#suus

OUTLAWS

My farmpire bard Lucian. He’s unfortunately dead (For real this time, like Really dead. Like, TPK dead lmfao) but he lives on in my heart~ Here’s a some draws I did over the past couple years of him and a few of the other party members. (who are also dead, oh my god how did we let this hAPPEN)  

Entrepta (She-ra Princess Of Power 2018)

Marnie (Pokemon Sword & Shield)

Eqg Trixie (My Little Pony: Equestria Girls)

Lillie (Pokemon Sun & Moon)

Brigitte (Overwatch)

Charlie (Hazbin Hotel)

Boys I want to give kissies:

Suus (Gravity Falls)

Lucio (Overwatch)

Zack (Carmen Sandiego 2018)

James (Pokemon anime)

Raihan (Pokemon Sword & Shield)

Seahawk (She-ra Princess Of Power 2018)

Disclaimer:

398. Rona Nishliu - “Suus” Albania 2012

Introducing yet another of BorisBubbles least favourite Eurovision archetypes: The Tasteful Stripped Down Art Ballad! Of course, we’ve already encountered its Charity Song cousin several times in this ranking, but the principle remains the same: Instead of using actual political events, it engages in a bunch of try-hard fake-artsy symbolism to trick any naive value-seeker into thinking it’s art, rather than a piece of pretentious GOBSHITE.  

Of the lot, “Suus” is by FAR the worst offender: pretentious Latin title? ✓ Ugly-as-sin costume, including a literal rat tail plastered to her nonexistance cleavage? ✓. Vocal masturbation? ✓. Trivial lyrics that are either embellished with drivel or translated into a foreign language to keep the illusion of depth? ✓. Obnoxious FAKE-as-FUCK crying? ✓.  Still -for some reason- heralded as “One Of The Best Songs In Eurovision.” by basics? ✓.  

And yes, I hear that Rona has such a ~wonderful unique singing voice~ but firstly, the Crystal Arena had some of the worst acoustics and soundmixing in all of ESC history. (the main reason why 2012 is actually a very shitty year of Eurovision) Everyone sounded like crap, and Rona had an easier job than most since her song is 95% narration punctuated with drysobbing. 🙄 Second, the high notes. 😬😬 It’s like when you want to make yourself a mean tea and put a kettle of water on and then forget about it? Does that make sense? Whatever, bottomline is: “Suus” is not art. It’s a fart in a frock and it’s time to have it wafted out of here! 🤗

397. Roko - “The dream” Croatia 2019

Each time I listen to Roko, I sink into an abyss of depression and sadness, which I imagine has the exact same shape and size as his mouth 😭

So apparently, “The dream” is about the 90S BALKAN GENOCIDE??? O__O wtf. I suppose a delicate subject such as the mass murder of thousands of Yugos’s on the basis of their religious background that’s been gripping former Yugoslavia since the 90s is a more than appropriate topic to remix Alekseev’s “Forever” to. Oh wait, nobody liked the orginal. Let’s crank the MemeFactor up to 11!!!! ... 😬😬😬

Also, I cannot be the only one who is really skeeved out that a self-loathing theatre gay such as Jacques Houdek, who closets himself through OTT Catholic imagery (if this were 1819 he’d be in a monastery practising daily self-flaggelation, bank on it), has a choir of angel-voiced, underaged choir boys on speed dial to sing his monstruousities? You could write horror movie scripts from that shit, somebody get onto this~

396. Slavko Kalezić - “Space” Montenegro 2017

[2017 Review Here]

Morph! “Space” did NOT age well, at all, don’t @ me! I kind of dislike Slavko! I think he’s a egomaniac who thinks he’s the shit because he has a pretty face and is outrageously camp, but in reality: he can’t sing, he can’t dance, he’s not witty... what can he do, honestly? Promise a lot of shit and deliver none of it, that’s what!

Upon rewatch I’ve also realized that “Space” is also kind of socially regressive.😬  See, if  "I’m gay 🦄” is your angle, either be tasteful (example: the artist formerly known as Conchita Wurst) or go ALL-OUT IN-YOUR-FACE COMBATIVE (example: Bilal Hassani) instead of just resorting to the neither-here-nor-there ground of selfie backdrops and smell-my-dick hip waving. Because he’s so inept at getting his own songs tongue-in-cheek wit across, Slavko accidentally perpetuates the myth that homosexuality is some form of sexual depravity and given that he’s from a region where many feel that way about the LGBT community, I find that UNACCEPTABLE. 🏳‍🌈 In short, “gay” isn’t a talent, Slavko, please cultivate one before you decide to “delight” us again. Love, Boris.  💌 💋

395. Ell/Nikki - “Running scared” Azerbaijan 2011

It is often stated that you can define a Eurovision year by the entry that won it, and this isn’t more true than it is for #Düsseldorf2011. The year was filled to the brim with SOULLESS hit parade knock-offs, each increasedly more vapid and banal than the ones preceding them. So it’s only fair that the most soulless, vapid and banal song of them all won, right? God what is there even to add about “Running scared” itself, though? You all have ears, you all know how terrible Nigar was / how bland the song itself is. You all have eyes, you all known how nonexistent their “chemistry” is / how Eldar (or Ellbeast as I unaffectionately call him) is a sleazy cat/monkey hybrid that smarms his way throughout the performance. Everything is so fucking inauthentic and worse, boring. Almost all of the non-Balkan, non-Lena 2011 entries were terrible and it’s time to jettison them from orbit! 🌠

394. Frans - “If I were sorry” Sweden 2016

1. Favourite Eurovision Song of all time

Suus - Nona Nishliu Albania

“Thỉnh thoảng đối diện nhau với bức tường im lặng một con người của cô đơn và một con người của lạnh lùng, tàn nhẫn những nỗi niềm bên trong một chiếc áo quá chật sợ một ngày mình chết thế giới xung quanh mới nhận ra…

Suus!!!! (Sooz in German)