#swipefright

Not even his beard is Tutting as hard as I am. And even if an ancient Egyptian facial hair-dildo titilated me (despite looking like a biohazard), my intelligence is a little insulted by that failure of an optical illusion. That’s not your jawline, dude.

I just crapped myself to death. In a bad way.

This one is literally, figuratively cocky! I understand that formalities are just fluff, that sex is the elephant in the room, but this is more than just a bit crude—it’s unclever. I suppose he thinks he’s not just god’s gift to women, but god’s gift to… well, man! Unpardonable!

Doesn't his selfie Snapchat screencap titillate you?

"Both of these dogs are named Future Snack!" --Daniel Dodecahedron blackblackgold