#svtn headcanons

The gunshot echoed through the small alleyway that you had run off into, it was loud and it pierced your ears like a firecracker had just gone off right next to your head. A warning shot you were sure of, probably from one of the guards that you had slipped away from. It wasn’t until you felt the sudden heat in your shoulder and the soaking of the shirt that you were wearing. You looked at your arm and saw the blood stain spreading through the fabric, and it was only once you had realized that it wasn’t a warning shot, that you had been shot, that you felt the agonizing burn and the pain that seemed to radiate and hit every single receptor in your body. It was all you could feel. 

You dropped to the ground, practically crawling to hide behind a dumpster that was pressed up against one of the many abandoned buildings that you and Joshua had once scavenged in. With one hand clasped to your mouth, you reached your other hand to your back, gently pressing your finger against the spot where the bullet had gone straight through your skin. It hurt like a bitch, a pain that was indescribable, so bad it made you black out momentarily. 

This was it, you were sure of it. You’d bleed out behind the dumpster because you just had to prove a point to the asshole who was being whisked away to somewhere safe. It was ironic, but you never made the best choices, and this was surely, without a doubt, the worst decision you had ever made in your life… Which now seemed to be very close to over. 

“Dammit! Just let me go!” Joshua fought with the guard who was clearly becoming more and more annoyed with each push that was landed against him, so annoyed in fact that he finally threw up his arms, allowing Joshua to run past him. 

He didn’t know the first place to run to, and to be honest, he didn’t know if he’d be able to find you. Part of him was actually terrified of what he would find if he did come across you. The gunshot had been so loud, it was close, and he knew that you couldn’t have made it far from the group before the shot had been fired. 

What was he so afraid of? Why hadn’t he just let you in? It’s not like he didn’t have feelings for you, it’s not like you hadn’t found a way to weasel into his heart and make it seem like it was only beating for you. Who was there to put the act on for? Everyone else in the world that he thought had mattered were most likely gone now, you were all he had left… And now he was scared that he’d be truly alone in this world. 

There was no one around, no one that could possibly be a threat, not that he could see. But you were also nowhere to be found either. Had someone taken you? The thought alone had his blood boiling, thinking of someone else laying their hands on you, hurting you… He shook his head, his fingers running through his hair to brush it out of his face. He couldn’t think like that. You had to be around here somewhere. 

A small whimper, one that would have gone unheard if the city were alive with pre-apocalyptic sounds, cars and muffled voices would have drowned out the quiet whine that came from the alleyway that he had just walked past. Without a second thought, he turned down the alley, his legs picking up speed to carry him to where the sound had come from. 

Tear stained cheeks and swollen eyes glanced up at him, but he couldn’t stop from looking at the bright red liquid that colored your hand and your shirt, dripping down your arm and pooling onto the dirty ground beneath you. “Oh my god…” Was all he managed to say as he crouched down in front of you, pulling off his jacket and pressing it against your wound. 

“You came back…” You whispered, although he wasn’t sure if your voice was so low because you were trying to be quiet or if you were just losing so much blood that you were becoming weak. “Why did you come back? You could have been safe…” You continued to speak, and it’s like he could see your heart rate picking up, the blood pouring more quickly now from your wound as you got more worked up. 

“Shut up.” He hissed, trying his best not to upset you, but you needed to calm down or else you’d lose too much blood, and that would mean he’d lose you, and he wasn’t about to let that happen. “You’re so stupid, why would you run off like that? Now both of us are back where we started.” He muttered, and your head dropped, but not only that, you shifted away from him, away from his touch, away from the jacket that was being used to try to stop the bleeding. 

“You didn’t have to come back for me.” You mumbled, your knees curling up against your chest as if you were trying to make as much space between the two of you as physically possible. “I’m sure your good karma meter has reached the top by now, you didn’t have to come back.” He just couldn’t get things right, he just kept upsetting you, even when he wasn’t trying to. “You can leave now, I’d much rather not annoy you with my dying.” 

“You seriously need to stop talking.” He urged, watching as, what could be, the remaining blood seemed to squirt from the bullet hole. “I’ll tell you why I came back, but I need to make sure you’re okay first. So just… Shut up long enough for me to try to help.” Your eyes rolled, but he didn’t really care for it, as long as they weren’t rolling to the back of your head. He could deal with your sassiness, it meant you were still alive. 

He carefully got you up off the ground, making sure you were steady on your feet before leaning over in front of you. “What are you doing?” You asked, but he didn’t have time for your questions, and he knew damn well that your time was very limited, so he reached back, wrapping his arms around the bend of your knees and hoisting you up onto his back. “What the hell?!” You shrieked, but your arms immediately wrapped around him to hold on. He liked the feelings of having you close to him like this… It wasn’t intimate in any way… It was just close, and if the situation weren’t so dire, he would have loved to hear you laugh and maybe even squeal with delight as he carried you around. 

“If you walk, you’ll lose even more blood. Just… take a nap… I’ve got you. I’ll keep you safe… I promise.” 

///

Joshua sat in the little chair beside the bed where you were laying, it was uncomfortable, but he didn’t mind it, and it almost seemed like he had become one with the chair considering he had refused to leave as long as you were still in there. 

The fact that he had managed to catch up with the group of survivors was a miracle, although the guard that he had pushed around didn’t seem very pleased at his reappearance. Once it was realized that you were injured though, one of the other guards pulled you off of Joshuas back and carried you the rest of the way. 

From the moment of arrival at the “base camp”, at least that’s what they called it, he never left your side. The nurses and doctors that had been saved from nearby hospitals had all come to look at you, taking turns to make sure you were healing okay. You had lost so much blood though that they were basically telling him to say his goodbyes when you first arrived. 

Still, even though you were okay, you were far from healthy. You were beyond weak, and it seemed like all you could do at this point was sleep, and while it scared the hell out of him, the doctors all tried to reassure him that sleeping was exactly what your body needed right now, especially since there wasn’t much else they could do outside the hospitals. 

So he sat, and he waited, he waited for hours, days, it felt like weeks that he just sat in that chair, dozing off occasionally just to be jolted awake thinking that he heard you move only to see the doctor walking in to check on you again. He had many questions, but none of them he wanted the answers to. 

A little yawn, and then the quietest curse had him opening his eyes from the little catnap that he had begun to take. You were sitting up on the makeshift hospital bed, your face in what looked to be a permanent grimace as you rolled your shoulders and tried to stretch. “It’s gonna hurt worse if you keep doing that.” He commented, finally feeling all the tension wash away from him seeing you awake. 

“You’re still here…” You said, as if finally noticing that he was in the room with you. Your head tilted to the side as you looked at him, your eyes narrowed, questioning his presence.

“I’ve been here the whole time, I’ve been waiting for you to wake up.” 

“How long have I been sleeping?” 

“Too long.” He said flatly, finally getting up from the chair and stretching. Even though he had occasionally taken a small walk around the camp, a majority of the past 3 days he had been in that chair. “How are you feeling?” 

Your eyes followed him as he got closer to the side of your bed, his hand reaching out to touch yours, but hovering just above it. “Uhm… stiff… Sore… Disoriented. Why are you still here?” Your hand moved away from his, but he wasn’t scared anymore. He wasn’t going to hide his feelings from you, he wasn’t going to push you away. You were staying with him, and while he had acted so annoyed when the roles had been reversed, you were now stuck with him. 

“I’m not leaving you… Ever.” He emphasized the ending, his hand coming down on top of yours and giving it a light squeeze. “Now that I know you’re okay, and we’re both safe… I shouldn’t have kept it to myself… But I need you with me. I’ve always been scared of losing you, since the second week of meeting you. Now that I’ve almost actually lost you, I never want to go through that again.” He leaned in, kissing the top of your head as his hand lingered on top of yours, his thumb brushing across your knuckles and sending goosebumps across your skin. “I’m sorry for being an asshole, I’m sorry for making you feel unwanted… I’m sorry for causing this… Will you ever forgive me?” 

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The house was empty now, at least it felt that way once your girls left for school. Even with Cheol sitting across from you at the table, it just felt empty, and it had been feeling that way for the last two years now. “I can’t keep doing this… It’s not fair to them, it’s not fair to me.” You murmured, your fingers tugging at your rings to slip them off, but his hand immediately shot across the table to stop you. 

“It doesn’t have to be like this… It was a mistake, I know it was… I’ve been regretting it and I always will, but I haven’t done it since. I love you, Y/N… Only you. I love our family, our girls…” His thumb brushed along the diamond facet that adorned the ring that he had placed on your finger almost ten years ago now. “I know that you’ll never forgive me… And I don’t ever expect you to, but I don’t want to throw this away. Even if not for us… For the girls…” 

The girls, who had been your only reason for staying the extra two years anyway, but you couldn’t keep pretending, it was getting harder and harder with each passing day. “I can’t even look at you… Not the way that I used to…” You choked out, sliding your hand out from underneath his. “Every time I see your face, when I wake up next to you… All I can see is… That day… I can’t forget it, and I can’t forgive you…” You took a shaky breath, exhaling it in a soft sob. “I can’t keep pretending to live every single day like nothing is wrong. I can’t trust you… It’s unbearable… I don’t even want to look at you.” 

His hands slid back across the table as he leaned back in his chair, his eyes glossing over with unshed tears. “I… I’m sorry…” He whimpered, almost folding into himself as he slumped forward. “Y-You’re my wife… my everything… I don’t want to live without you, without our girls…” His bottom lip trembled as stared at the silver band that wrapped around his own finger, engraved with both of your initials. “I love you… you know that…” 

You shuddered at the proclamation, three words that used to have your heart fluttering whenever you heard him say it, but now it only hurt you. You just couldn’t believe him. “Please don’t say that. Don’t tell me you love me.” You sighed, shaking your head before letting it drop down into your hands. “I think it would be best if… if we just got a d-“

His eyes widened as his head whipped up at you. “Don’t say the D word… don’t say that. We don’t need that.” He whispered it as if just the beginning letter of the word were nothing but filth. “What would it do to the girls? Think about them…” 

You groaned loudly, tired of it, the constant back and forth and then the settling that you’d do when your daughters were brought up. “Stop using them against me, Cheol!” You frustratedly sighed, running your hands through your already tousled hair. “I’m sure they’ll understand enough, at least until they’re older and I can tell them the real reason.” 

“The real reason?” He posed, leaning back in his chair, his shoulders slumping as his eyes stared down at his hands folded in his lap. “My secretary… she was nothing to me. It was… It was a slip up, a mistake. It just… It happened, and I don’t… I don’t want the girls to know about that. I want them to think that we loved each other, we just… we couldn’t be together anymore…” 

“That excuse will only create more questions.” You mumbled, leaning back in your chair just as he was. “They have the right to know the truth about you, about what you did to me, how you ruined this family.” You let out a huff, but when you inhaled, it was like a new breath of fresh air. It had been so hard to hold that in for so long, and now you finally got it off your chest. “I won’t tell them now though, not yet, and it’s not for you, it’s for them, to protect their innocence.” 

“Please, just… Just one chance.” The plea fell from his lips in a single breath, one lost attempt to salvage his marriage, his family, but it was already gone, he just needed to come to terms with it, much like you had to when you had caught him in the act. “I-I… I fired her after you caught us… I haven’t even spoken to her since that day. I don’t want anyone but you. I haven’t been with anyone that isn’t you in two years… I swear on everything, it’s the truth.” 

Your lips were drawn in, and the hardest part was that you knew he was being honest, you knew that ever since that day, he had been nothing but faithful… But there was doubt lingering in your mind and in your heart about just how faithful he’d stay. “That memory… What I saw… It will always be with me. I can’t forget that…” The lump in your throat was painfully swallowed down as you slowly slid the rings off your finger and placed them on the center of the table. “I can’t… The trust… It’s not there anymore. I love you, but not the way I used to. I simply love you because you’re the father of my children, but nothing more than that. I want you to be happy, I want you to be healthy, I want you to be safe… But I don’t want to be with you, not anymore.” 

Those words were the hardest to get out because that was the end, it was the end of everything, the end of all the years you had put into being with him, all the times you shared together, all of the family vacations, lazy weekend mornings walking out of bed and seeing him in the kitchen attempting to make breakfast. It was the end of family holidays where the four of you were together and happy… Although the end had come two years ago, and even though he was still there, it was simply prolonging what you knew had to be done. 

It had been over the moment you stepped into his office, a bag of carry out in your hands, a familiar flutter in your stomach whenever you thought about seeing him. You were going to talk to him about the upcoming trip that he, you, and the kids would take while they were on spring break, a trip that you were looking forward to surprising the girls with. You never thought that you’d find him and his secretary caught in the most intimate of acts in his office. You remembered the way your heart sank, your stomach dropping just as fast as the bag of food you had been carrying. You didn’t even care that the contents of the bag had spilled out across the freshly steam cleaned carpets, you had lost all sense of your appetite anyway. That had been the end, and no amount of apologies or gifts, no amount of I love you’s or notes written neatly in apology cards would ever make up for the pain and the heartache he had caused you that day. It was over. 

“Mr. Joshua is taking us to Disney during summer vacation, did mom tell you that?” Hyeri looked up at Cheol as he stood at the checkout line at the store. He both loved and hated visitation weekends. He missed his girls dearly during the week, and every single evening spent alone was just another reminder that he had ruined everything because of his selfishness and his carelessness. He loved when Hyeri and Yuri would be dropped off at his place, and he’d relish in the hugs they’d give him, he’d listen intently to the stories they’d tell him about how school went that week and all the things they were learning. But he hated hearing about Mr. Joshua, the man in your life that had taken his place, the man that was soon to be your husband and the step-father of his girls. “He even said he’s gonna get us into the castle. Yuri is super excited!” 

It took everything for him to not be upset about it, only because he didn’t want the girls to be upset with him for not being excited with them. Surely they didn’t understand that this Mr. Joshua character was a threat to Cheol and he hated even the utterance of his name. “That’s… That’s wonderful, honey. I’m sure that you and your sister will have a great time.” He rustled her hair before grabbing the bags of groceries off the ledge of the checkout counter before grabbing both his daughters hands and walking to the car. “So… Where do you think we should go this summer? We can go to the beach or to a really cool amusement park… What do you think?” 

No, he wasn’t trying to one up your new fiance, he was simply trying to figure out something fun to do with his children during their summer vacation. It’s not like he felt like he was losing his daughters to some guy that he only met a couple times during their birthday parties. Nope. “Well, Mr. Josh said that there’s a beach there too. It’s in like… California or something.” Yuri said, climbing into the backseat and clicking her seatbelt before pulling out her phone, just another thing that your soon to be husband had gifted his daughters with. 

“California? Like… In America California?” Cheol stammered out, pausing at the back of the car as he piled the groceries in the trunk. “Your mother never told me about that… When… When was she going to tell me?” He couldn’t wrap his head around it, and while he was happy that his daughters were so excited for the trip, he couldn’t help but be agitated about the obscurity of all the details and how much he didn’t know. 

“I don’t know…” Hyeri mumbled, her face, much like her sisters, glued to the phone in her hand. The sight irritated him, they were only 12 and 10 years old, they shouldn’t even have devices like that. “I really wanted to go to that arcade though, the new one, with the laser tag. That looked fun.” She mused, and Cheol made sure to remember that while also trying to control his irritation as he closed the trunk and climbed into the driver's seat. He needed to talk to you, and he needed to talk to you as soon as possible. 

“Alright, you two go play for a bit while I start cooking dinner. Think of a movie for us to watch before bed too.” Cheol called out after the girls as they ran into the house, but much to his disappointment, they went into their separate rooms and he was sure that they were just going to be on their phones until he called them for dinner. The only good thing about it was that he could call you and not have them listen to him. He quickly pulled out his phone and slipped in an earbud, dialing your number and waiting for you to pick up. 

“Hey… Is everything alright? Are the girls okay? It’s not time for their goodnight call… What’s going on?” Your panicked voice came through in his ear after the first ring, and he could hear the sound of someone, a man, most likely Joshua asking what was going on in the background. “Hello? Cheol?” 

He cleared his throat, taking one last glance at the girls' rooms to make sure he was in the clear before speaking. “When were you going to tell me about this California trip? You can’t just take vacations like that without telling me about them… Especially not out of the country, Y/N.” He ranted, running his hands through his hair as he angrily started pulling groceries out of the bags. “You might be enjoying your life and living it up with your new man right now, but they’re my kids too and I’d like to know where they’re going and what they’re doing.” 

The sound of a heavy sigh from your end came rushing through his earphone like a gust of wind. “For Christs sake, Cheol. We just talked about it this morning before you get them. I was going to tell you when it was actually set in stone, but right now we don’t even know when we’re taking the trip. I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t make it seem like I’m the bitch right now for finding someone who not only loves me, but loves our girls enough to want to take them on vacations and do things with all of us as a family.” 

Family… The word, whether you knew it or not, was like a gunshot wound right through his chest. Family was something that he had always wanted, something that he had gotten, but he had taken it for granted and lost it in the blink of an eye. It should be him taking you and his girls on trips to California, taking his girls to Disney for the summer, but it wasn’t, and never would be. All he could feel was anger about it, anger and regret. “Yeah, he loves them so much… That’s… That’s why he got them those phones that they’re attached to now. Won’t even get off them to play like normal damn kids anymore. He’s father of the year though, right?” 

“Good God, is this really what this is about?” You muttered, and the sound of it, the way you sounded so annoyed, yet your voice was still so beautiful, it hurt him even more. “They got the phones in case of an emergency. They weren’t even supposed to take them over your house, so you can take them away if you want, but when they come home Joshua and I will have a talk with them about it. And if this is about you being worried about Josh one upping you as a dad… You’re being ridiculous. Hyeri and Yuri love you, more than anything. You don’t have anything to be worried about. Just enjoy the weekend with the girls, get them off their phones and spend time with them… That’s what they want. Okay?” 

He took a shaky breath, his body hunched over the counter and his hand covering his mouth as he let out broken sobs that he tried to muffle in his palm. “I miss you… I miss you so much. I miss being home with you and the girls, I miss life with you, with my family… I love you… I can’t stop loving you… I don’t want to be with anyone if it’s not you…” It had been two years since the divorce, since you packed up with the girls and left to live in your own apartment. His heart completely shattered that day, and the only time it ever feels even half mended is on the weekends when he has Hyeri and Yuri, but having to let them go is like feeling that heartbreak all over again. “You said you wanted me to be happy, but I’m not… I’m not, Y/N. I feel like I’m dying… My life is nothing without you and the girls in it… How could you move on?” 

Your own ragged breaths, as if you were crying as well, were heard through the earphone. Were you crying? Did you miss him too? “Please don’t do this… You don’t know how hard it was for me to let go of everything that we had. There’s memories of you constantly, memories that I’ll never be able to get rid of. I miss what we had before the incident, I love the you that I thought you were… I’ve never fully moved on, and I know that I never will… But I couldn’t stay with you. I needed to be with someone that I know I can trust, that I know won’t hurt me… I needed to move forward… But I never moved on. You need to move forward too.” He heard the deep breath, the way it got lodged in your throat before you had to clear it to speak again. “I have to go, okay? Tell the girls I love them, and try to get them off their phones. Play a boardgame or something with them… They miss you all week… Don’t waste the time you have with them… Please? Goodbye, Cheol… I’ll see you Sunday night.” 

And with that the call was ended, and he was left crying more than he had been before. Just another revelation that it had been his fault that he lost everything, that you were now moving forward in your life with a new man, a guy that would most likely end up closer to his daughters than he ever will be. He was the better man, a man that Cheols daughters could look up to, a man that wouldn’t hurt his family the way Cheol had. 

“Another one…” Jun sighed as he dropped the stack of screenshot pictures onto the table in front of you. It’s not like you didn’t already know what it was, but curiosity had you opening the little manila folder to look through the images. “This is why I say we can’t go out. It’s like they’re looking for us now.” He dropped down onto the couch along the wall as you continued to look through the pictures, your head shaking. 

“It’s not like it’s a scandal though, we’re actually together. You’re the one that won’t come out about it… I’ve been waiting to tell my fans.” You mumbled, turning your body completely in the chair until you were facing him. “I don’t know why you’re so hell bent on hiding it.” 

His eyes rolled as his head fell back against the wall behind him, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. “Because your group is nothing in comparison to mine, do you know how much backlash we’d get? It would be the equivalent to me dating a complete nobody. I can’t just do that.” You bit the inside of your cheeks to hold back the words that you wanted so badly to throw in his direction, the only reason why you weren’t tearing up right now is because the makeup artist that had busted her ass to get you ready wouldn’t be happy if you smudged all the work she had done. “Don’t tell me you’re upset about that. You know it’s true. People will say that the only reason we’re dating is because your group needs more publicity.” 

You nodded your head slowly, biting your tongue as you pushed yourself up from your chair. “God forbid our relationship ruin your image.” You muttered before taking a final sip of your drink. “Don’t wait up for me after the show, I’ll go back to the dorms with the girls.” You added as you walked past him, slamming your dressing room door behind you on the way out. 

“Now you’re being ridiculous.” He called out after you, running behind you to catch up until he was walking beside you in the hall. “All I was saying is that we can’t be seen out in public together and you’re making it into this big thing that it doesn’t have to be. You’d understand if your group was as famous as mine is.” 

“See! You just completely undermine everything that me and the girls have worked so hard to do. Just because we’re not at the big award shows or being nominated on MTV for best music video of the year… It doesn’t mean that we’re shit. We just haven’t made it yet. And if you were so worried about being with someone from a nothing group like mine, then why the fuck did you get with me to begin with?” You whipped your head in his direction, glaring down at him, letting your anger take hold of you because if you felt anything else you’d surely start crying. 

“You blow everything out of proportion… I never said any of that. You’re reading into everything and putting words into my mouth.” He scoffed, his arms crossing over his chest as he leaned against the wall. “Do you ever think that maybe I’m doing it to protect you too, so that reports don’t come out saying that the only reason we’re together is because your group isn’t good enough to get views without the scandals.” 

 Your eyes widened and you couldn’t help but laugh, although there was nothing funny and you weren’t feeling very lighthearted at the moment. “No. I didn’t think that, because I know that’s not the reason you’re doing it. You’re too selfish to give a shit about all of that. You only care about yourself and your group and your fame and what people might say about you. Don’t even try to tell me that it’s about anything but that because I know it’s bullshit.” You took a deep breath, doing your best to compose yourself as your group's name was called to come get ready to go on stage. “Seriously, just don’t be here when I get off stage.” 

And he wasn’t. He wasn’t there at all waiting behind the scenes like he usually would be with a little towel and a bottle of water for you. You weren’t met with compliments of how good you and your group had done, you weren’t met with anything but emptiness. Of course, you had been the one to tell him not to be there, but he usually never listened. He loved watching you perform, he always told you how proud he was of you when you’d run off stage, and part of you was hoping to hear that. Maybe if you had, all of your anger would have washed away because at the end of the day, he was your boyfriend and maybe what he had said was true and you were just going overboard. 

“Jun isn’t here?” The maknae of your group questioned as she came up behind you and you merely shrugged your shoulders, giving her a purse lipped smile. “Maybe we were just too good, he couldn’t handle it. Or he had to go to the bathroom. He might be in your dressing room waiting for you too though…” 

Maybe she was right, maybe he was waiting for you in your dressing room. Maybe he was tired from putting on his own show earlier that day and he needed to sit down, get some rest. You knew that he and the guys always worked hard to give the best shows to carats, no matter how physically strenuous or exhausting it was. His career was important to him, his group was important to him, and while you had read his words as rude and inconsiderate earlier, you started to feel guilty for the way you acted. The guys came first, they were there before you, and while he cared about you deeply, he didn’t want to ruin what he and the guys had worked so hard for and you understood that. 

The heels that you had been put in for the show had long since been taken off, replaced with a comfortable pair of slippers for your walk down the long hall towards your dressing room. Your heart was pounding, and while you didn’t really have a reason to be nervous around him, it didn’t change the fact that you were. You didn’t know how to really start an apology because while you felt slightly bad for losing your temper a little, you also had your own group to defend. The two of you really needed to talk about things, sort out the scandals and figure out what you were both going to do moving forward. 

Pausing outside the white door that had your name on it, you took a deep breath before grabbing the handle and pushing it open only to be caught off guard, quickly slamming the door shut as apologies rushed out of your mouth. You had to have gotten the wrong room, but another glance at the name on the door had you throwing it open once more and reluctantly looking at the two people that were fumbling to pick their clothes up off the floor. 

“Oh… My god…” Your mouth felt dry, your tongue and your throat, it was causing you to gag as you looked at who you thought to be the love of your life pulling on his pants, his motions frenzied and sporadic. “What in the actual fuck, Jun!?” You shouted, your breaths rapid as you looked between the makeup artist that had just finished getting you ready not even a full hour ago. 

“I’m… I’m so sorry, Ms. Y/N…” She murmured, her head ducked down as she nervously moved past you. You didn’t have anything to say to her though, all of your attention, all of your anger was focused solely on Jun who was standing awkwardly in the center of the room, his shirt unkempt and wrinkled, barely even hugging his frame as it once had from clearly being tugged on a little too much. 

“You know what… I don’t want your explanation… I just want you to leave.” You muttered, slumping against the doorframe, giving him enough room to move past you, but he didn’t move at all, instead keeping his feet firmly planted as he continued to stare at you. “Can you please just go… I don’t want to see you, I don’t want to hear you, I don’t want you around me! Just leave!” 

“I don’t want you to get the wrong idea… I love you, Y/N… I was just a little irritated and I needed to let out some of my irritation and…” He quickly shut up when your eyes turned to daggers, glaring at him from across the room. “I didn’t plan on doing that! It was like a… a spur of the moment type thing and… I can see why you might be upset about it… But it really was nothing…” 

It took everything in you to not lash out right now, to not scream at him with every last breath in your lungs, and the only reason you held back was because you didn’t want people to come running, you didn’t want anyone to see what was going on or hear what had happened. It was humiliating to be cheated on, but it was far worse if everyone else knew about it too, especially before you even had the chance to fully come to terms with it. 

“So I can go fuck Soonyoung because I’m really irritated right now and it’ll be a spur of the moment thing, but it’s also nothing? Is that what you’re telling me?” You proposed, and his eyes widened as his jaw set, anger flashing across his face. “Oh, that only works when you do it, right?” 

“That’s different and you know it… He’s like my brother, you can’t do that.” He retorted, his nostrils flaring from the anger that he wasn’t even trying to hold back. “You can’t… You can’t cheat on me with one of the other guys.” 

You snorted softly, shaking your head as you slowly started walking towards him, an impish smile on your face as you stood in front of him. “It’s not cheating if we break up, and just in case it didn’t cross your mind during your little defense moment… We broke up. I can put up with your insults and your obviously bullshit lies as to why you didn’t want to be seen with me… But I don’t take kindly to cheating, and I’m surely not desperate enough to stay with one.” You folded your hands in front of you, feeling all the more powerful right now as you watched his expressions morph in quick succession, an overwhelming range of feelings perfectly displayed on his features. “I just think it would be best if we hadn’t met, you know?” 

“But we have met, you’re my girlfriend… I’m… I’m in love with you. I messed up. What happened to strikes? I messed up once… I swear I’ll never do it again, I’ll go public with our relationship… I’ll do anything… Just, one more chance… Please?” God, you loved hearing him grovel, but it was all pointless. 

“I was your girlfriend… But now I’m not, and I’d much rather pretend we never met at all. I don’t know you, and that’s the truth, because the person standing in front of me right now is not the person that I loved before. Cheaters don’t deserve chances…” You finished, much stronger than you had been feeling when you first walked into the room. “Now, I’d like to have my room back so that I can change into something more comfortable. You can leave now.” You motioned your hand toward the door and watched as he walked out, his shoulders slumped yet visibly shaking from the silent sobs he was holding in. 

How in the hell did you manage to get stuck with someone like him during a time like this? The world was ending pretty much, and you managed to be stuck in the fucking apocalypse with the biggest asshole that might have been left on the face of the earth. You shouldn’t be complaining, if it weren’t for him you’d be dead… At least that’s what he told you literally every single time the tiniest complaint left your lips. 

You felt like you had the right to complain though, considering the fact that you wanted what could possibly be the last few hours of your life to not be being told that you were slowing him down and that he wished he had gotten stuck with someone who wasn’t “up to speed” on survival tactics. The fuck did he do while the world was still running? Watch Youtube videos on how to survive in the wild with a stick and dirt? 

Of course, during a catastrophic event such as the one that you found yourselves in, there were times when maybe a little bit too much liquor was consumed when assumed to be in a safe place, and maybe you both were desperate to feel the touch of another person after having gone without it for so long. Mistakes were made, but you had watched enough apocalyptic movies to know that you surely weren’t the first and only person to be making those mistakes. 

The regret and disgust would kick in as soon as you woke up the next morning underneath the sheets with him right beside you, the feeling of the hard floor against your bare body was enough for you to know that what had happened the night before wasn’t something that you would have done with someone like him on a normal night. That didn’t keep those mistakes from happening multiple times though because, again… You were lonely, and you were desperate, and you had every damn right to be needy. It’s not like he was trying to stop you either. 

Sadly those mistakes led to you at some point, the timing unbeknownst to you, catching feelings for him. What a shame. You found yourself trying to move faster, work harder, prove to him that you were worthy of being beside him during this time, and maybe, if things got better, you’d maybe be worthy of staying beside him once everything was fixed. You were much more needy than usual, and maybe that was you subconsciously just trying to get your fill of him before he got tired of you. You knew that day would come, you knew deep down that he wouldn’t actually want you… But that didn’t stop you from hopelessly hoping that he would. 

“Josh!” You called out his name as you burst through the door of the safe house that you had crashed in the night before. You were breathless, bags of stolen food stashed under your arms as you stared at him. He quickly whipped around on his heel, rushing over to you and grabbing the food away from you, his own breathing heavy and you could hear the agitation in it. 

“Where the fuck were you? I woke up and you were gone, what the fuck is that?” He ranted, dropping the bags to the floor and then crouching down to look through them. “If one of us leaves, we tell each other. You know that. We don’t leave alone anyway, it’s not safe.” He mumbled, and now wasn’t exactly the time to get flustered by his words, but for a moment it actually sounded like he cared. 

“I saw guards… They had people with them… They were following them and… We have to go now…” You rambled, your hands planted on your knees as you tried to catch your breath. You shouldn’t have expected him to give you much time to actually recuperate from running back to the safe house, as soon as he heard about the guards and the potential to actually be saved, he was picking up the bags and pushing you out the door. 

“Which way did they go? You should have called them over! Fuck! I refuse to be out here forever, this is shit.” He kept pushing you forward, and while in the beginning you would have usually tripped over your own feet with all of his shoving, your balance has gotten much better, mostly in part to you wanting to impress him, to show him that you were worthy of his time and of his presence. 

“There!” You shouted, pointing out the moving forms of people that were just slightly in the distance, picking up the pace to try to catch up to them. “Hey! Over here!” You shouted, hoping that you’d get their attention, and now Joshua was grabbing your hand, completely forgetting about the stolen groceries that he had dropped to the ground just so he could run with you. 

Your heart was racing, but the heavy hammering in your chest wasn’t due to the physical exertion of running. He was holding your hand, his fingers intertwined so tightly with your own, it felt like he was never going to let go, and part of you… well, actually, a majority of you wished that he wouldn’t. “Stop! Please!” He shouted, and the guards finally turned to face the both of you, their guns drawn in your direction causing you both to freeze and throw your hands up. 

The two of you were quickly inspected before being thrown in with the group of others that had managed to survive, and the entire time you both walked, his hand was wrapped firmly around your wrist, pulling you closer to him whenever you got tossed around by disgruntled survivors. “I think we’re safe now…” You murmured, glancing quickly up at him, but dropping your gaze when you realized he was looking down at you. 

“Why did you come back to get me?” He asked, and you thought that it would have been obvious, the answer was as clear as the sun in the sky, at least to you it was. “You should have just saved yourself. What if we didn’t find them? What if you had lost the guards? We would have been stuck there even longer… Having to fight for food… It would have been awful.” 

“Because I wanted you to be safe too… I wanted to make sure you were saved… Because I know you would have done the same for me.” Of course, you didn’t actually know that… It was simply wishful thinking on your behalf. You hoped that by now he would have cared enough about you to come get you… But the way he stared at you with no expression at all just proved that your thought was completely wrong. 

“Seems like you don’t know me then.” He said flatly, letting your arm drop as he let go of your wrist. “I wouldn’t have come back for you at all… I would have saved myself first. I would have let them know you were back there… But I wouldn’t have risked my chance of being safe just to save you.” 

You didn’t need the full explanation, you knew damn well what he had meant in the first half, but as if to rub salt in the wound, he felt the need to draw a bigger picture, and the bigger picture for him was simply a picture of himself. “You don’t care about me… at all? You wouldn’t have cared if I had gotten saved or not?” You asked the questions, but you weren’t sure whether you actually wanted to hear the answers. 

“I’ve spent the better half of this past year making sure you stayed alive… I feel like I’ve saved you enough.” He retorted and you knew that he would be like this, you knew how he was, but that didn’t make it any easier to swallow. 

“After everything… We-” 

“You were there. You were practically throwing yourself at me… why would I use my hand when you were making it so easy?” It was another solid blow, and while on the outside you were standing up straight, on the inside you were doubled over, sobbing and on the verge of throwing up. The end of the world had made you pretty good at suppressing your emotions, and you’d be damned if you showed them now in front of him. “I mean, what did you expect? This isn’t some k-drama where we fall in love at the end. I don’t like you, and to be quite honest, you were the worst part of this entire apocalypse. I hated having to deal with you.” 

“Then why did you help me? What was the point?” He had already hurt you enough, asking that final question wasn’t going to do any more damage. 

“I guess I just wanted some good karma, just in case I didn’t make it. Like… Yeah, I’m an asshole… But I helped the most annoying person survive through the end of the world so that’s gotta be good for something.” He let out a chuckle, and that’s when you lost it. You were humiliated and he just… he thought it was funny, he thought it was a big joke now that he was on his way to somewhere safe. 

“If it weren’t for me you still would have been in that run down fucking shack. But you’re right, you are an asshole… But you didn’t help me survive. If anything, you made me wish that I hadn’t because I had to put up with your shit.” You snapped back, and he rolled his eyes, but at least he was listening to you. “I didn’t need you… I still don’t need you. I don’t need anything or anyone.” 

He scoffed, his lips turned up into the most arrogant looking smile you had ever seen a person wear. “Sure you don’t. You’re helpless.” He snarkily stated, and it almost seemed like he was saying it loud on purpose, as if the other people that were around you would give a single shit about what he had to say. 

“No. I’m not.” Was the last thing you said, pushing your way through the crowd, going the opposite way and breaking through them. It was stupid, sure… But you were hell bent on proving yourself, and even if you didn’t… Even if you were to die in the process of trying to prove your point… It’s not like he would know, and he probably wouldn’t even give a shit. 

He watched as you pushed your way back, and for a second he thought that maybe you were just fucking with him, trying to get him worked up, but when he looked back and didn’t see you still in the crowd as he had expected, he started to panic. “What the fuck…” He mumbled, pushing himself up on his toes to see past the people behind him. They pushed past him, grumbling curses at him and shoving him aside as they moved around him, but he was too focused on trying to find you, and that’s when he spotted you walking away from the crowd… Back towards the shack… “W-Wait! We have to go back! Go back!” He shouted, trying to push past the guards that you had somehow managed to make it around. 

“Move forward!” The guards shouted, pushing against him as he continued to try to go around them. What the fuck were you doing?! Why? Was it so important for you to prove this to yourself… Were you trying to prove something to him? 

The best part about being friends with a majority of the members of Seventeen was the fact that they brought excitement into your life. Even when you weren’t there to experience it for yourself, you could always live through them, through the stories they told you, through the pictures they sent you, through the videos you got of them on stage in sold out venues. They were living the dream, and you were vicariously living it through them. 

What was even better though was being able to hang out with them whenever you all were able to see each other, and while it wasn’t often, the guys tried their best to make sure to see you at least once a month. This month was no different, except the fact that you had fallen ill, and the monthly movie night that had been scheduled weeks in advance had to be called off. 

“Can’t make it tonight guys, I’m sorry :(( Seems like the stupid cold that’s been going around finally caught me.” You texted into the groupchat, watching as a bunch of circles appeared under your message to show that it had been seen, and then in a matter of seconds, the text bubbles appeared. The only ones who weren’t writing back were Joshua, Jun, Mingyu and Seokmin. 

“Don’t worry, Y/N will be feeling better in no time. I’ll make her some of my homemade stew that I learned from my mom and take it over there. She’ll be ready for the movie by tomorrow night!” Seokmin announced after reading the message, already getting up and going into the kitchen, pulling out a multitude of pots, pans, and bowls, moving around the center island like a tornado as he got everything he needed. 

Mingyu scoffed, his pride evident in the intake of breath as he shoved aside everything that Seokmin had just pulled out. “Absolutely not. We all know she likes my cooking way better anyway. Plus, she needs something that’ll fill her stomach well so she doesn’t have to get up and get anything else to eat for the rest of the day.” He was already shuffling through the refrigerator, lining his arms with a multitude of ingredients that he’d need to make you the meal he had in mind, only for Jun to come up beside him and start pulling out his own ingredients. 

“I’ll make her dumplings. She really liked the dumplings I made for her last time she was here.” He said nonchalantly, as if he were completely oblivious to the bickering that was now going on between the two younger guys. “We need a bigger kitchen.” He mumbled to himself as he eyed the small bit of counter space that was left for him to prepare the food. 

“You all really think she’d be in the mood to eat foods like that? What she needs is a nice soup, maybe chicken noodle soup? I can make that for her. She’ll love it.” Joshua chimed in, making his way around the three men who were trying their best to focus on the individual meals that they were trying their best to make in the limited space they all had, and Joshua knew that he’d have to work in the same conditions, but he was trying his best to think positively, about the way you’d react to seeing the home cooked meal that he was going to bring you. 

The rest of the members all watched with amusement as the four guys zipped around the kitchen, knocking into each other and earning mumbled curses in response. “Today on Four Dudes All Trying To Impress One Girl…” Jeonghan teased as he held up his phone, pretending to record the guys, his not so quiet giggling only becoming louder when the four of them all stopped and sent glares towards the older member. “Let’s get a look at what the guys are cooking today for our sick bestie.” 

“You better not come over here! Don’t breathe on Y/N’s food! It needs to be pure!” Seokmin whined, practically throwing his entire body over the ingredients he had been preparing. “Seriously! You’re going to ruin it!” 

Jeonghan rolled his eyes, moving over to Mingyu who initially seemed unbothered by Jeonghans sudden proximity to the food he was making, but when his eyes raised from the steak he was seasoning they were lowered and dark, cursing him with his pupils. “If any particles of your breath land on this steak, I’m gonna have to start over, and I’ll never cook for you again.” He practically growled as he pulled the cutting board closer to himself, the wooden slab practically hanging over the edge of the counter. 

“Are you sending the video to Y/N?” Jun asked, not even looking up from the dumplings as Jeonghan moved over to him. It took everything for Jeonghan not to laugh at the question since he hadn’t been recording at all, but he nodded his head, panning the camera to Juns face and pretending to zoom in. “Hi, Y/N. I hope you’re in the mood for dumplings, I’m making them for you so you’ll feel better.” The tip of his tongue poked out the side of his mouth as he tried to make every dumpling look perfect. “Okay, thanks Jeonghan… I need to focus now…” 

Jeonghan snorted quietly as he nodded his head, moving over to Joshua who was boiling the broth. “Don’t even.” Joshua said flatly, glaring at Jeonghan out of the corner of his eye. “This is supposed to be a surprise, and if you record it and show her, it won’t be a surprise. Back up.” 

Everyone but Jun was acting like this was life or death, and to them, this was the most important thing they’d ever do, but to Jeonghan and the rest of the guys in the room, this was peak comedy, top notch humor. They were competing, and even though the four of them would swear up and down that this wasn’t a competition at all, the others knew better, and it was obvious from the moment they ran into the kitchen, they all wanted you to think that they were the best. 

“Would you move?!” Seokmin groaned as he tried to move his own pot onto the stove, only to be blocked by Joshua who managed to take up the entire space just to watch the broth boil. “Come on!” He whined, trying to nudge Joshua over with his shoulder only to be pushed back, causing a bit of the stew to spill over the edge of the massive pot, Seokmins loud gasp resonating throughout not only the kitchen, but the rest of the dorm. 

“You guys shouldn’t be fighting around fire…” Jun mumbled as he continued to perfect his dumplings, earning a grunt of agreement from Mingyu. “And you all need to move so I can cook these…” He added, causing Joshua and Seokmin to whip around to look at him in shock. “The dumplings shouldn’t take long, I just need some space.” 

“Do you guys really think she’s gonna eat all of that?” Minghao questioned from the couch, trying to keep the smile of enjoyment from spreading across his face. There was something comical about watching them compete like this. “She’ll probably only be able to eat the first meal that comes to her.” It was like adding fuel to the already raging fire, and his words seemed to flick some sort of switch inside of them, their already rushed movement becoming faster and more chaotic as they started to look at this as not only a competition, but a race on top of it all. 

“You guys can watch the movie without me… Or maybe we can still watch it together if we can screen share?” You texted in the groupchat, still laying in your bed. The only reason you had even got up at all was to grab a water bottle and a cold rag to place over your forehead when you felt yourself beginning to burn up. 

“Nah, we’re saving the movie for when you’re better. And no screen sharing, we need you to get your rest.” Soonyoung texted back, and you watched as an ambush of text agreements flooded your phone screen, causing you to chuckle weakly which quickly turned into a coughing fit. 

“Was that you coughing?” The first text from Mingyu of the day had you slightly sitting up, confused about how he would have even known, and you scrolled up a little in your messages to make sure you hadn’t sent a voice recording by accident. 

“Of course it was her coughing. She’s sick, babo.” The response from Joshua had you laughing for a second before your eyes narrowed at the screen. “Where is Jun?”

“Front door.” Was all Jun had responded with and you were both confused and concerned as you started to kick the blankets from around your legs to get up. “How do I get in without making her get up?” He texted again, and your eyes flew open as you read it over to yourself. Were they talking about you? Were they at your front door? 

“We’re probably setting her phone off so much! How is this supposed to be a surprise when we’re literally typing this all out in the groupchat that she’s in?” Seokmin finally wrote, and you swung your legs over the edge of the bed, getting a head rush from the sudden sitting position after having been laying for a better portion of the day. 

“Just kick the door in?” Mingyu texted, and then another flood of texts poured in, the rest of the guys text screaming at the four of them to not kick the door in, a mixture of undoubtedly baffled curses and exclamations of disbelief added in. 

You rushed out of the bed, hoping to save your door from the idea that Mingyu had, draping your blanket over your shoulders and practically running to the door, throwing it open and seeing the four guys standing there, balancing plates of food in one hand while their other hands were holding their phones. “What are you guys doing?” You asked, looking between all of them. “You’re all gonna get sick if you’re around me.” 

Seokmin shook his head, stepping forward and walking straight into your apartment, placing the large bowl he had been carrying down on the counter. “Don’t worry about it. If we get sick, you can just make us some food and take care of us.” 

Your mouth fell open as the other three men walked in after Seokmin, placing their plates and bowls besides his on the counter. “Uh… I… Well… I mean… Guuuys!!” You whined, following them over to the counter and pulling back the plastic lids and tinfoil that was used to cover the meals that had been prepared. “Did you make all this?” You asked, looking up at them as they proudly nodded. “You didn’t have to do this, I was just gonna have some ramen…” 

Mingyu made an overly dramatic sound of disgust as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder and pulled you towards the couch. “You need real food to feel better. So just take a seat and I’ll heat up what I made you and then we can watch a movie here.” 

The other three began to bicker disagreements, grabbing their plates and trying to fight their way to the microwave, wanting to get their food in before anyone else. “Take turns.” You groaned, dropping down on the couch and wrapping the blanket tighter around yourself, shaking your head as let out a small giggle. “I’ll eat all of it, so it doesn’t matter who heats theirs up first.” 

Joshua let out a loud hmph as he took the opportunity to slip his bowl in the microwave when everyone else was looking in your direction. “I get to sit next to you during the movie though. It’s my turn!” He announced, and that began the next session of bickering, another competition. 

“Wish I was there to spend New Year's Eve with you, àirén.” Minghaos text lit up your phone, the lock screen adorned with one of the many candid selfies you had taken with him in the background, trying to look annoyed, but you could see the corners of his lips turned up when he saw how happy you looked. 

“It’s alright. I’ll send you a kiss through the phone.” You responded, tacking on a smiling emoji, hoping he wouldn’t feel bad. He was spending the holidays with his family and you had to stay behind for work, it was the first New Years Eve that you spent without him since the two of you had gotten together. Of course you felt lonely, but you weren’t upset. He was so happy to be able to go home, and you loved that for him, you loved the smile that had graced his face when he had been told that he could. “I’ll even count it down with you. I’ll try not to fall asleep this time.” 

If you could see him, you knew he’d be laughing to himself, smiling as he shook his head at your text. “You always fall asleep before the clock switches to 12. My sleepy girl, maybe you should take a nap so you can stay up.” You missed him more than anything, especially when he wrote cute stuff like that, you wished you could hear him say it between his small fits of laughter. New Year’s Eve wouldn’t be the same without him. 

“We’re having a big party tonight, you should come!” Joshua said over the phone, and you tsked your tongue as you thought about what it would mean to actually go to the party. You’d have to get out of bed, change out of your pajamas, make yourself look halfway presentable… It just wasn’t on the top of your list of things to do today. You hadn’t heard from Minghao since his last text to you at 12pm, and now it was 4 in the afternoon. You didn’t want to bother him, he was probably spending the day with his family, but without him there and without him texting you, you felt more lonely than ever. 

“No thanks. Just gonna watch the new year’s specials at home tonight.” You said, pulling the blankets up over yourself and letting out a fake yawn. “Plus I was up all night. Feeling kinda tired. Happy New Year, Shua. Let the guys know I said it to them too.” 

Joshua scoffed, and you could hear someone mumbling to him, but they were just far enough away that you couldn’t make out what they were saying. “Soonyoung says you’re being boring. Minghao would want you to come too. He wouldn’t want you to be alone tonight.” 

The use of your boyfriend against your plans had you rolling your eyes. “Minghao would want me to do what makes me happy. And tell Soonyoung I said to shush. I’m not boring, I’m just tired.” You retorted, hearing the sound of Soonyoungs laughter in the background letting you know that you were on speaker. 

“Boring~~” Joshua sang out, cracking himself up in the process. “I think you’d really like the party if you came though.” He was really trying to get you to the party, and you didn’t even know why. Minghao wasn’t there, there was no reason for you to go hang out with them. It’s not that you weren’t close to the other guys, it just wouldn’t be the same without Minghao there too. 

“Goodbye, Shua~~” You sang back to him, ending the call and dropping your phone beside your pillow, grabbing the empty pillow beside it and pulling it against your chest, inhaling the scent of Minghao that clung to the fabric of the pillowcase. It felt like the only part of him you had right now, the only thing that made you feel close to him. 

“You’re not going to their New Years party?” Minghaos text buzzed your phone beside your head and you shook your head in disagreement as if he could see it. “I don’t want you to be alone tonight. You should go. I’ll still call you before the clock hits 12.” 

Had they really texted him to tell him you refused to go? Of course they would, and it was probably Minghao that put them up to it in the first place. “Fiiiine!” You responded, kicking your blankets off your legs in a tantrum like manner before swinging them over the side of the bed and getting up. “I’m not gonna have fun though. You’re not there.” 

Your message was immediately read and the three bubbles popped up immediately when he started typing. “I know, àirén. But you’ll have fun, you’ll see Hosh get drunk with Cheol and I know that’ll cheer you up, wouldn’t it?” He wasn’t exactly wrong, but you usually laughed at the two guys with Minghao as you both sipped on your own drinks. “I’ll be home next week and I’ll come see you first.” 

You nodded to your screen before placing your phone on the dresser, digging through it to find an outfit to wear. You had no reason to go all out, and you hoped that the night would go fast so that you could get back home and climb back into your bed and cuddle with Minghaos pillow and fall asleep as the scent of him filled your nose. 

You put on a sweater dress, a pair of tights underneath that would keep your legs warm during the walk from the car into the building where the party was being held, and boots that climbed to your knees. Your hair was done neatly, and your makeup was applied just enough to look like you actually cared… but not too much. 

The plan hadn’t been to get done up even this much, but the thought that one of the guys would potentially send pictures of you to Minghao to show him that you had made it had you actually trying. Still, it was done with him in mind, he was the only thing on your mind. 

“Oh my goodness, she actually came!” Soonyoung exclaimed when he threw open the door after you knocked for the second time. The music was so loud inside the room that you wondered how anyone would be able to even have a conversation. “You look nice. You look like you’re ready to party!” His arm draped over your shoulder as he pulled you into the room that was decorated with balloons and streamers, two tables pushed together against the back wall had been covered to turn into a buffet table. Everyone was having a good time, some of the members girlfriends had made it and they were dancing with their own boyfriends, a sight that had you grimacing since your own boyfriend wasn’t there. 

“Are you gonna offer me a drink or anything? I mean, I did come all the way out here.” You had to shout over the blaring music that vibrated through the floorboards, but luckily Soonyoung had heard you, nodding his head as he quickly walked off towards the table. “Thank you.” You mumbled when he came running back, the liquid inside the plastic cup spilling over the edge and dripping down to the floor when he handed it to you. 

“Cheers!” His smile was wide as he held his cup up and then smashed it against yours, causing more of your drink to spill over, coating your hand in the strong smelling liquor. “Go around and say hi to everyone, it’ll surprise them that you actually made it!” 

You groaned softly, having been content with the thought of standing in the same place all night until Minghao called you, but you knew that Soonyoung wouldn’t allow you to do that and you’d be known for the rest of the coming year as the most boring party goer ever, a reputation that you weren’t quite fond of having. 

It seemed like everyone had brought a plus one, and what you thought would only be 11 people that you had to greet (excluding Junhui who had gone back to his family for the holidays alongside Minghao), had now turned into 22 and then some. They all said the same things. Nice to see you’s and Oh my gosh you made it’s rang out in your ears like they were on constant loop. But then you were the one saying it when you saw Jun standing next to the food table, and you felt a pang of jealousy that he had been able to come back for New Years but Minghao was nowhere to be seen.

“Did you enjoy the trip back home?” You asked as you stood in front of Jun, absentmindedly grabbing chips from the bowl beside you. He nodded quickly as a smile formed on his face, he wasn’t one to talk much and that actually made it easier to become his friend. “It was nice seeing you, a pleasant surprise honestly. I have to finish making my rounds, but I’ll see you later.” You excused yourself after giving him a quick hug and then circling around the room. 

You had made it through everyone it seemed, but then you spotted someone over near the fireplace, and everything about the person seemed so familiar, but you didn’t want to believe that it could be… It would just get your hopes up and you’d be beyond disappointed if it wasn’t who you thought it was. As you walked over, you prepared yourself to say the same words over again, the words feeling more like a script at this point. “Hey, nice to see you. Happy New Year.” You said, almost robotically at this point, taking a deep breath before the awkward hug happened. 

“You should sound more enthusiastic, àirén. Everyone is gonna know you’re not having a good time if you sound like that.” His voice had your knees going weak and your head spinning, and while most would blame it on the drink that was in your hand, you had barely even taken a sip, and the cup was about to slip from your hands that felt numb at this point along with your entire body. “Are you going to say hi?” 

He was teasing, he always teased you, but right now you weren’t capable of being playfully sassy back to him. You quickly placed your cup on the mantle and threw your arms around him, burying your face in his chest and inhaling the scent of him that was so much stronger, so much better than the pillow that you thought you were going home to tonight. “You made it…” You whispered, your voice being muffled in the fabric of his clothes, but it didn’t matter, he was there. “I thought you wouldn’t be able to come home until January…” 

A soft hum vibrated through his chest as his hands smoothed down your hair. “You really think I was going to miss spending New Years with you? My year would be awful if I didn’t ring it in with a kiss from my beautiful girl.” He cooed, and you felt like you could cry, just knowing that he was here, that your year would start just as perfectly as the last. “Plus, I really wanted to surprise you, and it’s totally worth it.” 

You playfully smacked his chest as you pouted up at him. “That’s why everyone was trying to get me to the party, isn’t it? You planned this whole thing! You’re so mean… I don’t even look good!” You grumbled, hiding yourself in his chest again, your own words making you self conscious of the fact that you hadn’t really done anything with yourself before leaving the house. 

“I think you look beautiful, àirén. I’m just happy that you’re here, that we’re both here. It wouldn’t have been a very good surprise if I had to drag you out of your apartment myself.” His hands moved to your shoulders so that he could push you back just enough to look at you, his eyes soft and the upward pull of his lips was even softer. “Let’s enjoy ourselves… Yeah?” 

With Minghao there, everything felt perfect. Your smile was genuine, you could actually have a good time, conversing with the other members' girlfriends as Minghao talked with the guys about work related stuff that you could barely hear over the music that was still blasting. He was never gone for long, and after a couple minutes his arms would snake back around your waist, pulling your back against his chest and swaying both your bodies together to the rhythm of the music. 

Time seemed to move much faster too, and it seemed like the two hours had passed in a span of seconds and now it was 11:59PM, the entire room was at a standstill, the music had been turned off as everyone’s eyes stayed glued to the television screen that counted down the seconds, and as soon as it hit 1, Minghao turned to you, his lips crashing against yours and it seemed like everyone else in the room disappeared even though the sounds of celebration could still be heard ringing in your ears along with the fireworks that were being set off all around Seoul to welcome in the New Year. 

The both of you were breathless when he pulled away, his eyes distant and his cheeks flushed, a lopsided grin on his face. “Happy New Year, àirén.” He murmured, his thumb brushing along your cheek as he leaned in to rest his forehead against yours. “So, do you want to stay here and keep partying with them… Or do you want to go back to our place and ring in the New Year the right way?” 

You knew exactly what he was hinting at, and you grabbed his hand from your cheek, dragging him off towards the door as you waved quick goodbyes to everyone behind you and murmured see you later’s to everyone you passed by as Minghao chuckled loudly beside you, trying to keep up with how fast your feet were going.