#swandivers

jules doesn't cry. or at least that is what people tend to think. no tears are ever shed, not even when she was selected for the final line up, not when haute pink became considered one the nations girl groups or when she got selected for a solo debut. jules doesn't cry in front of people and never will. well, that's what she would like you to think because a few have seen her cry. from pain, from frustration, from tiredness, from fondness. you name it, she has probably cried because of it, but only a select few can see it. she will hold strong and will push through until she knows she can let it go and cry to her hearts content.

jihan was a bit different, quite different in jules's eyes really. they have been friends for as long as they have both been around in midas music, or at least so she thinks. she'd like to think that, because jihan has really seen her go through the best and worst parts of her trainee days, and now he was going to witness going through the worst parts of her solo debut and none of the best parts. and jules really doesn't want to cry, she really is trying, but there is only so much she can hold in with every other comment she sees about herself is degrading and nasty. its been a while since they have had one of these talks and jules doesn't even know where to start with this one. she used to confide in him so much when she was younger, about anything and everything and jihan just seemed to get it. she'd cry till there was nothing else to cry about and he wouldn't judge her.

or she hoped he didn't judge her, jules was always too scared to ask. and they didn't see each other as much as they used to, not sure why, they both had their issues. but right now, she could really use jihan as a shoulder to lean on, someone that she knew wouldn't bend under her weight and ugly tears.

she is huddled up on the couch of her own flat, cats laying around her in an attempt to probably keep her company. she doesn't expect jihan to answer, she sent the message a good half an hour ago 'are you busy? i was wondering if you are free, i don't feel too well..' it's been a while. why would jihan let her confide in him again? so she closes the messaging app and goes back on naver to read the newest mean comments about how she doesn't deserve it and how she is a bitch and god knows what else mean is written in there and she reads it, and reads it and reads it. she is so deep in the hate train against her she isn't far from believing it.

jules isn't quite sure how long she spends on naver and on her instagram comments and on fancams and whatever else her brain can think of at this hour of the day, she just wants to switch it off. so she throws he phone across the couch, and covers her head with the blanket, but the fucking doorbell rings and she wants to scream. still, jules drags herself from the couch, blanket still wrapped around her and dragging on the ground behind her. she doesn't even look through the peepwhole, because her head is a mess and who can think straight at this hour of the day? so she swings the door open, like an absolutely idiot and gets greeted by someone she should have expected.