#svtnxreader

“You said that you were going to be able to pick her up from school today… What? What do you mean you’re in the airport?! Where the h- … You can’t just promise her something and then not follow through with it. She’s been looking forward to seeing you all week. Yeah… Yeah okay… Bye.” With an exasperated sigh he hung up his phone, finally looking in your direction as he came up to the classroom door that you were standing outside of. You had heard the entire conversation, something that he was well aware of judging by the sheepish look on his face as he looked at you, but it wasn’t something that you would pry him about. “Sorry about that… And I’m sorry that I have to bring her in so early, I’m just so busy and-” You held up your hand, shaking your head as you looked down at his daughter. You knew who he was and you knew what he did, everyone knew what he did, and that’s one of the main reasons he had to bring his daughter to the classroom early. 

“If you need me to keep her after class a little longer that’s fine. We can watch movies and I have a whole cabinet full of snacks and games that we can play too.” You said, hoping to ease his visibly worried mind, and as if your words were a ray of sunshine for him, his all too familiar smile that you had seen all over television screens and on YouTube had spread across his face again. He let out a sigh of relief, placing his daughter’s hand in your own before kneeling down in front of her and pressing a quick kiss against her forehead. 

“Be good for Ms. Y/N. Me or one of your uncles will be here to pick you up as soon as we can.” He murmured to her, his tone completely different from the annoyance that had filled it while he was speaking on the phone. “Thank you so much…” He said as he stood back up, his eyes meeting yours for only a second before you both looked away from each other, your eyes averting to anywhere but the others. “I’ll try to be back as soon as I’m finished working. I’m really sorry if this is an inconvenience for you and, please, just let me know if it is. I can try to find a babysitter it’s just really hard and-” 

You tsked your tongue, shaking your head once more at his worried ramblings. “It’s quite alright, really. Chohee is wonderful, and… well, I don’t really have anyone to go back home too after work so, I don’t mind at all. Don’t have the guys or yourself rushing over here to pick her up either, I’d rather you or them get here safely than to hear that something awful has happened on your way over. Plus, if she gets hungry, I’m sure I can order something and have it delivered to the classroom, as long as it’s okay with you.” 

He nodded quickly, and you could almost see the weight that your words had lifted off his shoulders, his eyes closing as he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “You’re truly a lifesaver. Thank you so much. I’ll call the school and let them know when myself or one of the guys are on their way. Thank you again, so much.” He smiled at you before quickly lowering his eyes to his daughter who was still looking up at him with what looked like stars in her eyes. “Remember, be a good girl. Next time I’m off I promise you and I will do something super fun together, whatever you’d like. I love you, Chohee, I’ll see you after school.” He kissed the tips of his fingers and pressed them to the top of her head before nodding to you once more and turning to walk away. He was a good father, he was trying his best to make the best out of everything, he was doing his best to give his daughter the best, but you could see how hard it was on him and it made your heart ache to see him so stressed out. 

“What do you mean Hajoon isn’t getting her? She promised that she’d pick Chohee up from school and have her this weekend…” Jeonghan said from across the table, his head tilted in confusion at Seungcheol as he tried to make sense of what had just been told to him. They were going to be shooting a new music video this weekend, it had been set up that way for weeks because Seungcheol had specifically asked weeks in advance to make sure Chohees mother would pick her up and keep her for the weekend. “So now what?” 

Seungcheol shook his head, his fingers drumming on the table as he let out a loud sigh. “I don’t know. I don’t even know how I’m going to pick her up from school today. I’m so busy and I’m trying my best to be a good father to Chohee all while being a good leader for the group and it’s just getting more and more difficult.” His arms folded on the table in front of him and he quickly dropped his head down onto them, grunting quietly, unable to fully contain his frsutrations. “I don’t know what I’d do if her teacher didn’t offer to stay after with her every time I needed it.” 

Jeonghan narrowed his eyes, more interested than confused now at the sudden mention of Chohees teacher that he had never gotten to meet yet. He hadn’t even heard about you before, and everytime Seungcheol stayed later at work, he had just assumed that his mother had picked up Chohee. “Wait… She’s being watched by her teacher? Isn’t she in preschool? She’s only four… Do you really trust her teacher to look after her that way? Wouldn’t you want your mom to get her instead?” Of course Jeonghan was worried about Chohee, she was basically his niece and he loved her as such. He was there when she was first born, waiting outside of the delivery room to finally meet her and congratulate his best friend on the birth of his first daughter. Since that day, he’s been there for everything, including the trainwreck of a breakup that left Chohee with Seungcheol who was trying to keep himself together while keeping everything else in his life together at the same time. It was the lowest any of the members had ever seen him and none of them wanted to see him that low ever again. 

“At this point, I trust Chohees teacher more than her own mother.” Seungcheol stated matter of factly, pushing himself away from the table and standing up. “I can’t just keep handing her off to my mother every time Hajoon changes her mind about being a mother.” He pinched the bridge of his nose in agitation, the smile that is usually worn on his face was completely gone, not a trace of it seen in his features at this point. “I’m sorry, I just need to figure out what I’m going to do this weekend with her… Maybe I can get my mom to help watch her on Saturday and then I’ll get her Sunday…” He trailed off, shaking his head as he turned to walk out of the lunch room, offering a small wave to Jeonghan who was still sitting at the table. 

It’s not even that he was just worried about the weekends, he was worried about the summer and what he’d do when he couldn’t take Chohee to school anymore. Thinking that way had him feeling even worse though, like he was the world's worst father because he depended on his daughter's teacher to watch her just so he could go to work. It’s like he had to make a choice between being an idol or being a father and it wasn’t a choice that he ever thought he’d have to make. This wasn’t how he thought his life would go, he didn’t even think he’d have a kid yet, and while he didn’t think of Chohee as a mistake, he knew that she had come too early in his life, and she had come to him from the wrong person, but he couldn’t just give her up. 

The way that he had met Hajoon wasn’t one that he’d want to tell his daughter, not until she was much older anyway, and that should have been a sign in itself that the relationship he thought would bloom just wasn’t obtainable. He should have seen the sign, but after a slightly tipsy one night stand and an exchange of numbers and then two months without a single text from her, he had gotten one. He didn’t believe her at first, he didn’t want to believe her because he still had his entire career, his entire life in front of him, but she insisted and he believed her. Throughout the entire pregnancy it seemed like things were going perfectly, he really felt like everything would be fine. Hajoon seemed to have settled down, and for the next six months of the pregnancy, it was like all of his worries flew out the window. He never would have thought that once Chohee was born that Hajoon would walk out like it was nothing, like she wasn’t leaving anything behind. His heart had been torn to pieces and he felt completely helpless, holding his only 2 month old daughter in his arms as he watched the woman that he thought he would make his wife walk out the door. 

All sense of trust walked out the door with her, as if she packed it up in the bags she rolled behind her and now he couldn’t see himself with anyone else. How could he possibly trust anyone after what had happened to him? It was the longest con, and for what? He was left with a child who had won his heart the second he saw her, but he knew that his job would keep him from being the father that she deserved to have. Was it fair to keep her with him even if that was the case? He wasn’t sure, but all he did know was that he was trying his best, he was doing everything to give his daughter the best and to love her as much as he could when he was around, it was the only thing he felt like he could do. Never in his wildest dreams did he ever think he’d be a single father, yet here he was. 

Even still, no matter how hard things got for him, there was nothing in the world that he’d trade his life for. He knew that one day he’d become a master at balancing his home life and his work life, it was a matter of time, and at some point he’d get it right. He truly loved his daughter, and when things would get hard or when he felt like everything was falling apart around him, all he had to do was look at her and see her smile and it helped him calm down, it made him see that things weren’t so bad, she was the light that he needed.

As he climbed into his car he let out a small sigh of relief knowing that he’d soon see his daughter, and while he was unsure of what he was going to do this weekend to make sure that she’d be watched and cared for, he knew that he’d be able to figure it out once he calmed down. He tried really hard not to let the stress of everything get to him which was easier said than done, but he found that it was easier to stay calm and let himself think when he had Chohee with him. He didn’t want her to see him upset or stressed, he didn’t want her to think that it was her fault that he was feeling that way. 

He finally pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket, turning it on for the first time since he’s been at the office. One notification popped up on his screen that caught his eye, his heart freezing momentarily only to start racing once more as his fingers fumbled to type in his passcode. It wasn’t often that you called him, it was so rare that right now seemed like the first time you had which only had him panicking more as he dialed the number back and shoved his key into the ignition. His entire body was shaking as he put his car into drive, the ringing sound still coming through his phone which was on speaker in the center console, the silence that followed each ring only had his stomach sinking deeper as he raced towards the school. 

“Hi, Seungcheol. This is Y/N, I was just…” You couldn’t finish your sentence, the sound of your voice coming through his phone had him immediately cutting you off, his mouth spilling out a slew of questions faster than you could even answer them, his main question being if Chohee was alright, if anything had happened to her. All he wanted to know was that his baby was okay, and then the sound of your giggling filled the silence of his car and he didn’t know whether to relax or be annoyed that you apparently thought his worrying was funny. “There’s no need for you to worry, Chohee is alright. We’re watching Finding Nemo. I called earlier to ask if it was okay if we had a little popcorn while we watched it, but she insisted that it was okay, so we had it anyway. It’s been an hour since then, so… I’m sorry for worrying you in any way. I just wanted to be sure…” 

Popcorn. You had called him to ask if popcorn was okay, and now he was the one laughing, albeit sheepishly, at how worked up he had gotten. He had every right to worry about his daughter when she wasn’t with him, but he also had the tendency to overreact a little bit, something that he was highly aware of and something that he immediately felt bad about once he knew that everything was alright. “No, no, I’m sorry for coming at you like that… I just got a little panicky.” He let out an awkward chuckle, running his hand through his hair as he continued driving, feeling himself relax more and more the closer he got to his daughter. “Has she been good though? I know I’m pretty late picking her up, I’m sorry. I hope that she hasn’t given you any problems.” Usually Chohee would get fussy if he didn’t pick her up on time or if she was left with anyone a little longer than she was used to, it was one of the reasons he couldn’t leave her with his own mother longer than a weekend. 

“Problems? Not at all. Chohee has been an absolute sweetheart, I really don’t mind having her stay after.” You said, and he could hear the sound of quiet crunching as you popped another piece of popcorn into your mouth. “She’s actually taking a small nap right now because the movie ended, I hope that isn’t going to affect her going to sleep tonight.” Shocked was the only way he would be able to describe the way he felt right now. Chohee rarely allowed herself to fall asleep at nap time unless she was at home in her own bed, and he was the one that had to get everything set up and just right so that she’d actually fall asleep. His mother would always call him, asking him how he managed to get Chohee to sleep, as if it were impossible to do, yet here you were accomplishing it as if it were no big deal. “I’m really going to miss having her around once summer break comes around.” You said, but your words had Seungcheol thinking way too hard, the gears of his mind whirring as it filled with questions of what he’d actually do once summer came. 

“Summer break…” He murmured, unsure of it his phone even picked up his voice for you to hear, but he didn’t know what else to say. The two words were looming over his head like a dark cloud. Of course he’d try to do as much as he could with Chohee while she was on break, but it would be even harder for him to do his job when he always had her, and he really didn’t want to place the responsibility on his own mother either. “So uhm… Are you tutoring or anything this summer? Are you doing any extracurricular classes?” A part of him was interested, but the other part of him, the part that felt awful for even questioning what you were doing during the summer, that part of him wanted to know if there was any way for you to watch Chohee during the summer as well. 

You hummed softly before responding, giving him a soft no that sent his hopes barreling into a downward spiral. “I don’t really have anything to do during the break. I actually need to find a part time job to fill the gap that’ll be there… and so I can pay my bills…” You paused momentarily before clearing your throat with a few quick coughs. “But if you need some recommendations for some tutors or some extra fun little classes that I think she’d love, I’m sure I can send you some of the information to sign up for one of them.” He hated the idea of it, putting Chohee into the care of someone that he doesn’t know at all. There was something about you, hearing you talk, having an actual conversation with you and hearing the way you spoke about his daughter that made him certain that his daughter was safe with you. He couldn’t just hand her off to another teacher and expect them to be as good with her as you are. It wouldn’t be that easy, he knew it wouldn’t, not only because of his own feelings towards the matter, but also because he knew the way that Chohee was. 

“Yeah… Yeah I’ll think about it.” He murmured, nodding his head slowly as he stared out the windshield of his car. There was nothing to think about though, he had already thought enough about it. He wasn’t just going to put Chohee in some random class for the summer or make her join some extra activity that she’d most likely get bored of within the first couple days anyway. Like Jeonghan had said earlier, she’s only four, and being that young meant that her attention span wasn’t going to allow her to stay focused on something much longer than a week tops before it didn’t catch and hold her attention anymore. “I’m almost to the school by the way, I’ll be there soon.” He said quickly, trying to fill the silence that had taken over the car when you hadn’t said anything. He didn’t even wait for your response before his finger came down on the little red button to end the call. He wasn’t quite sure what exactly he was going to do, all he did know was that he needed to figure something out before the summer, and there was one thing, one option in particular that was stuck in the forefront of his brain, he just needed to make sure it was doable, then it would become his one and only choice. 

The parking lot to the school was practically empty aside from one car, one car that he could only assume was your own since you were the only one in the building. Seungcheol parked quickly next to it, rushing out of the vehicle and running down the sidewalk to get to the little side door that led into the classroom that he had dropped his daughter off earlier that morning. He didn’t notice at first, but the closer he got, the more he could see that the door to the classroom was already propped open, the sight of it initially causing his heart to sink as he picked up the pace. It wasn’t until he got right next to the door that he realized your head slightly peeking out of it with one of your fingers pressed against your lips. “She fell asleep watching Nemo and… Well she just looks so peaceful while she’s sleeping and I know how babies get when they’re woken up from naps and they’re not ready to face the rest of the day yet.” You giggled softly, trying to muffle the laughter in the palm of your hand as you walked back into the class alongside him. “I really hope you don’t mind that I let her sleep though, it might be kind of hard to get her to bed tonight…” You murmured sheepishly, standing next to your desk and fumbling through the papers that were strewn about it. 

He watched you intently, and while most of the time he’d look at you as nothing more than Chohees teacher, it seemed like he was seeing you in a new light with a new set of eyes. There was a glow about you that he couldn’t quite place his finger on. Maybe it was the way the corner of your mouth twitched up into a small smile as you looked over the drawings that the other kids in the Pre-K class had made, drawings that he couldn’t quite make sense of himself, but you saw in the scribbled art something that only you could see. It could have been that, it could have also been the way that you talked to him, the way you talked about his daughter, the way you treated them both as if they were humans, as if she wasn’t the daughter of a k-pop idol, as if he wasn’t a k-pop idol himself. To you, he was just Choi Seungcheol, the father of Choi Chohee. “Don’t worry about her bedtime, she knows when she needs to sleep at night.” He said, trying to match the quiet tone that you were keeping with him, not wanting his daughter to wake up just yet. “Do you uh… do you keep sleeping bags and stuff in your class for all the students?” He questioned, noticing the pretty pink floral cot that his daughter was sleeping on, a fluffy pillow tucked under her head and a plush animal snug within her arms under the blanket. 

You hummed softly, shaking your head as you continued sorting out the papers. “Ah… no… I uhm, I brought it in because she usually stays a little later than the rest of the class and we watch movies… I know how uncomfortable the floor is… so I just got a little cot for her. I hope that’s alright.” Finally looking up from the papers, your eyes met his own and he didn’t know whether he was in love or in awe, maybe a bit of both, at how much you seemed to care about his daughter. “I’m sorry, I should have asked before I did that… I just wanted her to be comfortable…” You said quickly, apparently taking his silence as disapproval. 

His hands moved up in the air as he shook his head, not disapproving what you had told him in the slightest, more so, he was in disbelief. You seemed to care more about his daughter than her own mother did, and you surely did more for her than her mother did, it was just something that shocked him. “Thank you. I probably say that way too much, but you really don’t know how much it helps, how much it means to me that there’s someone like you that cares about Chohee as much as you do.” There was nothing else he could say, he wanted you to know how appreciative he was of everything that you did for his daughter because it truly meant the world to him, but he also felt the need to get closer to you building up inside of him. 

“Oh…” You whispered, the word coming out as more of a breath than anything else, and he could tell that his words had made you flustered. “It’s really no problem at all. She keeps me company while I’m going through papers and work and stuff, and it’s been a while since I’ve had company while watching a movie.” You let out a sheepish giggle, finally finding the paper that you were apparently looking for and handing it to him. “Here, she drew this. She wanted you to have it and she said something about hanging it on the fridge with all her other drawings… In not that many words but, I understood what she meant.” The paper was slipped between his fingers and it took a couple seconds for him to understand what was going on in the picture, but the neat writing of who was who in the picture helped him catch on rather quickly. 

Three stick figures were lined along the page, one was shorter than the rest and he immediately knew that was his daughter without the help of her name and the arrow above her head. His stick figure was standing next to his daughter, the stick arms connected as if he were holding her hand in the picture and he couldn’t contain the small smile that he felt pulling at his lips when he saw it, but the smile immediately fell when he saw the other stick figure. It was on the complete other side, and he could only assume that it was a representation of Chohees mother, it even had the word mom written above it, although it wasn’t often that Chohee even saw her mother. There were two squares in the picture too, which must have been a representation of his house and her mothers house and the longer he looked at the picture, the more it felt like his heart was breaking. “Thank you…” He whispered, and before he could continue, both his and your eyes shot up at the sound of Chohee stirring in the little sleeping bag. 

“Daddy!” She cheered as her eyes blinked away the sleep and finally focused in on him, her tiny legs scrambling to kick away the sleeping bag blanket and push herself up to run over to him. His arms immediately outstretched to catch her in them, swooping her up and holding her against his chest as her own arms wrapped around his neck. 

Out of the corner of his eye he could see you smiling softly at him, your head bowed towards your desk trying to make it seem like you weren’t watching, but he knew you were. “Let’s get going. I’m sure Ms. Y/N wants to get home and get some sleep too. Tell her goodbye, and you’ll see her in two more days.” He said, gently setting Chohee back down on her feet, taking a step back to let his daughter go. He wasn’t expecting her to run over to you, her little arms wrapping around your legs and clinging onto you as a small pout formed on her lips. 

“You come home too…” She said, trying to hold back the whine in her voice. “I love you…” It was shocking to say the least, hearing his daughter say those words to anyone other than him and his own family, and it seemed like even you were shocked to hear them. Your eyes darted between him and Chohee as you tried to think of what to say. “Please…” Your lips parted slightly only to shut again, unable to think of what to say in response, your eyes meeting Seungcheols as if questioning him on what you should say. 

“Cho… Honey… Ms. Y/N has to go home… to her own home and eat and get some sleep.” He tried to say as sweetly as possible, hoping that his daughter would understand as he tried to softly pry her off your legs. “You’ll see her again soon.” He said, lifting her up into his arms and snuggling her against his chest, the quiet sniffles coming from his daughter as she buried her face in his shoulder were heart shattering, but he didn’t know what to do. “I’m so sorry for that… She never does that. I’ll see you Monday morning…” He said quickly to you, turning around to head out the door. 

“Let me know if she’s alright when you get home. If she wants, if it’s alright with you, you can call and I’ll talk to her on the phone if she’s still upset.” Not even her mother would have done something like that for her, but you were offering. He nodded his head, giving you a small smile as he walked out of the classroom, his heart and his mind torn on what to do. Of course he wanted his daughter to be happy, but he obviously couldn’t just move you into his house to make her happy. He was sure that the only reason she was acting this way today was because her mother was supposed to pick her up and ended up letting her down. She wanted to feel some type of motherly bond with someone and that person just ended up being you today. He’d just have to explain to Chohee that you were her teacher and nothing else, or maybe she’d just forget about it anyway and he wouldn’t have to break that news to her in the first place. Even still, he might have been able to come up with a solution for what his daughter was going through, but that still left him with his own thoughts and his own emotions that he didn’t quite know how to handle. 

Chohee sat in her carseat in the back row of the car, her head bowed as she focused on his phone that he had handed her to keep her occupied while he drove. “So… Did you have fun today?” He questioned, wanting to know all about her day, not only because he felt like it was his job to know these things, but also because he was intrigued as to why she acted the way she did when he had to take her home. Chohee hummed softly, nodding her head in agreement, a motion that he would have missed if he hadn’t been at a red light and looking at her through the rearview mirror. “That’s good. What movie did you watch?” He pressed further, and while he had already been told by you, he wanted to hear what Chohee had to say. 

She clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth as she placed the phone off to the side, her arms folding in front of her chest as she looked straight at the back of his head. “Nemo. I like the fishies. I had popcorn. We cried at the ‘ginning of the movie… mean shark ate the baby fishies. But first I did my work with everyone else… Then they went home. I got to play outside two times on the slides though. I drew a pretty picture for the kitchen too.” She had gone through what seemed like the complete itinerary of what her day had consisted of, telling him about it as if she were an adult herself. He hated the idea of that, the thought of her growing up, knowing that he’s missing out on a majority of everything that happens in her life because of his job. “She said I call her if I upset…” Seungcheol hadn’t thought that she would have caught what she said, he didn’t think she’d actually want to do something like that either, but he knew that there was a reason Chohee was bringing it up. “I upset enough…? I wanna talk to her…” 

His eyebrows lowered over his eyes as he took the turn onto his homestreet, glancing at her through the rearview mirror as she grabbed the phone off the side seat and began swiping across it again. “You don’t have to be upset to call Ms. Y/N, she just thought that maybe you’d want to talk to her more if you were upset already.” He explained, not wanting his daughter thinking that she needed to be sad or upset in the slightest bit just to talk to someone. “And I want to talk to you first when we get home. I barely get to see you because I’m working so much. I miss you, honey bunny.” And that was the entire truth. He felt like when he was away from her, an entire half of himself was missing. She was his everything, she’s who made him who he was now, and when he wasn’t with her he just didn’t feel like himself. The most he wanted when he did get to see her was to have a couple minutes with her before she ran off to play with her toys. 

She reluctantly agreed to talking to him, the sound coming out as more of a huff as he pulled into the driveway, her tiny hands already working at the car seat straps that held her in. It seemed like she was growing up too fast and it felt like he was missing all of it. “What we talking about?” She mused, hopping out of her seat once he had pulled the keys from the ignition, leaning over the center console to look at him. “You wanna talk about Nemo?” The question was so wholesome, so sweet, and while it wasn’t exactly on his list of things he wanted to talk to her about, the way she asked it was far too adorable to say no to, so he simply nodded, climbing out of the car and quickly making his way around to the back to let her out. 

From the moment she stepped foot onto the pavement outside of the car she was talking nonstop about the movie. She spoke of it as if she had never seen it before, although he was sure that Seungkwan or Joshua had watched it with her already. She went through the entire plot, her entire body moving animatedly as she sat next to him on the couch, a chubby cheeked smile spread across her face as she spoke. He couldn’t bring himself to cut her off, she was so excited, so he listened intently, nodding and humming softly whenever she paused and looked to him to make sure he was still listening. It took almost half an hour for her to finally finish telling him about the movie, and by that time he had almost forgotten what he really wanted to talk about. He wouldn’t have remembered it if she hadn't brought it up. “Are you going to hang my art on the fridge, daddy?” She asked, looking down at the tiny corner of the white paper that was sticking out of his pants pocket. 

He nodded quickly, pulling the paper out of his pocket and unfolding it carefully to lay in his lap. “Tell me about the drawing first.” He said, trying to keep his voice light and cheerful so she wouldn’t get upset, although seeing it himself had him swallowing back the lump that was slowly building in his throat. “I know that that’s me and you… right?” She nodded in agreement, beaming proudly up at him as she pointed to the two stick figures that depicted the both of them. “You did a really good job on us. I really like the way you colored the house pink and yellow, it’s super pretty.” Her smile somehow grew wider at the compliment, her eyes turning into crescents from her puffy cheeks pushing up against them. Now it was time for the hard part, he had to ask about the other stick figure, the one that was so distant from the other two. He didn’t want to upset her, but he didn’t want her to feel like she had to bottle up any of her feelings that she might have about her mom, he wanted her to know that it was okay to talk about it. 

Before he had the chance to utter the first word in the question, her tiny little finger came down on the smaller square next to the stick figure that was labeled as her mother, but her smile never faltered like he thought it would. “And that’s my classroom…” Her finger slid to the stick figure, tapping against it repeatedly with what he could only assume was excitement. “And that’s mom… You call her Ms. Y/N… That’s weird. Can I call her? When is she coming home?” 

As hard as he tried, he couldn’t contain the expression of shock that spread across his face when she said it, and his expression was only a visual of a quarter of the shock that he actually felt from hearing her say it. “Well… That’s…” He didn’t know what to say or how to respond to such a thing. Chohee knew who her mother was, at least he tried to make sure that she did. Then again, it wasn’t really something that he could control if his daughter felt that kind of connection to someone other than her own biological mother. It wasn’t exactly his fault that Hajoon wasn’t ever around and he wasn’t going to try to tell Chohee that the way that she was feeling was bad… He’d just have to explain to her that you weren’t her mother. “Do you call Ms. Y/N mom when you’re at school?” He asked, sheepishly and almost afraid to hear her answer, and he let out a soft sigh of relief when she shook her head no. “You do know that… well… she’s not actually your mom… right, honey?” He gnawed on his bottom lip nervously as he watched her face, her little legs dangling and swinging over the edge of the couch as she looked straight out into the room, deep in thought. 

“Hmph…” She grumbled, swinging her legs faster, kicking them against the bottom of the couch in frustration as she tried to understand her own thought process. “But… Mom not around… so… Ms. Y/N…” She said your name mockingly in the way that Seungcheol would say it, and he was taken aback to say the least at how sassy she sounded. “She like my mom… but I know… she not…” It was as if saying it made her realize that the words were true, and that realization had a tiny frown forming on her face, her bottom lip jutting out as she pushed herself off the couch and sulked into her bedroom leaving Seungcheol on the couch feeling utterly confused and conflicted on what to do. 

“So let me get this straight… You’re going to ask her teacher over for dinner?” Jeonghan repeated what Seungcheol had just told him. Now that Chohee had left to spend the weekend with his mother, he felt like he could really talk about what was going on and how he felt, but he couldn’t talk to you yet, he needed to talk to one of the other members first. They were like his brothers and he wanted to hear from them if they felt like the choice he was thinking about making seemed right, not only for him, but for Chohee as well. “Did you try to explain to Cho that her teacher isn’t her mom, that she’s just a really nice lady?” 

Seungcheol groaned in frustration, pacing around the length of his bedroom, his legs unable to keep still now that he was left alone with all of his thoughts. “Of course I did. It’s not really easy to tell a four year old that the way they feel isn’t correct… Plus, I mean… with the way that Hajoon is, do you really expect Chohee to look at her as her mother?” Jeonghan mumbled something that sounded like a you’re right into the speaker, but before he could say anything in response, Seungcheol continued. “And, it’s not like anything is going to come of it, I just need to talk to her, have a legitimate conversation without a bunch of kids or Chohee around.” He wasn’t exactly lying about the first part, but he wasn’t really telling the truth either. He didn’t really know what was going to happen, but he knew that something had sparked within him when he saw the way you were with his daughter, he knew that he was fond of you, but he wasn’t sure if it was just because of the way you cared for Chohee or if it was something else. 

Jeonghan sighed heavily, his lips making the sound of a raspberry being blown before speaking. “It’s up to you what you want to do obviously… You’re a grown man, you’re a father, and I know that you’re going to do what’s best for Chohee, at least, you’ll do what you think is best for her, but I also don’t want to see you in another situation like you were in before. We lost you for a while, and it’s not even about the music or the group, it’s the fact that we don’t like seeing you like that. We’ve known you for a while, you’re a brother to all of us, we just want you to take care of yourself, do what’s best for you.” He knew how the others felt about Hajoon, he knew how much they worried about him after everything that happened, but something about you, the way you looked at him, the way you looked at his daughter, he knew that if anything were to really start between the two of you that it would be different, it would be better. 

A bit more chatting and a quick goodbye and the call with Jeonghan was over. Now Seungcheol had to make a decision, make a choice that could affect himself and Chohee in either the best or the worst possible way. If anything went downhill, that could be the difference between you being so sweet and so kind to his daughter, it would be the difference between you looking after his daughter when he or one of the other members were running a little late. Was it a price that he was really willing to pay? His surety was running low, he didn’t feel so sure about anything right now, but he knew that he couldn’t afford to lose you. It wasn’t just himself that he was looking out for either, but Chohee and her feelings. He couldn’t just worry about himself anymore, he had to take care of his daughter, he had to make sure she was happy, and any change in your demeanor towards her, she would pick it up. 

It would be so easy if it were just himself that he had to think about, but then again, in that case he would have never met you anyway. Chohee would always be his first priority, and her happiness came above all else in his life, which is why this decision was only becoming harder and harder to come to. If things went well, if everything went without a hitch, the final outcome could make Chohee so happy, something that he loved to see. His daughter's smile was priceless to him, there was no amount of money in the world that would amount to how proud he felt when he saw it and he could only imagine how wide her smile would be if things went smoothly. It was that pride that he wanted to feel, that swelling in his heart when she’d beam up at him, the need to make his daughter happy that had him making the final decision on what to do. Maybe it was crazy of him to go out on a limb like this when there was so much more at stake than just his heart and his daughters happiness, but not being crazy never got anyone anywhere… Hell, being crazy and stepping out on that limb is what had blessed him with Chohee in the first place… what’s the worst that could happen? 

4 Years Later

“Are you glad that it’s summertime now?” Chohee asked as you both walked towards your car, the warm breeze that brought along the promise of vacation and a much needed break blew against you and Chohee as you walked through the parking lot. “I think dad has to work a lot though… He doesn’t get summer breaks like we do. Is that fair? I don’t know if it is… How is he going to spend time with me?” She was full of questions, full of excitement at what the next two and a half months would bring. Her long black hair bounced as she skipped along the pavement, the sound of her pencils rattling in her backpack mixed with the sound of her shoes hitting the ground. “Dad said that my mom wants to pick me up for a weekend real soon… Should I go?” 

She came to a full stop, looking up at you with eyes that screamed her question at you. It wasn’t that you exactly hated her mother, but you had a lot of reasons to dislike her. Hajoon had practically abandoned Chohee when she was a baby and she had broken Seungcheols heart, you had no reason to actually like her, but it wasn’t your place to tell Chohee whether she should see her mother or not. “You do what you want to do, Cho… If you don’t want to go, you don’t have to. If you do want to go, then I want you to do what makes you happy.” You said as sweetly as possible, but you couldn’t help but feel a pang of worry at the thought of Chohee actually going to spend a weekend with her mother. 

“I haven’t seen her in a long time…” She mused, taking a slow step forward before picking up her normal pace and walking towards the car again. It seemed like she was thinking really hard about what to say, how to answer her own question. “Maybe I should ask dad when I get home… But he’d probably say the same thing you did.” She grumbled incoherently under her breath as she climbed into the backseat of your car, tossing her backpack to the side before buckling her seatbelt. “I’ll think about it a little bit longer.” She said, although it seemed like she was mainly talking to herself. She was deep in thought about it, and you wished that you could just answer the question for her, but it wasn’t your place to do that. 

“You take all the time you need, Cho.” You murmured, climbing into the drivers side and starting up your car to start the drive home, occasionally glancing in the rearview mirror to see Chohees face contorted into one of questions, answers, confusion, and thoughts. It was like you could see the gears in her head turning as she tried to figure out what to do, and seeing her look so frazzled only added on to your list of reasons to dislike Hajoon even more than you already did. 

With Chohees backpack slung over your shoulder, you stayed a couple steps behind her as she ran to the front door of the apartment, pushing it open and letting out an excited squeal as she ran into the house and out of your view. You could still hear her though, although her voice was meeting your ears as more of a muffled noise than actual words, once you turned the corner you could see that Seungcheol had wrapped her in a tight bear hug, the reason for her almost muted words. “Hey!” He called out to you as you finally walked in, shutting the door softly behind you. He waved to you, a soft smile on his face as he started walking over to you while Chohee stood on his feet. “Seems like Cho had a good last day of school, how was yours though?” 

He was teasing you, the silly little smirk that he was trying to contain made itself evident on his face as he looked at you, but you could only sigh, shaking your head as you hung Chohees backpack on the hook on the wall and dropped down onto the couch in the living room. “It’s the same every year. Half the class is gone because the last day doesn’t matter, and the kids that did get sent are so overly excited that I can’t even get them to focus on the movie that I have playing in the front of the room.” There was something in your voice, something in the way you spoke that had Seungcheols eyes narrowing suspiciously as he looked you over. “What?” You hadn’t even noticed it yourself what could possibly have him looking at you that way, but you watched as he squatted down and told Chohee to go play in her room before taking a seat on the couch beside you. 

Both of you watched her run off towards her bedroom before his finger was slipping beneath your chin and turning your head so you’d face him. “What’s wrong?” He whispered, his thumb lightly brushing along your bottom lip as his eyes caught yours. It was hard to speak when he looked at you like that, it was hard to speak when he looked at you in general. He was perfect, and no matter how many times you had seen him, it seemed like the reaction you had to him would always be the same. You shrugged lightly, clicking your tongue against the roof of your mouth. You didn’t want to actually answer the question, you knew that the way that you were feeling right now wasn’t right, but it didn’t change the fact that you felt that way anyway. “Y/N…” He cooed your name, trying to pull the answer from you, but when you kept silent, he decided to try to figure it out himself. “I know it’s not because I’m going on tour this summer, you and Cho seem to love it when I’m gone. You always have all the fun…” You side eyed him, giving him a look that told him that he was wrong. That wasn’t the reason that you were upset right now, but you always missed him when he had to leave. “Is it because you’re going to miss your class?” You shook your head, and while he wasn’t particularly wrong, you always missed all of your students that you had to say goodbye to, it didn’t seem like he was getting any closer to the real reason. 

Taking a deep breath, you fell over against his side and let the breath out through your nose. “Chohee brought up visiting Hajoon…” You finally admitted, hearing the soft hum of final understanding sound through his chest. “I know that I don’t have the right to be upset… That’s her mother, but… She said that you told her and you didn’t tell me….” You chewed on your bottom lip, a sudden feeling of almost betrayal forming in your stomach as if a match had just been lit. “And I know that you shouldn’t have to tell me because it’s not my business whether Hajoon gets her or not… But… I just want to know that Cho is okay…” 

Seungcheols hand ran up and down your back in a motion to try to soothe you as you continued to speak, silent tears slipping over your lower lashes and trickling down your cheeks, tears that he had caught immediately and quickly wiped away with the thumb of his free hand. “I didn’t tell you because you had a lot on your plate at the time, but I was going to tell you.” He whispered, leaning in to kiss the top of your head before leaning back against the couch, pulling you closer to him. “And in regards to it being your business, it is your business. You’re more of a mother to her than Hajoon is, and whether you know it or not, Chohee thinks the same thing. She absolutely adores you, maybe more than I do, but I’m not willing to bet on that just yet.” His attempt at lightheartedness had you letting out a giggle. “I know that you worry about her, and I do too, trust me, I do… but I know that she’s going to be okay because we both know that Hajoon isn’t going to actually follow through with getting her. When was the last time she’s actually picked her up?” The question had you thinking really hard, trying to remember the last time you even saw Hajoon and Chohee in the same room together. The lack of your answer had Seungcheol nodding as if you had already answered his question. “See, you have nothing to worry about. Chohee is going to stay here with us all summer.” 

As if on queue, Chohee ran out of her room, diving into the little bit of space that was between you and Seungcheol, nestling against you as she threw her legs up onto his lap. “I get to stay with you and mommy all summer?” She cheered, clearly having been eavesdropping on the entire conversation. “That means we can all go to the beach again like last year, right? I like building sandcastles… Oh! And this time, I’m gonna make mommy get all the way in the water. Remember when we had that big splash fight… that was fun… I like that.” Her little mind wandered into her memories, her stories had you and Seungcheol doing the same thing, letting out quiet chuckles as the images filled your minds. “Oh… Daddy?” She turned to him with wide eyes, her hands clasping together as if she were about to have an extremely serious conversation with him. He hummed softly to let her know he was listening as he drummed lightly on her knees, looking at her intently. “Did you give mommy the ring that I helped you pick out yet? You said that you’d do it during the summer, it’s summer time now. You said that when you give her the ring that it means the two of you stay together forever, I want mommy to stay here forever. Do you want me to get it out of your drawer for you?” 

He let out an awkward laugh, his face turning bright red and his eyes just as wide as hers were, but now you were laughing hysterically all while your heart swelled with excitement and love for the man that sat beside you. “Gosh… Cho… That was a really big secret you just told…” He said sheepishly, running his hand through his hair before dropping it down onto his lap and looking at you. “Well I guess since you already said it, do you want to go get it for me so I can give it to her?” Chohee nodded her head, jumping off the couch and bounding across the room as fast as her legs could carry her. “It wasn’t supposed to go like this…” He murmured, watching as Chohee ran back into the living room with the black velvet box that she quickly handed to him. 

You scooped her into your arms and pulled her onto your lap, the body still shaking from the laughter that was slowly subsiding. “You know, I think I like this proposal way better, surrounded by my two favorite people in the comfort of the apartment.” You said, letting out an audible gasp when Seungcheol opened the box and revealed the beautifully cut diamond ring, the light reflecting off the facets of the stone as he pulled it out of the box. 

“Hmm… I had a whole speech prepared for this but I didn’t have the time to practice it…” He sounded shy now, his thumb and pointer finger shakily holding onto the ring as he grabbed your hand and held it between both of your bodies. “I guess I don’t need to give a whole speech though, I hope you know how much I love you, how much Chohee loves you. You’re a great mom to her, and you didn’t even have to be, but you love her like your own and it makes me so happy. You showed her what a real mom should be, what a real mom is, and you showed me that I don’t have to be afraid to love someone because of what happened in the past. You love me for who I am, not what I do… And I love you for everything that you are… So, will you marry me?” 

It’s not that you needed the attention, honestly you didn’t. It wasn’t something that you desperately sought after, especially not from him. You were fine being on your own, something that you found yourself being a lot more recently. His job required a lot of his attention, and you were fine with him shifting his focus entirely on his work. Late nights spent with him working and you falling asleep in a queen sized bed, his side often untouched until the early hours of the morning. It was fine, everything was fine. You kept telling yourself this, over and over, things are just fine with the relationship. It had become a mantra to you as you walked around the empty apartment that he and you had shared for the last two years. Things were perfect, you continued to remind yourself every time you passed a picture of the both of you that was sitting on an end table or hanging on the wall. There was no reason for you to think that anything was wrong. He still came home to you at night, and on rare occasions you’d get a swift kiss on the cheek before he’d run out the front door, disappearing again for god knows how long. Things couldn’t be better… How many more times would you tell yourself that?

The sound of the bedroom door creaking open had your eyes opening just enough to see his silhouette in the doorway, outlined by the soft yellow glow of the light in the hallway. It was burning out and you made a mental reminder to change it in the morning. You stirred slightly, a movement that he noticed immediately. “Sorry…” He mumbled quietly, quickly shutting the door behind him and stepping further into the room. “Are you sleeping?” He whispered, the mattress shifting slightly as he sat on the edge of the bed.

Letting out a soft hum, you let him know that you were, waiting for him to continue, but an awkward silence filled the room instead. “We don’t have to talk right now. I know you’re tired.” You murmured, rolling over so your back was toward him and pulling the blanket up to your chin, letting your eyes close once more. The bed shifted once more and you heard his footsteps as he made his way to the bathroom, closing the door before turning on the light.

Were things always this awkward between the two of you? You couldn’t really remember. Things had seemed so perfect for so long, you couldn’t remember the last time the room felt so tense when you were both in it. You listened for the sound of the sink and the soft sound of scrubbing as he brushed his teeth. You knew that you had said that the conversation didn’t have to happen now, but you were wide awake now, you wouldn’t be able to fall asleep beside him.

Attention was never necessary in your relationship, but you at least wanted to feel like you were important to him, you wanted to feel like your relationship meant as much to him as it did to you. As much as you wanted that to be the case, you had come to the painful conclusion that it just… didn’t. You weren’t mad at him for it though, how could you be? You knew how tiring his work was, and you knew that it took top priority over anything else in his life. You knew these things, but he knew them too. Neither of you should have jumped into this relationship, neither of you should have allowed things to go on for so long under the facade that things were alright.

“You’re not sleeping in here?” His voice startled you as he stepped out of the bathroom. You were collecting the pillow from your side of the bed and grabbing the spare blanket from the end of the bed, ready to head to the living room to sleep on the couch. He needed his sleep, and you knew that he wouldn’t be able to get it if you were beside him. “Is something wrong?” It hurt way more than you thought it would that he still didn’t know what was wrong. He didn’t know at all, he didn’t remember, and it just begged the question of… What was the point? What was the point of staying with him?

Simply shaking your head and forcing a small smile that you knew he wouldn’t be able to see in the darkness of the bedroom, you walked to the door. “It’s nothing. Just… Not tired. You can have the bed tonight.” You quickly stepped out of the room, not even bothering to look back at him as you did. It felt almost pathetic that a part of you was hoping that he’d come after you or call you back, that a part of you was hoping that he’d catch on and care enough to ask, but that hope quickly died out when you heard the box spring under the mattress squeak softly as he climbed into the bed. He didn’t care, or maybe he didn’t notice… Maybe he just didn’t care enough to try to notice.

The smell of coffee and glass cups being moved around in the cabinets had you stirring, rolling over to face the kitchen where Jihoon was moving around as quietly as he could. Was he doing it to be considerate to you or was that just how he moved in the mornings? You couldn’t have known considering he was usually up before you, slipping out of the bed and getting ready for work before you woke up. “Was the couch comfortable?” He asked, turning to face you, leaning over the island that separated the kitchen from the living room, his eyes glued to you as you slowly sat up.

“It worked.” You grumbled, stretching your arms above your head and letting out a quiet yawn before pushing yourself up off the couch. “The bed is pretty big when no one else is in it, right? Thought you might want to experience it for yourself.” The sass that sprinkled your words was immediately picked up on by him, his head tilted and his eyes narrowed, following you closely as you made your way into the kitchen.

The silence dragged on for a few seconds, almost a minute before he cleared his throat, the sound masking the clinking of his cup as he set it down on the counter. “I’m sorry I came in so late last night. I didn’t mean to wake you up. I thought I’d be able to sneak in like I usually do.” You bit your tongue, trying to turn down the flame of irritation that was burning inside you, trying to soothe the anger that was boiling your blood.

He didn’t get it at all, he still hadn’t realized, still hadn’t remembered. You weren’t even sure why it upset you as much as it did at this point. You weren’t sure why you expected him to remember something as seemingly pointless, at least that’s the way it seemed to him. You weren’t sure where it came from… It could have been the fact that it had been building up inside you for so long, that hurt, that desperation to be loved by him even half the way that you loved him, the anger that you continued to bottle up from every missed date, every forgotten day, from feeling like you were being pushed further and further away. How long were you expecting yourself to keep it bottled up before the cap burst and everything spilled out? “Like you usually do… Right. Because yesterday was just another normal day… right?” His eyebrows furrowed, his eyes moving sporadically as if he were trying to figure out what you were talking about, but after only a second he merely shrugged his shoulders. “Right… Well, happy two year anniversary to you too, Jihoon.” You snapped, grabbing your water bottle out of the fridge and making a b-line straight to the bedroom and slamming the door.

There it was again, that glimmering hope that maybe he’d care enough to come after you, to follow you into the bedroom and apologize, to prove to you that he really did love you and that he was just really bad at expressing it. You fell down onto the bed, your eyes glued to the small gap between the floorboards and the bottom of the door, your fingers childishly crossed, hoping that you’d see the shadow of his feet through that gap, but that glimmer of hope burnt out when you heard the front door open and close, signaling that he had left. He had left after that, without even saying goodbye, without a single apology. The final straw had been plucked a while ago, you had just been foolishly waiting for the straws to be refilled. You were tired of waiting though, you were done.

Being with Jihoon for so long had opened the door to many friendships. You had been around the members many times, and you had, over time, gotten close to many of them. There was one member though, the one who had run to you the first time that Jihoon had brought you around all of them, introducing himself to you with such a bright smile that you couldn’t help but smile back at him. He had eased all of the anxiety that you had felt almost immediately, pulling you away from Jihoon and showing you around the studio and introducing you to the other members as Jihoon sat back and watched with a sheepish smile.

He had become your best friend, and you usually found yourself going to him whenever you felt upset or anxious, knowing that he’d be able to ease your mind and calm you down. He was the first person that you thought to go to now, and while you had never gone to him when it came to your relationship problems, you felt like he was the only person you’d be able to talk to, the only person who’d try and be able to cheer you up.

There was that hesitation though, a feeling in your chest that you couldn’t quite name that made you question whether you should. He knew Jihoon, they were friends, they were in the same band together. The last thing you wanted to do was create waves or create tension between the two of them, but you didn’t know who else to go to. Anyone else would tell you that maybe you were overreacting, that you shouldn’t be so upset about it because Jihoon is a busy man and a lot of guys forget anniversaries. You didn’t want to hear that, you didn’t want to hear the slew of defenses that would be laid upon you by the other members or by your other friends. You needed to feel important, you needed to know that your feelings were valid and that someone understood, and there was only one person who you could go to for that.

“Soonyoung?” You whispered his name once the ringing came to a halt, biting your lip nervously as you held the phone up to your ear, staring at the empty, pillowless spot on the bed that you had left last night. “Are you busy right now?” Your voice shook with your nerves, a pang of guilt making itself known in your stomach as you waited for him to respond.

“Never too busy for you.” He joked, and his voice was like a breath of fresh air. He always sounded so happy, and you could imagine the smile on his face as he said it. “What’s up? You sound upset… Do you want me to get Jihoon? He just came in to-” The sound that left your parted lips had him going quiet, and you were worried for a moment that he was going to get Jihoon anyway, but then you heard the sound of a door shutting, and the hum of activity that had once filled the space between his words was now gone. “What’s wrong?”

He didn’t sound as lively as before, a hint of worry lacing his question. It was strange how he seemed to worry more about you, to care more than your own boyfriend did. “I just really need to talk to you…” You held back the sniffles that were threatening to make themselves heard as the lump in your throat swelled. “I won’t… I won’t hold you up too long.”

A scoff of disbelief and the quiet sound of shuffling was heard from his end before he spoke again. “Y/N, seriously… What’s wrong? You don’t have to be quick.” He said, his voice holding an urgency that you hadn’t heard before when it came to you. The guilt of talking to him about one of his other members quickly changed to a sense of guilt for worrying him. “Talk as much as you want.” The sound of a car door being shut punctuated his sentence, and then the engine being turned over as the keys were turned.

“Are you… coming over?” You muttered, in a state of shock at the mere thought of him leaving work just to make sure you were okay. He grunted softly in agreement, and the feeling of guilt only grew stronger. You were pulling him away from work, not that you had asked him to come over in the first place, but he was coming just to check on you… He cared enough to do that. “You don’t have to… I just wanted to talk.” You said quickly, not wanting him to get reprimanded for just leaving without giving any notice to the others.

He scoffed once more, letting out a small chuckle. “I hate talking on the phone.” He said it as if that were reason enough for him to be doing what he was doing right now. “Plus, you’re obviously crying. You kind of suck at hiding it, so… I’m gonna stop by the convenience store and pick up your favorite ice cream and snacks, and then we’re going to sit on your bed and chow down while you tell me exactly what’s wrong.” It wasn’t an offer, he was going to come over anyway.

Twenty-five minutes later there was a knock on your door, a knock that had you jumping off the bed and running to the door, almost slipping on your way over before throwing the door open. Soonyoung stood proudly with rows of convenience store bags up his arms reaching his mid bicep. “Are we having a party?” You asked, the giggle that escaped you sounded more like a sob as you stared at the bags, trying to make out what exactly was inside each of them just from the top of the snack bags that were poking out from the top of the bags.

“You’re damn right. Party of two, and I’m cheering you up.” He moved past you, slipping his shoes off and heading straight to the bedroom and you quickly followed behind him. “But first, you’re telling me exactly what’s going on because I hate hearing and seeing you upset. This is the first time it’s happened, but I already hate it.” He let the bags slip off his arms into the center of the bed before jumping onto it, smashing Jihoons pillows under his butt in the process. “Wasn’t it yours and Jihoons anniversary yesterday? I thought you’d be in a good mood after that.”

Even Soonyoung remembered. You let out a humorless snort of disbelief as you sat on the bed across from him, shaking your head as you looked through the bags, not wanting to look at him when you told him. “He forgot… And I know he’s busy but… I just thought that it would be important enough to remember.” You clicked your tongue, trying to figure out how to tell him what was going on without creating problems between him and Jihoon. “I thought that he’d remember it this morning… But he didn’t. I slept on the couch last night because I didn’t want to get into an argument with him about it in the middle of the night. I kind of snapped a little when I told him this morning… But I thought he’d at least apologize for it, but he just walked out and went to work.” You took in a shaky breath, quietly sniffling and quickly wiping away the tears that had yet to fall before they even could. “I just thought he’d care… you know?”

He was so quiet, and his silence had you looking up at him through your eyelashes, trying to read his blank expression. This was the first time you saw him without a smile on his face, and that worried you. “He didn’t remember your anniversary?” He questioned, but you knew that you didn’t need to answer. It was a rhetorical question, and it almost seemed like he was asking himself the question. “How could someone forget that? I mean… I’m busy too, and I remembered.” He shook his head, a look of disappointment flashing across his face. “I even remember our friend-iversary, and your birthday.” He held his arms out, a playfully smug expression replacing the disappointment on his face as he looked at you. “I’ll celebrate your anniversary with you for him… So what are we doing? Ice cream and movies? Video games? It’s up to you… Actually!” He quickly got up off the couch, the sudden movement had your head whipping up to watch him as he snapped his fingers and pointed at you, that all too familiar playful smile returning to its rightful place. “There’s a fair going on right now. Come on, we’re going. We’re gonna get on the rides, and I’ll get you a bunch of stuffed animals from the games. It’s the anniversary you deserve, and we’re celebrating our friend-iversary early.”

Your head tilted questioningly, your eyes blinking rapidly as you watched him do a little dance in the middle of the bedroom. “Oh… You’re not joking.” You said when he didn’t retract what he had said, his head falling back with laughter as he reached out to grab your hand, pulling you off the bed. “You really don’t have to… You should get back to work…” You tried to object, but his laughter only grew loudly as he towed you to the front door.

“If you had the choice between the fair and going to work… I’m sure you’d pick the fair too.” It’s not that he was wrong, it just felt wrong. Not only because he was practically skipping work to hang out with you, to cheer you up, but also because Jihoon knew nothing about it. You didn’t know how he’d react when he found out, and that had your nerves on edge as you reluctantly slipped your shoes off and let Soonyoung drag you out the front door. “We’re gonna have fun, don’t worry.”

The end of the bed was covered with all the stuffed animals that Soonyoung had won for you. Of course he had chosen only the biggest plushies whenever he won, and by the end of the day, both of your arms were full of them and you both ended up just walking around the fair talking about anything and everything. It had taken your mind off of everything that had happened earlier in the day just as he had planned, but you knew that at the end of it all you’d have to go back to the apartment and face it all again.

Your phone vibrated on the nightstand, pulling your thoughts away from the memories of the lights that illuminated the fairgrounds, the joyful screams of the people on the rides, and Soonyoungs smile that seemed brighter than all of the lights combined. “Goodnight, bestie. If you need me, just text me. I’ll wake up for you.” The text read, a soft smile breaking across your face as you read it, your heart pittering in your chest.

“Who’s that?” Jihoons voice startled you, your phone dropping on your lap as you looked up at him standing in the doorway, but he wasn’t looking at you, he was looking at the cluster of plushies that were taking up the bed. “Where’d you get those?” He pointed to them as if you didn’t know what he was talking about.

“I went to the fair today.” You said nonchalantly, quickly picking your phone up off your lap and turning off the screen. He seemed to blank out for a moment, a look of deep thought contorting his features. “I’ll move them when I go into the living room.” You said, already shifting to get up off the bed, but he held his hand up, motioning for you to stop.

“You went with Soonyoung… didn’t you?” You couldn’t read his face, it was completely expressionless, but as worried as you were about how he’d react, you weren’t going to lie to him. You nodded your head in response, leaning back against the headboard and waiting for his response. “Why? If you wanted to go to the fair, we could have planned something.” Jealousy wasn’t a usual trait in him, but you could tell that he was feeling it now, his arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against the doorframe.

You couldn’t help the eyeroll and snort of amusement that left you though. “We could have planned something… And then I’d spend the day getting ready just for you to forget all about it just like everything else that we plan together. That’s what you meant, right?” His eyes closed, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip, and you wish that you could know what he was feeling right now? Was it guilt? Shame? Or maybe he was just irritated that you were calling him out on it. “It wasn’t even planned anyway… He was just trying to make me feel better.”

His head nodded slowly, but you could see his jaw clenching, his body stiffening in response to what you had said. “Because you sprung it on me in the morning right before I had to go to work. We could have talked last night, but you decided to sleep on the couch. You know that I’m busy, Y/N…” His eyes finally opened and it looked like they had grown about five shades darker as he glared at you. “I can’t just leave work to take you to the fair because you’re upset.”

While your words had annoyed him, his words were like a knife into your heart, and his dark stare just had the knife twisting and pushing even deeper. “You wouldn’t leave work if I was dying.” He scoffed loudly, his head falling back against the door frame, a smirk of annoyance replacing the thin line that his lips had been pulled into. “This isn’t just about you forgetting our anniversary, Jihoon. You forget about me, and I knew that you were busy when we first started dating, I just thought that maybe at some point I’d be a priority even if just for a day. That’s never going to happen… And you know that it won’t.”

The smirk on his face faded just as quickly as it had appeared, his head rolling forward to glare at you once more. “What… So, you’re breaking up with me? Is that what this is?” His question threw you for a second, because honestly, you weren’t really sure what this was, but you were pretty sure that he was on the right track. “Couldn’t have picked a better time to hit me with that news though… You wait until I come home from work.”

You groaned with annoyance, pushing yourself up off the bed and brushing past him to go to the front door. “There’s never a better time with you, Jihoon. I guess I should have texted you, ask you to pencil me into your schedule for the breakup.” You retorted, opening your phone to text Soonyoung, hoping that he wouldn’t be in a deep enough sleep, that he’d hear his phone go off with your text.

2 Months Later

“Come to the studio and watch me dance, pleeeeease~” Soonyoung teasingly whined as he reached across the table to grab your hands, the dramatic pout on his face earning him a joking eye roll and a soft giggle from you. “I can take you out to eat during my break. You know I like having you there with me while I practice.” He gave you his best puppy dog eyes, brushing his thumb over your knuckles as he waited for your agreement.

With a sigh of reluctance, you nodded your head. “Fine. Fine, I’ll go. But we better be going out to eat. I don’t want to eat lunch in the company cafeteria.” He snickered quietly, shaking his head before letting your hand gently drop to the table, pushing his chair back and getting up. “Is uhm… is he going to be there?” It was the main reason for your reluctance to go there. You hadn’t seen him since the day that you left the apartment, the anger and upset that he had caused you made you avoid him as best as you could, not wanting those memories to be stirred back up just at the sight of him.

Soonyoung had been there for you the entire time you were going through all of the emotions of the breakup, texting you nonstop even when he was at work, calling you during his breaks, and rushing back to his apartment that he had offered up for you to stay in until you were feeling better, making sure not to stay too late, and if he had to stay late, he’d call you to let you know. He was perfect, something that you were given the opportunity to realize first hand, day after day.

The relationship had started up out of nowhere really, you hadn’t been expecting for him to ask you out, you hadn’t even assumed that he liked you that kind of way. He was always a good friend, a great friend, and that’s all you thought he felt for you, but then, one morning, he had asked you. “Do you want to go out?” You could laugh about it now, and you often did laugh about it with him now, but at the time you had been so clueless, you had asked him where he wanted to go out to. You could remember his laughter at your question, the way his head fell back and his shoulders shook, the sound filling the room, bouncing off the walls and back into your ears. “Not like that, silly. I mean… Do you want to go out… with me? Like… my girlfriend…”

Two months of dating him, and it was almost like nothing changed from the friendship. The both of you were perfectly content around each other, perfectly comfortable, all laughs and smiles. There was the added bonus, the perk of being able to curl up against his chest at night and kiss him before he left or when he came home from work. You never needed to wonder whether you’d get attention, whether you’d be notice by him, he always made sure to give you the attention he thought you deserved, to make you feel loved, to make you feel important.

It was a complete 180° from your relationship with Jihoon, it was enough to give you whiplash. Soonyoung was the complete opposite of Jihoon in the relationship aspect, it was like a breath of fresh air. You didn’t know how you had gotten so lucky, but it seemed like fate had set it up for you, that you were always meant to end up with him.

Most of the other members already knew that Soonyoung was dating you, and after thoroughly explaining what had happened, they all seemed to be okay with the relationship. Jihoon was the only one who didn’t know about it, something that Soonyoung made sure of because he didn’t want to cause any problems. There was a point where he’d find out though, and Soonyoung thought that it would be better if he found out from Soonyoung and you rather than from the other members potentially slipping up around him.

“We’ve got a spectator today!” Soonyoung called out, pushing open the door to the practice room and pulling you along behind him. You felt so small standing behind his back, your stomach twisting in knots as you tried desperately to control your nerves. “She doesn’t judge, so don’t worry.” He joked, tugging you into the room and moving you to the far wall so that you’d get the best view of everyone. “Plus I’m sure she’ll be looking at me the entire time anyway, so don’t feel nervous.” His teasing had half the members chuckling, shaking their heads as they got into formation for their first routine.

There was one member who kept staring at you, his eyes never leaving you as he dazedly moved into his spot. This was the exact reason why you were so hesitant to come today, it was something that you didn’t want to face, you didn’t want to face him.

The song started up and everyone began to move, you kept your eyes glued on Soonyoung, not wanting to glance at Jihoon who was still staring at you, his eyes like lasers burning straight through you. Soonyoungs eyes were glowing, a deep contrast to how Jihoon most likely looked, beaming proudly at you as he danced with every ounce of energy in him, wanting to give you a good show.

“I need a break.” Jihoon said loudly in the middle of the song, stopping abruptly and moving to the other side of the room, sliding down the wall and dropping his head to his knees that were pulled up against his chest. The other members moved to console him, trying to figure out what was wrong, although you were sure that everyone knew what was really going on.

Soonyoung moved over to where you were sat, squatting down in front of you and grabbing your hands that were folded on your lap. “Are you okay?” He asked softly, bringing your twined hands up to his lips to kiss along your knuckles.

You hummed in false agreement, but you didn’t feel okay. It felt like you were going to throw up. “I shouldn’t have come today. It’s messing up your practice.” You mumbled, but he quickly shook his head, leaning in to kiss the top of your head before standing up and pulling you up to your feet to stand with him just as Seungkwan came over.

“He wants to talk to you. Both of you.” He said sheepishly, his thumbs rolling as he nervously looked between you and Soonyoung. “Out in the hall though…” He looked back at Jihoon who was still sitting on the floor, his look of anger dissipated to one of sadness.

“Right… okay.” Soonyoung said, wrapping his arm around your waist and walking with you out of the practice room and waiting in the hallway for Jihoon to come out.

Your nerves were shot, it felt like it took forever for Jihoon to come out even though you knew it had only been a few seconds before the practice door swung open. “Are you doing this to mess with me or something?” Were the first words that left his mouth as soon as he stood in front of you. “Are you trying to hurt me? Piss me off?”

Soonyoung shook his head, tightening his hold on you and pulling you closer to his side. “You know that I wouldn’t do that to you. Not on purpose, obviously. I just didn’t want to leave her at the apartment alone today.” He squeezed your side lightly causing you to jump just enough for Jihoon to notice. “I was going to take her out to lunch during our break today, it’s easier if she’s already here with me.”

Jihoon huffed loudly, running his fingers through his hair, the aura of annoyance radiating off of him was so thick, it blanketed you. “What are you trying to prove? You knew how upset I was… you knew… I went to you about it because I trusted you. All of that, and then I find out that you’re dating her. I should have never introduced you to each other… if I would have known…”

Soonyoung sighed, but you could feel his muscles tensing up, he was getting just as pissed off. “Why? So she could be alone with everything? So she could still be stuck in a one sided relationship?” Jihoons eyes narrowed at the jab, gritting his teeth to hold back his anger. “You’re my brother, you know that… but I care about her, I love her, I always have… You should be happy that she’s finally happy.” You were focused on his words, or better yet, the three words that he had said, the three words that you had never heard from him before in such a serious manner. He loves you, and while you knew from his actions and expressions that that much was true, it still sent your heart racing to hear it from him so boldly.

“How am I supposed to be happy?” Anger subsided to sadness once again, Jihoons eyes dropped to the floor. “I know that I messed up… I know that I wasn’t the best boyfriend to her. I wasn’t there, I didn’t treat her the way that I should have, I didn’t show her how much I loved her…” He was talking to Soonyoung as if you weren’t right there beside him, and maybe he was doing it because he was just too scared to actually acknowledge you, to tell you specifically how he felt. “I was working on that, I was working on myself. I was trying to figure out what I could do, I wanted to show her… I wanted to be there for her. I wanted to come back to her, I just needed the time to figure myself out because I didn’t want to put her through that again… I didn’t want her to feel that way again.” He took a shaky breath, finally looking up from the floor, but now his eyes were on you, glassy as small tears began to fall from the corners. “Falling asleep in an empty bed, coming home to an empty house… I hate it. I hate not having you, and that sounds so selfish coming from me because I know that you went through the same things when we were together, but it’s true.” He sniffled loudly, wiping away his tears with the back of his hand. “I guess I’m too late though.”

There was still a part of you that loved him, a part of you that cared about him deeply. That part of you would never fade away because he was your first real love, the first person that you dreamed of spending the rest of your life with. It hurt to see him upset, to see him crying, it was a sight that you saw so rarely that it affected you much more than it would with anyone else. Even with all that though, you loved Soonyoung and he made you happier than you had ever felt before and you weren’t going to give that up. “I’m sorry, Jihoon… I love you, I always will… But I’m not going to spend my life waiting to be a priority to you. I’m sorry.” Your words were choked off at the end and you felt Soonyoungs eyes on you as you spoke. He was the only one keeping you from breaking down right now, from running into Jihoons arms and throwing yourself back into the one sided relationship that you had just got out of. Soonyoung kept you from hurting yourself once more.

“I’m really sorry, Jihoon… I hope that one day you’ll be able to accept it, to accept us…” He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he nodded his head. “One day you’ll find someone who makes you as happy as Y/N makes me, and I wish that for you. I really do.” Jihoon grunted in disregard, clearly not wanting to believe or listen to Soonyoungs words, his eyes rolling in response. He would never accept it, because in his eyes Soonyoung had stolen you away from him, he had ruined the relationship, and as much as he hated Soonyoung for it, he hated himself more because he had introduced the two of you to each other and he had pushed you into Soonyoungs arms.

It’s not that being an idol meant that you weren’t allowed to date anyone, it was just frowned upon. The attention that it would bring to the group that you were in, the backlash that you and your other members would get would be horrendous, especially if you were caught dating the member of another idol group. As the leader of the group you were in, you were supposed to set this image for the other members, you were supposed to be leading them, making sure that they made the right decisions for the group just as you were doing, just as you had been doing.

Your group had debuted only a year ago, but the first single that had been put out had become an instant hit, pushing you and your members to the top of the charts. It had come as a shock, not only to you, but to everyone that you knew. It wasn’t that your group wasn’t good, it was just that you and the other members had seen the struggles of idol groups, both new and old, and things didn’t always work out the way that everyone planned, but somehow, as if by some miracle, things had worked out for your group.

The series of events that panned out after that one hit had been a whirlwind, turning your head in so many different directions that you began to feel dizzy. Fans poured in with every single your group put out, and while you loved the support that the fans gave, and you loved the new family you got out of all of it, you missed the simplicity of daily life before all of this. You knew that other idols felt the same way, and they had been doing this much longer than you so you kept your feelings to yourself, smiling to every camera that flashed in your direction, talking kindly to every reporter that ran to you when you were busy doing your daily life tasks, and appeasing the fans that ran to you in the streets.

Complaining wasn’t an option, not for you at least. You tried to keep a smiling face no matter what because you knew how hard it was for the other members, but nothing was as hard to overcome as the fear and nervousness that had overcome you right before one of your shows. It wasn’t the crowd that had formed to see the performance though, it was the group of idols that had formed backstage. They were there for moral support, but it had only made you feel more nervous. It was completely different from seeing them in the halls of the company building or potentially having them catch you and your group practicing in one of the rooms. They were going to see you perform, and for the first time since debut, you were terrified.

“It’s not as bad as it seems… Once you’re out there… It’s indescribable.” The voice behind you had you turning around, looking at a face that you had seen many times in the halls of Pledis’ building. He’d smile and nod his head to you as you walked by, a smile that you’d always mirror back to him before dropping your head, your shyness overcoming you. He never talked to you though, and you never talked to him, the both of you always seeming to be in a hurry to get to where you needed to be. “Your group is really good… I’ve downloaded all of your songs onto my phone. You’ll do great, you all will.” It was the most you’ve ever heard him speak, and for some reason, his lack of words previously made what he was saying now seem more meaningful, it had a greater effect on you than anyone else's words would.

“Thanks… Thank you.” You murmured, bowing your head to him just as the staff ran to you, patting your shoulder and urging you to get ready. With a soft smile, you left him backstage, the screen that was on the wall showed the stage that was empty now, but soon you and your group would be there and everyone would be watching… but most importantly, Jun would be watching.

Sitting in your room at the dorms, your head slumped over the notepad on your desk, words scribbled across the pages, line after line crossed out, and balls of crumpled papers laying on the floor beside the waste bin. You couldn’t even remember when you had first stepped foot into your room, let alone how long you had been in there. Your eyes burned and your back was stiff from sitting strangely for so long, but you promised yourself that you wouldn’t get up until you had at least one verse written out to bring into the studio the next day.

“Y/N…” The soft knock at your door was enough to know who it was, you didn’t even need to turn around to know exactly who’d be standing there. “Are you alright?” You nodded slowly, rubbing your eyes with your balled fists before swiveling your chair around to face the maknae of your group. She always worried too much, especially when you got this way. “I wasn’t going to bother you… I know you’re busy, but… He came over. He said you weren’t answering your phone.” She eyed your device that was sitting face down on the desk, and when you picked it up and tried to turn it on, you realized that it was dead, letting out a soft sigh before placing it back down.

“I’ll be right out…” You murmured, pushing yourself away from your desk and standing up, the sudden motion after having been sitting for so long had you blacking out for a split second, stumbling back and catching yourself on the corner of the desk. Groaning quietly, you stepped out of the room, seeing that he was sitting on the couch beside the youngest member, the both of them watching tv to pass the time before you stepped out. “Jun…” You murmured his name as you leaned over the back of the couch, draping your arms over his shoulders and kissing his cheek before pulling back just enough to let him turn to look at you. “At least you had a legitimate reason for coming over this time.” You teased, pressing your lips against his own for a quick kiss before standing up straight, glancing over at the maknae and giggling lightly when you saw the disgusted look on her face.

“Running out of carrots is a legitimate excuse for coming over.” He playfully retorted, leaning his head against the back of the couch to look up at you. “But not answering your phone is more important than carrots. Are you alright?” The smile that he had been wearing quickly faded, his eyes glinting with worry as he fully turned his upper body to look at you better.

You hummed softly, shoving your hands into the pockets of your sweatpants, and just as you were about to answer, the youngest member chimed in. “She’s been locked in her room for hours…” She emphasized the timespan, making it seem worse than it probably really was. “The others went out to hang out with the other girls, but I wasn’t really feeling up to it, so I stayed here. Good thing I did… Jun would have kicked down the door.” You glanced over at the maknae, narrowing your eyes at her, but she had already turned back to the tv screen, and now Jun was looking up at you, his eyebrows furrowing with more worry than before.

“It’s not that bad…” You tried to reassure him, but he only tilted his head, clearly not believing what you were saying. “I wasn’t even in my room that long.” Your pitch went higher than usual as you went on the defensive, and you couldn’t help but glare at the back of the youngest member’s head when she mumbled out a quiet liar in response to you. “It’s hard to write a new song… I can’t think of anything.”

Jun sighed softly, looking around the living area of your dorms before pushing himself up off the couch and walking around it to get to you, his arm draping over your shoulder as he started walking you towards your bedroom. “The inspiration isn’t just going to come to you while you’re sitting in your room.” He said, going straight to your desk where your lyric book laid open, flipping through the pages and whispering out the words that hadn’t been crossed out. The first time he had done something like this, you had panicked, running over to the notebook and slamming it shut out of embarrassment. Now… Now you were used to it, you liked the input that he gave, and it only seemed to bring the two of you closer the more you let him in. “Write a song about us.”

His suggestion had you gasping in shock before scoffing loudly. No one knew that the two of you were dating, let alone how long the two of you had actually been together. The only ones who knew anything about it were the members of both of your groups and a few staff members in the building who had accidentally walked by when the two of you would share a secret kiss. It had been almost a year now, and the last thing you wanted was for the news to get out knowing how it could affect his and your group. “You know I can’t do that. You can’t even do something like that.” You mumbled, running your hands over your face as you let out a loud sigh. “And you risk getting yourself caught every time you come over for carrots.” You jokingly scolded him, but honestly, his random visits were your favorite. You barely got to see him because you were both trying to hide the relationship to protect yourselves and the other members of your groups, so the rare visits and short amount of time you did get to spend with him brought you more happiness than anyone other than him truly knew.

Letting out a low chuckle, he fell back into your desk chair, outstretching his arms, an invitation for you to make yourself home between them. There was no hesitation, no reluctance as you walked over and dropped down onto his lap, letting your head lazily lull back against his shoulder to look up at your ceiling. “Are we going to stay a secret forever?” He mused, wrapping his arms loosely around you and nuzzling his nose into the crook of your neck. “I’m sure you’ve run out of carrots at this point.” He teased, and you pulled your lips together into a thin line to contain your laughter. It’s not like he ever actually left your dorm with any of your carrots, it had just become a running joke between him and you.

“I don’t want to stay a secret…” You murmured, turning your head to look at him as he pulled away from your neck, his dark eyes boring into your own. “I just don’t want anything to get ruined. The managers don’t even know about us. They’d absolutely flip if they found out… this isn’t supposed to be a thing.” You pointed between him and yourself to emphasize your words, but he quickly grabbed your wrist, bringing your hand to his lips and kissing it softly.

You could feel his lips pull up against your skin, his eyes looking up at you through his eyelashes before pulling back and lowering your hand to your lap. “We’ll talk to them, deal with them flipping and whatever repercussions come from it. They can’t get mad at us for being happy, and they can’t make us not love each other.” You knew he had a point. There was nothing that anyone could say that would make you stop loving him, and as much as you loved your group and being on stage and performing for your fans, you were far more scared of losing him than anything else.

“Hey, Carats.” Jun said, sitting on the couch in the corner of one of the break rooms in the building. It had been a while since he had done a VLive stream and a lot of the fans had been asking about him so he had chosen one of the more lax days to step away from practice for a couple minutes to hop on. “Things have been pretty busy, but I’m here, I’m alright.” He assured them, bringing his phone closer to his face to read the comments that were coming in, comments that clearly had him flustered as he smiled sheepishly, squeezing his eyes shut as he chuckled shyly.

Glancing past his phone, he couldn’t help but laugh even louder now, his hand flying up to his face to cover his eyes. Sitting just a couple feet away, out of view of the camera was you, playfully mouthing out comments that the fans had sent. He shook his head at you as he let his hand drop down to the couch beside him. “Marry me, Wen Junhui!” You mouthed out as dramatically as you could without making a sound, placing your phone down on your lap to flash him finger hearts. He couldn’t hold back his snort, dropping his head as he cleared his throat to try to calm himself.

“Hoshi just walked in, he made a stupid face.” He said, clearly answering one of the comments on his screen as he focused his attention back on his phone screen, but he began to wiggle his finger, motioning for you to come over to him with his hand that had been laying beside him on the couch. It took you a second to realize that he was silently asking you to come into view, to reveal yourself. It hadn’t been that long since you both had gone to your managers about the fact that you were dating, and it had been a fight in itself to get them to be okay with it. Neither of you were sure if it would even be okay to reveal it to the rest of the world yet, but you knew that Jun was tired of hiding it, tired of sneaking around with you, and you felt the same way. He was testing the waters at this point, pushing the limits. “No, he left. He just peaked in for a second.” Jun answered another question that was clearly asking where Hoshi was, but at this point you were focused on the fact that his finger was still motioning for you to come over. “Oh! Y/N just came in. I’m sure a lot of you knew her from Pledis’ new girl group. If you haven’t heard their music, you should give it a listen. It’s really good.”

Rolling your eyes at the promotion, you pushed yourself off the chair that you had been sitting in, taking a deep breath as you walked over to where he was sitting. You didn’t have much time to control your nerves before he had turned the camera in your direction. “Hey!” You forced yourself to sound as calm as possible, but as soon as the camera was turned back in his direction he used his free hand to pull you down beside him, keeping his arm wrapped around your shoulder to keep you in view. He wasn’t a big fan of PDA, he barely even held your hand or cuddled with you when around the other members of either of your groups. This just went to show how impatient he had become in waiting to be with you out in the open, how tired he was of keeping your relationship in the shadows.

Both of your eyes were glued to the comment section, but when you occasionally looked up at him on the screen, you could see that he was smiling, a completely different reaction from the breath that you were holding in as your heart thrummed loudly in your chest. “Oh yeah, we’re best friends.” Jun answered one of the comments, his smile only growing wider. “We would make a cute couple, wouldn’t we?” He continued answering the comments, and as each comment rolled in, you felt yourself calming more and more. They all seemed to be friendly, and you wondered if it was just because it hadn’t actually been said that the two of you were dating, there had only been assumptions from the fans.

Your head habitually fell against his shoulder as you continued reading the comments, and almost as if it were his body’s natural reaction, he turned to kiss the top of your head, the action usually making you relax completely, but this time you tensed up, your eyes going wide as you laser focused on the comments to see what everyone would say. Even he seemed to tense up at what had just happened, his fingers tapping anxiously against your shoulder as he turned his gaze back to his phone screen. The comments were flooding in, some were in all caps, others had an uncountable amount of punctuation, a couple were just emojis in response to what had just happened.

Even still, most of the comments were positive. You could count on one hand the negative comments that had quickly been shut down by other Carats in the comments. “Ahh… ‘this is why he never accepted the marriage invitations’” He read out one of the comments, laughing loudly in response and nodding his head. “I’m sorry about declining the invitations. My heart has been taken.” He said, and it seemed like his usual shy demeanor had completely disappeared, as if it had never existed in the first place. At this point you weren’t even watching the comments, your eyes fixated on his face on the screen as he smiled proudly with you beside him, his free hand now running up and down your arm as he pulled you closer against him. “I do love her. We’ve been together for a while, we’ve been staying off the radar for a while, but we’re happy.” He explained, trying to answer as many questions as possible in one simple sentence. He was quiet for a moment as he continued reading through the comments and without even realizing it, you had begun to doze off, the sound of his steady breaths lulling you into a sleepy state. You were quickly snapped out of it though when he let out a snort, his head falling against the back of the couch. “I’ve never seen the pictures? Really? We only went out to eat like… twice. We wore disguises…” He explained, and now you were blinking the sleepiness out of your eyes as you tried to focus on the comments, but they were coming in so fast that you could barely keep up. “Yeah… they probably weren’t the best. Well… I guess we just confirmed the pictures though.”

The stream went on for a while, and you couldn’t keep your exhaustion at bay as you fell asleep against his shoulder, his voice that had gone softer only helping you fall deeper into your dreams that were fueled by the now evident acceptance of your relationship. Dreams of freely going out and being able to do the things that you had thought could only be just that, dreams. “Streams ended, darling…” Jun murmured, letting his fingers brush lightly through your hair to try to wake you, but his gentle touch only relaxed you more, your body completely limp against his side. “Do you want to just stay here and sleep?” He cooed, and while he was very clearly joking, you nodded tiredly in response which had him laughing quietly. “We can go out for dinner… You and I… our groups… a celebration of freedom.” He posed, and his words had a new dream manifesting in your subconscious.

Sitting at the table, the booth chair wrapping around it and somehow everyone was able to fit, just another magical capability of the dream world, but in the center of the booth chair, at what could only be called the head of the table were you and Jun. There was no need to distance yourselves from each other anymore, no need to hide the love that you had for each other, his arm lazily slung over your shoulder as he chatted with everyone at the table. Even in the dream world you could feel the sense of ease that came with finally being out in the open. There was no need to walk on eggshells, to carry the weight of the secret on your backs as you tried to find any opening in your schedules to see each other for a short lived kiss. You were allowed to be together, to really be together now, and it was like a breath of fresh air as you let the realization of that fact wash over you, to really sink in.

Slowly, you opened your eyes, blinking away the sleep that still lingered as you sat up. You weren’t sure how long you had actually been napping, but what you did know, what you could feel, was that Jun hadn’t moved at all since you had passed out against him. You could only imagine how sore his arm must be from having you lean against it for so long, but he didn’t seem to mind. He smiled at you as you stretched your arms above your head and let out a small yawn. “You still want to go out for dinner?” You asked tiredly, sleepily mirroring his smile back to him, your eyes just barely beginning to focus on him and the room around you.

“You caught that?” He mused, shaking his head as he stood up from the couch, but his silent laughter had his body vibrating slightly. “I already texted my group, and I’m sure the girls wouldn’t mind coming out with us.” His back had been to you, but when he turned around, you could see his eyes were alight with an emotion that could only be described as excitement, relief, and freedom. It was like he could see his entire life in front of him now, and just from looking into his eyes, you could almost imagine what it was that he was seeing. It was a life with no worries, he could be with you without any restraints, he could love you the way he wanted to now. “We should get going. I’ve been waiting for a chance like this for way too long.”