially meant for people. It still was an important part of social structures. But most people accept that he don´t need to eat, even if it made him an outsider of this social event. It made him feel alienated but people were glad they didn´t have to share their food with him. It was a zero clearance.

The other looked at Nick anticipating.

“It´s good,“ He lied, “Can I have a cup? Not for me, but I guess Ellie would be happy to get one, too.”

“Sure! I still feel bad that I missed her this noon.” Nora prepared another cup and gave it to Nick. He gently touched her shoulder.

“Thank you. I guess, I will be back in the morning, so you can get some rest.”

“It´s already pretty late, maybe we should meet up, tomorrow, again.” Piper said, “I hope to get the article out tomorrow. Nat is already preparing copies.” Piper informed Nora before she left.

“That would be great.” Nora smiled, “Good night, everyone.”

-

“Let us do this.”

So they started decorated all around the market place in DC in the morning. People were asking what was going on or chatting over the article which Nat handed around. The information about their little festival was going around.

This only took until noon and so Nora had time until dawn to prepare the presents. It wouldn´t be something big but she hadn´t much time for it. This counted for the others, too.

The sun was slowly set and Nick helped Nora to prepare for turning on the lights. The whole city was gathering around the market. Even the one from the upper ranks looked over the railing down to the market with anticipation.

First they turned off all others lights, waited til the sun was completely set and then turned on the new lights. The market glowed in all colors. Everyone started to cheer. The merchants sold warm drinks and food. The mood of the people lid up like the lights around them.

Nora laid her arm around Nick´s waist and he did likewise.

“To be honest, I was a bit afraid of this.” Nick said, still enjoying their work with the lights.

“Why?” Nora asked.

“Some memories still haunt me. The ones, which aren´t mine, but they are still there. I still remember Jenny. She loved Christmas and Nick really loved her.” He sighted.

“What is grief if love not persevering.”

“I like that quote.”

He started humming and the humming slowing became a song. He sang. It wasn´t load. It didn´t get over the chatting around them. But he sang just for Nora to be heard. He sang for Nora like Nick had done for Jenny. His full heart was in there, even if had none.

Nora shed a tear, but she smiled. He never heard him singing. She wasn´t even sure if he was able to. But now, she was and it was beautiful. She lent closer, let her head rest on his chest, which was vibrating with the song. She could hear his inside, the pumps and fans, became harmonic with his song, like an orchestra.

When Nick was done, after a felt eternity, he looked down and looked at Nora. He cupped her face and brushed off her tears with his good hand.

“No need to cry, doll.” Nora needed to chuckle a bit. He stayed true to his name. She reached for his face, too and cupped it. She needed to be careful not putting her fingers into his cheeks through his gaps. They slowly lent closer, lips almost touching, until.

“Mom, what about the presents?” Shaun disturbed their intimate moment. In both adults crept the fear that this intimacy was made out of the moment and will never happen, again.

“They´re at home. I will come, soon.” Nora answered, trying not to sound disappointed.

“OK, but don´t take too long.” And he disappeared.

“Sorry, Nick, I need to go.” But before Nora could go, Nick took her hand, pulled back and kissed her. And she kissed him back. Her lips were soft and it was like he remembered kissing felt like. His lips were different, a bit rough, uneven and dry. But he knew what he was doing. They were holding tight and hands caressed each others back. They parted. It was a short kiss, but not less intense. Nora went to Homeplate but took Nick by his hand with her. And again by his skeletal hand. Both were smiling.

No one really noticed them, except for Myrna.

“I will never sell them anything anymore. Synth loving bitch.” She mumbled.

-

Nick, Nora, Shaun, Piper, Nat and Ellie met in Nora´s little home, which she had decorated, too. She also got a tree, which was more a small festive decorated pot plant. But under it were all the presents wrapped in old newspaper and other old papers. And there were a big bag, too, which Nora didn´t put there.

They started to unwrap the presents with their names on them. Shaun and Nat got a lot of old toys, Ellie good preserved clothes and Piper working pens and a really neat notebook.

“Who made this?” Piper asked holding the notebook.

“You might never know, that´s part of the presents. I told you about this.” Nora explained.

“I know, but I have some question and I want to say thank you.”

“You only get your answer, if the person wants to reveal himself.”

Piper huffed, but she was sure to find it out.

Nora got some sweets like a perfectly preserved cake and a functional camera, which she directly used to take some photos of the moment.

Nick got almost the same as Piper, but in his case, the pen was more notable. It was bigger, and the surface was rougher, so he could grip it better with his metal hand. Nick was, of course, right handed, which was very cynical of life. He always struggle writing with a pen, so he preferred terminal or typewriters, but sometimes he had to take notes and none of this was at hand. Running around with a typewriter, or several, would be ridiculous!

“What´s with the bag?” Shaun asked when all presents were unwrapped. Nick chuckled.

“I gathered some toys over the years. I wanted to give them to the children here, but I didn´t know how without looking like a pervert. People has some strange prejudice about me already. The only one, who got some were Nat.”

“There she got all the toys! Did you know how annoying some of them were?” Piper nudged Nick.

“Oh this is such a sweet idea. Let us help you!” Nora said beaming with joy.

So they went back to market place. Shaun and Nat told their friends, what was going on and after some hesitations, maybe because of Nick, the first one got his present by Nora. Then more children came. Nora told them that Nick brought the toys and at some point Nick was able to share the presents, too. The children were so happy and this in return made Nick and Nora smile. Many of them came back and thanked Nick for their presents. They hadn´t much toys before.

After all presents were shared, they drank some hot drinks, chatted and enjoyed the light until the people got tired and went back to their homes to get some rest. Nora brought Shaun to bed at some point but came back to the other adults to round off the night until only she and Nick were on the market place. And Takahashi.

“Don´t you want to go to bed, doll?” Nick asked concerned about his friend. He knew, she must be tired even if he couldn´t be.

“Yeah,” She yawned. “But the night is so beautiful. I don´t want it to end.” She lent against him. He was warm compared to the fresh air around them. Not as warm as another human but warm enough not to freeze in his nearness.

“Thank you for doing all this.” Nick said.

“What do you mean?”

“Everything. The Eddie Winter case, the old Nick, Jenny, you always treated me like I´m worth it, like I´m still human even if I´m not. You´re the best friend I have.” He looked at her as he wanted to cry but there were no tears, never will be.

“Oh Nick, you helped me, too. Without you, I would still searching for my son with no clue were to start. And I don´t care if you´re human or synth. You got a good heart and you are really good company and I might fell in love with you.” She gave him an honest smile and hugged him tight. He cupped her face and kissed her, again.

“I love you, too. I didn´t know if this was even possible, because I´m just an old bucket of bolts, but you showed me it is. And this is something, which truly belongs to me.”

Nick offered her a hand and invited her for a dance. “The last dance of the night, sweetheart?”

Nora took it and they danced under the colorful lights until the sun rises.

prev/next Chapter

Nora loved Christmas back then. She hadn´t noticed that the people of the Commonwealth hadn´t heard about it and that she had missed it last year. To be fair, there was a lot going on. Loosing her son and getting an artificial version of him back, destroying a whole facility to free the Commonwealth, helping settlements and synth. Yeah, she really needed a break.

“Mom, what´s wrong?” Shaun asked his mother, who was mentally somewhere else.

“Oh nothing, sweetheart. I just remembered something. Something I loved before the war.” Nora said smiling at her son.

“Do you want to tell me, I like to hear it, please?” Shaun almost begged her. He loved hearing about the time before the war.

“Sure! When the days got colder and the nights longer, we decorated everything with beautiful colorful lights to light up the nights. We always had a tree to decorate and we baked delicious cookies and others sweets and all kinds of savory food. The whole family get together and exchanged presents.”

“Presents! The children also get them right?”

“Especially the children.”

Shaun got very excited about it. He screeched so that the other settlers got curious. Nora told them her memories about Christmas, too.

“Maybe we can build some of these colorful lights! We have a lot of material here.” One settler said.

“And cooking something which didn´t come from the ordinary would be also nice.” Another added.

“And the presents!”, Shaun mention this very important point, again, “Mom, can I make you one, too?”

“Yeah, I make also one for you,” Nora said and suddenly remembered, what she almost forgot about “Oh, Nick got something in his office, we found some time ago. We kept it for you.”

Shaun eyes glowed very bright. Nora loved to see him this happy. She wished, she could celebrate it with her whole family. Nora got a bit melancholic about it. Then she remembered that she had a new family and a lot of very good friends. And one could turn out very handy, if she want to bring the traditions back. One, who also remembered them, lived them, like her.

“Come on Shaun, do we want to visit DC? I really can imagine the market really glow up with some lights. And there we should get everything we need.”

“Can we also visit Nick, too? He has the best stories! And I want to know what did you keep there for me.”

“Of Course! We do that and it is a surprise. It´s pretty spontaneous, but I think, he will be happy to see us and tell you some of his stories.”

Shaun made a victorious gestures. And so they both travel in the direction of Diamond City. Nora had no problem traveling around the Commonwealth alone, but together with Shaun, she was more careful than normal. But the travel was without any surprises. The Minutemen and the Brotherhood had done a good job in cleaning it from raiders and supermutants.

-

Ellie was completely into a discussion with Myrna. As always, Myrna found it hard to sell something to a human who was employed by a synth and Ellie always try to convince her, that Nick is safe and a good employer. This went back and forth for quite a while.

So she didn´t recognize the two new visitors and these two headed straight to Homeplate. The person, who didn´t miss them, followed them directly. She never miss anything what was going on in DC. She knew, it´s these strange day, where Nick is hiding in his office and he nor Ellie wanna talk about it. This kind of secrets made Piper even more curious. And now, she had two more chances to get some answers and she followed them to Homeplate.

Nora and Shaun scurried into their little home in DC. Nora close the door and turned to Shaun.

“OK Shaun, you stay here and I look for Nick. You can take my stuff, but please be careful.” She went down and hugged him tight. When Nora was almost out of the apartment, Piper stood in the doorway.

“Nice to meet you two here, “ Piper greeted them. “Can I come in?”

Nora looked at her, blinking. “You are already in, it seems. But anyway take a seat, I just want to look for Nick.”

“Oh, he is in his office for sure, but…” Before Piper could finish her questions, Nora walked around her and was almost out. She knew Piper too well and she had this look in her eyes that her visit won´t be a short one for sure. Nora knew she had questions and she was going to answer them, but not now.

“Thanks, Piper. If you are already here, could you please have an eye on Shaun? I´m back in no time.” She looked over Pipers shoulder to Shaun. “Shaun, Piper will take care of you. You can tell her about our plans.”

“What plans?” Piper was confused and almost forgot why she was here.

“Blue, I don´t…” But Nora was gone.

“Oh, Piper, I need to tell you something. Here me out, before the war….” That was all Nora could hear Shaun say. She felt a bit pity for Piper, but she wanted to get the special present for Shaun and really looked forward to talk to Nick.

Shaun was going to give Piper something she could write about and this in return could bring back some of the Christmas spirit, Nora really missed.

-

Ellie was finished with Myrna for now. She got the supplies she wanted but Myna wasn´t happy about it. Ellie turned and looked around. She thought, she saw Nora, but no. Maybe it was just her imagination. She remembered that she locked the door and Nick was going to need some more time. So, she decided to visit some old friends until he was finished. A day off might be nice. Nick always paid her a bit more, when he did his big maintenance. She could and should enjoy her day off.

Nora found herself in front of the Valentine Detective Agency. She was seen by no one. She became too good in stealth that even if she didn´t want to, she still wouldn´t be noticed.

The door was locked. Ellie might be around. She might had seen her at Myrna´s. And Nick was probably on a case as always. Work didn´t become less for him since the Institute was gone. He even got cases from the Railroad to find lost Synths, now. And with more settlers around, the chances were high that one of them might need his help.

Nora was a bit sad, that she wouldn´t get the chance to talk to Nick at least for the time of his absent. She could look for Ellie later. She always knew where he was, especially after the Darla case.

But she got a key from him before she could afford Homeplate. She just wanted to get the present. She should leave a note, just to be sure. So he wouldn´t worry who broke into his office. But she was sure that he would figure it out. She was going to leave a note anyway.

So she opened the door and froze in her motion, when she saw Nick.